Monthly Archives: December 2007

A XXXMas Carol – Part 1 of 4

AlexSuze.comEd stared at the lights from his Christmas tree reflected in his glass of whisky until they began to blur. It was in part the alcohol that impaired his visual acuity and partly the fatigue that had accumulated in the weeks running up to Christmas. He sat, alone, in silence, the gentle crackle of the wood fire and sonorous tic-toc of the wall clock the only sounds in the room. Save for the fire and slowly twinkling lights on the Christmas Tree the room was unlit.

It was a comforting womb suffused with an orange glow and the smell of wood smoke. The rest of the world kept at bay for a while.

Ed felt his eyelids descending. He placed his glass on the small, round table to the right of his armchair and let sleep take him into its dark embrace.


There was a loud knock at the door.

Ed’s consciousness rose from an oily grey-black dream full of pointing skeletal fingers and the rattle of metal hoops to fully awake with an unseemly haste. His eyes snapped open.

Another knock.

Fuck, he though bitterly, it’s bloody Christmas. Can’t I get a bit of peace and quiet at Christmas …

Ed dragged his leaden limbs to the front door and flung it open. Rather than be greeted by the group of off-tune carol singers with a repertoire of three carols that he expected, a hooded figure faced him in the porch.

“Can I help you?” he enquired.

The figure raised a hand, thin fingers covered in a black leather glove. The hand pulled back the hood of the cloak to reveal a pale face and long, blonde, almost white, hair.

“Marlene!” Exclaimed Ed.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Remarked Marlene. “Can I come in?”


“Still on your own then?” Enquired Marlene.

“Apparently.” Replied Ed tersely.

He studied her, sitting in the chair opposite. She carried the years better than he did. The seven years since they parted had taken their toll on him, the furrows in his brow and the high blood pressure were just the most obvious signs of that. She had matured into a fine woman, older and more assured, powerful and graceful. A very fine woman. Stop it! He told himself.

“Not expecting visitors?” Observed Marlene, the lack of Christmas fare very obvious.

“No, thank goodness. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I’ve been travelling for hours and they took the buffet car off the train so I’m starving.”

Ed reached down the side of the chair and pulled out a crumpled paper bag. He opened the top of the bag and removed a large piece of fluff that had been adhering to the contents.


Marlene’s chin dropped, her disdainful look told him otherwise.


Ed relented. Twenty minutes later they were eating Marmite on toast in his basic kitchen.

“Is this the only food you have?” Asked an amused Marlene.

“I’m going away for Christmas.”

“Ah. Well I was thinking of stopping here for the festive season.” Said Marlene rather uncertainly.

“You’ve got some bloody nerve I haven’t spoken to you for seven years and then you expect to spend Christmas here!” Ed was incredulous.

“We have some things we need to talk about. Important stuff. I thought it would give us time to sort it all out.” Explained Marlene.

“Oh, fuck. You weren’t pregnant when you left where you?”

Marlene laughed. It was a laugh Ed remembered well. It warmed his steely cold heart in a way that was now so unfamiliar to him that when she stopped and normality returned he felt an overwhelming sadness. The sadness derived from a deep sense of loss. A loss that he knew himself to be the sole architect of, but not its sole victim.

“No I was not.” Marlene assured him, then noticing his dour countenance offered. “Cheer up, I’m not here for maintenance.”

He looked at her smiling face and wondered if he would ever know the happiness they had shared with anyone else. He told himself that a woman like Marlene came along once in a lifetime. So that would be a “No” then …

He was therefore shocked when she kissed him on the lips a moment later.

Amazed when she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

And finding himself being led upstairs by her left him wondering if he was still asleep …

… they picked up where they had left off seven years before. Their sex was like picking up an old book that you find in the attic years after packing it away. It was familiar, yet strange, nostalgic and exhilarating.

With each movement of their hands over the other’s naked flesh they relearned each others needs and desires. The pain that had separated them was gone and what remained was the seven years of unfulfilled longing that had been dammed up.

It felt as fresh as the first time, yet with a knowledge of each other that was only possible because of their previous life together.

In a storm of grasping hands and vivacious tongues they had dived into bed, clothes abandoned on the bedroom floor. They paused for a moment, breathing heavy, hearts beating wildly, pupils dilated. One of his hands was intertwined with her hair, the other held a breast, cupping it with the erect nipple squeezed between two fingers.

She straddled his leg, her wet pussy rubbing against his thigh. Her clitoris hummed with anticipation, the moments hesitation heightening the sensation that her pulsing bundle of nerve fibres might explode if it were not satisfied. She could feel his cock pressing in to her stomach, wet and sticky with the clear fluid she wanted to lick from it.

They looked at each other, silent, motionless acknowledging the fact that they were very different now. They each had a seven year history which separated this from their last encounter. It didn’t matter they still wanted each other with the reckless lustfulness which had characterised their time together.

She slid up the bed deliberately slapping him across the face with her breasts, lowering them onto his face and letting him nuzzle into the soft valley between. She smiled and moaned with a quiet contentment. It had always relaxed her when he buried himself in her cleavage. The familiarity was pleasant but soon overwhelmed by the need to feel him enter her.

Marlene slid slowly down, trapping his cock between her thighs and guiding it into her waiting lips. Her clitoris crackled with sensations as the skin of his abdomen slid over her mons.

A fluid movement engulfed his cock between her labia and deep within her pussy.

His hips bucked. She imagined riding him, cowgirl for real. He had other ideas and with a powerful thrust of his hips toppled her from her sadle, rolling her onto her back, cock still inside her. Ed smiled down at Marlene. He slowly moved inside her, small strokes, teasing her, knowing she would hate him for it her libido demanding more.

Her eyes were filled frustration tempered by the knowledge his lust would soon overcome his control and compel him to abandon his composed façade. She bit her lip and gave him her best pleading look, “Fuck me, please”

Ed obliged. His hips gyrated and swung, thrusting, stirring, sending shudders of pleasure out across her body then back to the very core of her being. Her hands grabbed his neck, nails digging into his skin, imploring him to cum inside her, cum now, because she was cumming.

He felt her orgasm approaching, sensed it too in the subtle changes in her demeanour and muscle tensions. It had always been like this, as if something possessed her. Her back arched and lips soundlessly called out his name.

Ed slumped onto her chest. His lips sought hers and kissed her tenderly just once before sliding across the bed to lay beside her and drift into a deep contented sleep.

Suze Needs A Hand, SuzeAlthough I find it easy to write here about my sexual encounters, experiences, thoughts and desires quite openly. I find it difficult to put in to words who the real Suze is, call it the Brit in me but I’m not one to brag or even describe myself.

Therefore my blog profile is absent from the site. I would like one which reflects the real me, the one you guys enjoy reading about every day. I could try to describe myself but I think it would be wide of the mark, being that I tend to temper and understate rather than over embellish.

That’s where you guys come in. I would like for someone who has been reading for a while and feels that they know me enough now to be able to write me a profile for this site to do so. After all who better to tell the world about Suze and what makes her tick than her avid readers.

If you would like to submit a profile for me just send it to me at and I will select the closest match and give credit to it’s author here on the site. I would like to start the New Year with a new profile, one you my lovely, naughty readers have given to me.

Don’t worry if you are a stealth reader, your name doesn’t have to be mentioned, so don’t be put off submitting a profile for me. I can keep a secret. 😉

Anal Popping With The Sensual Bender From Californian Exotics

Sensual Bender, AlexSuze.comWhen Alex selected this toy  I thought it would be made of hard plastic. But I was pleased when I opened the packaging that it was made out of a very soft, warm to the touch jelly.

The sensual bender is lovely to hold it has the firmness afforded by it’s wonderful bendy internal spine offset by the soft and sensual feel of the pliable jelly outer. It comprises of 11 balls along it’s length with a circumference ranging from 11 cm at the base to 8 cm at it’s tip. The total length of the probe is 24 cm. I was eager to see just how many I could insert inside Alex’s tight little ass.

I placed the towel on the bed and he assumed the position in front of me, ass stuck in the air, anus pouting and tempting me to fuck it. Sitting cross legged behind him with a his legs stretching out either side of mine he was in the perfect position for entry.

The lube was already placed on the bed along with a roll of toilet tissue for mopping up excess lube which is a necessary piece of equipment for anal play. Lube, lube and more lube. 😉

It’s a while since Alex had any anal action (too long) and I intended to be gentle with him, despite the fact that I was as horny as hell. My primal urges were to fuck him hard whilst wanking at his cock.

I drizzled lube down between the groove in his ass cheeks and watched it descend towards his pink puckered hole. Then I took the bendy probe and worked the lube around his anus with the tip. He loves this. 😉

Then with a gentle push against the tension of his sphincter the end popped inside. I ran the lube around his anus and the sides of his ass cheeks with my index finger, ensuring no pulling on his flesh as the probe worked it’s way in to him.

The lube had now started to run down his perineum which is where the folded towel comes in handy to soak up and drips. With the probe in my right hand I grabbed his balls with my fee hand and rolled them as I added a little force to the end of the probe, easing it between his cheeks and in deeper.

Alex was now groaning and enjoying the full feeling he was sensing as his rectum was taken. I continued to massage his balls I he took in the 3rd jelly ball. I was getting quite excited sitting behind him watching his cock get bigger as I probed his ass. My pussy was quite moist and if my hands had not been covered in lube I would have reached over for my bullet vibe (next time).

As the third ball was snapped in to his anus, I could hear the pop and squelch as his sphincter enclosed around it. The wonderful thing about the shape of this toy is that it holds itself in position, as the anus locks in each ball and with the probe being bendable it makes a great angled handle.

The whole experience was now becoming very intense for Alex and he asked me to remove the anal probe as he panted with the overwhelming feedback from his anal muscles and prostate. His cock was now dribbling down on to the towel…was doing the trick and massaging his prostate.

Slowly each ball popped back out of his ass and Alex flipped himself over on to his back and asking me to push it back inside him. Who was I to say no. 😉 I lubed him up once again and drizzled more lube on to the probe, then started to push it inside him.

Sensual bender,AlexSuze.comI watched in delight and sexual arousal as his ass swallowed up the balls one, two, three…more lube. “God I’m wet”. Four, then five…fuck this was turning me on. Then the sixth entered his ass. I took a firm grip of his semi stiff cock and began to work the foreskin up and down. I took a hold of his balls in my left hand and alternated between pulling and squeezing them. Another little trick he likes. His cock was getting very hard.

“I’ll come if you keep that up!”, he exclaimed and the immediately flopped back on to the bed. A sacrifice I would just have to make, him not fucking me that is.

My need right now was to see him shoot his load right there in front of me.

I speeded up the action on his cock, now with tightened grip I pumped away at him. He started to contort and groan, his orgasm wasn’t far away. Letting go of the grip on his balls I started to rub my clit whilst keeping up the unrelenting masturbation of his cock.

My clit was swollen and quite firm under my finger as I rolled it from side to side, I was close too. The visuals had brought me close to the edge before I started to play with myself. Alex started to buck against my strokes and with an almighty “Agghhhhh”, he lifted his shoulders of the bed several times and the first spurt of cum issued from the tip of his cock.

He came again and again, peppering his stomach with his white, glutaneous fluid. I was sat wide eyed rubbing my clit for all it was worth, my fingers were now skating over my clit with the wetness of my pussy. I twitched, once, twice and then…JESUS! I came all over my fingers, they were warm and wet.

I slumped back on to the pillows and raised my fingers to my mouth…

Tags: Sensual Bender, Sensual Bender Review, California Exotic, California Exotics, sex toy review, adult toy review, anal toy, anal probe, anal dildo, anal popper

She Can Come Over To Play With Me Anytime
Alex and I have just returned from shopping. OMG, it’s mayhem in the supermarket. Are we about to have a food shortage or something? There are people manically snatching produce from shelves like it is the last possible day to shop for a month.I nearly got knocked over by a woman grabbing a cauliflower and there were loads of the bloody things. What makes people panic buy like this and it’s not event the last opportunity people will get. The shops are open tomorrow as normal. Phew I’m so glad to be back! 🙂

Before we started to do our shopping Alex suggested that we have breakfast in the store to save messing around later and if we do get stranded at the till at least we would be nourished. So we both selected a full English breakfast and sat at our little table in the window overlooking the picturesque carpark Lol.

We started to eat and then the brass band started to play Christmas carols. I hadn’t noticed them over in the corner when we sat down, too eager to eat. Lol There were about a dozen players, ranging in age from about 70 to 21 and they were very good.

At the far end of the band was the cutest girl, she was about 30 with mousey shoulder length hair and dressed in a seasonal uniform. She was wearing a red skirty suit, the skirt was a few inches above the knee and revealed her black fishnets just above the top of her boots. And she was blowing a trumpet. Oooh errr!

No seriously, I have always had a thing for men in uniforms but girls I had never even thought about. She looked very hot in her little red outfit, kinky black stiletto boots and fishnets. For some reason I was very distracted over breakfast, so much so that Alex actually asked me what I was looking at. After all he did have his back to her. 😉

It was a nice distraction from the morning’s madness and I just wished I could play an instrument because I’m sure we could have made such sweet music together. I’m such a dirty bitch…

A XXXmas Carol

Christmas Greetings from Alex & SuzeI’ve been struggling to find a theme for a naughty Christmas story this year. For a variety of reasons I’ve started and abandoned several ideas.

Finally however I’ve come up with the prefect scenario. I just have to write it for you know.

I’ll publish it over the next few days to keep you warm and horny, and ensure you guys have always got a nice big Yule Log for your girls.

In the meantime take a peek at last years story here.

A Girl Has To Have Some Secrets

I keep my tampons inside a zipped purse this was the result of a rather embarrassing moment in my workplace. I’m not quite sure but I had been asked to produce my driving license or something equally important by my employer and I recall vividly opening my bag, unzipping the middle pocket and taking out a handful of contents.

The next thing I knew a tampon had rolled free from the middle of all the papers and dropped on to the desk. Since that day I have always kept them securely secreted inside a zipped purse.

I also have one which I deposit inside the ladies toilets to avoid having to walk to the toilet with my bag in tow every time I want to change myself. At work I was the only one to do this until the other day.

Now there are three other containers next to mine, one of them a very attractive iridescent plum coloured plastic tube. But the thing that made me laugh most of all was that one of the girls just didn’t give a shit and brought in a HUGE box of tampons inside a carrier bag and just dumped them on the shelf behind the toilet., FraupakYou know what’s coming next don’t you…yes, it got me thinking. Lol What does you tampon storage choice say about you? Well, I have to admit that my current purse is silver, so does that mean that I have expensive tastes? Or that I like bling? I would probably say that I have an appreciation for the finer things in life without being overly demonstrative.

I’ve been taking a look at what is available on the Internet and imagining what kind of girl would use these storage containers…

This would be a good one for the organised amongst us, it has provision for 8 tampons, condoms and your pain relief tablets. A little like a real life filofax. Good thinking.,RagTotesThis is a very practical case being made of sturdy plastic and it comes in a wide range of colours, nice for the girls who like everything to match. However it does have one downside…look very carefully at the bottom right corner. Yes, it does say “Tampon Holder”, so not very discreet then. Lol

And for those girls who believe in calling a spade a spade, there is the “Rag Bag“., Rag BagThis one is suitable for the girls at who I work with and anyone else who spends most of their day talking calories and sniffing chocolate bars. They would love it… 🙂

Then last but not least, something for the crafters amongst us, you can make your own., Knitted Tampon Case
Tags: tampons, tampon holder, rag tote, rag totes, rag bag

Orgasm Away!

AlexSuze.comI posted yesterday about today being World Orgasm Day at 6:08am and hope you all managed to take part. I was thinking of you all this morning. 😉

Despite being off work yesterday with the start of a really heavy cold I woke up this morning at quarter to six and was relieved that I hadn’t slept through, although these days I do tend to wake earlier. Alex was still sleeping on his side facing me.

Dilema! Do I wake him, leave him to sleep or get to work on his cock right away to ensure he is nice and hard when the time comes. I decided to go with the silent stimulation technique and made my way down under the covers.

I teased his cock from between his legs and began to massage it, he stirred slightly and moved a little freeing up his balls. I took them in my left hand and gave them a gentle squeeze. This seemed to solicit the required response and he started to harden in my hands.

He was now firm enough for me to slide back his foreskin revealing the tip of his glans. At this point Alex rolled on to his back, half asleep he groaned as I started to wank his cock. He looked a little dry so I took him in my mouth and began to suck and lick his frenlum. At this point he awoke and began to moved his hips to meet my lips.

I flicked my tongue faster and faster around his sensitive, engorged tip. He began to buck his hips fucking my mouth, I opened a little wider to avoid my teeth skinning his cock. I caught sighte of the clock in the corner of my eye, one minute past six.

No time to waste I demanded that he fuck me and rolled on to my back. Alex parted my legs with his hands and moved round, taking position on his knees between my splayed limbs. I ran my fingers over my clit, good I was good and wet and I felt so fucking horny.

He took the back of my knees in his hands and pulled me on to his erect cock. It felt warm and comforting as it slid slowly inside my wet pussy. I gave it a squeeze with my muscles and he responded making his cock jump inside me.

He sighed loudly as he reached my cervix. I smiled and right on queue Alex began to pound in to me like a mad man. Each thrust was met with a tilt of my pelvis, giving perfect alignment to my g-spot and it wasn’t long before I was coming and shouting out to Alex.

This fuelled his fire and he was banging so hard against my buttocks I envisaged a bruise after we finished. I love him to take me this way, nothing gentle about it, just a good hard fucking.

I came again, this time my whole body quaked as my juices began to flow. My pussy was now so wet you could audibly hear Alex sloshing in and out of me. Another stroke and he was there, he let rip the most primal of calls and tensed as his orgasm ripped through him.

Back arched, head tilted skyward he thrust his last and filled me with his hot seed. I love to watch him as he cums, he never used to vocalise his emotions when coming but after numerous requests he now allows himself to be unrestrained.

Watching a man come is comparative to watching him eat a good meal, you want to see the expression on his face, hear his vocalisation of the pleasure he is partaking in. And when all is finished I like to lick his plate clean. 😉

Saturday’s Alright For…

Alexsuze.comSaturday when I was a teenager meant Youth Club night. For those who are unaquainted with this, this was a place you could go to without your parents from the age of about 11 to 16. Total freedom to do what you wanted without the watchful and scathing gaze of your parents. Teenage Heaven.

Preparation for this (if you were a girl) took hours and involved having lots of girlfriends over to get ready with you. Oh, I remember only too well, five or six semi clad girls in my bedroom. Lots of makeup and hairspray, perfume and anti-perspirant. That and arms and legs everywhere as they try to slip into their club outfits.

There is always one girl in school who you really admire. The one who you attempt to copy, maybe by having the same hairstyle or outfit. Mine was Cheryl. She was a curvy, mousy haired girl about the same height as myself. She had an almost perfect smile with dimpled cheeks and gorgeous ice blue eyes.

I wanted to be Cheryl. She came from a good family and although she didn’t turn the heads of all the boys she won my heart. She looked good, smelt good and had a beautiful pair of pert but rounded breasts. This I know from sharing showers with her at school and having seen her undressed in my bedroom. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to be alone with her.

She always dressed in the latest fashion and looked so good both in and out of clothes. I used to think about her sometimes when I was alone in bed. I’ll leave the rest to your imaginations. Ooh, you can create the most delicious fantasies, can’t you?

We would finish getting ready and clear the house so my parents could get to use the bathroom. Then it was off to the bus stop for the next bus to our local shopping centre. We would all pile off the bus and then decide out of all of us who looked the eldest.

More often than not it was the lovely Cheryl (probably helped by the fact she must have been a 36C cup. I know I was so jealous). We would pool our spare cash together and then count the kitty. Then Cheryl would walk in to the wine shop whilst we all hid round the corner as not to raise suspicions.

Cheryl was under strict instruction to buy bottles of sherry or if we hadn’t raised enough cash, wine. This stuff was knock out, probably made in some obscure country nobody has ever heard of. It would probably clean ovens and de-scale kettles but we wanted to get a little tipsy before the club. A little bit of Dutch courage to enable the shy ones to get out on that dance floor and shake some booty.

We must have looked a real sight swigging sherry straight out of the bottle. It warmed us during the Winter and fortified us for the flirting we were about to do. Yeh, it sounds like we were the queens of the ball doesn’t it? On the contrary, none of us usually got any male interest. Could that have something to do with all the inebriated giggling? Who knows. We didn’t care we enjoyed ourselves on Saturday nights.

I had my eye on a guy whose name escapes me, who could dance like a pro. He also looked quite hot too. Only problem was, so did almost every other girl at the Youth Club. We would stand on the upper balcony and just watch him with a lustful stare. He knew he made us wet and got off on all the adoration. Not the usual type of guy I would have gone for but he made me hot. He always arrived and danced with one girl all night.

We were all envious of this girl and used to metaphorically sick pins in her as she enjoyed the attention he gave her on the dance floor. Then we found out something which made us all happy. The girl was his sister. Phew!

AlexSuze.comEvery week I would try and catch his eye, shorter skirts, more makeup, lots of lip gloss. I would quite literally get dressed for him only. I began to fixate on him. The way he moved, the close fit of his trousers (look I was an hormonal teenager) around his ass. He looked like David Van Day, here is a picture of him if you have no idea who I am waffling on about. Apologies for the image, I couldn’t find a better shot of him. Oh and I cut off his side kick Thereza Bazar, I hated her and her squeaky voice. LOL.

I don’t know if I missed out on any male attention whilst in this dream like state. Maybe I did, for me there was just one guy in the room and it was him. My crush on him must have lasted for a good three months (that’s a lifetime when you are young). LOL.

Then one night a group of us got talking to a girl who lived next door to Mr sexy. My whole world fell apart that night. She revealed that this super hot guy was gay. NO WAY! He couldn’t be, he loved to dance, looked good all the time, he had all Abba’s albums, had a dog called Toto…and never danced with anyone other than his sister. The penny dropped.

Are you picking up a familiar theme here with my past love life?

PS I made up the bit about Toto

Orgasm Day, Whey Hey!

AlexSuze.comIt’s going to be World Orgasm Day on Saturday 22nd December at 6:08 GMT and I’m warning you all in advance so that you can be ready with lube if required. 😉

And as you know I will encourage orgasms in all shapes and forms and on any day. Lol But seriously the aim of this is for everyone to synchronize their orgasms at 6:08am GMT on the 22/12/07 and that’s quite a feat! The idea being to create a positive energy field on Earth through the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy”, to quote the site dedicated to this event World Orgasm Day.

I personally wouldn’t’ say no to a quick shag before getting out of bed in the morning, what a way to start the day. 😉 So, I fully sponsor this day and will be taking my part…so whilst you are having a fuck remember I’ll be right there with you. Lol

The aim of this day is to bring about global piece as well as ecstasy and I’m sure that those who participate will be leaving the house with a smile and a more laid back attitude towards the day. And that can’t be bad.

Right, I’m off to get in some training. 😉

Thanks to Anastasia of Sexualité for the link.

Orgasms In A Box

AlexSuze.comSex toys they are like buses, you wait and wait and then you get two at once. I can’t believe I just used that line in a post. Lol We received a huge box of adult goodies yesterday, in fact it was given to me as I parked the car by our eager neighbour. I do hope she isn’t getting suspicious about all the packages we are receiving lately.

Then this morning, I had just stepped out of the shower and there was a knock at the door as our second consignment of fun arrived. I quickly put on my bathrobe and made for the front door. I think the postman liked what he saw when I opened the door. I caught his gaze as his eyes fell upon my moist cleavage which he snatched a glimpse of as I leaned forward to take the package. 😉

So there are lots of orgasms on the agenda over the Christmas break. I can’t wait and of course I will be telling you all about them in great detail. I placed the box in the living room and went upstairs to dry off and get ready for work, keeping the opening until Alex and I were together. All day I kept trying to remember what we had requested, I think I may have grinned quite a lot too.

And the fun didn’t end there. It was gift giving day at work and I was given a bottle of something by busty. That in itself was a treat but even better than that, she insisted on giving me a hug and a kiss.

It was a very nice experience although a little awkward, as you know I have quite an ample boobage but she has even more (drool…sigh!) so when we embraced our heads were quite a distance apart as our cleavage collided. It was a nice sensation being pulled in to her nice warm, soft bosom, quite a turn on.

I took my time kissing her back on each cheek, enjoying the snuggling, I could spend many an hour indulging myself on her heaving bosom. If only she knew how I spent many a day at work daydreaming about the both of us and I wouldn’t even be greedy we could let Alex join us from time to time…

…she is my favourite waste of time. If only she knew but would she feel the same? Will she ever get to share my toy collection, I would love for her to come over and play.

Greener Porn

AlexSuze.comI was watching a news article last night which highlighted the practice (by Young’s part of the Findus food group) of shipping Scottish-caught langoustines to Thailand for processing (being taken out of their shells), before being shipped back to the UK. Apparently, because the shipping uses so little fuel it’s greener to move the scampi 17,000 miles and have low-paid Thai workers shell them by hand than it is to run mechanical plant in Scotland to do the same job.

The research that supports this theory is backed by The Carbon Trust so we have to assume it’s correct. Though I doubt whether Young’s would have made the decision to move the processing if it didn’t mean it was cheaper and therefore more profitable for them too.

It strikes me though that the Internet is a force for good in our struggle to save the planet. Yes we all burn energy with our PCs on all day, but it does mean that we no longer have to ship as many porn magazines across the world. You just subscribe to a site and log in whenever you want, from wherever you want.

Or if you read blogs you don’t even have to subscribe.

Though I’m sure Playboy et al will have a study somewhere proving me wrong.

Who’s Who In the Adult World

AlexSuze.comI was mooching around on MySpace and as I confirmed a friend’s request I thought to myself. Who the hell are these people I’m “friends” with?

Conversely who the hell do they think I am?

Aside from Suze I’ve met none of them and have one thing in common with them that I can count on, i.e. the Internet/blogging. That doesn’t mean to say that I value these friends any less, just that a social network friend is very different from a physical world friend.

Then I thought, no, some of the people on MySpace and other social networking sites are actually published authors, they have a provenance outside the electronic. However while that’s true for most there are a number of exceptions. You see some celebs have been My-Jackedâ„¢ (I think I just invented a new term) i.e. hijacked on MySpace by impostors pretending to be them.

One is Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills, he claims not to have a MySpace account but the one posted as his and befriended by many is allegedly a fraud.

Even genuine social networking site accounts tend (for very good reasons of privacy and safety) to be heavily edited. That makes sense and is good practice to avoid some of the more unsavoury elements out there.

There’s always the temptation to put a little spin on your profile, work experience or relationships with your online friends. Facebook is a prime example as when your links with someone are as tenuous as giving them a hand with their web site development it’s difficult to know how to describe it. I often leave this section blank to avoid confusion, but it’s so easy to overstate the interaction you have with someone.

The adult corner of the web is more cagey that the rest of the web when its users are asked to reveal details about themselves. They are more susceptible and attractive to the weird elements out there.

I think the sensible line to draw is be truthful, but economical with the truth. That way you’ll not get burnt.

Tags: MySpace, social networking, facebook, Scott Mills, Radio 1, My-Jacking, My-Jack, My-Jacked, privacy, online privacy, stalking, online stalking

Close Up And Personal

AlexSuze.comWhen I left school I didn’t have a clue what career I wanted to pursue and was offered a position with the local newspaper. Don’t get all excited, it was as an office junior/runner for the editorial department.

It reminded me very much of a job from a Dickens novel. There were five of us in the team, which was headed up by a very matriarchal old woman whose name escapes me. She must have been in her 60’s if she was a day but looked to be about 80.

The job required that you monitored the chute which sent copy throughout the building and took the encapsulated information to the relevant section on our floor as fast as you could. I’m already getting flashbacks of young boys up chimneys and working the factories. No, it wasn’t quite that bad, in fact it really wasn’t a bad job for a young person at all.

We were on the second floor and the building had four. The first floor was for the printing presses, type setters and proof readers. The third floor was the image library, thousands of pictures which were regularly called for filed away in drawered cabinets. It was one of my jobs to retrieve images and after a while you became acquainted with the correct cabinet and drawer for the well used ones.

It kept you fit running up and down several flights of stairs all day and at lunchtime you could retire to the canteen on the top floor where they served some wonderful meals at reduced prices.

There were several desks on our floor, I’m just trying to recollect what they were. We had the news desk, features, sport and the children’s free paper staff to name but a few. The most interesting desk was the features desk.

They had a little secret, not a very well kept one but a secret all the same. The men who worked on that desk also ran the Lonely Hearts column or as you may know it the “Personals”. They were a group of three men in ranging in age from about mid 30’s to close to retirement age.

They would brighten their day by placing fake advertisement for companions and then wait for a response. This is the reason I found out about it. I was the one who would collect their mail from the mailbox on the ground floor and take it up to them.

Once I had collected the responses from those responding to the adverts I had to drop them off at their desk. It was just like watching a swarm of seagulls descend upon a discarded chip on the seafront as they reached in to the pile and scooped up a handful of replies from eager, lonely ladies.

I watched from my position on the desk as they passed letters between them, giggling just like little school boys. It was sad really to think that those poor women had probably posted off their letters in the hope that they would be received by an equally lonely man whom they may be able to share a life with.

Instead they were ridiculed by a bunch of over grown school boys with nothing better to do. I hope they all managed to find their Mr Right in the end.

For a first job it was a very interesting one but the money wasn’t very good and I moved on after about a year to a more financially rewarding position but I haven’t really found another position as interesting as one which allows you to read the news before it’s printed, it makes you feel kind of privileged.

Cheap And Sordid Sex

AlexSzue.comI just had a flashback to the days of buying paper porn mags. Remember them?

It isn’t the actual purchasing of the magazines that I remembered, it was the standard of the stories in them. Be they “reader’s letters”, faux investigative journalism about people’s sex lives, or actually billed as erotic fiction, most were pretty awful.

The erotic, no let’s say it pornographic, fiction was often the best as the letters pages were crammed with readers/magazine employees trying to tick all the boxes to satisfy the reader’s need for wank material. So I’m not going to knock the fiction, billed as fiction, that filled a need and you left your disbelief at the door so to speak. But the letters are another thing.

The one that leapt to mind was a story from some “travelling salesman” (cliché alert LOL) who was invited back to a hotel room by this female choir after a concert. The short and the long of it being that they all bounced on his cock (12 of them I think), playing a sort of Russian Roulette, until he shot his load. Then they all did it again.

Like that’s ever going to happen. Like I said, billed as fiction I don’t have a problem with the story, but pretending to be fact spoils the experience.

Stuff like that keeps popping into my head, winding down to Christmas is doing nothing for my concentration.

Strange Thought Four – Sex Toys On Demand

AlexSuzeI have mentioned many times in the past that although my slender colleagues are constantly saying how good they have been. “I was very good today, so I treat myself to one biscuit last night” or “I’ve hardly had anything for my lunch today but tonight we are having a lasagne”. Small amounts of kidology which take place throughout the day.

Don’t get me wrong neither of my colleagues need to loose any weight, they just love to obsess about it and go on guilt trips which need to be soothed by chocolate. Lol Strangely enough I don’t find it necessary to talk about food all day.

We aren’t close to any shops and are visited by a woman with a large Curver tuck box each week. She leaves an polythene box of sweets, biscuits and savoury snacks along with a payment box for collecting your payment for goods eaten inside the box.

It’s a marvellous idea as each item purchased carries a donation to a children’s charity. So even better for the girls…they can eat that chocolate knowing that a child will be benefiting from their purchase. Conscience salved they can enjoy the sweet treat.

The most amusing almost daily routine my other colleagues have is almost like a sketch out of a comedy. One of them will pipe up with “Shall we get something out of the box”. Then they will jump up out of their seats and rush over to the box. Nine times out of ten they will buy something but on the odd occasion they will just lay out the contents on the desk. Study them and then put them back.

Almost as if a look is as good as eating them. 🙂

I’m a good girl and I don’t partake in any of the goodies, not being that interested in chocolate and sweets. Now if they put cheese in their (OMG, that would smell by the end of the week) or even better SEX TOYS.

What a fantastic day we would have. 😉 A small selection of vibes and clit stimulators, with a selection of lubes…Oh, and don’t forget the batteries. And if they had wireless remotes we could control each other’s orgasms from our desks. I’m liking this idea more and more.

I think I have found a niche in the market. Anyone fancy investing?

Single-Minded Sexuality

AlexSuze.comIt’s a commonly held view that men are unsophisticated when it comes to their attitudes toward sex. Frankly I used to take this as a bit of a slight on the half of the human population that I belong to. Nobody likes to be called unsophisticated, it’s one step away from being called stupid.

Being unsophisticated however may not be such a bad thing. Indeed not thinking too much about sex (as opposed to just wanting, seeking out and having sex) may be what defines us as men.

Every man’s partner wants something slightly different from him. Some may want a submissive man, compliant, or even a truly submissive slave to their Master, but on the whole I think what is sought is the more primitive male, full of hormones and maybe a little lacking in recognition of the consequences of his actions. In some ways I see a submissive man as fundamentally more thoughtful about sex and sexuality. Not a hard and fast rule, but from what I’ve learned about submissives their sexuality has a large psychological element, far more than the hormonal and instinctively biased drive of their more dominant counterparts.

A lack of sophistication does not necessarily mean a lack of intelligence. Paradoxically I think my indignation at the belief that men can be unsophisticated is because of my misunderstanding of what a prospective partner wants from their man. The vast majority of people seeking men as partners want someone who will exhibit dominant tendencies, think about and solicit sex from them as often as possible, get protective when they are threatened.

Not being attracted to men myself means that I missed this until very recently. And it was only this afternoon that the realisation resolved itself into this post.

Who’d have thought it?

Television’s Portrayal Of Adult Blogging

AlexSuze, SuzeSonic made a comment on one of yesterday’s posts asking what we thought about the recent Channel 4 documentary “The Sex Blog Girls”. Rather than answer in a comment I thought I’d answer in a more considered manner in a post.

We didn’t remark on the show at the time because quite frankly we thought the programme was pitiful. Its portrayal of adult blogging was almost wholly inaccurate and the ideas they chose to feature were so thin that it could have easily been condensed into a half-hour slot, or less.

What came across was a light-weight programme made by researchers who really should have looked at their job descriptions and actually done some research. The programme’s mini-site at here declared that adult blogging is dead. The programme re-iterated this when it aired. Well sorry “researchers” but there are hundreds if not thousands of genuine adult bloggers out there still writing and thousands of people each day read what we create.

So for the reasons above we chose not to give it any more attention than it deserved.

Frankly though we didn’t expect anything else. TV’s interpretation of anything sexual has to conform to the guidelines laid out by UK law. We have taste and decency guidelines and legislation in this country to ensure that only content suitable for those individuals viewing a transmission is aired. If a director/producer and their team are talented this means they find innovative solutions to the problems posed by the presentation of delicate content. They ensure that a subject is discussed fully and frankly without crossing the boundaries set out for them.

What happened with the “The Sex Blog Girls” is that a TV company got hold of an idea and appeared to decide what their conclusions should be without actually talking to anyone or researching the subject. If this was Channel 4 or the production company is irrelevant, the mistake started there. They then went out and interviewed a few people like Emily Dubberley, Abby Lee (Zoe Margolis) et al and cut together a programme that they believed supported their presumptive conclusion.

I felt sorry for Emily and Abby during the programme as they didn’t seem to be saying a great deal. They appeared a bit wooden as if they’d been wheeled out to do a piece-to-camera and then heavily edited. For women who have been writing for such a long time and would have been teeming with ideas and insicive discourse on the subject of adult blogging they were stilted and repetitive. I can only put this down to the heavy editing that must have been used to filter out all the non-obvious (and therefore interesting) stuff they had to say and leave one of the three premises of the programme; i.e. women are sexual animals too and should be allowed to express it with the same freedom as the other half of the population.

I don’t disagree with that point, no right-thinking person would. To disagree with the idea of sexual equality is to attempt to oppress and suppress one half of the population. If you read the last sentence of the last paragraph out loud it takes about four seconds to say. Not 44 minutes of air time.

The second point was obvious; If your family found out they would be shocked and the effect on the relationship between the blogger and their family, the blogger and their friends, the blogger and their work colleagues would all be irreversibly altered.

No shit Sherlock!

Again I agree but not ground breaking documentary journalism.

Finally there was the “Tabloid Sting”. That would be what? According to the documentary, to paraphrase Zoe, “I received a bunch of flowers saying congratulations on the book”. Somehow the tabloid in question had found her name and address. But the poor lass wasn’t given the opportunity to explain how they found out. Anyone could have given her name to the papers and the documentary didn’t explain what had happened.

To me a tabloid sting is dressing some guy up as a Sheik and nailing crooked arms dealers. Not getting a tip-off about the identity of an author and sending her a bunch of flowers. That’s a hack following leads. The effect was to leave me initially wanting to know what had actually happened for a moment, then thinking “Do I give a monkey’s?”.

And don’t get me started on the repeated shots of skinny girls typing naked on a laptop or the tracking shot of newspaper headlines used three times in the space of ten minutes. Someone ought to tell TV companies that audiences are more sophisticated than that these days. Oh, I just did.

The show was a missed opportunity, which is particularly surprising from Channel 4, a TV channel for whom I have always had a great deal of respect. They have provided some interesting, enthralling and ground-breaking television in the past.

I suppose we’re all allowed a Turkey from time to time especially at Christmas.

Tags: Abby Lee, Zoe Margolis, Girl With A One Track Mind, Channel 4, The Sex Blog Girls, sex blogging, sex blogs, adult blogging, adult blogs, tabloid newspapers, red tops

In Other Words – Fancy a Shag ?

ShakespeareWilliam Shakespeare – Sonnet Number 18

“Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer’s lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft’ is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.”

While Shakespeare is undoubtedly one of the pillars of English language literature, there are alternate ways to say things:

Darlin’ you’re lookin’ gorgeous tonight.
Any chance of a shag?
I’ll respect you and all that afterwards.
And anyway, we’re neither of us getting any younger,
So how about we get married while you’ll still look fit on the wedding photos
All my mates will be fuckin’ green with envy.

Tags: William Shakespeare, Shakespeare, sonnet 18, Shakespeare sonnets

The Truth About Sex Blogs

AlexSuze.comSonic asked us what we thought about the recent Channel 4 documentary “The Sex Blog Girls”. Rather than answer in a comment I thought I’d write a post about it, which I’ll publish tomorrow night. I felt the question deserved a longer answer than a comment would allow.

The documentary solicited very strong feelings from both of us, as blogging is very close to our hearts. This is why we didn’t comment about it earlier, and why I’ll explain our feelings more fully in tomorrow’s post.

Tags: Abby Lee, Zoe Margolis, Girl With A One Track Mind, Channel 4, The Sex Blog Girls, sex blogging, sex blogs, adult blogging, adult blogs, tabloid newspapers, red tops