Monthly Archives: July 2006

Women’s Problems … Period.

No, you haven’t gone crazy, that picture over there is of tampon cozies. You’ve just got to love it!

What with Aunt Flo about to visit any day soon (I hope), I began to think about periods and how different things would be if men menstruated. For example, I believe that sanitary products would have developed far faster than they have if men used them.

When I was in senior school, it was god help you if you came on unexpectedly. They would rummage around in a large wooden cupboard in the staff room to see if they had any sanitary towels to give you. Yes, that’s right sanitary towels. I think tampons were slightly frowned upon as being used by non-virgins.

Then after all the digging around, the teacher would produce something that looked to be standard military issue. The pads they resembled mattresses, being about 2″ thick and at each end they had a large cotton loop. I can hear those brains ticking now, trying to work out why it would have loops.

These pads had loops so they could be attached to utility belt, I mean a sanitary towel belt. I told you these were military issue. No chance of them falling out the sides of your pants in battle when they are anchored down at both ends. LOL Thankfully they didn’t have the belts and I had not intention of investing in one.

Once inserted inside the gusset of your pants these pads transformed your gait completely. You would all of a sudden turn in to a duck and waddle. It just couldn’t be helped, have you ever tried walking with a mattress between your legs? 🙂 You could spot someone wearing one of these a mile off. You only forgot your sanitary protection the once, so I suppose this was the thinking behind the purchasing of the school pads. Genius really!

I scoured the internet to try and find a picture of one for those who have not been lucky enough to encounter one at close quarters. This was the best image I could find of one being modelled by a manikin. They even tried to make it look sexy. But failed!

The pads I wore had a strip of adhesive running down the centre of the back of the pad, to fix the pad in place. Well, this would work fine for a while and then the pad would begin to bunch up between your legs until it looked more like a padded dickie bow. Then eventually the pad would move and you could end up with it stuck to your fanny lips. So you could give yourself a Brazillian at the same time as changing your pad. 😀 Seriously, it hurt when you had to remove it and replace it with another.

Now there are shaped pads and pads with wings which fold under the gusset of your pants to secure it down. But none of that when I was using them. Then even more humiliating than having to wear a waddle pad, there were no disposal facilities in the toilet cubicle. You were expected to take your pad out in to the main toilet area and place it in the incinerator at the far end.

There was no bloody way (that was an appropriate expletive) I was going to walk across the washroom dandling a dirty sanitary towel between my two fingers. Instead I took the risk of blocking the girls toilets and tore it in half and flushed. At the same time praying that the toilet bowl did not overflow. Fortunately, this never happened to me. 😉

I progressed to using tampons whilst on our summer family holiday. My period started unannounced and I hadn’t packed any towels in my suitcase. My mum loaned me a tampon and rather thoughtfully gave me the instruction leaflet too. I wondered off to my room and read the leaflet from front to back before attempting to insert the tampon.

Once you have used tampons there is no going back unless for medical reasons. I had a new found freedom and best of all I could now swim in the hotel pool. The only problem I have encountered when inserting these is trapping a pussy lip between the cardboard tubes on insertion. It hurts like crazy. Just for comparison guys, it’s about the same pain that you get if you catch your cock in your zipper when fastening up. 🙁

Tampon development has been quite rapid over the past few years. They have even got an organic one now but just why you would want to eat it I don’t know. LOL. You can also purchase a tampon which according to the advert is so small that it can be mistaken for a sweet. Uhm, not so sure about that! You would certainly end up with a dry mouth if you tried it. 🙂

Scented tampons seem to be the latest fad at the moment, so you can feel fresh all day long. I don’t think most people would thrust their heads in to your groin and sniff but I suppose it take all sorts. I can’t see how these work when the body of the tampon is inside you, perhaps the string is highly scented.

Before the advent of perfumed tampons this is how we got by.

Tags: menstruation,tampon,tampons

Fanny Farts

Or as it is know in other countries, queefing. I just learned that today. I know, you lot all knew about this expression years ago. Yeh, yeh, yeh! Naughty onomatopoeia at it’s best. 🙂 Any other terms for this can be left in the comments for us all to have a good chuckle at later.

This phenomena seems to be linked very strongly to doggy style fucking, exercise or stretching. I personally, tend to get this occasionally when I have had my shoulders to the deck and my ass high in the air. The angle must create some kind of internal suction.

The more we fuck the more air gets trapped. We sometimes have to stop before I am in danger of blowing up like a balloon. As the air makes it’s noisy exit we both have a laugh about it.

If I was in a new relationship it could be a little embarrassing, after all you want him to think you are a lady, don’t you? Also the more you laugh with embarrassment the more the air comes out. So you end up going put, put, put like a back firing car. 😀 I had this very experience with Alex when we first got together. Fortunately, Alex shares the same depraved sense of humour as me and just laughed. 😀

I suppose fanny farts come in two different forms. The wet fanny fart, which occurs following male ejaculation and the dry one during coitus.

The one saving grace you do have, is that they don’t smell, if they do there is something seriously wrong! Fanny farts are simply trapped air being expelled by the vagina. Unlike the ones from the other end, which can render you unconscious during coitus. That would most certainly count as an interuptus.

I tried to locate some medical facts on this very subject but there is very little attributed to it. Most is chat room stuff or video footage. I’m not sure why, after all it is a common activity shared by most females on the planet.

These girls have perfected the art of fanny farting and are obviously not concerned in the slightest about letting one rip in front of the camera,

Clip 1

Clip 2

So guys just remember next time your girl queef’s (I’m getting used to this term now. LOL ) it’s just a ladies way of saying thanks for that great shag. Or if you have been indulging yourself, thanks jelly dildo you just did a great job there. Now let me wash you down. 🙂

Tags: queef,queefing,fanny fart

Evolution

“Men are weak and destined to destroy themselves. It is our duty to protect those weaker or less fortunate than ourselves, nurture them, guide them, educate them. We must use every means at our disposal to help these poor creatures, whether they like it or not.” , From “Of Men”, Chapter 2, Rebekah 2092AD.

Chimes rang out across London from the clock tower of the Palace of Westminster.

Twenty-four 16 year old girls dressed in identical blue school uniforms, clutching identical clipboards gazed up in awe. “This isn’t the original clock tower of course. That was destroyed during The Great Emancipation.” Said their teacher Miss Clifford. Two dozen pens scribbled “Destroyed during GE …”. “And of course the original site is now under several meters of water.” Miss Clifford waved her hand in the general direction of the Thames estuary.”

“The original was a very unimpressive structure, a mere 96 meters tall. What you are looking at is what womankind rebuilt.” Miss Clifford smiled proudly and puffed up her chest as if she had helped in the construction of the 300 meter steel and glass tower. “The original bells were broken during the collapse of the tower and the metal re-melted. Does anyone know what the biggest of them is called? Yes, Chlorissa.”

“Big Beth Miss”, proclaimed a mousy haired girl at the back of the group, still waiving her hand furiously.

“Exactly right Chlorissa.” Now girls, back to the hotel. Another trip on the Levitube isn’t that exciting?”. The girl’s collectively agreed it was.

~~~

Penelope Vaughn, President of the United Kingdom was enjoying a hot tub with her two secretaries, Jen and Melanie. More accurately, she was enjoying them enjoy each other. It was picturesque setting, one of her official residences which overlooked the bay of Norfolk, the shallow lagoon that had once been East Anglia.

She sat across from them, observing their naked bodies as they stroked each other. Their mouths were locked in an interminable kiss. Their hands roved over each other’s necks, shoulders, arms and breasts. And what breasts! Penelope knew how to select staff. These two where well matched. Totally different in physique, but sexually ravenous and a pleasure to watch and to indulge in.

Jen had shoulder length dark-blonde hair with the slightest of curls and crystalline blue eyes, about 1.5 meters tall and was beautifully curvy. Mel on the other hand was a slender 1.7 meter siren who possessed jet-black straight hair that terminated between her shoulder blades, her eyes were a gentle grey-green like milky jade.

Penelope noticed that Jen’s nipples seem to be almost permanently erect, a state of affairs that was encouraged by the passionate massaging they were receiving from Mel’s lithe fingers. Penelope’s hand slipped under the water and between her lips. Her clitoris was swollen and begging for her digital caresses. She was so aroused that the first gentle touch of her middle finger sent shivers arcing across her body. She lost her grip on her champagne glass but didn’t notice it shatter as it fell to the stone slabs around the tub.

Mel’s hand slid beneath the foaming water too, searching out Jen’s precious bundle of nerve endings and making them hers. Jen’s hips twisted and turned slowly as Mel rubbed her clit and swollen labia. Their lips parted, and Jen leant back against the edge of the tub, arms holding onto the rim for support, letting her body float freely. Mel gently eased two fingers inside Jens hot opening and gently massaged her g-spot.

Jen’s eyes were now closed, her lips pursed, “Mmmh” she crooned.

Penelope was imagining Mel working on her pussy. Penelope knew Mel was good with her hands, Jen excelled with her tongue, the three of them always drifted off to sleep together in a warm post-orgasmic cocoon. That was for later, the tangle of arms, legs, breasts, and tongues that rounded off their nights together.

Penelope’s free hand found its way to her breast. Her clitoris was tingling, a breath away from orgasm. The look of intensity on Mel’s face and Jen’s eyes, now partly open and rolled back in her head, added to her decadently voyeuristic excitement.

Penelope came, warm waves of carnal release washing across her body. The orgasm ebbed leaving her in a comfortable syrupy haze. It was the perfect state to watch Mel toying with Jen, bringing her to the point of orgasm, then denying it. Jen was a slave to Mel’s touch, needing it yet resenting the withdrawal of stimulation when she approached release. Knowing that when the moment came it would be all the better for the wait.

Jen began to shake signalling the start of her orgasm. It possessed her, causing her to grasp the rim of the tub until her knuckles went white. Mel smiled, enjoying the spectacle, and glanced across to Penelope.

“You’re going to get a tongue lashing for that.” Observed Penelope.

“Oh, I do hope.”

~~~

The Levitube train sped through the tunnels underneath London back to their hotel. The girls sat on the green upholstered seats giggling and laughing as the train sped towards Harrow. Miss Clifford was standing, holding one of the straps that hung from the carriage roof. She smiled cordially, enjoying the site of an orderly class of well motivated, appreciative students.

The lights in the carriage dimmed slightly. The girls ceased their reveries. Miss Clifford sought to reassure them, “Just a glitch in the powe …”. She never got to finish the sentence as the train lights went out and she was thrown forward by the deceleration as the carriage landed on the bottom of the tunnel and emergency braking slowed the train,

When the dim emergency lights flickered on she found her head was bleeding from a glancing collision with the seats, her knees and hands felt raw and bruised, But other than that she was unharmed. The girls had fared better, cushioned by the airbags which had deployed from the seats in front of them, but they were beginning to murmur and panic was imminent.

“Now girls, don’t be alarmed, the emergency services will be here shortly. It’s just a power failure that’s all.” The carriage door to her left hissed open. “Now why don’t we all sing a song to keep our spirits up? How about …”

The girls never heard her suggestion for the instilment of campfire camaraderie as a dark shape leapt into the carriage, scooped up Miss Clifford and dragged her into the darkness of the tunnel.

Chlorissa screamed.

~~~

Penelope, Mel and Jen lay in their Queen-sized bed, drifting off to sleep. The telephone rang, jarring them from their repose like a bucket of ice water.

Penelope picked up the handset. “YES!”, she snapped. A disembodied voice said five chilling words, “We have a Fallen Angel.”

“What’s wrong?”, asked Jen concerned by Penelope’s furrowed brow.

“A fallen Angel”, said Penelope flatly.

“A fallen Angel?”

“Abduction of a citizen by a man.”

CFNM, What Does That Mean?

Until recently I had no idea what this acronym stood for. The best part about it, is that I have unknowingly taken part in this activity. Not just once but several times in public, as well as at home. 😉

For those who are currently shouting at the screen, “what the fuck is she talking about?”. CFNM, stands for Crazy Female and Naughty Male. Haha, no I’m just kidding. It stands for Clothed Female Naked Male.

CFNM encompasses many different flavours of this activity, including exhibitionism and domination and erotic humiliation. I will be picking up one thread with this one but if you want to read up on the subject, there is some good reading and links to be had here, CFNM

Do you get the scenario now? I’m not sure what percentage of the female poplulation have been to see male strippers but I guess it would be quite high. I started to go with female friends in my early twenties. Boy, did we have some fun nights out. It truly was “Look out boys!”

The first one that I went to was in the backroom of a nightclub and about 99.9% female audience. I chose a seat near to the back behind a pillar. Silly me thought I would be safe there. After all the stripper is going to “play” with the girls at the front. Uh, uh! Not the case. It seems they target the more reserved members of the audience. Girls just like me! (Well, I had to be young and naïve once. LOL)

We got ourselves seated with drinks and waited for the party to commence. The first stripper made his entrance to girls screaming, whistling, clapping. The noise died down and he began his routine. I can’t remember the music he performed to but I do recall he was dressed as a Fireman. That light my fire straight away, I love uniforms and naked men. So, Naked Men + Uniforms = A Happy Suzanne. 🙂

He gyrated and generally played up to the ladies on the front row, who were dieing to get their hands on him. He threw off his coat, tore off his shirt and lowered his braces. All to the mad cheers and whistles from the front row.

Then he jumped down in to the audience and started gyrating his groin in front of the girls sat at the tables just to the front of where we were sitting. He eventually gestured to one of the quieter ladies that she could pull his trousers off. She grabbed hold and ripped them clean off his body. Don’t you just love Velcro?

The girl’s face was a picture, she went bright red and tried to cover her face with her hands. She was giggling wildly and her friends were egging her on. She was clearly a Striptease virgin, just like me.

Mr Hose continued to circulate the room, giving a girl a rub here and allowing a hand there. He was now walking around sporting a…now don’t laugh…knitted dinkle and not a small one at that. I assumed, as you do, that it was stuffed because he was a very blessed man in deed. 🙂

My heart skipped a beat when I noticed him home in our table and sure as hell he stated to make his way over. I began to wish that the earth would open up and swallow me whole. (I know, that’s just how innocent I was). Paula, glanced at me with a look of terror as the guy reached our table. I smiled nervously as all heads turned to look at our table. My face started to become very warm and was probably glowing like a beacon.

Paula just sat rigid in her seat, hoping not to catch any attention as he siddled up behind me. He was now rubbing up on my back and at one point I think I got it in my ear. He moved to the side of me and started to gyrate his hips, his stuffed cock warmer swaying from side to side. He then began to motion towards his groin with his hand.

I took up the queue, even though embarrassed and probably still visibly glowing. After all with everyone watching and urging me to remove it, what else could I do. He was now stood with his hands on his hips, pelvis tilted in my direction and smiling.

I reached out my right hand and firmly grabbed hold of the tip and began to pull. Ahhh! He cried out. “That’s my cock!” he exclaimed. Strange he wasn’t smiling now. It transpired that what I thought was a creative bit of knitting, was him. Now, I was glowing.

So, any ladies out there fancy a night on the town with me?…

Tags: cfnm,Clothed Female Naked Male,Male Stripper

Safari

The full moon hung in an inky blue-black sky casting stark shadows across the dusty white soil of the “Dorset County Wildlife Reserve”. The air was still and warm, silence only broken by the chirping of insects and the rustling of game as it crept through the undergrowth. Until, in the distance a raucous steel and aluminium interloper dared to desecrate the peace.

The six girls sat in the rear of the Land Rover, three on each side facing each other. To a casual observer they looked like schoolgirls in a khaki uniform. Dusty brown shirts, shorts and leather boots. What would have surprised our observer were the six Lee Enfield rifles, held by the girls and clamped upright between six pairs of shapely knees.

They stared through each other, their minds racing forward in time. The excitement and expectation was palpable. One girl bit her lip and smiled slightly as she imagined what the night might have in store. Another’s fingers entwined in the canvas strap of the rifle and formed a fist, her fingers becoming pink and white as the makeshift tourniquet bit into her flesh. Her only reaction to the pain she inflicted on herself was the slightest flaring of her left nostril. She twisted the strap even harder.

The Land Rover thundered to a halt the brakes emitting an ear-piercing squeal. A stout matronly woman hopped out from behind the steering wheel with a sprightliness that defied her ample frame. “Come along girls!”, she chirped. “We don’t have all night.” She added, inaccurately.

The girls scrambled over the tailgate of the Land Rover, rifles slung over their shoulders and formed a rank, facing the stout woman.

“Now girls, this is the first full moon since your 18th birthday.” The girls shuffled impatiently.

“STAND STILL” trilled their portly drill sergeant. “This is an evening that I’m sure you will remember for the rest of your life.” She said solemnly, and paused, for effect. “I know I remember mine.” And a smile lit up her face.

“Now go and enjoy yourselves, but try not to hit one another. Your mothers would not let me hear the end of it.”

“Yes, Miss”, replied the girls in unison and with not a little derision in their tone.

The girls paired off and melted into the scrub, while “Miss” returned to the Land Rover.

~~~

Miriam and Rachael knelt in the long grass about four hundred metres from the Land Rover. They had spotted movement in a patch of bushes some ten metres upwind, and could smell the musky aroma of their quarry. They had been trained to recognise the scent, all girls were, and know to its originator’s habits and behaviour.

Rachael stroked Miriam’s neck as they assessed the mood of their prey. Miriam’s hand strayed onto Rachael’s leg, nails gently tracing a path from knee to the hem of her shorts. She wished for a moment they were not on the hunt, but that they were back in the dorm. Hearing Rachael pad quietly across the floor, feeling her lift the sheet and slide in with her. The heat from their bodies combining as their arms encircled each other. Legs woven together as pussies rubbed against thighs.

But tonight they had other matters to attend to.

Miriam motioned with her hand, indicating that Rachael should move forward and to the side of the bushes. She did, taking note of the wind as it began to swirl between the undergrowth.

Miriam held her breath, if it smelt them it would make a break for it and hide deeper in the reserve. They could spend all night tracking it, or worse still lose it all together.

But the wind did change. There was a snarl from the dark recesses of the bushes and a dark shape bounded out of the gloom.

Rachael froze, but Miriam raised her rifle and fired instinctively. She hadn’t been tri-county riflewoman for two years running for nothing. The plastic bullet issued from the barrel of her rifle and sped towards the beast with perfect accuracy, it struck the back of its knee and felled him. The beast let out a vicious snarl. The blunt tipped round would leave it limping for a few weeks but no permanent damage had been done.

Rachael launched herself on top of the thrashing mass of sinew and muscles. She cast aside her rifle and ripped open her shirt. She straddled his waist and her exposed naked chest was bathed in the light of the full moon. Miriam was there a moment later, pinning his arms with her legs, buttocks thrust into his face, facing Rachael.

The growling from the prey became les quarrelsome and deeper as he smelt Miriam’s sex. She was wet, the anticipation of the moments to come had given rise to a delicious river of liquid desire inside her. Rachael leant forward and kissed Miriam. Reaching forward Rachael tugged open Miriam’s shirt exposing a pair of curvy breasts with provocatively erect nipples.

The beast was growling, now supplicant but still potently animal. Rachael stood and removed her shorts. Her naked sex and its thin strip of dark brown curls glistened with her moisture. The man’s penis was stirring as his instincts and hormones recognised and reacted to the chemical signals washing over him from the two aroused girls.

“It’s bigger than I imagined” said Rachael, her voice excited.

“I was told the ones in the biology lab were a little on the small side.” Remarked Miriam, “You first, I think he’s nearly ready.”

Rachael took his cock in her hand. Gingerly at first, but with growing confidence and enthusiasm she stroked his growing erection until it was harder than she had ever imagined it would be. The man’s hips rose and fell, his balls tight against the base of his stiff shaft.

Rachael lowered herself onto his pulsating member. “Aaaa!” she exclaimed as the tip opened the flesh folds of her ravenous pink pussy, “Ooohh yes” as she felt the resistance whose demise would mark her transition to womanhood. With her lust overcoming the icy rivulet of doubt trickling down the back of her neck she pushed herself down onto his cock opened the door that can never be closed.

The girls held each other’s forearms, steadying the other. Miriam watched Rachael’s face as her virginity became a memory. She was privileged to witness the moment, yearning for Rachael to witness her transition as much as she needed to feel the man’s shaft inside her.

His hot breath on her thigh was driving her wild, his unkempt beard abrading her soft skin as he struggled against his captors. Rachael’s eyes began to roll as she rode the feral cock. His intense musky scent filled her with base desire. She felt an orgasm build deep in her belly, the sensory tempest bursting from her mouth. An exultant shriek of joy cast into the night as her pussy spasmed on his captive cock, reaffirming her sovereignty over it.

The bucking animal the girls now rode came with a guttural snarl. Rachael released Miriam’s arms and dug her nails into the man’s exposed chest.

Quiet returned to their enclave of the reserve. As it did so they became aware of the sounds of the other four girls engaging in the culmination of their pursuits.

“That was amazing” said Rachael quietly, her head on her Miriam’s chest as Miriam stroked her hair. “He’ll be ready for you soon, I can’t wait to watch” said Rachael softly.

~~~

In the Land Rover “Miss” smiled at the sounds of animal carnality rolling across the reserve and began to write the first of six letters …

 

24 July 2316
Dear Mistress …

I am please to inform you that your daughter … is now a Sister in the Order of Lemnos…

Xfactor Vibrating Cock And Ball Rings – Part 2

I will be perfectly honest about this, when this toy came out on top of the votes I saw it as being a toy purely for Alex to enjoy. Well how wrong was I, read this second part and you too will be keeping one in your bedside drawer. It’s not just a man thing…

Here comes the science. Given that the bullet sits on top of the balls and under the cock, I decided that the best position to get the maximum stimulation for me, would be doggy style. I gave Alex a rest after his Xfactor wank. He had a least 20 minutes to recover and spring in to action behind me for part 2 of the toy review. Ooh, the things we do for you readers, it really is a labour of lurve. LOL.

I was going to need one hand free to reach down for the control unit, so for stability I positioned my upper body over a sturdy stool. Practical thinking, that’s me. You don’t want to have to stop to readjust once you start to get in to the swing of things.

So, now I was stablised and prostrate over the stool naked as the day I was born. I will add at this point that the stool is upholstered, just in case you were wondering. Alex sidled up to my bare ass and passed me the control for the cock rings. I rested my right shoulder on the stool and reached back taking hold of the unit. I set it to low vibration.

Alex ran his hand up my slit, and anointed his cock ready for penetration. I was so ready to be fucked and running with my own juices at the though of being fucked. The buzzing came nearer and he pushed between my ass cheeks and the tip began to push inside of me.

As his cock made contact with my pussy and pushed inside I became aware of a slight buzzing. I could feel the low vibration inside my vagina. I turned the control higher and the vibrations coursed through my pussy. “Jesus” I shouted (I do hope the neighbours were too stoned to hear. :D) as the vibrations resonated through my pussy and out through my pubis. The whole of my sexual organs and were now vibrating in unison.

I have never in my life felt anything so wholly satisfying and arousing. The best of both worlds, a hard vibrating “real” cock inside me. Alex pushed himself in to the hilt and that’s when I nearly screamed with pure ecstasy as my clit began to vibrate too. This is the nearest to a heavenly fuck I have ever had.

My legs began to tremble and I turned up the control to maximum power. My lower body was now humming and resonating with pleasure. If you enjoy sitting on the spin dryer, you will love this little beauty. 😉 Alex began to pump in and out of me and within seconds I was enraptured with my first orgasm as the hairs on my body stood up and I gave myself totally to this wonderful toy.

I have always been blessed with the ability to have multiple orgasms but never have I come as quickly and so hard. My body felt as if it was pumping juices from me as pulse after pulse of muscle spasm took me over. This excited Alex and he began to pound in to me like a crazed animal. He took a firm hold of my hips and pushed deep and hard.

My legs and arms began to tremble and it was a good job that I was supported because I felt as if I was going to pass out with the intensity of the sexual high I was now on. I came again, this time with even greater emotion, it felt like my whole body was now finely tuned and my nerve endings were jangling with the intensity of the experience.

Again and again I came, I have no idea how many times in all, but I had some of the most emotional and intensely sensitised orgasms I have ever encountered. If you don’t have one of these in your toy collection, make the investment today you certainly won’t regret this purchase. Either of you…

Well I have to agree with Suze. The toy is not the most expensive in the world, in fact it’s very reasonably priced. When I looked up what it would have cost us to buy, I was surprised it wasn’t twice as expensive.

For us it did the certainly did trick. You read in Part 1 how much I enjoyed my toy, but now it’s our toy.

As I said in the previous half of the review the constriction it applies to your genitalia is just right, firm, but not too tight. It makes you aware of its presence without inflicting any pain to distract you from the moment.

As I was driving into Suze the constriction did add to the fuck. I found the vibration is secondary while fucking, except when I had completely buried my cock inside Suze. When our groins were pressed together we both felt the sensation. And feeling it together adds to the effect.

The whole experience was very satisfying and enjoyable. It completely dispelled my concern that the wire would interfere with our play. Yes you have to ensure you don’t kneel on it, but when it’s suitably routed to the partner controlling the speed you forget about it.

A most rewarding review.

Ring Ring Buzzzz

Well Alex got to open the package before me. Surprise, surprise, as he did use unfair methods to get to the post first. Grrrrr! Out popped the little box of fun, smaller and more compact than I thought it would be.

A beaming smile appeared on across Alex’s face. Yes, this time he was going to benefit from this month’s readers toy choice. I just needed to locate 2 AA batteries. Don’t panic…we have invested in a bumper pack for the sole purpose of powering our new toy acquisitions.

Do you want to know what Alex new toy is?…

…He has a brand new compact Xfactor vibrating cock & ball rings, with removable mini bullet and multi-speed dial controller. I can’t wait to capture his equipment and try this out. And I’M HOLDING THE CONTROL UNIT! 🙂

I suppose I need to hand over the Alex for the rest of this review, as he has the cock and balls you know!

Xfactor Vibrating Cock And Ball Rings – Part 1

I did get my hands on it first but Suze soon wrestled it from me and unpacked it.

It’s a small toy, but don’t let that fool you, it’s lots of fun 🙂

Suze couldn’t wait to use it, something about constricting my cock and balls I think. She can be quite cruel sometimes. Nice. The toy required two AA cells from our bumper box. Suze omitted to ensure the device was switched off before inserting them into the control unit. The powerful little bullet in the toy started unexpectedly and caused it to bounce across the desk like a demented giant insect.

The control unit is a simple black box, the speed control acts as the on-off switch too, so only one knob to twiddle with. *insert your own punch-line here*. A slightly nerdy point here, the battery compartment lid slides back then swings open and is retained by the control unit. It’s a nice piece of design that means you don’t drop it while fumbling with the unit in the dark. There’s a decent length of cable connecting the control unit to the bullet, which is useful as it allows you plenty of movement during play.

The two soft flexible rings of the toy are formed of a tubular plastic, so they are flexible and kind to the scrotum and penis. The bullet attaches where these two rings join, in it’s own soft plastic pocket.

I found fitting the rings easier without the bullet inserted and with the aid of a little lube. Getting my balls through the lower ring was tricky as the ring was only just big enough. It has to be of course to provide the constriction. The first testicle was tricky, the second even worse, but with lube and careful manipulation, Hey Presto!

I then slipped my semi-erect cock into the upper ring. Well of course it was semi erect I had just been rubbing lube over my balls and penis and manipulating them 🙂 The bullet is placed in its pocket and we’re ready to rock.

I must emphasise the lube is important, just a little lube stops the rings dragging on your skin as you put the toy on.

Suze was a willing, no eager, assistant with the control unit. The lowest setting was the most effective at first, but this changed throughout the test. It’s obviously something to do with resonance and the size/rigidity of the penis. However you don’t need to understand harmonics to use this toy, just play with the dial and see what does the trick. When you get the right speed your whole groin feels the effect, not just cock and balls.

I found that when not fully erect, being upright, standing or sitting was better than laying down as your cock presses against the bullet and this, in turn, is pushed into your scrotum. This extra contact really adds to the sensation.

Suze couldn’t help herself and manually intervened with one hand on my cock and the other operating the control. Again an advantage of a simple control, one-handed operation. So if you’re using this for solo-play no problem.

We were laying on the bed by this point. Suze’s head in my lap, my hand rubbing and massaging her pussy and clit. I think Suze’s idea was to bring me off with the toy, mouth and hand. While I wasn’t about to complain I thought she deserved something from the experience too, so I held back for about 15 minutes while I rubbed her clitoris into submission and gave her an intense clitoral orgasm. Beautiful to behold.

Throughout this time Suze experimented with positions, moving my stiff member this way and that while wanking and sucking me. She took her cues from my expression and appreciative moans. You feel the vibration of the toy in different ways depending on the orientation of your cock and balls. Even the cable vibrating when it lays across your thigh is pleasant.

I of course came soon after this, intensely and with great satisfaction It’s then I made what I believe to be a new discovery in the field of harmonics. In common with most, if not all men, the tip of my penis becomes hyper-sensitised after orgasm. Suze was still stroking my cock, coaxing the last of my sticky seed onto my belly. She loves to see me ejaculate. Wherever her fingers touched I could feel the vibration of the bullet even more intensely. I can see a Nobel Prize for physics on the way for that discovery LOL. And not just the tip, anywhere on my penis she placed her fingers I could feel the vibration more intensely.

The whole experience was enhanced by the Xfactor in two ways. Firstly the vibration, the extra stimulation, which ranged from the subtle to incredibly intense meant that the whole experience was filled with sensation. Even when you or your partner are changing positions/grip, the Xfactor is still working its magic. Secondly the constriction of the rings means that even when your penis is not erect you are conscious of it in a quiet, devilishly naughty kind of way. I even considered wearing the two rings out to the shops to see how it felt to walk around in it. I still might. Or maybe to work …

Anyway, there is a second part to this test, sex whilst wearing the Xfactor, let’s see what Suze gets out of it as I grind into her pussy while wearing it.

Sun, Sex And More Sun

Oh boy, have I been hot today! I’m not talking in the sexual sense you dirty minded people. The heatwave over here just seems to bring higher and higher temperatures. It would not be a problem if we were geared up for this kind of heat but we aren’t, lets face it most of the time it rains and is pretty miserable. Yes, I am a realist. That’s what England is known for.

At the moment it is so hot that the grass verges and countryside are drying out and becoming brown with the drought. There is also the smell of hot tarmac as the roads melt beneath the car wheels. That’s just how warm it is at the moment.

I’m a summer person and I feel down when we have dark cold days and long nights during the winter. So, it’s nice to have these bright cheerful, sunny days to wake up to each morning. It makes you feel happy inside but it does have a down side. I’m not sure how our readers in warmer climates cope but the heat is slowly sapping all my energy and I feel tired all the time.

This is having a serious impact on our sex lives. We go to bed and lay next to each other cooling down pre-coitus and the next thing we know, both of or us are out for the count. Just how do you manage to keep up with your sex lives when all you feel like doing is sleeping despite having a huge desire to fuck the pants off each other.

Can anyone give me some tips on how to combat this heat malaise before I go mad. We have tried screwing in front of a fan but it just blows hot air up our asses. 😀 And our staying power is not as it should be, taking an ice cream break mid fuck can be messy. LOL

Help I need more sex!

Boys Will Be Boys, Forever?

We went out for lunch today at our local hostelry. Pint of Old Speckled Hen and a local burger, so fresh it was still mooing. Suze had the cod and chips. We sat outside, check out the weather over here it’s fantastic. The pub’s across from the local church, so the aspect is pleasant making for a restful meal.

A group of hikers sat behind us while we were waiting for our food. Seven men all in their 30s and early 40s. Salary men by the sound of it.

They were all office workers, you could tell, making fun of the venerable and ever-pleasant barman in the pub. Because of course they are from the city, and these yokels … you get the idea, my hackles were up. I work in an office but I don’t see my self as better than anyone else who has a different lifestyle. The barman for example works 14 hour days and longer at Christmas, he’s always welcoming, no matter how tired he is and today he looked ready to drop. The Pub’s an old stone building with bad ventilation. The kitchens seem to heat the whole place through so it felt like a furnace, and still we get a cheery smile and banter when we walk in.

Anyway, the boorish blokes moved off the barman and onto village life in general. Various cringe-worthy Cornish-Cum Norfolk accents followed attempting to poke fun at the village inhabitants. I was amused mainly due to the fact we live in Yorkshire, not deepest “Mummerset”.

Anyway, on to the real point of my post. The men, I’ll use the term for want of a better one, started showing off about how they spent their respective company’s expenses when on business trips. Then they moved on to what they got up to/got away with regarding the wife and extra-marital activities.

It started “innocently” enough, with chat’s about, playing on the Play Station 2 at each other’s houses until 3am in the morning, with one (absent) member of the gang’s wife ringing up to check he was there and he was not boffing someone else. “Oh she’s jealous”, commented one of the group. “She’s reason to be”, said another. Apparently this was a regular occurrence for the absent associate. He hand a wandering eye/hands.

The conversation then degenerated into jibes about each other’s sexuality, what they’d get up to while away on business trips given half a chance and eventually the price of first class train tickets.

My question is this. Why do I.

  • Not feel the need to spend masses of time away from my partner, rather than enjoying the moments I spend with her?
  • Take advantage of my partner’s trust and seek out other female company?
  • Spend the time in the company of men talking down to and about anyone who isn’t a city dwelling, white male Anglo-Saxon desk jockey?

I grew out of that sort of small minded, mutually back-slapping behaviour when I was a teenager.

It perplexes me that in the UK we seem to have a section of society that regards avoiding work, responsibility and commitment as a way of life. Indeed a laudable goal. Will these people ever grow up, or is this country destined to be populated by sixty year old schoolboys preoccupied with “getting away with” things until they draw a pension.

Sorry if that wasn’t very coherent in places, they really pissed me off.

And the picture? A blackbird I saw in the church across from the pub a few weeks ago. Cute huh?

Oh and SEX tomorrow I promise.

Pass The Duchie…

Do you all remember a while ago I mentioned our new neighbours and there ever changing weekend visitors. The cars that would pull up on Friday and leave on Saturday. Lots of giggling and doors slamming. Well, some of you made suggestions about us having them round one night for drinks or calling round on them with a bottle.

That never happened for one reason or another and they continue to have new house guests quite frequently but not every weekend like before. Maybe they read this blog and decided to tone it down a little. LOL.

As I mentioned, visitors at the weekend seem to have calmed down. So I’m not sure if my original theory that they could be swingers still stands. Or perhaps they have cut down on the swinging, I suppose it could be a bit addictive.

To look at them both you really wouldn’t think that butter would melt. She is smaller than me with fair hair and a very slight build and comes across as being slightly meek. He is quite vibrant and could be good at parties and is about my height, it’s difficult to tell when you are standing down a step at the front door.

I did miss one opportunity to invite them round. Mr Swing (ok, I can’t think of a better name for him here) came round a few weeks ago with a bottle in hand during the daytime and Alex was at work. So I just stood there thinking, “ask him round” but for some reason could not find it within me to ask. Probably I was a little put off by being semi clad at the time. I rushed to the door in a very thin white t-shirt and shorts with no bra. It’s far more comfortable not to wear one when I’m around the house.

Whilst I was talking to him, his gaze kept dropping to my chest area. The attention was good but slightly off putting when it’s a new neighbour who doesn’t know if you may turn round and twat him.

Anyway, back to what I was trying to say some minutes ago. 🙂 Alex and I waited until the sun went down last night to empty little nephews paddling pool. It was full of drowned bees, moths, flies and probably wee-wee. 😀

Trying to be good green people we decided to use the water on the plants in the garden. I was filling the watering can and Alex was walking it down the side of the house to the front garden to water the borders. I bent over the paddling pool and was in the process of filling the spare can when BAM! It hit me like a student moment. The smell of cannabis resin. Never forgotten when you have smoked it. Did I just say that? Hehehe.

I momentarily forgot about filling the can for Alex and tried to follow the trail. The air was still no discernable breeze to allow me to work out the direction of the source. Where the hell was it coming from. As I have mentioned many times here, most of our neighbours are elderly…but wait a minute one set are fairly young and new!

With my finely tuned nose pointing upwards in to the airflow I made my way across the garden in the direction of Mr & Mrs Swingers house. Bingo! The aroma of marijuana was emanating from their open patio doors. I couldn’t wait for Alex to come back round to collect his watering can.

“Can you smell dope?”, I enquired as he emerged from the side of the house. “Funny you should mention that. I could smell it on the front garden”, he replied. We both turned to face the property next door and smiled. These could turn out to be very interesting neighbours indeed…

Hustle And Buzzle

The weather over here in the UK is still exceptionally hot. I love heatwave’s apart from the evening (indoors) it’s just too hot for having energetic sex. You just want to fuck slowly in front of a fast rotating fan. Unfortunately none of that has been on the cards for the past few days.

So in an attempt to put some fire back in to our sex lives we decided last night to head off in to the wilds for a bit of outside sex. We got up bright and early this morning and put shorts and t-shirts on and nothing else apart from sandals. After all, less to take off or put back on in a hurry. I hoped the later would not occur but it has to be considered. LOL.

We live on the edge of some of the finest countryside in the country, very fortunate indeed. With some lovely secluded places to enjoy a bit of outdoor sex. Quite literally within a few minutes we can be off the beaten track. I packed a small picnic and plenty of water (we would be needing it). I contemplated sunblock but I don’t think it would taste nice when licked from nipples or cock. 😀

I almost forgot the blanket and threw it in the car at the last minute. If there is one thing you can be doing without, it’s grass stains or bugs up your bum.

The last time we had outdoor sex is very clear in my mind, it was the same day we had the terrible car accident. So not an event I was liable to forget. All was well, if not a little sticky until the spin we had. But I wasn’t going to let that bring me down, today was about getting back on track and for us that means lots of fun and sex.

On the way into the national park there were several cars parked up by the side of the road, rather suspiciously displaying their headlights on one of the brightest days of the year. People do not normally sit around on such a hot day with their headlights on full beam. It was quite obviously a sign to fellow doggers that they were up for some action. Don’t ask me how I know, in fact if you have been reading this blog for some time you will already know that I wrote about dogging protocol some months ago.

So now I am a bit of a dogging expert. Oh, that sounded quite wrong, didn’t it? LOL I mean I’m fully aware of what to look out for. These people are not the most discreet but if you want to attract fellow participants I suppose you can’t be slow or shy. 😉

We drove through the park and parked up off the road under a tree, hoping to keep the car cool for our return. After all we would be hot and bothered enough already. Alex grabbed the picnic and I took the blanket and we pushed our way through the undergrowth. I got scratched quite a few times on the legs by the bramble bushes. It was truly like being in the wilderness and I hoped far from any prying eyes.

After about 5 minutes of battling our way through the jungle we arrived at a small clearing with some soft grass, illuminated by streams of sunlight cutting through the leafy canopy. Ideal for an outdoor fuck. Only the wildlife to bear witness to our naughty exploits.

I lay the blanket out on the ground and knelt in front of Alex who had placed the hamper down on the grass to one side of us. He looks so good in shorts, with his toned legs and tight ass. I took hold of the zipper in my left and hand and reached inside for his cock with my right. He was semi hard, the naughty guy was obviously more than ready for this. With a quick flick of the wrist his cock was taking in the fresh air.

The tip glistened invitingly before my eyes and without thought I leaned forward and took him inside my mouth. I worked up and down his shaft a few times, sliding my tongue languorously around his hard flesh. This had the desired effect and he stood to attention through his open flies. I reached down and undid the waistband and zipper of my shorts and wriggled out of them.

Alex stood before me, hands on hips, cock thrust forward ready for action. How could I say no. I rolled over on to my back, raising my legs high in to the air. He unbuttoned his shorts, letting them fall to the floor. My heart began to beat faster and I became aware that I really, really needed him inside me. I had missed this intimacy over the past few days. Alex dropped to his knees and sidled up to my ass cheeks. He took my legs in his arms either side of his body and I wrapped them around his neck, lifting my pussy up towards his erection. Angling myself down on to his cock.

He pushed inside me and I felt a shiver run down my spine, the hairs pick up on the back of my neck, my pussy quiver in submission. Slowly he ran his shaft in and out of me, coating his erection in my juices. Oiling the piston, which was soon going to pound in to me with unrestrained passion.

Alex withdrew his cock slowly and then pushed right up to hilt, I felt his balls slap my ass cheeks. Then he picked up pace and the tip began to massage my g-spot bringing me closer to my orgasm. All that could be heard was the sound of the birds and insects as Alex slapped rhythmically against me. Then I heard it.

“Buzzzzz”. I opened my eyes and focused in the direction of the sound. It was a honey bee and only inches from my right arm. I’m not one to panic about such things. Not being frightened of bees or wasps and for that matter spiders. I know this may be slightly unusual for a girl but I have never been scared of any of these. Maybe my girl friends were all “girly-girls”? I just ignored the bee and watched as it hovered over my arm.

Alex had noticed too because his thrusting had all but stopped as he tried not to catch it’s attention. Then came another buzz just to the left and Alex had one flying around his head. He had stopped now with his cock still inside my moist swollen pussy. Then came another around my feet. One by one more and more of them began to show up for the show.

All the entomological interest did nothing for our passion and Alex pulled his cock out of me and settled back on the blanket next to me. His cock was still fairly hard, pointing up towards the sky wet and shiny. Even more bees had now turned up and it seemed best that we moved.

I grabbed the blanket being careful not to upset the nasty fuckers and Alex picked up the unopened picnic box. By the time we walked back to the car my legs were covered in lacerations from the fauna and I looked like I had been pulled backwards through a hedge. The moment had passed, so we decided to drive back home and picnic on the back garden, somehow that seemed to be the safest option but not appropriate for outdoor sex.

So until next time…

Emotional Roller Coaster

Well what an emotional roller coaster we have both been on these past few days. I attended the doctors on Thursday and he confirmed what we already suspected, that I wasn’t pregnant. He gave me a very thorough check over and talked to me for a while. His conclusion was that my delay was due to stress. I suppose I hadn’t really given much thought to just how stressed I have been of late.

Financial matters stemming from not having a job and family problems it seems have all contributed to my stressful state, which in turn has taken its toll on my menstrual cycle. I suppose it has to come out somewhere.

It hadn’t occurred to me just how life changing even the thought of the possibility of having children was, before. I went from feeling concerned about being able to afford a baby to considering redecorating the spare bedroom. Then back again to feeling disappointed and relieved all at the same time. On balance, it is the wrong time for Alex and I to be having children but we do have time to get things right and a goal to aim for.

The whole experience, as our readers pointed out, has made us aware that we do want to have children one day. May we both thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for your warm wishes and support. It helps to know just how many of you people do genuinely care about us and that makes me feel so loved.

So for now we will settle for looking after our nephew and enjoying the experience of being part-time parents and the joy of giving him back when he is a pain in the…

Deflated

Serendipity. I like that word, it’s the first one that came to mind when Suze told me she thought she was pregnant.

The first thing I felt was quite different. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, my heart literally missed a beat as I felt adrenalin dumped into my bloodstream by those mischievous little buggers sitting on the top of my kidneys. For a split second I probably stared, I may even have let my chin drop, before, as Suze quite rightly put it, I developed a wide grin.

I haven’t been as happy for a long time. Not to say that we’re particularly unhappy. OK so we are skint and constantly worrying about finances, but Alex and Suze are otherwise a happy couple. It’s just that sometimes there are moments in your life when your happiness index reaches a zenith, and that was one of them.

After a few minutes of frantic hugging and kissing the reality of the situation kicked in. We had not been trying for a baby for very good reasons. Money. OK that’s not a good reason not to have kids, it’s a very bad reason, the worst reason. But it’s a practical reason. Then my mind started ticking over about how we could finance the sprog. It’s incredible the ingenuity that the human mind can apply to the most hopeless of situations.

We both wanted it to be true, more than anything. Impractical though the whole situation was we were both looking 8 months down the line at us, in a maternity suite holding junior and fighting off the grandparents.

But you’ve probably guessed by now that the tests were negative. Suze tested herself on Wednesday night and the doctor tested her on Thursday morning. Both negative. I (we) have gone from walking on a cloud to a grey pit of disappointment.

We are no worse off than we were a couple of days ago but in the intervening time we have experienced a rush of emotions, predominantly good ones, that have left us feeling drained. If the tests had been positive I suppose the trepidation about things to come would have set in alongside the expectation. But who knows. I feel a bit lost, I suddenly had something to look forward to, something unequivocally positive.

So not a very happy post but I thought you would all like to know. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to announce it to you all, we were excited and wanted to tell the world. The messages of support we got from everyone just added to the intoxicating wave of emotions we were surfing on. Thank you to everyone who wished us well.

It’ll be an interesting weekend, nephew’s stopping tonight and quite frankly I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing from our point of view. We love him dearly, but there’s a twinge of sadness at the thought of what might have been every time I look at his picture.

In chemical terms we’ve gone from C12H22O11 to CH3COOH and now need some C2H5OH.

I’m Late…

Yes, you did read that right. Suze is late at starting her period this month. I’m not complaining from the copulating perspective, it’s nice not to have to be concerned about the mess and using the fuck towel. But it has been days now and no sign of me even starting, not one little bit.

Suze is not quite ready for a little sprog, it’s nice to look after little nephew once in a while. Then give him back. But to contemplate the possibility of having one permanently around is daunting. I’ve got too much to do both on this blog and with Alex. 😉

It could also make my HNT’s a little different. LOL. When I mentioned the prospect of me being pregnant to Alex last night he gave me a big inane smile. I could just see his thoughts turning to childhood play, football in the park on Sunday’s and all those things you do with mini-mees. So no need to ask if Alex is happy about it, his face was beaming.

I mean, shit I haven’t even got a job. Children drain money away and we have none at this moment in time. I simply can’t afford a baby at the moment. I’m rambling I know but I wanted to share my thoughts with you all.
First things first, we need to get off to the shops later and buy a testing kit. How soon can you test? I don’t have a clue.

MSN And Then

Alex was an extremely naughty boy yesterday, he broke the company rules and set up MSN on his PC. We can now talk to each other at certain periods during the day. He still needs to do some work. LOL.Well, I have done the telephone sex call with boyfriends in the past and the cyber orgy over at DH a great time was had by all. Now I have come completely up to date and done the MSN dirty talk with Alex. So I can cross that one off my list of “To Do’s”. I started to warm him up with descriptions of what I would like to do to him if I was there. I told him to imagine me kneeling under his desk, nobody aware that I was there.

I would unzip his flies and reach inside his boxer shorts, teasing out his cock. He would slide his ass forward on his office chair and lie back against the backrest. I would now pull back his foreskin and lean forward taking in his aroma. His cock would be starting to harden with anticipation of what was to come.

He would take up a book from the desk and pretend to read. I would open my mouth and enclose it around his pulsing cock. I would watch his body tense up as he felt the warmth of my mouth engulf his erection. It came to mind just how good it would be if Alex had a web cam trained on him right at that moment. Would I be able to see the distinct taughtness of his suit crotch and the clear outline of his hardon?

He would start to rhythmically fuck my mouth between passers by outside his office window. His face not betraying the hussy under the desk. Lips pursed tight, not giving away his secret. Fires stoked by the knowledge that nobody knew I was there under his desk, tending to his needs. He would now be resting on the very edge of his seat, tensing his ass cheeks with each thrust he delivers to my throat.

Sloshing sounds are now emanating from under the desk as he drives in to my mouth. Clear ribbons of saliva dripping to the floor and my knees. He is so close now, it’s hard to keep up the pretence. Fighting instinct to throw his head back and roll his eyes as orgasm creeps closer. At this point the connection between us dropped. FUCK! FUCK!

I was wet and throbbing. Unable to type and satisfy myself digitally, I had crossed my legs tightly and been stimulating myself by rubbing my labia together. If I am turned on my clit starts to swell and I can on occasion give myself a clitoral orgasm. But what had happened for Alex to disappear so abruptly? OMG! Had someone walked in on him? It was only 11:02am over an hour before I would find out.

When Alex pulled up on the drive I rushed to the door to meet him. I couldn’t wait to find out why he had disconnected from me earlier. He explained that one of the girls in the office had walked in and he had to quickly slide his chair under the desk to conceal his erection. I laughed, I know I shouldn’t have but I could just imagined him sitting there hoping that he wouldn’t have to leave the office until it went down.

We ate lunch and then I began to rub his cock through his suit trousers. I have probably said this before but I love a guy in a suit. We even have one that Alex wears to fuck me in. He leaned in to me and started to undo my button through top. Popping the button one at a time. I felt so randy from earlier I just couldn’t wait to feel him inside me. My breast spilled out unrestrained by lingerie.

Alex pulled my head to his and began to kiss me deeply and passionately as my exposed breast pushed against his crisp white shirt. The air became humid around us as our respiration increased with sexual desire. Alex’s tongue entwined with mine as we kissed. “Tap, tap, tap” went the knock on the front door. Shit I thought as I parted my lips from Alex’s. “Ignore it, they will go away”, ensured Alex. I leaned back in to kiss him again. As I did I became aware of a shadow out of the corner of my eye.

It was him! The fucking rammer was at the front window waving a package in his hand. Can you believe it. This guy is out to get me. Rammer, have you been reading this blog?

What Is A Piss-Up?

For the benefit of Mr Fab

The Oxford English Dictionary (well the one we have) doesn’t list piss-up. However it does say:

Piss v.t/I (vulgar) 1 to urinate. 2 (in p.p.) drunk. – n. (vulgar) urine; urination.[f. OF pisser (imit.)]

So to clarify a Piss-Up is a gathering where everyone gets very, very drunk. Simple as that 🙂

Working Out Just Fine

Alex and I went to my parents on Saturday night for a bit of a piss-up and a BBQ, as you know they have just come back from their holidays. We both over indulged too, I blame my mum she bought far too much food (which was a shame to leave) and enough alcohol to sink a battle ship and give me a headache. LOL. I don’t know why I’m laughing my head throbbed a little this morning and as a result we did not engage in any Sunday morning shagging. 🙁

I woke up quite early to say I had a lot to drink, around 6.30am which is good for the morning after. My head was throbbing and I was annoyed at myself for not drinking enough water with my wine. Alex didn’t drink quite as much and looked quite good considering. It seemed the best thing to do was to get up start moving around and try to re-hydrate and eat.

So downstairs I headed and made both Alex and myself some toast (I really couldn’t handle anything else) and some tea. Returning to bed with trays so that we could lounge around and eat breakfast in bed. We both finished up breakfast and then snuggled down the bed in each other’s arms. The next thing I know Alex is snoring in my ear and the clock is saying 8.30am.

Time for gym! I made my way to the bathroom and got myself ready whilst Alex (bless him) washed up the breakfast dishes. Kitchen tidy, dressed for a workout (NO SEX) we headed off for the local gym. There were not many people there when we arrived, they were probably nursing hangovers from the night before (not that I would do anything like that). I tried to make myself feel enthusiastic as we walked the floor between the exercise equipment.

Alex made for the x-trainers (brave man) and I opted for the rowing machine to get myself started (don’t tell Alex but there was a good view of a guy lifting weights from there). We attend gym together but tend to go our separate ways once inside, perhaps meeting up to warm down on the bikes at the end.

I set up the rowing mache level and timer, clipped in my feet and pulled back on the cord. The perfect vantage point…I could see Alex, well his head and shoulders and the fit weight lifter (OK, get off my case, I know he was a little too young). I began to settle in and started to speed up and feel the burn. As I looked across to Alex a girl was just stepping on to the cross trainer to his right. From where I was sitting she looked to be about our age, a brunette, a stacked brunette at that.

She was wearing a yellow cap sleeve t-shirt and I could just make out through the equipment in front of them, black lycra leggings. I carried on pulling, not making bad progress to say only half an hour ago I felt like shit. LOL. Alex stole a quick look over her way and then gave me a quick wink. I smiled back. The brunette then leaned over towards Alex and started to talk to him. She looked as if she needed instruction on how to use the machine as she waved her hands in the air.

Alex stopped his exercise and leaned over the control panel of her x-trainer. She smiled at him and moved in closer. I thought maybe she couldn’t see from her angle or was she just homing in on him? I told myself to stop being so stupid but must admit the little green devil within me had woken. I found myself pulling quite hard and fast on the chord and the fan at the other end of the machine was almost levitating me. It was almost as though I was mentally trying to row across to the pair of them. 😀 The instruction seemed to be over and Alex returned to his machine.

The brunette started began to exercise , turning to Alex to give him one of her smiles as she did so. He smiled back and then turned to catch my eye. I must have given him a stoney stare because his face dropped from the smile to a look of concern. Why was I being so stupid? This girl just needed a bit of help…sure! She stepped up her pace and her breasts started to bounce. That’s when things changed, instead of being a little jealous and cross I was now finding myself mesmerised by her.

She hadn’t noticed me looking and certainly didn’t know that Alex and I were together. The more I studied her the more I realised how plainly attractive she was. I don’t mean plain in the sense of being ugly or unattractive. She was a naturally good looking girl, no makeup, no gum chewing and a very pleasant face. It hadn’t escaped Alex’s eye that she was now bouncing rhythmically with every turn of the pedals. Her face had taken on a rosy glow, which kind of made her look even cuter.

I somehow forgot that I was rowing and found myself watching her and thinking naughty thoughts. When I exercise I sometimes get turned on, probably as a result of the lycra rubbing my pussy with each movement, coupled with the increase in blood pressure. I wondered if she was being turned on as she pedalled away and her thighs skimmed past her swollen labia as she pedalled. There she went again, casting a smile over in Alex’s direction, just like a skilled angler casting out the bait.

She was now starting to glow and moist patches were appearing around her breasts, targeting my eyes. How I would have loved to take each breast in turn and suck upon her nipples. Place my head deep between them and lick that sensitive skin. I imagined talking her home, undressing her letting her clothes fall to the floor. Leading her to the bathroom, opening the shower and stepping in there with her. Lathering my hands up and running them up and down her body. Caressing every part of her with my soapy hands, taking in her contours, hills and valleys.

Beep-beep, beep-beep went the counter on the rowing machine and I was immediately brought out of my daydream. I unclipped my feet and climbed off the machine. As I started to head towards Alex the brunette stepped off her bike and made her way over to a girl working out on the abducter. I gave him a smile as he watched her walk away. I think the same thought was going through his mind. “There were three in the bed and the little one said…”.

Are They Doing What I Think They Are?

After my pub lunch and my gentleman flasher the other day I embarked on a little a little Suze-retrospective. I could not imagine some years ago being able to speak to my mother about a guy flashing his dinkle. It would have been too embarrassing.

As a youngster I had my own chair (always the one next to the television with the really crap view) which I could curl up in and watch programs. My parents would then just be able to see the back of my head and back. Which was really useful when there was anything saucy on the television. For some reason even though my Mum had taught me about sexual intercourse at an early age and not the birds and bees version, I still found it difficult to view anything remotely sexual in front of my parents.

The moment the scene would turn from dialogue to kissing I would sink down in to my chair and curl up so they could not see me, with a face as red as a cherry. I would stay tucked up in that position well until the scene finished even if I was bursting to go to the toilet. Which happened quite a lot, good job I had a strong bladder. LOL

This embarrassment didn’t kick in until I was old enough to stay up after 9pm at night and the programs were permitted to contain sexual content. The program didn’t even have to contain intercourse, it could be heavy petting and a quick grope and there I would go. I could feel my face burning up and my heartbeat increase. It was a completely different matter if they were not around. I was a lucky kid and had a small portable television, which I would sometimes watch in my room but was only allowed to view it until 10pm bedtime.

So like a good kid I would go to bed and sleep. Like yeh! You are joking. As soon as my mother disappeared downstairs after wishing me goodnight, on would go the television and down against the crack under the door would go my bathrobe. It was a must at weekends when there were horror films screened, they were good for some cleavage groping and a bit of slap and tickle.

It was a little difficult to watch the programs properly because most of the viewing had to be done with the sound down low or even off if my parents were wandering around outside my door. The programs were nowhere near as sexually explicit as they are today but they certainly satisfied my inquisitive mind.

Bloody hell, I just remembered I even got embarrassed watching wildlife programs with animals mating in them. The lions and apes were a nightmare to watch and don’t mention the elephants. Sometimes if I was really quick I could be out of the lounge door before they got down to it. I’m sure I could here the faint sounds of laughter as I quickly made my exit. I wonder if they were aware of my agitation. Come to think of it why did we watch so many wildlife programs. LOL

It’s funny but even to this day I find it difficult to watch a program containing sex scenes in front of my parents. I find myself speaking up and trying to distract them from the television screen. And I have an adult blog, how much more sexually aware can I be! Am I trying to have my parents believe that I don’t know how to fuck, if so why? Does anyone else feel the same? Is this a girl thing?

Risky Business

We only did a quick post this morning before we set out for a walk. The weather’s still warm here, but not as hot as the past week which has seen temperatures in the 30s. So perfect for a nice leisurely stroll.

Keep on reading it gets better, I promise.

As you know if you’re a regular reader we live in a semi-rural area and the countryside is only a minute’s walk in any direction. We were about half a mile from home today, skirting the edge of the village when we saw a rather interesting scene. Two boys 18-20 years of age pulling out of the driveway of one of the stone built cottages in a Renault Clio, about 25 meters in front of us.

Maybe it was me but I thought they were looking furtive. They also avoided looking at the woman who emerged from the driveway after them. This was odd as when I first saw her I thought MILF. She was wearing a black and white short and clingy summer dress with patent leather black belt, 5″ stilettos and matching handbag. Ordinarily this look would have been fine after 6pm but it was a warm summer morning and those were not the right footwear for a hot day. Shoulder length hair and nicely turned calves.

She was heading towards the bus stop. Things didn’t look quite right thought. Firstly she’d been ignored by the two boys, if she had been their mum they surely would have at least given her a wave or a hoot on the horn. Second, her dress, a little over the top for 11am and certainly racy for anyone walking through our village during daylight. Thirdly she didn’t look quite old enough to be their mother.

Fourthly, she had to study the bus timetable posted at the stop. We only have one bus pass through the village and it’s every 30 minutes! Everyone knows that and if she had lived at the house she would have seen it pass the end of her driveway every half-hour from 06:00 to 11:30.

So I’m thinking Risky Business, Tom Cruise, Rebecca De Mornay. The lad’s parent(s) away from home, they have the use of the car, hire a call girl and spent Friday night getting their money’s worth. Or is it just me.

Well, no, because Suze thought exactly the same thing and said so when we were out of earshot of the bus stop. Although she did suggest that I go back and take a photo to put on this post. She cracks me up sometimes.

Very un-gallant of the boys not to give her a lift back though.

Waiting For Boobos

As a youngster I always played with the boys. Not like that you dirty minded lot, well sometimes but I’ll cover that later. I think it stems from the fact that there were more boys including the one next door locally than girls to hang around with. So yours truly partook in many lady like games including, hedge jumping (usually resulting in a destroyed privet hedge), Scalextric, Action man war games (using the figure not computer) and although I hate to admit it, football. I never went in goal but I played.

All these activities I took part in just so that I could be involved not because I enjoyed them. It also had the advantage of allowing me to tackle boys I had my eyes on. Nothing like rolling around in a bit of mud, is there Jen? If we scored I got a kiss and a hug as well, who could ask for more at 10 years of age. LOL

I got on well with the boys and the girls I knew for that matter, always been a bit of a joker and that helps break down the barriers. I enjoyed the company of girls but the down side was the constant falling in and out of friendships, with boys that didn’t seem to happen as much. Girls could be so bitchy and it never settled well with me even to this day I much prefer the office to have more male than female employees. That’s from what I can remember, I haven’t worked for so long. 🙂

In those long hot days of my childhood it wasn’t so much about flirting, not in the proper sexual sense. More the holding hands and liking someone lots type of thing. No, on second thoughts I suppose it was flirting but a different level, the non-sexual level. The pre-pubescent type of showing your pants to the boys stuff. Did I tell you just how much I liked doing handstands. I spent more time in my earlier years upside down than anyone I know. Hehehe.

Yes, fliriting proper didn’t really begin until the day I got my first bra and it was like someone had thrown a switch inside my head. I felt sexy and womanly and everyone was going to know about it. I had two little mounds which really didn’t require support at all, more covering up for decency’s sake. So my nipples couldn’t be seen through my blouse. I would have been about 11 years old. I got the bra’s from a local market. They were nothing more than thin material cups on an all elastic strapping.

But to me these bra’s signified the transition from girl to woman. I don’t even think they came in a size, one size fits all (or most). My posture changed over night too. I must have looked like a duck, walking around with my chest stuck right out so people would notice I was wearing a bra. I must admit today I still get the same feeling of womanliness when I wear suspenders, just knowing I am wearing them makes me feel horny!

I paraded around with these lycra bras on for about three months and then moved on to my first fitted, I’ll say it again fitted bra. I was taken by my mother to be properly measured up and fitted by a professional fitter. Know that is a job I would love to do (makes mental note to look in to job requirements. I enjoy fondling breasts will that do?…) . So there I was in my, I think it was a Playtex bra with pretty pink roses. I can hear you all saying, “well what size was it?”. Ok, it was a…32AA but to me it was a proper size and that’s what counted. My breast size could actually be quantified on a measuring chart.

Well, I strutted around like I was the bee’s knees for days. I even had my top buttons open so that people could see it, whether they wanted to or not. That’s if they haven’t already noticed that I am walking like a duck thrusting my little boobs at them. There was far more padding in those bras than breast but that didn’t matter because I felt like Dolly Parton. LOL.

I used to look at magazines and tabloids and wish for the day when I would be able to wear a larger cup. My breasts changed to an A cup when I was in the second year of senior school but my friends were all ample chested, how I envied them as I watched them change for physical education classes. They would strut around with their plump firm breasts exposed deliberately in front of us less fortunate girls. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the opportunity to see some ample exposed breasts as much as the next girl but I wanted MORE!

When I hit eighteen things seemed to change quite rapidly, my breast swelled and perhaps due to boyfriend activity my nipples were no longer inverted. Hurah! They stuck out like they should. I was now officially a B cup and bloody proud of it. I know nowadays C cup is the norm but back then B was fantastic. Flirt, just watch me go baby! I wore some of the skimpiest lowest cut tops I could get away with walking out of the house past my father.

It worked, I started to get the attention from the opposite sex that I had craved for many years. I would now turn heads when I stood at the bus stop. I felt great, womanly, liberated! Somehow A cup breasts on a 5′ 7″ girl do not feel right and now I began to feel more comfortable with my appearance. Plus, I could now give a better tit wank.

Strange to think now that you don’t even have to wait to grow your own. A tit job just like this can be done quite easily but I don’t think I’ll bother. For those of you who don’t recognise the vision in pink on the left, it’s Lea Walker from the 2006 UK Big Brother House.