Monthly Archives: January 2009

Heaving And Groaning

As we were in the area today we toddled off to the adult shop to swap a DVD. It was only a flying visit but we couldn’t believe our eyes when we got in there. The place was packed.

Normally it’s either empty or we share it with just a couple of other people. Often staff outnumber the customers. However today the place was packed with customers, and they weren’t just looking. They were actually buying. Leaving aside that they could have bought more cheaply online it really does show that the credit crunch is either not biting yet or is changing people’s habits from going out to find a good time to staying in :o)

Of course we couldn’t help but watch the punters closely and resisted the urge to start advising on buying decisions. We’d have got ourselves chucked out. After all it’s best to keep your mouth shut when you feel like saying “Don’t buy that vibe, such and such is far better, and cheaper …” it upsets the staff.

It was most difficult to keep ourselves quiet when the couple in front of us at the checkout couldn’t decide whether the vibrators they had just bought were the right ones. Suze was hopping from foot to foot but a warning look from me told her it would be a bad idea to wade in.


Sexy Valentine

Just in case anyone out there had forgotten, it’s only two weeks until Valentines Day. Valentines Day may be about love, but of course the expression of that love may be physical or to put it another way, sex.

So in our modern and much more up-front world Valentines day is synonymous with sex and sexuality. This can make it difficult to know where to draw the line with your Valentines Day message to your partner. Too luvy-duvy and they may think you’re a bit slow, too explicit and they may think you believe they’re a bit too easy.

Of course when you’ve been living together for a while that ceases to be a problem, but do you still send each other cards? Or presents? Well we send cards and before money became a big problem we used to send prezzies. We still would if we had the cash.

What about you guys.

If you’re a little stuck as to what to get for your partner you could pop across to our Sex Toys Buzz Sex Toy Giveaway. If you sign up for the newsletter before tonight at midnight (GMT) you’ll be entered into this month’s draw – The prize? A gorgeous Valentines Day Adult Gift combo. Click here for details.

Men Can’t Help Acting On Impulse

Some impulses really should be suppressed.

I’m not against a bit of anal exploration, done carefully, with the right sex toy and plenty of lube it can be fun if you’re male or female. There are times when you have to ask “What the hell were they thinking?”

This site was both alarming and amusing, the Impulse deodorant can was probably the most risible.

Now of course some of the images, X-rays and what have you, that you se online are just fake. However some aren’t and the one that I witnessed myself showed the dangers of not selecting your anal toy carefully.

A colleague of mine once prodded me and said “Take a look at this”. He handed me his mobile phone, on it was a picture that that his wife had MMSed him. It was an X-Ray of a guy with a broken vibrator up his ass. She was a radiographer and had snapped the image from her monitor.

Anal sex toys are designed specifically for anal stimulation. Going hard at it with a toy that’s not quite up to the job is just asking for trouble.

Fuck Me Shoes At A Price!

Vivier ShoesI know it seems to have become a bit of a tradition that girls collect shoes but I have never been one to follow the norm. For me shoes are practical, yes I like to have heels to go out in, trainers to exercise and walk in. I’m more of a practical girl. Why do I need loads of shoes which will cost a fortune and sit in my wardrobe most of the time.

Busty at work revealed to me the other day that she has more than a hundred pairs of shoes. In fact so many that she was having to invest in a stacking method to get them all to fit in her closet.

You have to ask is it really necessary to have that many. It reminded me a little of people on social networking sites who have to collect friends to boost their self worth. To prove how popular they can be.

Is this compensating for something? I don’t know. Do we have any psychologists in the house?

And to be honest it maddens me to read just how much we spend on things which don’t matter like handbags, clothing and shoes.

So you can imagine how I reacted to this totally tasteless pair of shoes when I read this article.

Surely you have to be a fuck wit to think they either look good or are worth that kind of money. 🙂

He Broke My Pussy

Today I was naughty – I wagged work or for those who haven’t a clue what I meant by that, I didn’t go in and feigned illness. Yesterday we had an annual meeting which introduced me to a concept of my new roll. Rather than someone having the balls to speak to me directly it was blurted out during a “this is what we are doing in 2009” meeting.

I can tell you I was well pissed without going in to too much detail. It seems that major changes to my role within the company are being passed on to me via conversations with other members of staff or in this case a general meeting.

Right now I have that cleared off my chest.

So, today I spent the day job hunting. To be honest I would stand more of a chance hunting big game. There is nothing out there at the moment. Typical I need to move and the bloody country slips in to recession.

My time was divided between working for the sites and calling up agencies. At least I feel like I have made some moves in the right direction.

Then came the evening. We were both knackered laying side by side in bed watching a bit of porn. It was a good scene actually, Petra Joy and Jay Snake (Yum, Yum!) In the scene was rather unusually for a porn film, fucking her with a chin dildo whilst licking and fingering her.

I must say they look strange but so useful for multi tasking….

…Oh yes. I suddenly became aware that Alex had started to wank himself under the duvet. I must have been so captivated by Mr Snake that I hadn’t noticed and the next thing I know he is throwing off the duvet and sporting a very nice hardon.

At this point I spread my legs to allow him to kneel between my legs. Once he moved in to place I Wet my fingers and ran them up my slit. As soon as my fingers vacated my labia Alex sidled in pushing his cock against my opening. Popping me as he pushed deeper.

He took my legs and placed my ankles either side of his head, giving me full penetration. OUCH! I cried as he rammed his cock in to me and bounced off my cervix. I adjusted my position to lengthen my vaginal passage.

Then he started to fuck me fast and furious, his need to come matching mine with every thrust. I placed my hands on his sides and pulled him in to me, loosening my grip on the retraction, eager to pull him back in to me at the height of outward motion.

I started coming and verbalised my body’s reaction to him. He gripped his teeth together, threw his head back and released inside me with a restrained howl. The last drops of come drained from him as he spasmodically twitched and then fell on the bed to the side of me.

Moments later we were in the bathroom cleaning up and I felt a slight sting as the soap worked its magic. When we were cleaned up I asked Alex to take a look at my pussy.

He found a small tear in my left inner labia. That explained the stinging I was now getting. It appeared that I had ripped my labia whilst fucking.

Has that happened to anyone else? Or am I the lucky one. Owww!

When I Fucked The Teacher

Lucy PinderApologies to Abba for that one. When I was at school my O-Level biology teacher was female. Boy was she female. I would fantasise about her quite regularly. The big joke was of course that we were looking forward to her giving the sex-ed practical. Alas it never cam eto pass, for some reason LOL.

Suffice to say that my school biology teacher was the sort of fresh-out-of-college dark haired and nicely curvy woman that made the perfect masturbation fantasy.

I mention her because I was just in the shower and she popped inot my head. No, not because I was cracking one off, but it occurred to me that while there are certain educational establishments across the world that offer courses in sexology and similar subject I’ve never seen one that offers a degree in adult.

Porn and the adult industry in general is just as valid an occupation as any other. You can get a qualification in “Tourism Management” or “Hospitality”, why not a degree in “Sex Toys” or “Adult Industry Studies”?

There’s an increasing demand for adult material, films and shall we say, personal products. Like all industries you need to know that the people you’re employing know what they’re talking about and meet certain standards.

Oxford, Cambridge, Edinburgh, you know it makes sense, put it in the curriculum today.

Porn At The Office

AlexSuzeNow I must be working for the wrong company because there is no way that any of the staff where I work (with the exception of the IT guy) would get away with viewing online porn. Not only are our PC’s accessible via PcAnywhere but the offices have CCTV.

I want to know just how you can get away with it because I want a job like that. 😉

Proof point have provided some interesting data relating to 400 responses from UK office workers including, 33% admitting they view inappropriate material at their desks and only 7% had been caught doing it. Their IT staff aren’t very vigilant. Lol

More than half of the group confessed to returning to the office drunk after a lunch in the pub, with a further 59% being taken ill in the office due to a hangover.

Now this is an interesting and poingnant one, 62% of office workers questioned admitted to having an office fling. Not that I would do anything like that. 😉

And a further 28% couldn’t stay awake and fell asleep at their desk despite the lure of alcohol and pornography.

Email also came under scrutiny with 54% committing a faux pas of pressing the “reply all” on a company email when their response wasn’t for all to see. And a quarter of workers had accidentally emailed work colleagues saucy comments intended for a lover.

I’m certainly working for the wrong company, how about you?

I Love Fucking Butt

Anal Sex GameAlex and I are opened minded when it comes to sex, as they say we are willing to try most things. If you had asked me a few years ago if I would like being tied down and fucked or gently whipped with a rubber flogger, the answer would have been a resounding no.

I suppose in a way we were vanilla with a little twist and that twist has found its own way as a result of our sexuality blogging. And I truly believe that our relationship has blossomed and flourished as a direct result of the adult world in which we thrive.

That said there are still some lines I will not cross be it mentally or physically. Sex just doesn’t seem to gel with some things in life, children or child-like models/characters which I see in some forms of hentai, faux schoogirl and animal which renders images of beastiality. I think it goes back to the fact that if the subject cannot say no or is unable to resist then it is wrong. For me they represent the vulnerable in life and should be protected.

Ok I’m getting a little too introspective and analytical.

The image above depicts the x-rated ring toss which comprises a 1.90cm diameter butt plug with stick. It comes complete with 3 rings to throw. Now to me that is funny.

However I can’t say the same about the horse penis dildo or the german shepherd dog penis dildo, to me that is so…wrong! It certainly wouldn’t be on my wish list.

Can sex go a little too far?

Shooting Your Load Week After Week

The A-Team has to rank as one of the worlds cheesiest TV formats. Week after week thousands of rounds of ammunition were fired both by and at the renegade soldier/mercenaries and nobody got killed, they rarely got hurt. I mention it because Alien director Ridley Scott is to make a movie version for cinema release.

That’s like asking Stanley Kubrick to direct Sesame Street. Good luck to him.

The wrong sort of direction is of course common in all genres, adult included. I personally blame it for the number of misconceptions that some people have about sex and relationships. Good porn is great, I wouldn’t be without it, but bad porn is dangerous in that it reinforces the stereotypes that we often pick up about men and women and what sex is like.

Especially vulnerable are young adults whose sexual experience is by definition of their age limited or even absent altogether. I’m not blaming porn for the ills of the world, sexual dysfunction or anything else. What I am saying is that combined with the sort of inaccurate and plain incorrect information that is floating around a porn movie that depicts sexual behaviour in a distorted way is not a good thing.

I’m not talking about different forms of sexuality here, be they gay, straight, vanilla, BDSM, D/s, fetish or anything else. I’m really more concerned with the monotonous blowjobs that women apparently want to give men, or the jump straight to anal as soon as the performers are undressed sufficiently to give penis access to anus.

I pretty sure there’ll be no anal in the A-Team, but I suspect there’s probably a porn movie of a similar name LOL

Sex, Drugs And ;)

Amsterdam Window GirlThe face of Amsterdam is about to change, Mayor Job Cohen wants the sex tourist resort cleaning up. He wants to close down half the famous Coffee shops and the girls in the windows, claiming that they encourage troublesome groups like stag parties.

Local people involved in the adult trade fear that this could drive the culture underground where the girls will be in danger. And drugs will be traded on the street by ruthless criminal gangs which is exactly the reason he claims to be wanting to close these places down.

The local council says that it wants to encourage higher paying visitors who will visit their museums and art galleries.

Prostitutes union De Rode Dradd Spokeswoman Metje Blaak said: “It’s a very bad plan that just pushes the trade underground where the criminals can get at them.”

“He’s making the city boring. Amsterdam used to be about sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Now we have nothing. No sex, no drugs and no rock ‘n’ roll.”

This raises the question, why do you want to visit Amsterdam apart from its culture. Uhmmm, I can’t think of many things. So will this action have a detrimental effect on tourism?

If I were Job I would be giving it some serious thought.

Snatched Away

Suze wanted a book recently and as is our way at the moment we find that buying online from a certain famous retailer is cheaper than the high street. Well, it is so long as you get your order above a certain amount. When I ordered her book I made up the value to over the free delivery threshold with The Ipcress File DVD.

Having just finished watching the DVD this lunch time at work (I had to watch it without Suze, it doesn’t float her boat) I found myself with an email from Suze requesting another book and being short on the order value again, so I ordered Funeral In Berlin and The Billion Dollar Brain. I’ll be all Harry Palmer-ed out soon.

I made a shocking discovery. It was only a couple of days ago that I was talking to a colleague at work about how you often see people in movies only to never see them again. Or to have them reappear decades later and wonder what they’ve been up to. In this case I read a comment about the Billion Dollar Brain being Françoise Dorléac’s last movie. It turns out that the beautiful girl died just after finishing the filming when she crashed her car on the way to Nice Airport. I was totally unaware she was the elder sister of Catherine Deneuve, until I found our about her tragic death.

I actually felt rather sick about it. I have seen the film before, but as a kid so she didn’t really register with me, it’s not like I was a huge fan. I suppose it’s the thought of someone so young who was obviously in the ascendance being snatched away so cruelly. (read her Wikipedia entry and you’ll see what I mean)

I’ll be watching the film with a rather maudlin outlook now.

Celebrity Nudes

When I wrote the post a couple of days ago about Ulrika Johnson being a bit of a MILF I didn’t mention that Googling her name produces some images that I’m guessing are not entirely genuine. You know, the ones purporting to show her being DP-ed by two guys etc. All fake, some executed better than others.

I remember the first fake celebrity nude I ever saw. It was just after Star Trek TNG started. There was an Internet, but now World Wide Web, that came a couple of years later. One of my colleagues, an early adopter of the Internet brought a floppy disk into the office, yes you read that right, a floppy disk. On it he had a picture supposed to be of Gates McFadden AKA Beverley Crusher, the Doctor from The Enterprise in TNG – nude.

Looking back it was an awfully crude fake, but at the time I suppose we were all new to it and although most of us spotted it the guy who had been sent it via Compuserve was very enamoured of it. Ew, I just thought about him generating sticky tissues over it.

Celebrity nudes are of course all over the web in 2009, you pick a name and someone with have Photoshopped their head onto a porn star’s body.

I suppose it’s the same reason that we’re getting daily shots of Amy Winehouse in The Sun newspaper, either in her bikini or with her boobs out. It doesn’t matter who the celebrity is the public want to see them with their nipples on display. Even if the image is faked.

Express Sex

We have all been there haven’t we? It’s late and you are driving back from a party or night on the town, you feel randy, he has the same thoughts running through his head. 😉 I have even had these naught thoughts on the way home from visiting the parents, you know how it is. You spend all day with them being good and the moment you leave you are tearing at each others clothing.

I know we have done it several times. One memorable occasion was when we hadn’t been together very long and we had been out for a very civilised dinner at a restaurant. I was wearing a black skirt suit, high heels and stockings. As you may have already guessed, Alex didn’t need asking twice to pull in to the layby.

When I think back we could have quite easily landed ourselves in trouble as the layby didn’t take us far away from the road. But we didn’t care we just wanted to get in to each others pants.

The following story I just read reminded me of those naughty adventures, we don’t go out that much now so the opportunities don’t arise but this story made me smile.

This was published in Ananova

Couple Had Sex Outside Police Station

A US couple have been arrested after having sex in their car – in a disabled space outside a police station. The couple told officers they were unaware where they had parked, reports the Morning Call newspaper. They hadn’t noticed several marked police cars in the other parking spaces nearby.

They were outside the main police station in Hellertown, Pennsylvania, with the engine running in the early hours of the morning when a police officer tapped on the windscreen.

Dennis Cullen, 23, and his female companion, who has not been named, told police they had been drinking at a university function earlier in the evening.

Cullen was charged with drink driving. Neither he nor his companion were charged in connection with having sex in the car.

Now that is what you call randy! 😉

XTC Stripper

I shouldn’t laugh at other people’s misfortunes but sometimes the circumstances have you heaving with laughter.

The headline read “A man who was smacked in the nose by a stripper’s platform shoe during her routine is suing a strip club”. He is wanting to claim £18,00 in damages.

I’m not sure if I was him that I would want my name all over the tabloid press admitting that I had frequented a strip club.

This took place in the XTC club in Akron, Ohio last year. Yusuf Evans aged 37 was watching an erotic dancer called Tiara when she did a high kick as part of her act and her shoe flew off her foot, hitting Mr Evans in the face.

The result was a chipped nose on ones side leading to trouble breathing. He may need surgery as he claims that his breathing is impaired by his passageway getting clogged up.

He claims that the XTC management “Allowed dancers to wear improper attire (what would be improper about a dancer wearing heels? Lol) and staged performances that made the stage a hazardous area. LMAO Can you just imagine them having to cordon off the area around the stage with black and yellow tape.

BTW, Mr Evans claims that it was his first visit to a strip club and that he was entertaining visitors at the time. Yeah, OK we believe you. 🙂

Brooke Skye’s Tight Pussy

The Fleshlight Girls

Let me introduce you to the Fleshlight Girls; They are Tera Patrick, Paris Lia19, Raven Riley, Puma Swede, Brooke Skye, Kat Young, Sandee Westgate and Vanilla DeVille.

The people at Fleshlight have obviously realised that there’s a market out there for something a little more personal than their original range of masturbators. Each of the “Fleshlight Girls” is moulded, on the outside at least, from a real porn star. Internally it’s a different matter, the Girls range incorporates what Fleshlight describe as “Lotus Texture”, a series of regular ribs along the inside of the soft sleeve.

I’ve tested a couple of Fleshlights before, from the original design with its whistling cap, through the redesigned casing and now with the porn star moulded inserts. Fleshlight appear to be steadily developing their products in the face of competition from manufacturers of other, similar products.

For the uninitiated a Fleshlight consists of a hard plastic case with a cap at each end. The end where you insert your cock is the wider one, where the bulb and lens would be on a flashlight. At the other end (where the batteries would be inserted) is a screw cap and vent holes. This allows you to vary the suction when using the Fleshlight. This hard case serves to house the soft inner part of the toy when in use and keep it safe and clean when in storage.

The Fleshlight can be completely disassembled and each part washed individually. So there are no fiddling around with awkward constructions or worries about if the toy is clean when you use it.

Because you can take the toy apart you can, if you wish, buy a variety of inserts for it and experience different sensations without having to buy a whole new toy each time.

Aside from the improved case design (which I think has been around for about 18 months) the Fleshlight Girls have a much thicker outer section around the vaginal opening. Older models skimped a bit on the material here and you often found yourself pressed against the hard plastic of the case instead of the soft insert. This change in design has made the toy much more comfortable to use, especially when you’re buried deep inside it, if you know what I mean.

Using a Fleshlight requires a lube. I suggest a good quality water based lube. Armed with a tube of lube and the Fleshlight Suze was tasked with assisting my test.

She slipped in a porn DVD, and with me propped up against the bedhead she coaxed me to erection. I didn’t take much coaxing. With Suze semi-naked next to me and the TV showing hardcore porn the thought of having her jack me off with a porn star’s pussy had obvious stimulating appeal.

When I was hard I grasped the base of my cock to allow Suze to dribble lube over it and the opening of the Fleshlight. Brooke Skye’s pussy was now wet and ready. Or so I thought.

The initial cool wet sensation of the lube and the un-warmed insert was very exciting, unfortunately Suze hadn’t got the lube very far into the toy so as she pressed it down onto my cock my frenulum started to drag on the insert and I winced. I explained the problem and it was easily resolved by sliding the Fleshlight up and down slowly getting deeper with each stroke thus spreading the lube further inside Brooke Skye’s Lotus textured pussy.

The lotus texture inside the masturbator insert is very effective. At first I thought it was a little too subtle to distinguish it from the original smooth inserts. However it soon became apparent it was just right …

Suze was finding that using the Fleshlight on me was a little difficult. This was because she has smaller hands than me and the Fleshlight is quite bulky and heavy. The other problem was that she hadn’t opened the vent at the top of the Fleshlight and the suction was at maximum so to speak.

With me now in control and the vent slightly open I enjoyed the tight Lotus texture of Brooke Skye’s pussy to the full. And so did Suze watching avidly. I found myself really enjoying this Fleshlight, more than any I’ve had before. The small refinements that have been made since its launch have really made a difference to its effectiveness as a toy.

I bought myself off after a couple of minutes with long deep strokes. When my eyes began to roll and it was obvious I was cumming Suze grabbed hold of the Fleshlight and unscrewed the cap at the base. She was too late to see me squirting, but said “Oooh, you’re still oozing cum.”

Why not buy the Fleshlight moulded on your favourite porn star’s own anatomy, slip in that old-faithful DVD of theirs and enjoy yourself?

Tit Wanks In The Office

AlexSuze, SuzeI told you the conversations at work just got better and better…

Today we had to surrender our old bras for charity. One of Horny’s friends was collecting bras which didn’t fit any more. I took a couple of ones I have out grown from the cup size perspective.

But Horny took in a whole bag of exotic underwear, many designer labels. She gets paid way too much. Lol I noticed one thing about her I hadn’t before, she is also well stacked. Because she is tall and think I never really noticed before but E is not to be sniffed at.

Well one thing led to another and we got chatting about tit wanks. I know, I could barely believe it either. Horny admitted to having done it a few times as guys seem to like it. She then added “I’m not too keen on getting it on my face!”.

Busty and I burst out laughing. “I don’t know what you mean”, I added with a giggle.

“I’ve tried it but I can’t seem to make it work, they get lost in me if you know what I mean”, added Busty. I looked at her, smiled and replied that I could well see how that would happen she could suffocate a cock to death. She has the most enormous natural boobs on a girl her size I have ever seen in real life. 😉

At that point I added that I enjoy doing it because for years I couldn’t. “Why?”, enquired Horny. I explained that it wasn’t until recently that I had an ample enough cleavage to do it. My boobs were too small to push together and create the required valley for wanking a cock.

“Aggghhhh”, they replied. Then we giggled again. At that point our boss walked in to the room and we had to behave. Shame, but there is always tomorrow.

Bondage A New Way

AlexSuze.comToday my post is about duck bondage…only joking.

No, I haven’t had a visit to the dentists this morning. Try again…

Got no idea?

I’ve been to the doctors for my cervical smear test. Over here in the UK we have them every 3 years. And we all hate having them don’t we girls?

So in preparation for the event I bathed and made sure everything was smelling of roses just before I left. As I drove to the doctors I had a sudden thought. What if I am still full of cum from last night? After all Alex and I fucked twice before falling asleep. Would I still be full of his ejaculate.

I know if is a strange thing to think about but I couldn’t stop wondering if she would collect a great dollop of cum on the end of her speculum. Lol I cancelled out the thought with the fact that I had soaked in the bath before leaving and that would have cleaned me out.

“But just how far did the water penetrate me?” I was starting to become paranoid about this and laughed to myself at how silly I was being.

The waiting room was full of coughing people full of germs and I did my best to avoid them, sitting in the far corner away from most of them. Honestly, you can go in to the doctors for one complaint and come out with something completely new.

“Would the nurse be able to tell I had a good seeing to last night?”

Then the intercom invited me to go to the nurse’s room and I, for some strange reason, began to get a little nervous about the procedure. I told myself I was being silly and I had been through this several times before. And I write a bloody sex blog for heavens sake. 🙂

I then began to panic that if I was tense and nervous she probably wouldn’t be able to get the speculum inside me. Guys you really don’t know what we girls go through when we have to have a smear test.

At this point I would like to say the nurse was lovely and put me completely at my ease…But no she didn’t, her bedside manner was somewhat lacking and I felt like I was on a production line.

The good part about all of this was that at least she had warmed the speculum sufficiently for it not to make me shiver as she pushed it inside my opening. After a bit of jiggery-pokery she got the sample she was after and then disappeared behind the curtain to let me dress.

She forgot just one thing, the tissue you are normally handed to clean off the KY Jelly they use for lubrication. So, I’m stood there looking around for something to wipe my fanny on. Thoughts went through my head…shall I use the curtain she has jus pulled round?…how about I just pull up my pants and hope for the best. In the end I spotted a box of Kleenex on the desk next to me.

I was almost tempted to wipe and leave it on her bloody desk. Lol

Dirty Bitch, Just How You Like It

Sean’s face was red, beads of sweat were beginning to form as he yelled at her, his face only inches from hers. The words were just a noise to her now, each anger-filled syllable indistinguishable from the last.

Her eyes where glazed, neck like a piece of rubber. Her head rolled from side to side as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

“You fucking stupid bitch! … all that money … I work bloody hard to keep us in this house and for what? You to throw it away at the bingo! How long did you spend on the fuckin’ bandits today? … Well?”

She stared at him, or perhaps more accurately she gazed through him with the thousand yard stare of one whose mind is elsewhere, safe in a place of its own making. That was the moment he snapped, his right hand left her shoulder and paused briefly above and behind him before careering towards the side of her face.

Her head was thrown sideways by the impact of his open palm. She didn’t feel the impact immediately or hear the loud crack that accompanied it. Rather the pain blossomed as a slowly intensifying glow in her cheek. The slap brought her back to her senses, and with the awakening came a welling of tears that grew into a salty stream trickling down her face.

Sean let go of Shelley. She slumped onto the sofa, body shuddering in silent sobs.

He was talking again, more softly now, apologies, promises never to hit her again, contrition, self-loathing, resetting the timer. The timer that would tick-tick-tick until the next time. The time when the tension inside him was so untameable that he’d hurt her again.


Later, in bed, listening to Sean vomiting loudly in the bathroom, she reflect on the day, an icepack pressed against her throbbing cheek. Not a bad day, she had got away without a beating for almost a month now. And now she had a week’s grace, or maybe more, until he felt bold enough to challenge her again.

It had been a good day on balance. Bingo had been fun, a bit of money on the slots, couple of games, then a wink to Paul before slipping off into the manager’s office.

The office used to be a dressing room for the stars that frequented the building when it had been a theatre. It was the star’s room too, relatively large, with a tiled shower and lavatory in the small room leading off it.

She had waited outside the door, straightening her clothes. It struck her as odd that she should do that, after all Paul was not interested in her appearance, just her money. Even the manager of a provincial bingo hall doesn’t earn that much, so her custom was welcome. He was in his early twenties, ten years or so her junior, but he liked her body. She had looked after herself and had a beauty that would stay with her despite what the years, or Sean, could throw at her. He would probably have fucked her for free if it weren’t for her very specific needs.

Paul locked the door and held out his hand. She placed a bundle of notes into it, which he then stuffed in his inside jacket pocket.

He undressed, carefully hanging up his clothes on the hooks and hangers waiting on the wall. When he was undressed she grabbed his semi-erect penis and pulled him close to her. “you can undress me and fuck me now little boy.

He obliged, taking the same care with her clothes as he had done with his, leaving only her black leather stiletto healed boots in place.

Shelley sat on a chair, legs spread. “Lick me.” She ordered with a callousness that made his flesh creep. But he knelt and did just that, probing her clitoris and outer lips with his tongue, her hands pressing him into her mons, threatening to suffocate him.

She smiled as he squirmed struggling to breath until she felt suitably relaxed.

“Get in there.” She snapped, and he knew where.

He lay naked on the cold hard tiles, cock erect and ready for her. He looked on Shelley as a necessary evil, but strangely was actually beginning to enjoy her visits. She was sexually alive, forceful, and very, very dirty minded. Filthy minded. He chuckled to himself. If his girlfriend ever found out what he got up to …

Shelley lowered her swollen lips onto his cock and guided his cock into her wet cunt. Then she squatted above him, muscles grasping his member. Her face leered down at him, watching as she coaxed him to orgasm. This young innocent little boy, just like Sean was on their honeymoon. Sad that he still acted like a child, maybe that’s why she hated him so much, not the violence.

Paul’s face was beginning to contort into an unmistakeable pre-orgasmic mask. She bounced as hard as she could forcing her pussy as hard as possible onto his cock. He grunted squirting his seed into her, two, three, four powerful contractions filling her with his semen.

She stood up, still astride him and watched him relax. His eyes were closed.

Then he felt it, the hot and wet, cascading down on his belly, then as she shuffled forward, up his chest and eventually onto his neck, face and hair. He clamped his mouth shut and waited for the golden shower to subside.

And waited, and waited, for her final act, the one that she enjoyed the most. A glob of semen slowly slid out of her vagina and landed, plop, on his lips.

“Same time next week you little shit?” She asked.

“Mmmm – mmm”, He responded, not wanting to open his mouth.

Shelley got dressed to the sound of Paul cleaning himself and the shower room. With the spring firmly reinstalled in her step she made her way home.


A few days later and the bruise on her face had subsided just enough to allow her to cover it with the heavy foundation she always kept for these occasions.

Shelley and Sean watched their three children playing in the garden on the new slide Sean had bought them. A new chain sparkled around Shelley’s neck. And a new icy dagger had pierced her pincushion heart.

Sean munched his toast before setting off for work. His face was looking a little puffy these days and he had only just got over an apparently interminable cold. He clenched and flexed his fist.

“Pins and needles again?”, Shelley asked.

“Yeah, it’s getting worse.” He smiled weakly.

“You ought to see a doctor.”

“I’ll be fine, right I’m off to work.” Sean got up, kissed Shelley on the forehead and left for the day.

Their eldest daughter ran in and made herself some toast while Shelley finished her coffee. Shelley glanced across as the eight year old stuck her knife into the jar of marmalade on counter top.

“No!, Not daddy’s marmalade”

Her daughter looked shocked at the sudden outburst, tears filled her eyes. Shelley hugged her, “It’s alright, alright, Daddy’s special marmalade is just for him, remember that.”

Shelley looked the nearly empty jar and at the yew tree at the end of the garden. Time to make up some more of Sean’s special marmalade when the kids were at school.

Private Lapdance

I love it when a reader engages in a post by giving you an insight in to their life and vision. This site covers topical sexual issues and hopefully inspires readers to try something new or express an opinion, even educate in some instances. And that is a good thing.

Alex and I write foremost because we enjoy sharing with you all but it’s always good to get feedback and in some cases participation if we throw a subject out for you to engage with.

An example of this was my recent post about Agent Provocateur’s promotional video for Valentines Day. One of our British readers commented

Suze, thanks for posting the video – very sexy. Where do you stand on lapdancing in general? This was quite a topical post for me as I have just returned from a stag weekend in Edinburgh and we ended up in a lapdancing club (I know and I am not proud!). I had a beer or two but despite persistent requests by different (very attractive) girls walking around in their underwear, I declined having a private dance’. Is it cheating on your partner or just harmless fun? The other question that entered my head on the train home was would you go with Alex as a couple? There was a couple sitting in the club. Hope you are both well. The blog remains a very good read! Thanks, Sonic x

I thought this comment deserved a proper response.

Alex and I have been talking about visiting Spearmint Rhino but funds at the moment are impeding the chances of us going in the near future. You can’t turn up and drink glasses of water all night. Lol

We have a very open and what I consider healthy attitude towards lapdancing. I suppose that it helps that I am bisexual so I would enjoy the experience just as much as him. 😉

Personally I would like to watch the girls pole dancing because I can appreciate just how difficult it must be to have such control and balance. We did get the chance to see a couple of great poledancers at the Adult Show in Birmingham a couple of years ago.

I don’t see visiting a lapdancing club on your own as cheating on your partner at all. You have paid money to watch a show and that is exactly what it is. These girls are professionals and providing that the club is a reputable one should abide by the personal space rules most have.

Admittedly some places may offer extras but you don’t have to take them up on it. Lol

And Sonic, I’m glad to hear you still enjoy reading. Thanks for visiting and participating. X

Plug That Hole

This may be my dirty mind at work but Suze just read out the URL of the website for the sink cleaner we have Does that sound dirty or what?

I’m sure there are other sites out there, perfectly innocent but with dodgy sounding names. I tried the British Rubber Company, but alas their domain is registered and parked here

Of course you could try the United Kingdom Lubricants Association. Sadly they too have absolutely nothing to do with the sex industry.

Finally Googling “Tips on hooking” produced this

Do you guys have any more?