Monthly Archives: April 2009

Victorias Secret Eat Your Heart Out

Girls as they grow up spend lots of time wishing that they were older and larger in the boob department. And some are lucky enough to have their prayers answered and it may seem to teenagers like me that they have been just plain greedy, having been a 32AA cup size in to my late 20’s.

I did almost anything to enhance, no make my boobs look bigger although I did draw the line at padding out my bra with tissue. There were no chicken fillets to help you out back then. You had to rely on the bra manufacturers taking pity on you and providing oodles of padding.

Padding is good it makes you look much larger than your natural size and if you have added underwiring or scaffolding as some know it, all the better. And padding helps in cold weather too, it helps to keep you warm and stops your nipples from poking through your bra and looking like chapel hat pegs. Lol

As I read the other day underwiring can also save your life. A woman from Detroit had luck on her side when a burglars bullet bounced off her underwiring. She was looking at the house nextdoor which was being burgled when a bullet smashed though the window.

It was deflected off the underwiring and she avoided serious injury. So there you have it, good underwear can really save your life.

Which reminds me of Victorias Secrets…

3D Porn

Tits In 3DIn the constant search for increasing realism the technology used to make mainstream movies is constantly improving. In cinemas there’s Imax and amazing sound. At home there’s the incredible sound quality and increased resolution from Blu-Ray disks and HDTV.

What is now emerging (again, because the people at the movie studios have been trying to get us all to take up this technology for decades) is 3D. Film makers have been trying to get us to watch 3D since 1922, maybe now, with the release of high tech, high budget CGI titles like Monster s Vs Aliens they’ll succeed.

At least on adult studio is about to do release 3D porn. That’s great don’t you think. Added realism, new dimensions in arousal?

Well on the whole I think yes. However I do have one reservation. I have absolutely no desire to see a huge close-up cock looming out of the screen and threatening to poke me in the eye.

The ladies may have other ideas.

Soapy Rub Down, Yes Please!

FiremanWe set out early this morning to deliver a friends Birthday card and present with the intention of dropping in on the sex shop to get some more porn. And no I didn’t get the present and the DVD’s and the present mixed up. Although I would have liked to have seen his face if I had. Lol

The sex shop was quiet, just us and a couple of assistants. Apparently the rush doesn’t start until around lunchtime on Saturdays. So if you are shy about visiting a store near you why not go early on Saturday morning. 😉

Alex already mentioned that I spotted the vibe I reviewed over on Sex Toys Buzz. I couldn’t resist going over to the other end of the counter to check out the others in the range. At that point she started giving me the technical info so I told her I already tried the Serenity.

I wonder if she has guessed that we are a little more involved in the adult arena than most of her visitors. 🙂

We came away with a couple of new DVD’s to watch later and I’m desperately hoping that they are less formulaic than the last couple we had. If I see any more scenes that start with a blowjob. Aggghhhh!

On the way back we decided to take a different route and I spotted a charity car wash sign handwritten by the roadside. I looked around for the providers of the service, expecting them to be a bunch of boy scouts or girl guides raising funds.

But no. the boys who were doing the soapy rub downs were the local firemen. They were armed with buckets of water dressed in their fireman’s trousers and a black t-shirt. I suddenly felt the urge to have the car cleaned but Alex drove on by. 🙁

I wonder if they will be there tomorrow…

Suze Gets Gratification

SuzeIt’s nice to be linked to from other sites, quoted in the newspapers and have people comment.

Today we encountered an increasingly common sensation. The gratification of knowing that we reviewed something before it hit the shelves in the adult store.

To be specific it was part of the Vibe Therapy range of vibrators that Suze reviewed on Sex toys Buzz. There they were, sitting on the counter. We’ve got two of the range and Suze couldn’t help wandering across and looking at the other models available.

If you want to read Suze’s review of the Vibe Therapy Serenity vibrator pop over to Sex Toys Buzz.


Slow And Gentle, Hard And Fast

SuzeYesterday was spent taking advantage of the good weather we’ve enjoyed while off on holiday to tidy the garden a little more. We’ve been at it on and off al week, slowly reclaiming the main part of our garden from nature, while leaving the more remote parts to go wild. It helps the wildlife, particularly encouraging natural predators to keep the pests down.

Anyway I must have omitted to drink enough yesterday because I woke up with a terrible headache and dry mouth. I rolled over and snuggled up to Suze and quickly found myself in possession of a huge erection. She pushed back into me, obviously enjoying the sensation of hot flesh pressed into her back.

I pushed her onto her front, wet my cock with saliva and slid between her legs, forcing them apart. She raised her buttocks in welcome and with a slow and gentle thrust I slid into her pussy. I wanted to fuck her hard and fast, but my headache meant that every motion caused me pain so I had no option but a slow fuck until we both came.

The moral – Drink plenty of water.

Anal Explorations

Sexual AaahhEven though I first tried anal months ago I haven’t really persisted with it. The last time we attempted it I thought I was nice and relaxed but Alex had the greatest of difficulty entering me. He only managed to get the tip in and it felt uncomfortable.

It was at that point that he kindly backed off and said that if it didn’t feel comfortable we should stop and if I didn’t want to persist with anal he was ok with it. This brought about a re-evaluation of the act of doing anal.

“Was I doing this to conform to what is expected these days?” or “Did I enjoy the sensation of Alex’s cock entering me from behind?” And to be honest I think the answer to both is yes and no.

There have been times when I have really enjoyed him being inside my ass but I have to be in the right place mentally. At the height of good sex he is able to please me by fucking me there and yet at other times it can be uncomfortable.

I’m not sure which way I will end up going with this but I don’t want to close the door on me explorations just yet.

Anyone any thoughts on this?

Needing To Fuck

SuzeI think that what this country needs is to accept that in these increasingly austere times there is only one thing to do. Stay in and get jiggy. It’s great exercise, cheers you up and brings you together with your partner.

I’m not saying that you should stop going out altogether, but there’s so much you can do in the bedroom I’m sure you’d still be exploring new possibilities until well after the recession is over.

That is of course if the current trend towards the restrictions on sexual freedom don’t continue. I’m not talking about the witch hunt surrounding “extreme porn”, that useless piece of legislation that will prosecute citizens of the UK and leave the really sick bastards purveying horrible content from anonymous and untouchable overseas servers and file sharing networks immune. No, I’m talking about the potential in some quarters to get very sanctimonious and judgemental about all things sexual at times like these.

The sort of things I’m talking about are the reluctance of councils to allow adult shops and venues to open in their areas – which has more to do with moralistic judgements and trying to appeal to certain groups of voters than anything else. There are places where adult businesses shouldn’t be allowed but some councils are starting to take a New York style approach to the granting of licences and increasing yearly fees.

Then there’s the question of what is and isn’t acceptable in the mainstream media. Recent stupidity by some high profile celebrities means that there’s a nervous mood amongst TV execs and content is going to become bland because of it.

Anyway, back to my original point. Escapism can help cheer up the country and what better escapism than in private with your loved one doing the things that you both enjoy the most?

Sex In The Morning

Silk RobeWhat do you think of when you wake up? For most men, even I they aren’t consciously thinking about it their body’s natural state on waking is to be in possession of an erection. It’s therefore difficult to avoid thoughts of sex when that happens.

You don’t have to be having a naughty dream for it to happen so it must be the relaxed state you find yourself in on emerging from sleep.

So do all men immediately think about sex when they wake up or is it more the practical issue of how to safely make a cup of coffee with a big stiff cock waving in front of you?

Looking For A New Hard One

SwanThis may sound slightly paranoid but do you ever have the feeling that someone just doesn’t want you to have a good time? Take today for example. We took a day trip out to a stately home, the weather was great, the location was great, we had a great day out.

There was just one moment that I felt slightly in danger and that was when we were walking around one of the lakes out there. We got to just short of the end, probably about another 10 yards to go to the end of the lakeside walk and we bumped in to a swan.

At first he was laying down not far from the water and as we approached the swan rose to its feet, head slightly down looking up at us. To me this look was slightly menacing and as it began to slowly advance towards us I started to panic slightly.

I’ve heard tales about swans being quite nasty and strong enough to break your arm. So there I am panicking and what is Alex doing? He is taking a photograph of the bloody thing and telling me we are perfectly safe. Lol Now I love wildlife (Alex included lol) but this thing scared me.

I told Alex to be careful as they can maim people and as soon as I said it I felt a drip because the swan settled down and curled its neck over its body as if to sleep. Alex being all smug said I told you we were safe. Guess who felt a bit of a plonker. 🙂

The rest of the day I’m pleased to say was pretty much uneventful and we drove home.

Eager to tell you all about our day I started to write this post, well, not this one which I will explain about in a minute. As I started to key in the words my PC locked up and I hit the off switch.

When it came up it turned out that I had lost the hard drive and further more I also lost a full year of emails because my PC hadn’t been backing up the email file. You know some days are just sent to test us. I’m so pissed off I can’t tell you. So if I promised to get back to you and haven’t, drop me another mail and I will.

Technology, you can’t live with it and…

Naughty In The Woods

SuzeWe went out to a local stately home today and embarked on a long walk in the woods to enjoy nature. No, really that’s what we intended to do. When we had walked far enough to separate us from the hoards in the senior citizens coach parties we found it all quite relaxing.

Just Suze me and the wildlife.

And when the undergrowth got a little thicker I couldn’t resist slipping my arm around Suze and pulling her close to me, feeling her boobs pressed against me and slipping my tongue into her mouth.

I felt myself becoming hard against her and grabbed her bottom. My hand drifted between us and I began to rub her pussy through her thin cotton trousers.

“Someone might see us!” She complained, pushing me away.

I was hugely deflated. Am I losing my touch or is Suze getting too sensible?

Sexual Candy Shop

Pole dancerPicture this, you are the owner of a sweet shop and you want someone trustworthy to take care of it occasionally. Who could you trust not to eat the produce? Someone who doesn’t like sweets of course. That could be actually, I much prefer savoury.

If you put me in the Deli I would be a liability. Lol

This is a good rule of thumb but falls on its arse if they are taking the goods home for someone else.

Which leads me to the reason for this post. I just read that a lap dance club in London have appointed a guy to manage the dancers. Someone who they can trust not to try to test the produce. Lol

He is a devout Christian and doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. Good move I thought. It would have worked equally as well if they had appointed a gay guy…

…come to think of it. How did they raise the question of his religious beliefs at interview? Did they just come right out and ask if he was celebate? You know I’m beginning to question the authenticity of this story.

Jacking Off To Girls At The Office

CunnilingusIs there a protocol for who you should and shouldn’t masturbate about? Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo experience, for many couples, us included it’s done in company. So the person you’re thinking about when you do masturbate is the one with you, often the one with their hand around your cock.

When you’re not in a relationship of course things are different. The object of your desire may be a model in a glossy porn magazine or it may be a real person. Perhaps someone you’ve met, maybe even work with.

Should you be guilty about having sexual thoughts about them, particularly if you do not know if they are reciprocated?

So long as the whole thing doesn’t turn into an obsession, then fair enough. Solo masturbation is very different from expressing you sexual feeling for another while they’re in the same room. It’s purely one-sided and while not in itself a problem doesn’t give you a true perspective of your feelings towards another.

Although some people might be offended to learn that you’ve jacked off to lewd thoughts about them I would venture a fair proportion would be quite flattered. After all, don’t we all want to be wanted, platonically, amorously or sexually?

I wouldn’t suggest you go and confess all to your latest wank fantasy as a punch in the mouth often offends …

Watch My Dirty Videos

Secretary In StockingsWell, we had our knuckles wrapped by YouTube and they suspended our account. So, although they never actually said what we’d done wrong (and yes we did ask), we must be doing something right. Lol Therefore over the past few days I have been converting them and setting them up for you to view online again.

Our videos were well received and we had some of the highest hits on You Tube and hundreds of subscribers which rather ironically started to increase rapidly before we were brought down. And even more interestingly we were putting more people through to You Tube than they were to us. Oh well, their loss. J

I even had my own glove fetish fan who subscribed to the videos.

You will find the link to our videos page over there on the right hand sidebar it’s the one with me holding my boobs, go check them out I’m sure you will find something you like. 😉

Swinging If You Want To

Love SwingI have said this before but after over 3 years of reviewing adult products you get a…nose for what will and won’t work for you. Just a quick look at a product gives you that “Gong show feeling”.

And believe me we have been requested to review some very strange products over the years. Some of which haven’t as they say, even made it to the cutting room floor. After all, why review a product which doesn’t float your boat and probably won’t float that of your readers either.

Well, I just discovered a position master which I am still trying to figure out. Does this go under the bed or is it free standing? In addition why are there so many options, they listed:

The gay, hetro, swinger, lesbian, hetro vanilla, classic (gay/twink) and the list goes on and on. Now, I’m not sure if one purchase fits all or if they have differences. To be honest I lost the will to live reading the options listed. Lol

All I do know is this bloody thing looks far too complicated to be fun. Or is that just me?

First Anal

Anal SexI wrote a few days ago about how anal sex has become a staple of the heterosexual pornography we all consume, where once it was seen as a predominantly homosexual activity.

Like all porn, anal sex in porn is devoid of context. Even vaginal porn requires that performers clean-up, shave and lube-up to ensure that the camera gets a great shot and the viewer watches an apparently effortless transition from “Hi, I’m the pool cleaner” to “Oh yes, fuck me with that big cock …”.

Porn seems to be much easier to believe that other types of televisual entertainment. I think this because when you watch porn your intellectual processes are just ticking over (for the most part) and your instincts are running the show. If a drama were to take such liberties with the truth and basic practicalities you’d be shouting at the screen and demanding to know why the producers of the programme thought any one would believe it.

This is in part why porn has lead to a drastic and in some cases unwelcome shift in the way that people, mainly men, view sex and sexual acts. Women find more and more demanded of them and men seem to think it’s OK to demand some things of women that previously would have required a long and understanding relationship where mutual sexuality was explored over time.

The most potentially hazardous effect of this is porn’s depiction of anal sex.

There are a number of biological facts that mean anal sex requires relaxation, understanding and lots of lube. Porn shows anal sex as a regular and spontaneous part of sexual congress. However, even amongst couples who enjoy anal sex it is often not the staple of their sexual menu and requires planning beforehand.

Do’s for anal sex include douching, lubrication and care. Don’ts include switching between anus and vagina during sex, switching partners and vigorous arse fucking.

The anus doesn’t open wide and immediately allow a cock inside unless a relaxing agent has been used, or your sphincters are physically damaged. Being fucked hard up the ass is something that only a minority of people actually enjoy and can cause medical complications that can range from haemorrhoids to prolapsed colons and worse.

Anal sex can be enjoyed but it takes more than a Pepperoni With Cheese and a clichéd pickup line to do so.

Special Delivery Masturbation

Soapy TitsIt occurred to me today that a high proportion of mail deliveries will be adult products and toys. And as the recession bites and we are all seeking a thrill on a budget the number of us turning to the more basic needs is bound to increase. 😉

For relatively low cost and some batteries you can have a really economical night in by comparison with a night out on the town, the cost of the entry to the club, drinks and taxi home.

We now take our supplier deliveries in large boxes because they send out batches of toys for review. Alex is now very friendly with the guys at the post office. At one time the parcels would fit through the door and on the odd occasion they had been posted through the cat flap. Lol

But the most memorable delivery I took a couple of years ago now when I was out of work was delivered around mid day. I remember it clearly. The next door neigbours were at work but their drive was being layed by builders.

I heard the van pull up at the bottom of the drive and went to the door to receive the parcel. The guy went in to the rear of his van and emerged carrying a large cardboard box with lots of packing tape on it.

It wasn’t until the guy turned around the contents were clearly visible written in bold on the side of the box. I cringed as I read the words “Cupids Couch.” My face must have been a deep shade of red as the delivery guy walked to the door and I didn’t dare look to my right to check if the builders had seen it.

Needless to say we never had anything else sent to us by this supplier and he was given a piece of my mind. Nowadays all our suppliers take the up most care to package products appropriately in fact sometimes there is a little too much packaging. Lol

We often wonder if the guys down at the mail collection centre have guessed what we do. I think the bin men may have. 🙂

A New Kind Of Cyber Sex

MutsugotoI found an intriguing and revolutionary project recently and posted about it on You can read the article here

It’s an interesting concept and one which does pose the question; Which sense will be used to transmit and receive sensual pleasure and desire next?

Light is a subtle way of doing it. Sound my be difficult to control although the effect of it could be quite profound. Taste and smell would be difficult to control and emulate in the receiver of the stimulation. And touch … well I am still a sceptic when it comes to our ability to use technology for dildonics.

So that’s probably why they arrived at light as the medium for communication.

Anyway, pop across and have a look and see what you think.

I Like To Be Watched

Sometimes I have to smile and wonder what goes through people’s heads. I know we all love to be slightly exhibitionistic from time to time, I mean just check out the galleries and LicList sidebar for me. Lol

I find that doing it anonymously online is kinky and I target the right people, you naughty lot out there but I would never dream of revealing myself in public. I know I have had the occasional thought about seducing the postman or the delivery driver, I think most girls have.

But this guy I just read about took things a little too far.

Chris Trikes, 45 called Comcast re his slow Internet connection and they sent over a technician to check it out.

Whilst the technician was at his house in Michigan Trikes talked to him about pornographic sites he had visited whilst online.

Then Trikes exposed his genitals to the guy who made for a quick exit.

The technician was call as a prosecution witness at Livingston County Court, Michigan where it was revealed that Trikes had been convicted of indecent exposure in 1999.

I think this guy needs more than his Internet connection looking at. Lol

Fucking Naked In A Field

AlexThe sun is out, the sky is blue, we’re off work and I can’t help feeling there’s something I need to be doing.

Oh, that’s it. Fucking naked in a wheat field.

Unfortunately the wheat isn’t growing yet so we might get arrested. LOL

How many times does that happen, you get an urge and silly things like legality and decency get in the way. LOL