Monthly Archives: August 2008

Restrained Fucking

Japanese Rope BondageOccasionally you feel that you need to expand the horizons of your relationship with your partner. Try something new, not always something exciting even, just an experience you haven’t shared before.

That’s where Alex and I complement each other perfectly, for you see want to keep the relationship fresh, open, honest and perhaps along the way exciting. No, it is exciting. No two days are the same in the Alex & Suze household.

And so when it was time to select something nice to play with we decided to try a length. 😉 Got you! I mean a length of Doc Johnson’s Japanese Style Bondage Rope in blood red.

We have 32 feet of rope which they claim will not rub or chafe you skin. I was rather glad about that because whilst I do like a little gentle restraint I’m not in to pain of any sort. I’m also not very good at tying knots; the last time I had to do anything with string was at school in an art class, we did some macramé. I made a bottle cover. Lol

I’m guessing if you are a fisherman then you may have a head start on the rest of us novices out here. 🙂

I decided to be Alex’s volunteer in the absence of any other and he was more than eager to tie me up. In fact he remarked that he wished that he had ordered the ball gag too. Needless to say I gave him a good spank for that. He laughed, so I gave him another. I know I’m supposed to be the submissive one but I’m a switch at heart.

For some reason I don’t know why I had conjured up in my head that Alex without any experience whatsoever would be binding me a wonderfully intricate bodice in Shibari. I have seen so many wonderful images of this and it looks beautiful when executed correctly.

On this occasion it was far too ambitious for his first attempt, even if he had been a good boy scout. But that’s me, wanting to run before we can walk. The great thing about doing attempting something like this is that it is a shared, intimate, learning experience.

I removed my clothing, t-shirt, jeans all cast to the floor as I lay on the bed eagerly awaiting Alex’s appearance in the doorway of the bedroom. He entered the room having retrieved the rope from its hiding place. We had visitors earlier in the day and had done a sweep of the house for any incriminating evidence. That being sex toys and other related paraphernalia.

My heart was beating with anticipation as Alex settled on the side of the bed and easing out a length of rope he gently traced it over my naked form. It tickled but at the same time stroked me with its light touch. He danced the rope over my left nipple and I watched as it responded, hardening and jutting out from my breast.

I closed my eyes as he lifted my left foot and began to run lengths of rope around my raised ankle, I felt him tighten the knot. Then he took the other in his hand and repeated the binding process as I lay trying hard to control my breathing, which was becoming more obvious and quickened.

Ankles secured, he took hold of my left hand and I felt him running the rope over the back of my wrist, then underneath, wrapping me several times in the rope before securing it with a knot.

Finally he took my right hand and secured that to the other. I opened my eyes to discover that I had been lightly hogtied, I say lightly because he had allowed adequate space between hands and feet for me to move and feel comfortable.

I had the feeling that he was easing me in to this…

He moved from under my feet and then I realised that I had to lay with my legs raised in order to be able to lay on the bed. It felt slightly uncomfortable and unfamiliar but in a strange kind of way I liked the unfamiliarity of the situation I now found myself in. It gave the experience and edge, a sexual tingle if you like.

As I was getting used to my new situation Alex slipped out of his clothes and stood next to me. This had turned him on too, he was as hard as a rock. I wriggled closer to the edge of the bed and licked the tip of his cock, he tasted good.

I enclose my mouth around his erection and sucked as I ran my tongue over his frenulum. He bucked into my mouth a couple of times and then withdrew and climbed on to the bed below me.

He took hold of the rope stretching between my hands and my feet and lifted me until I was level with his cock and then he plunged my depths. I yelped, with surprise even though I had known this was coming. It felt good to be semi suspended and fucked at the same time.

My rope tethers were so soft and kind to my skin that I felt like I was being secured by hands instead of rope.

Alex had control over me and I liked the idea of relinquishing mine to him. I was awash with come, it’s the only way I can describe just how wet I was. He pulled out a little too far and skidded on my fluid trying to re-enter me, a little toilet tissue had to be used to lap up the surplus before he pushed inside my pussy again.

All my senses seemed heightened and my orgasm came quickly and quite loudly, swiftly followed by Alex.

If you haven’t given rope bondage a try I strongly suggest you do. Don’t try to be too ambitious at first, make the most of the sensual bonding you and your partner develop and go with the flow.

I now need to find a book on beginners bondage, has anyone any suggestions?

Tags: Shibari, bondage rope, Japanese bondage, restraint, BDSM, sex toy review

Sore Nipple

I decided to cook a full Sunday lunch on Saturday. Lol I put a chicken in the oven to roast and some vegetables in the steamer on the hob. They taste so much better steamed and not over-cooked.

Anyway, come time to get the chicken out of the oven I removed it and placed it on the worksurface for Alex to carve.

Meanwhile I decided to drain the potatoes ready for mashing and removed the top two tiers of the steamer placing them on a plate on top of the hob at the front. Silly me then reached over to take hold of the bottom section containing the potatoes and…

…OUCH, FUCKING OUCH!

I only went and leant over the outlet for the steam – and the carrots were in there generating loads of hot steam through the vent.

Still now I can feel just how tender my left nipple is. I think I’m going to need Alex to sooth it for me with his mouth. 😉

Hot Housewife’s Cock Delivery Part 2

Janet looked up at James, his deep brown eyes staring back at her. He was good at that bit, making them think they were special, that he cared. Cared? Not really. Oh they were pleasant enough for the most part and some, like Janet were little goers and without them the job would be somewhat different.

The water from the showerhead was already soaking her shoulder length brown hair, making it cling to her neck, she blinked to disperse the falling droplets from her eyes. He pulled her to him, rubbing his hardening cock on the now damp cotton of her dress. Here nipples and areola were clearly visible through the fabric, hard and prominent. His large muscular hand grasped one enticing mound and gave it a gentle squeeze. She smiled up at him, and pressed her belly against his erection.

Her chest heaved with excitement, a spectacle not lost on James who yearned to rub soap onto the soft flesh of her breasts, massage it round and round, before sliding his cock between them.

But it was Janet who made the next move. She slid to her knees, head level with his groin. With her left hand she cupped his balls, the right stroked him up and down. At first she did just stroke, feeling his contours, the softness of the skin, the ridges of the veins, the firm blood-filled tissue within. Her hand’s gripped tightened and encircled his girth, drawing his foreskin back and forth. Each time she drew it back watching the smooth head of his penis emerge from within its enveloping sheath of skin with increasing excitement.

She kissed the tip of his glans, teased the entrance to his urethra with the tip of her tongue. His hand rested gently on the side of her head, he was resisting the urge to push his cock between her lips, enter her mouth. She enjoyed that, knowing that she could still excite a man, get him going, even if Edward wasn’t interested. She knew there was no feeling between her and James, except perhaps that one might find between acquaintances. A slight affection maybe, she was sure that wasn’t one-sided, but she wasn’t deluding herself it was anything more than a mutually agreeable business transaction.

Janet took the head of his penis into her mouth and sucked on it gently. The feel of it on her tongue filling her mouth was making her heart flutter. She had never let him deep into her mouth, but now she wanted to. He watched his cock disappear between her lips, felt its tip slide across the roof of her mouth, her tongue undulating across the frenulum. It came to rest against her soft palette.

Janet closed her lips tightly around his shaft and threw her head back, raking her teeth down the skin of penis. Then back again drawing him in. This time when he touched the back of her mouth she forced her head towards him trying to squeeze the swollen head of his cock into her throat, eventually giving up, releasing him and gagging. Janet looked up at James, disappointed, he stroked her hair again and everything seemed alright.

Janet began again, this time contenting herself with sucking, licking and nibbling him while his hips gently swayed fucking her mouth. The heat between her thighs was like a furnace, she imaged the water streaming down her boobs turning to steam as it ran between her legs.

She felt a change in his rhythm, a pumping in his groin. His balls, already tight seamed to draw themselves up further. She felt herself, without thinking, sliding her hand towards his ass, sliding her middle finger onto his anus and pressing gently. James let out a surprised gasp which mingled with his orgasmic grunts.

Janet felt her mouth fill with thick warm fluid. She released James’ cock from her mouth, watching, enthralled by the cum still oozing from his tip.

She looked up at him again. He saw the glint in her eye and smiled as she swallowed then licked lips. Her hand took his flagging member and milked it, watching the white droplets fall to the tiled floor and be washed away by the streams of water.

Hot Wife’s Cock Delivery Part 1

“How much!” Edward stared at the total on the invoice in disbelief. “How the hell did she manage to run this account up on groceries? She’s not started on the cooking sherry has she?” It was half joke half serious enquiry.

“I’m afraid we aren’t as cheap as the supermarkets but you must realise that our produce is ethically produced and for the most part organic. From local farms too so its carbon footprint is very … “. Mrs Forsythe’s voice trailed off, Mr Collins wasn’t listening just shaking his head and fumbling in his wallet for his credit card.

“It’s not your fault, she’s signed for all this bloody stuff.” He handed over his card and tapped in his PIN. “And yes your food is very good.” Mr Collins smiled and left.

Mrs Forsyth picked up the phone behind the counter and dialled quickly. Pick up, pick up she thought to herself as she heard Mr Collin’s BMW roar into life and speed off.

“Janet it’s Margaret … You husband’s just been in and he thought this month’s bill was excessive … yes he did pay but he’s a little miffed, mention to him that I called and as a gesture of goodwill I’ll discount next month’s bill by ten percent … you’re welcome, my dear you are such a good customer I wouldn’t want to loose you … yes same as usual, tomorrow at ten. Goodbye.”

~~~

Janet lay on the bed in the master bedroom, naked except for her white camisole and silk kickers. She listened to the sound of Edward clattering around in the walk-in wardrobe.

“Have you seen my new gloves?”

“What new gloves?”

“The ones I bought while I was at Saint Andrews.”

She rolled her eyes, didn’t he have enough golf paraphernalia without a new set of gloves every few weeks, shoes every few months, a new iron … well she had her indulgences.

“It’s alright, I’ve found them.”

She rolled onto her side to face the wardrobe door, D-cup breasts jostling for position, threatening to spill out of her camisole.

Collin emerged and pecked her on the cheek. “See you later dear, about four-ish I think, the captain wants to discuss a few things with me.”

“OK, bye then …” her words were spoken to his back as he trotted out of the bedroom and off to his regular Saturday appointment with his mistress the golf club.

She looked at the clock, 09:35. She had enough time … her hand slipped inside her knickers and onto her mound, trimmed to a Brazilian, neat and tidy. She would have preferred a Hollywood, but then Edward would have had a fit. He was very traditional and it had taken him a while to get used to her waxing as it was. Not that he ever gave it a close inspection.

Her humidity increased, deep in the valley between her thighs, middle finger parting her swelling folds, seeking out the path to joy. Then she stopped herself. No, wait, better to wait.

At ten sharp the doorbell rang, Janet opened the door a few moments later. She had dressed in a thin white cotton summer dress and sandals. “Hello James.” She said with a warm smile. “Bring it through.”

James the store’s delivery boy lugged the large box of groceries through to the kitchen and placed it on one of the granite work surfaces. Janet watched the muscles in his arms as he moved, gliding over one another under his sun-kissed skin. He had on a black T-shirt, blue jeans and white trainers. The T-shirt was too small for him, deliberate she was sure, hugging every curve of his firm, muscular torso, exposing his belly just above the waistband of his jeans.

James began to unpack the box but Janet stopped him “I’ll do that later. Come with me.”. He was surprised, she usually liked to watch him stretch and bend as he put away her purchases.

Today was different. Janet took the twenty year old’s hand and led him to her bedroom.

“Undress.” She instructed, watching as he peeled off his clothes. He smiled, he liked this call, she knew what she wanted and she wasn’t bad looking either. And he liked big breasts. Janet was particularly enticing as she was a petite woman, five feet to his six-two, but blessed with a full chest and responsive nipples.

Janet waited until he stood in front of her, naked and with a gratifyingly swollen cock swinging between his legs. His legs were spread slightly for effect, though the impressive size of his thick, veined cock needed little assistance to solicit a wide-eyed look of appreciation from Janet. She’d seen him undressed more times than she cared to mention but it still thrilled her.

Janet walked up to James, almost touching him, but not quite. She could smell him, sweat, musk, man. “You need a shower.”

She watched as the water streamed down his skin, her view semi-obscured by the shower door. Bubbles following his hands as he applied the soap she had given him to his body. She managed to contain herself for a couple of minutes, the heat between her legs increasing, but soon she could no longer resist the smouldering looks he flashed at her and relented.

She slid back the door of the shower and, still fully clothed stepped inside and into James’ arms.

To be concluded, tomorrow.

Saturday Bukkake Day!

I woke up this morning feeling so horny, if I had possessed a cock it would have been as hard as a rock. 😉 Suze must have had what would be called a wet dream if I was a guy. Between my legs was throbbing and my inner thighs were damp.

Alex was sleeping like a baby, it was about 7.30am. I know it was early but I tried in vain to get back to sleep for a while longer as we rise early in the week for work. But I just couldn’t settle and besides I wanted “IT”.

He was laying on his side facing me and at first I pondered about giving him a gentle kiss on the lips to wake him and then reveal to him that I wanted to fuck his brains out. I decided to go for the far more subtle option.

I slowly and carefully eased myself under the duvet as not to wake him. When I reached his groin I felt around in the dark until I found his cock. Bugger! The end was trapped between his legs.

Only one thing for it. I started to gently glide my hand over his stomach in a carefree way, just stroking him gently. Then I went for it, I moved my hand down to his groin and ran my fingers over the base of his cock.

That worked he sleepily moaned and opened his legs to allow me to free him. I think at this point he was semi awake but kept his eyes closed taking advantage of the situation. Don’t tell him I said that but I’m sure he was. 😉

I began to massage his cock against his groin, rolling him gently, slowly. He responded well to my ministrations and within minutes he was becoming firm. He was now hard enough for me to wank.

Before I started I took the end of his cock in to my mouth and coated it with saliva and then backed off to let my hand do the work. I slid his foreskin back and forth slowly, he liked that. 😉 Another moan issued from him.

I speeded up my hand movement and he began to fuck my hand.

That cock was now coursing with blood and sticking out like an arm. I wriggled over to him and took him into my mouth. Immediately Alex started to fuck me and I coughed as he caught the back of my throat in his eagerness.

Just a few minutes and I’ll get on all fours, point my ass at him and ask him to slide in, I though to myself.

I pursed my lips around his cock, pulling his foreskin back with each push inwards. I placed my tongue underneath to massage his frenulum and he fucked away at me. My cheeks sank in as I sucked down hard on that erect cock.

Alex was now between my legs, opening my thighs to gain entry. I felt the warm softness of his tongue on my clit as he flicked it, teased it, made it swell. I moaned my appreciation as best I could from his groin.

I grasped his buttocks and pushed him towards my mouth, making him fuck me faster. It felt so erotic, so damn dirty sucking him off that I completely forgot about him fucking me. I was enjoying this too much to stop now.

My hands had a firm grip on his ass and I began to move my head up and down his hard shaft.

“Suze! Stop I’m going to come”, he shouted from between my legs.

But I couldn’t stop myself and then…

…spurt, spurt…spurt, I felt the ricochet of his ejaculation hitting the roof of my mouth. Then I coughed as one hit the very back. I could taste him, smell him, I wanted to devour him.

As we both stood in the bathroom waiting for the sink to fill with water I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I had a crispy white coating over my top lip. Now I wonder what that was. 😉

She’ll Show Her Pussy to Anyone

Britain seems to have a dual personality, especially when viewed from outside. On the one hand there’s the “British reserve”, stiff upper lip and all that. On the other there’s Benny Hill. Alright Benny Hill and the rest of the Music Hall style comedy that populated the TV of the 50s, 60s, 70s and to a lesser extent 80s.

So at one end of the scale we have what would be regarded by non-Brits as Victorian values, and at the other extreme is a music hall tradition that encompasses Pantomime and End Of The Pier shows.

I think I’ve touched on this before when I mentioned Kenny Everret, specifically his character Cupid Stunt. Looking back now the spoonerism is obvious. But in my defence I was young and naïve. Kenny was an incredible figure, a rebel and in his own way very anti-establishment. He started off in pirate radio and while he did land a job with the BBC got himself sacked because of a quip about Margaret Thatcher. From memory it was along the lines of “When we had an Empire we had an Empress, when we had a Kingdom we had a King, now we have Maraget Thatcher we have a Country.” Check him out on Wikipedia if you want to know more.

Kenny is not alone, both in irreverent, highly camp, comedy steeped in sexual innuendo of the sledgehammer kind.

UK readers will remember Larry “Shut that door” Grayson. My abiding memory is of him on “The Generation Game”, were his constant anecdotes about his fictional friends Everard, Slack Alice and a postman called ‘Pop it in Pete’. Not sophisticated but for their time very funny and quite brave as homophobia was rife. When Larry first began his act as a stand-up and drag artist homosexuality was illegal in England so basing your living on being gay was quite brave to say the least.

On the subject of innuendo and me being as thick as a plank, how about Molly Sugden as Mrs Slocombe? If you’ve seen “Are You Being Served” you’ll know the drill. Her entire character was based around a working class shop assistant with aspirations to bettering herself. She had an affected middle class accent that would disappear if she was shocked/upset/ angry or otherwise off her guard. That in itself was, I think, the genius part of Molly’s charactrisation. But she was really famous for the continuous stream of jokes about her Pussy. Of course as a child I always assumed it was a cat. So we had “stroking my pussy”, “showing so-and-so my pussy”, “my pussy drives him wild” and “damp pussy” jokes galore, before the 9 o’clock watershed.

Not all British performers are what they seem though. Remember Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf in Lord Of The Rings, or as Richard III, or now as Lear? Well you might be interested to know that he has another passion, putting on a frock and playing a pantomime dame. Now there’s someone truly at home with themselves. (he’s the one on the left)

Public Cock Worship

Suze found this image ages ago. I think it’s from Amsterdam judging by the buildings behind, though I can’t be sure. Why is it we don’t have public art like this in the UK? Well, I suppose it could frighten the horses.

I’ve seen “art” that is more obscene though. Tracy Emin’s “Bed” and Damien Hurst’s “For The Love Of God” for example. The former because of the total lack of talent and inspiration and the latter for its innate smugness at the ability to produce such a pointless object when there are people starving in the world.

Tags: Tracy Emin, Damien Hurst, For The Love Of God

My Girl On Girl Desires

Olivia LeeIt doesn’t happen very often but occasionally I will see a girl I fancy, she could be in a car, walking on the street or behind the counter of a department store. Oh and lets not forget the latest of Suze’s beauties… the girl in the sandwich shop.

Last night it was on television, I know nothing like falling for the assessable. Lol We were watching a program called Olivia Lee’s Naughty Bits on Channel Four and I just couldn’t help but be charmed by her. How she managed to pull off the situations in this comedy in this hidden camera show I don’t know. I would have cracked in to a smile, there is no way I could have kept my face straight.

Yes Olivia is an attractive, vivacious, intelligent and humorous young lady, the perfect combination for me. And I nearly forgot, she is a redhead too. 😉

As I write this I am trying to find out more about her, I believe she appeared in a show called Balls Of Steel prior to this show. She has that spark which ingnites my fire. How I would love to take her to my bed and show her the wonders of bisexuality.

I’m just visualising Alex’s face if I brought her home. 😉

Tags: Olivia Lee, Olivia Leigh

Porn From The Posty

I got home tonight and found two items on the doormat that made me consider the sort of deliveries that we get these days. Most of our bills are paid online so we don’t get much paper correspondence. Our friends communicate either face-to-face, on the phone or via email and so the vast majority of our mail consists of junk … and one other type of mail.

Porno-Mail

We have packages full of toys, naughty magazines, letters from our online partners and tonight a jiffy bag stuffed with lubes, cleansing wipes and a surprise free toy from one of our newest associates.

In addition to that I got a letter the solicitor acting on behalf of one of the publishing houses we’re involved with.

Quite different from the boring rubbish we used to get.

However while most people are careful about what appears on the outside of the envelopes, we got one yesterday that really pissed me off. A press agency had addressed a letter to me, but with the name of one of the bloody sites just under my name! Which reminds me, I have a strongly worded email to write.

Just one of the perils of porn 😛

Wet Pantines At Lunch

Today the weather changed for the better, it has been changeable lately mostly showers and dull days but today the sun came out. Along with it came an uplift in my spirit, it’s amazing how the weather can affect your outlook.

The morning passed uneventfully at work and I left the office as I normally do to go and get a sandwich at the greasy spoon. My muse wasn’t in today, do you know she has the clearest sky blue eyes and a lovely smile… 🙂

I bought my sandwich and returned to the car which I park in a quiet residential bay close by. Sandwich finished I felt like something else. No a cake or anything like that, I felt a little bit like some naughtiness.

As I reached for the glove box and the small collection of toys I keep in there, I realised that I had cleaned the car over the weekend and whilst sorting out the interior I had removed all its contents. Bugger!

No point in looking for my small vibe or my clit stimulator because they were at home. I could have kicked myself as I mumbled “dick head” under my breath.

Then as if by magic, it occurred to me that I have fingers and what are they for? What did I use before clit stimulators and vibrators. 😉 You get so used to reaching for the appropriate adult toy to fulfil your needs that you forget that you have perfectly formed tools for the job on the end of your arms. Lol

I turned on the radio and pushed back against the seat, allowing my legs to part and my bottom to slide forward. A quick look round to check if anyone was around and I started to push my skirt up with my fingers giggling to myself at the thought of pleasuring myself.

My panties were soon hitched to one side, g-strings are good for that. 😉 I was warm and moist, the gusset of my thong was wet as I pushed it towards my left thigh. For some strange reason using my fingers instead of the clit vibe I normally use made me feel even more aroused than normal.

The feel of my own touch instead of silicone was very arousing. I located my clit with my right middle finger, it was swollen and engorged I couldn’t miss it. 😉 A moan escaped my lips as I began to move my clit from side to side and my eyes closed.

I opened them again quickly, checking the area around the car…nobody was around. Good! My clit was enlivened and more sensitive than when I first started to play with it. I ran my finger around in circles pressing slightly as I went. My nerve endings began to fire and I was becoming very wet.

To enhance the stimulation I increased the speed of my clit circles, that did the trick. I could feel the tingling in my feet and the base of my spine. It was close to coming. A few more rubs from side to side and it happened. An earth moving, breath taking, leg shaking orgasm exploded within me.

My hand was wet with my own cum as I gave my clit one last roll. It was too much, the sensitivity made my body jolt and me hold my breath. Another clitgasm was out of the question.

It was a good job, the clock was telling me it was time to go back to work. Then I realised that there were no tissues in the car either. I licked my fingers clean, pulled down my skirt and adjusted myself.

Right, work here I cum…

Perfect Porn Browser

Have you ever been a little nervous about using your browser, just in case your spouse, sibling or work colleague happens to check up on you? Well, you can now browse porn to your heart’s content. Well, so long as your place of work doesn’t monitor your activity via their firewall/proxy server, because Microsoft want to help you browse porn!

Yes you read that right. I came across this a few days ago. The next version of Internet Explorer will have a special “Porn Mode”, officially it’s called “InPrivate Browsing” and allows you to control how much if any of your browsing history is saved and what cookies are discarded at the end of your browsing session.

Of course there are good reasons for this enhancement to IE8. Some sites drop tracking cookies on your PC to track your browsing habits and with the last few versions of IE you’ve not been able to manually remove them from the cookie database as you could in earlier versions because Microsoft decided to lock them away for security reasons. Now you can apparently delete specific parts of your browser history and individual cookies too.

But let’s face it, what do you think that “InPrivate Browsing” will be used for most of the time?

Phone Sex 21st Century Style

I was never one to try and impress the ladies when I was growing up.

Did you spot the lie there? I’m a bloke so it’s obvious that I was genetically predisposed to try and impress the ladies. However I was somewhat unconventional, preferring indirect methods and unusual fashion sense to woo the opposite sex. It was only by shear chance that I acquired a sportscar and drew attention to myself that way. It was cheap I was in the trade and it made sense. It was also bloody good fun.

The fast car is of course one of the standard ways in which the male of the species attempts to impress girls and entice them to drop their knickers. In my case it was a happy side effect of my business activities, but for some guys, especially now because of higher disposable income, it seems to be one of the three things they aspire to.

There are clothes, cars and the final element that seems to have become the must-have part of anyone’s attire – the mobile phone.

I was never into clothes either and my dress-sense was a little odd and out of step with the time. And the cell phones? Well they appeared only at the end of my adolescence and were far too expensive to even aspire to, even if they had been at all sexy.

Now is different. I know people who change their phones as often as their underwear. So is that sexy?

Do women find guys with the latest Nokia, Motorola or Erickson to be irresistible? Would you dump someone if their phone had a crap camera?

Just asking?

Sexy Underwear

I fervently believe that schools ought to teach underwear as a subject. To both boys and girls.

Why? Well consider these facts.

Boys don’t get near any girl’s underwear until long after they have developed an interest in it and its occupant. They therefore have some very peculiar misconceptions about what constitutes pretty, alluring, sexy and slutty. All of these things have their place in a relationship, but getting them confused is not desirable.

For many guys the following equivalences apply for women’s underwear.

Pretty = Something pink with flowers on
Alluring = Nekkid
Sexy = Something black, preferably with stockings
Slutty = Something black and crotchless

Alright that might be an exaggeration and wild generalisation, but you know what I mean.

As for men’s underwear, a word of advice. Posing pouches with elephant’s ears are funny to your partner, briefly, about 300 milliseconds to be exact. In no way are they sexy.

So what about girls. If you’re after adolescent boys, underwear is easy, they’re so busy trying to get it off they’ll not notice it. You could wear threadbare “Brigitte Jones” knickers and they wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

However when in a relationship you must teach them one thing; If they insist on buying you underwear for every birthday, Valentine’s and Christmas, MAKE SURE THEY KEEP THE RECEIPT.

For any guys out there here’s why. You will probably get the wrong size, it will probably be uncomfortable and it may restrict your lady’s blood circulation so much that they risk loosing a limb.

If your man’s trainable then great but if they can only remember one thing, get them to remember the receipt.

Anyway, that was supposed to be a quick introduction to the piece I was going to write which was …

Is it just me or is there nothing like the satisfaction you get from being able to deftly unhook a woman’s bra with one hand whilst your other hand is on her thigh and your tongue’s down her throat?

It’s the surprise she expresses if you do it skilfully I think. Very rewarding. Fumbling about with two hands is sweet when you’re a kid, but the feeling of a sudden loosening of the straps and a pair of breasts spilling forth, unleashed so to speak does take some beating.

Girl With A One Track Mind

Since Alex and I started writing for this site in 2005 it has slowly taken us both over. Blogging is now a lifestyle, we work all day and in the evening sit at our desks writing…that is when we aren’t shagging of course.

And as we found recently when we attended the Passion show in London the whole thing is addictive. We didn’t take a laptop with us and spent brief periods during the evening wishing we had, mainly to report back to you all that our hotel was the worst we have ever stayed in. For the full story you can search our posts I’m sure you will find it.

I even think differently to how I used to just a few years ago. I will note key events during my day so that I can tell you all about them, immediately analysing whether it would make a worth piece to post up here.

In short I think more like a journalist and reporter bringing you all the dirty details straight to your computer.

All of these changes in me I had become aware of but what happened today was a little scary…well, not scary but concerning.

I had booked an appointment for one of our staff at a clients and he called me up to say that he wondered if I had got the address details correct. The address I had sent him out to was on the system as Blogborough Crescent.

As he told me I had to stifle my laughter. This is indicative of just how much time I do spend writing for the site. The proper address was Bilborough Road. Lol

I’m going to have to pay more attention aren’t I. 😉

Dirty Talk On TV

Si and Dave are The Hairy Bikers, reincarnated in their latest series the Hairy Bakers. Nice play on words there boys. From anyone else I would say it was a corny title for a new programme that combines baking and biking but Dave and Si are such good fun to watch and posses a wicked and subversive sense of humour that I can forgive them most things.

I mention them because they are prone to lace their programs with less than subtle sexual innuendo. Harmless enough so your granny can watch and spread thinly throughout the programmes to ensure you’re always listening intently for the next one.

What you can and can’t say on TV varies from country to country and by the transmission time of the programme. However we seem to have reasonably liberal attitudes and broadcasting codes in the UK, especially when compared with the US. I remember Huey from The Fun Lovin’ Criminals appearing on “Never Mind The Buzzcocks” and being at first amazed and then hugely excited when he found out he could use pretty much any profanity on British TV except the word cunt. The show descended into a two minute tirade of good natured swearing as he exercised his new found freedom.

However yesterday morning on the BBC’s breakfast news show I heard the best piece of sexual innuendo I’d heard on TV for a long time. Bill Turnbull, made a good humoured but cheeky remark to one of the presenters on OB. Sian Williams promised to reprimand him later in private and gave him such a naughty look.

There is one place on British TV where swearing and adult naughtiness is still frowned upon though. “The One Show”. It’s as pure as the driven snow, virginal and free from controversy. I.E. it’s becoming boring. OK so I’m not in the target demographic but the only amusement I get from that show these days is when one of the production team books a slightly dangerous guest who then drifts off the sugar-coated content that the producers pre-ordained and looks like they might mention one of the taboo subjects – like sex or anything that isn’t smiley-smiley nicey-nicey.

I suppose not all TV shows can have the wicked sense of fun that the bikers have.

Tags: Hairy Bikers, Bill Turnbull, Sian Williams, The One Show, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, Fun Luvin Criminals, Fun Lovin Criminals

Short Skirt, Frantic Fuck

Khaki SkirtWhen we first moved in together we began to experience each other “full-on” for the first time. We’d been an item for a while, but moving into our “You know we can only just afford this” first flat together was an intense experience.

First of all was the moving day. Although the flat was furnished, with some pretty seedy furniture, we had to move all our gear into it. It was at the top of a long flight of stairs that bridged a gully from the carpark to our flat. There was no other way in except for the fire escape, which was internal to the building and exited via the flat downstairs. So we couldn’t use that.

The upshot of all this was that we were well and truly tired out from tramping up and down stairs with bags and boxes, interspersed with trips to our former digs in Suzanne’s small, battered hatchback. In addition the flat was filthy, the previous tenant obviously ignorant to the dark arts of domestic duties and basic hygiene. So we had a lot of cleaning to do just to make the place liveable.

While I was eager to exploit our newly acquired privacy, and therefore bonking opportunities, I didn’t expect to see any action that night. We crawled into bed around eleven-ish I think. I fully expected a kiss, a grope and g’night.

I didn’t count on Suze. She felt my cock grow hard as she pressed against me and persuaded me, without much effort, into a goodnight shag. This set the tone for the whole of our 15 months in the flat.

That is not what I wanted to write about, this is …

A few weeks after arriving Suze started unpacking some old clothes, and so did I. There’s something about dressing up that does it for me. I love it when Suze gets made up and puts on something a little bit out of the ordinary. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, just different, or incongruous. Don’t ask me why, it just works.

I’ll save what I found in my bags and boxes for another time. For now, this is what Suze pulled out of the dressing up box J

She was rummaging about, deciding what to put in the limited drawer and wardrobe space and what should stay in bin liners to be consigned to a pile in the corner of our bedroom. You know how it is, weeks after you move you’re still unpacking and finding things that you thought were lost forever.

A bundle of green fabric fell onto the floor. “What’s that?” I asked.

“Just some old clothes”

“Let’s have a look then.” I have a thing about green, it’s my favourite colour. Expecially khaki-green.

Suze held up the green top with black polka dots and a khaki green skirt. A short skirt, a very short skirt. I grinned.

“Put them on.”

“I’m busy”

“Pleeeeaaassee” I begged, “I’ll make a cuppa while you get changed.”

Suze relented. When I returned she was dressed in the two items of clothing and some white panties. I knew about the panties as she gave me a twirl and the skirt rose up to reveal them, laid across her firm ass cheeks.

I was already a little hot under the collar from the anticipation of what she would look like in the outfit, but standing wearing only those three items of clothing in our new bedroom was more than enough for me to feel the familiar rush of rising desire.

The skirt, even at rest, was only an inch or so below minge-base. Very provocative.

Her nipples stood proud atop perfectly formed pert breasts, the light cotton fabric of the polka dot top allowing me to see every detail. I placed the cups on the floor next to the bed and took her in my arms.

“You like them then?” She asked. I held her tight, my imprisoned erection pressing into her through my trousers. “That’ll be yes then.” She smiled and ran her hand around from my back to caress and tease the bulge in its fabric shroud.

My hand slipped down her back and onto her ass. I leant forward and kissed her, both of us knowing this was a prelude to some extra laundry.

I reached under her skirt to stroke her full firm ass. I gathered her panties in my hand and pulled them up tight into the crack of her ass, forcing the fabric to make contact with her anus and stretch across her mons. “Oooh” She exclaimed approvingly.

One of her hands stroked my back, under my T-shirt, the other let its fingers play on my neck while we continued to kiss.

Suze broke away and unfastened my trousers. The belt buckle clanked as it hit the floor. I sprang to attention, having chosen to go commando as it was late spring, summer approaching fast. I was glistening with pre-cum, always too good to resist and Suze didn’t.

She spent a few moments licking the tip of my cock as I resisted the urge to push myself into her mouth. I pulled her to her feet and pushed her towards the bed. But not on it, with a gentle push I indicated that she should kneel next to it.

I pushed her forward, and shuffled forward myself, trousers still shackling my ankles. She was laid on the bed, head to one side, skirt up exposing her white underwear, a damp gusset inviting my attention.

I dropped to my knees then pulled the soaking panties to one side. I pushed the tip of my cock against her hot opening, sliding past her panties, enjoying the feeling of them restricting my entry, yet knowing that our mutual states of lubrication would prevent any nasty friction injuries.

We exchanged no words, just animal noises, moans and groans, oohs and aahs. Slowly at first, with no acrobatics, or huge feats of endurance, or astounding displays of sexual ingenuity I brought us both to orgasm. The sight of Suze beneath me, fully clothed in unusual garb, sweating slightly as we approached orgasm was such a turn on. She lay, a willing participant but almost subservient to me. Not raped but definitely eager to be ravished.

I was perspiring too, the heat, the exertion and the fact that I was clothed, save for my half discarded trousers caused beads of sweat on my back. My T-shirt began to stick to me. It felt elicit, naughty, very, very sexy to be clothed, in the middle of the afternoon, with the curtains open, screwing Suze over the bed.

Suze had abandoned herself to me. I later found she had dribbled on the quilt cover. She’d simply let herself go, allowed me to fuck her until she came. When she did come it was with a low moan, half muffled by the quilt. I had held back until than and let my orgasm burst forth.

Our fluids mixed, our bodies met again and again as my hips slapped against her ass time and again. My crotch was almost as wet as hers, the combined fluids of our love-making dribbling and splashing over us, the bed and our clothing.

Well worth a bit of extra washing I think you’ll agree. And all from playing in the dressing up box. So don’t ever grow up. Follow your inner child if you want some fun. I can highly recommend it.

Cock Maid Required

When I was younger I wasn’t a girlie girl, I’m still not. I had no interest in dolls or the usual things that girls “should” do Oh, that is apart from dressing up I’ve always enjoyed that. 😉 Still do.

Instead I prefered to join in at football or riding my bike on the dirty track near to my home along with the boys. Or even a game of kiss catch…I was a bloody good runner back then. Lol

I remember wearing my mothers bra and stuffing it with cotton wool balls until I achieve the required shape, pulling on a jumper and then looking at myself in the mirror. In later years I would borrow her clothes, she was very trendy and we were both the same size.

But there is one colour you would not catch me dead in and that’s…

…pink! I hate it, for me it symbolises the traits I find repulsive in women. Squeaky voices and acting dumb, these attributes really turn me off. Women these days have never had so many opportunities to be strong and independent and yet there are still the Playboy Mansion type girls out there who want to be seen to be childlike.

No, there is no way I could even pretend to be like those girls living with Heff and don’t get me wrong most of those girls know exactly what they are doing and one in particular (his favourite) has a very good business head on her shoulders.

Suze just wasn’t a pink girl. And along with the pink girl came the interest in horses. I for one have never been drawn to them. Just once did I attempt to ride on a friends horse and it took no notice of my attempts to steer it. In the end it got pissed of with me trying and made its way back in to the stables with me still on its back. Lol

I had the grazes running down the underside of my chin and neck for days to prove the me and horses just don’t mix. So after that event it was hardly surprising that I just could not see the point in the My Little Pony brigade.

That was until just a few days ago. Alex was working on site for a customer and got chatting with a member of staff about her interest in horses. She apparently owns her own. They were talking about her horse for some time and I’m not sure how they got on to the subject but she told him something I have never heard before.

She Not only grooms her horse but she has to clean its dick too. I nearly wretched just thinking about it when he told me. But yes, apparently they have to clean a horse’s cock if it is not a stud horse because it gets gunked up. I can just hear you all going Errrrrrrgh! Lol

Now it all makes sense why some of my friends enjoyed horse riding so much. We were all eager to see what a cock looked like. They must have been in for quite a shock when they saw their first boyfriend’s 😉

Stripped Naked

Michelle BarrettThe nice people at Television X have decided that it would be a good idea to let you guys ask one of their top stars a few probing questions. Allowing you to uncover her deepest secrets 😉

Is there something that you’ve always wanted to ask? Dare you pose that naughty question? Well it couldn’t be easier to do.

The star in question is Michelle Barrett. Michelle B is one of TVX’s most experienced performers so I’m sure you’ll think of lots of exciting things to ask her.

Follow this link and leave your question for Michelle. If it’s chosen you’ll received a signed photo of Michelle complete with a personal message just for you.

Have fun!

Tags: Michelle Barrett, Michelle B, TelevsionX, porn star competition, porn star give away

Raging Inferno of Kinky Leather Boots

Here’s a post that you probably never thought you’d read. LOL

I was recently lent a copy of an old Doctor Who adventure “Inferno”. It stars John Pertwee as the Doctor (Father of Sean) and is from a time before I watched Doctor Who on TV. I was therefore very interested to see the Doctor’s companion Liz. Sadly despite being a very nice lady Liz Shaw, played by Caroline John, is not an Uber-Babe. However she does have one very laudable and almost unique trait amongst the early Doctor Who companions – that of being able to do something other than scream. She is intelligent in her own right and is an accomplished scientist.

The thing about the “Inferno” serial is this. The Doctor travels to a parallel universe, stay with me on this the sex comes soon, where Liz isn’t a scientist but a leather booted severe military type who forms part of the parallel universe’s Fascist-styled armed forces. Even the Brigadier looks like he would be at home in General Franco’s Spain.

Here’s the kinky bit. I prefer the Liz in Kinky boots.

This may be for a number of reasons, she’s got black hair in the alternative kinkyverse, she’s got a shorter skirt and she has real authority. In the real universe she’s intelligent (always a plus for me) and her own woman, but she’s also subservient to men by dint of the time during which the story is set, i.e. 1970s.

I have no wish to be dominated, not my thing, but put Suze in Liz’s uniform and I’d have jumped on her like a shot.

I even get naughty thoughts thinking about Doctor Who … whatever next.

Stockings and Pantyhose

A name I had never heard before last night was Elmer Batters. He’s apparently a photographer who took pictures of women in nylons and kind of pioneered stocking and pantyhose fetish before anyone else. Well, if his Wikipedia entry is to be believed

Sorry if that sounded a bit cynical but sometimes Wiki stuff is a bit dubious in its origin so I have to corroborate things before I’m absolutely happy.

Hang on a minute,Google calls …

… well inconclusive so far there are references to the guy but it’s difficult to work out exactly what he did. OK, that may be due to the fact that I’ve drunk too much, hic, I’ll throw this one out to you guys. Anyone know anything about Elmer Batters?

If you want to read a guy who’s a fan of Elmer and loves his retifistic images, you ought to click here.