Monthly Archives: July 2009

Like A Virgin’s First Time, Anyone?

I’m not going to make any assertions as to whether Madonna was a virgin when she made this song. Though her first time when it comes to hit songs is one that will always stick in my head. In the video she does look a bit more “Shiny and new” than in the latest pictures of her in the British press.

There is such a thing as being too lean you know.

Pornstar Slams It Home

Stormy DanielsI have just been reading about Stormy Daniels being arrested. Boy, she certainly earned that name didn’t she.

Of all the reasons to loose your temper and attack your partner. She allegedly attacked her husband over the way her laundry had been done. What!

Stephanie Gregory Clifford as she was christened was being held by the police on a charge of domestic violence and battery charge. Bad day Stormy?

Her husband is reported as saying ” the laundry had upset her and her displeasure over some unpaid bills tipped her over”. He should be grateful it wasn’t anything important then.

And this is the woman who wants to run for Louisiana Senator in 2010 …

Horny & Busty Reunion

Nice BoobsWhen I handed my notice in I was so eager to get out of that place that I used my holiday to whittle down my remaining days. This meant that I left without saying goodbye to Busty who was on her holidays at the time and a couple of other members of staff weren’t around.

We all agreed that I should have a leaving do but when everyone could make it. It was decided once their holidays were out of the way and everyone was able to attend we would have a night out.

I got a call today asking me if I want to meet up for drinks and a light meal next week. It will be great to catch up with them all and hear all the latest gossip. And of course to get my reunion hug off Busty. Now that will be worth turning up for. Lol

It’s great working from home and the sense of achievement working for yourself but I do miss the girls. Our little chats and rants and generally putting the world to rights.

I’m sure there will be plenty of emotion and lots of fun. I’ll let you know how it goes.

It does seem strange having a leaving do 4 weeks after leaving. Lol

Cumming For The Boss

Green Bra BoobsIf you didn’t know it already today is National Orgasm Day. Yes there’s a day for everything. And this is far more exciting than National Cheese Day, yes there is a National Cheese Day.

There’s some more information about NOD over at A-Rouse.com and a competition where you can win a T-Shirt too.

So today, if you’re at your desk moaning and writhing in ecstasy and the boss asks what you’re up to with your hands in your pants just tell them you’re getting into the spirit if Orgasm Day.

BTW there isn’t a National Knitting Day – they have a whole bloody week!

Leather Masturbation

He watched her scurry across the carpark, her kitten heels clipping on the pavement until she reached her car. Her raincoat was draped over her arm, not quite concealing the swatch book in her hand. He pondered for a moment. She did this every day, slip the bound pile of upholstery squares out of the showroom and bring them back the next morning. It was intriguing, but that was all she took. She wasn’t stealing, simply borrowing and the swatch book was always back the next morning.

~~~

The next night was Saturday and he asked her and another junior colleague to stay behind for a stocktake. By 18:00 the doors were closed and the showroom shuttered, by 22:00 they were almost done and he let the junior make his way home.

“I’m going to enter the rest of these figures into the computer, can you finish off counting the rugs in the warehouse and then we’re done.”

He left for the office and spent 30 minutes rattling at the keyboard. When he returned to the showroom floor he could hear a strange noise. At first it was so quiet that he could not make it out but as he walked slowly and with deliberate stealth between the faux living rooms and bedrooms made up to display the furniture store’s wares he realised it was her moaning.

The moan was stifled for some reason. Had they been burgled? Was there an intruder holding her?

His heart raced. He turned the corner past a particularly grotesque lounge display and into the bedroom area.

Looking into the opulent “Emperor” bedroom suite display he saw something that shocked him even more than a masked intruder.

She was still wearing her company sky-blue blouse and dark blue pencil skirt. But the blouse was open and her breasts were exposed, her skirt was hitched up around her waist and her knickers were at the side of her bed, along with her shoes.

She was moaning, deeply, but the moans were stifled because of the corner of a leather swatch rolled up in her mouth and gripped tightly between her teeth. Her head was thrown back, her dark chestnut hair spread across the bed. Her hand rubbed her pussy, both wet with her juices.

He watched as two fingers dived in and out of her snatch, oblivious to him and to the growing wet patch on the expensive silk sheets that covered the bed.

The manager in him felt outrage at her unprofessional behaviour, but the man in him easily overruled it and he could feel his cock throbbing and growing. He began to rub himself through his trousers, he wanted to pull out his cock and slowly wank as she frigged herself to orgasm. But that would have been wrong and this way he could wait until she had finished, admonish her and then attend to his own needs.

She drew her legs up so her heels touched her buttocks and pushed her fingers deeper inside her. He should see she was cumming. She shuddered and the moaning became almost a scream.

Then she became aware of him. She saw the hand on his crotch.

The swatch fell from her mouth and she uttered the words he longed for “Fuck me, please.”

He dropped his trousers with as much haste as he could without falling over and with his underwear and trousers still wrapped around one ankle crawled onto the bed and pushed his cock deep inside her.

She reached to her side, grasped the swatch and pushed it into her mouth, smelling and tasting the leather. He sucked at her breasts the nipples already swollen and sensitive. He licked, then sucked, then nibbled then bit them. She did not mind, in fact it was what she wanted and bit onto the leather, screaming into the roll of hide, eyes wide and animal.

He felt her pussy grip his cock and his groin become wet with her. He slammed his cock into her mons over and over, a fiery wild orgasm spewing cum into her.

After collapsing on top of her he took several minutes recover and consider the situation. He decided that his job had great fringe benefits.

Feltching

Here’s a question.

Where does the term feltching come from.

If Sadism comes from The Marquise De Sade and masochism from Sacher Masoch, then is there an Erick Feltcher out there who invented the practice of feltching.

Then of course there’s the fact that there are two different definitions of feltching …

Odd eh?

And well done if you got to here and didn’t just look at the picture LOL.

Setting My Pussy Free!

PussyAfter almost 21 days of incarceration my pussy is now free. I bet there are lots of you out there who haven’t been keeping up. Go on, raise your hands so we can see who you are. Lol

To recap. My cat dislocated his toe on his foot much to my dismay as I reached the top of the stairs to see him sat there with his toe pointing skyward.

We took him to the vets who strapped him up and advised that he would need to kept in for the toe to relocate and his muscles to strengthen around it once the bandage was removed. The end result almost 3 weeks of being inside for an outdoor moggy.

He has spent the last couple of weeks giving me “evils” for not allowing him to go out. I think there was almost a level of understanding and near acceptance the first week because he knew he had a strange things stuck on his leg.

But the last couple of week he has been driving me crazy and manoeuvring in/out of the house has been with military precision. Involving diversionary tactics. Such as access to areas normally behind doors.

If you have a cat you will know just how enticing and exciting gaining access to unusual areas is for a cat. 😀

Well, yesterday without any ado because it shouldn’t have happened. We returned from a shopping trip to be met by the cat standing immediately behind the door. With no other means of entry to the property we had to make a decision.

We either go and sit in the car until her thinks we have gone. Risking the frozen fare defrosting. Or we let him out in to the big wide world.

With little debate we allowed him to escape and skip off down the driveway. I’m sure I saw him smile.

And today he has been a different cat altogether. We can take him off the Prozac. Lol

Naughty Doctors & Nurses

Elisabetta CanalisI remember the launch of ER in the UK and the impact it had on me. There hadn’t been anything comparable on British television before then. Yes we had Casualty and the loveable characters but the drama that ER was far more edge of the seat and thrilling.

And the doctors…

One in particular, Dr Doug Ross. Can you guess who it is I’m swooning over. Yep, George Clooney. Oh, and I also liked the young doctor played by Noah Wyle but not quite as much. Lol

Not that I ever stood a chance with Mr Clooney who has had a succession of beautiful women to woo. The current one, Sardinian television presenter the gorgeous Elisabetta Canalis. That’s her in the top left there, I wouldn’t say no, I bet you wouldn’t either. 😉

Goop On Her Glasses

MeganekkoGlasses fetish is quite common, it’s definitely real because there’s a Japanese name for it Meganekko. Then again there’s a Japanese word for pretty much any fetish you can think of so maybe that’s not such a certain proof of its existence.

This guy has to be borderline. While his crimes don’t appear to have a sexual element I can’t help wondering if he hasn’t got any glasses porn tucked away somewhere. It does seem a strange compulsion to have otherwise. Or maybe he had a fixation on someone, maybe a girlfriend or a movie star even who wears glasses?

We all have our little obsessions that to others must seem incredibly strange but committing armed robberies for glasses frames is at least odd measured against most people’s view of vaguely normal behaviour.

Make your mind up for yourself here.

Making You Wine & Moan

Red Wine GlassAs if we needed an excuse to partake in a glass of good red wine, we now have an excellent reason. A study has been carried out on 800 women between the age of 18 and 50 by doctors at the University of Florence, examining the effect of red wine consumption on their sexual function.

An interesting study…

Women who drank more than two glasses per day were excluded from the study as not to skew the results by being inebriated. Lol

All of the participants were said to be in good sexual health and divided up in to three groups, those who frequently consumed one or two glasses, those who consumed less than a glass per day of wine or alcohol and ones who drank nothing.

You can see how the test turned out here, I was rather surprised.

Right, I’m off to open a bottle of Shiraz…Alex!

Naughty Goings On in Hotel Rooms

Hotel RoomThere’s a photo feature over on the Telegraph at the moment about some of the bizarre things found in hotel rooms. They are all pretty amusing, though I have to say that my favourite is the guest who turned the loo into a charcoal oven and cooked themselves a stir fry.

You have to assume they edited the list to exclude the naughty stuff. We’ve come close to leaving stuff in hotel rooms that would have amused the staff. BDSM equipment usually, like whips or floggers.

If we had done then would we have called the hotel and asked for them to be sent on? I think Suze would have had reservations but I’d have loved the conversation with the front desk and the housekeeping staff when trying to find out if they’d been handed in.

It’s the devilish streak in me.

The odd leather whip is one thing but there must have been some pretty yucky stuff left by some room occupants – and I’m not just talking about soiled linen.

Anyone out there worked in a hotel and had to tidy up after a sticky sexual fling?

Austrian Fucking

Fucking In Austria Road SignCan you believe that there is a small Austrian village in the municipality of Tarsdorf. It is situated 21 miles north of Salzburgh if you are thinking of looking it up.

I suppose it translates as something completely different to our version of the name. Lol In fact it probably is pronounced differently too.

Tourists are making life for the citizens there a misery by posing in suggestive ways by the sign which has prompted evasive action. Even resorting to pinching the signs on a regular basis. They have now installed CCTV cameras to monitor the lude and rude behaviour.

Despite the obvious problems the villagers voted to stick with the town’s name back in 2004 despite having to constantly replace road signs and look the other way.

Do you have any strange town or village names near to you?

Getting Yourself Into Porn

Church SignHere’s a good idea for a site, and this one is free to anyone, I’m putting it into the public domain.

You know all those church sign sites where you can generate the irreverent US-style church signs … how about a cross between that, Elf Yourself (the Christmas Elf Flash movie creator) and some stock porn movie stills.

As with Elf Yourself you could load up some images of your face and have them superimposed onto the porn movie stills. Just to impress your friends.

Well it’s just a though …

Door To Door Sex

Porn In The PostIf a package of adult products fell off the back of a lorry and somehow made it to your door, would you go around giving them away?

It seems like a strange thing to do. But that is exactly what happened in Shepperton. The toys and adult products said to worth £1,000 were pushed through business letterboxes in the town on Wednesday 15th July.

The story and images of the man and woman with faces blurred out was submitted to the Surrey Herald who are covering the story.

There are some classic lines in the report like this one

“Pam Lucas, who runs Connect Foundation for Mental Health opened the door on Wednesday morning to find a rubber pink dildo was blocking the way.”

You can read the rest of the story here, I can’t write any more for laughing.

Uncontrolled Animals

Pets With TourettesBefore we start this is not in the sexual sense. Scroll down for the smutty stuff. 😉

I watched a very interesting program a few weeks ago about individuals afflicted with Tourettes. It really did give an insight in to the daily dilemmas and issues faced by sufferers who are totally aware of their illness and uncontrollable outbursts.

It followed over a number of years two key people, a boy and a young man and it left me with so much empathy for them. These two guys had a level of acceptance for their condition which was made liveable by the fact that they saw the Tourettes side of their character as a different being.

If you ever get the chance to watch this programme do so it is very educational, you will never look at a sufferer in the same way again. And that was achieved by the brilliant coverage and scripting.

Now on a lighter note and I think this would also be appreciated by fellow suffers I direct your attention to the book in the top left corner. I have no idea what the book is about, it just made me smile.

It is a proper publication available on Amazon here.

Fucked By The Plumber Or Just laying Pipe?

I just read this rather scathing review of “Too Close To The Sun” in the Telegraph by Charles Spencer.

My favourite quote is, “Robinson is the kind of composer who thinks that if you mention Paris then you must have a snatch of accordion music.”

The comment made me think of really bad porn and the clichés it employs. Not that porn and eroticism are not full of clichés and easily recognisable queues to spark the imagination and fan the lustful embers smouldering inside us. The relatively subtle stuff, licking lips a flash of stocking … a girl bouncing around on a space hopper, no I mean the really crappy stuff.

There’s the pool cleaner who turns up to scrub the tiles and ends up giving the lady of the house a good hosing down.

Then there’s the gardener whose rippling muscles don’t go unnoticed and is quickly invited in to exchange doing a bit of hoeing to doing the ho of the house.

One that does make me laugh is the “plumber” because Not The Nine O’clock news did a spoof of a badly acted porn scene with nonsensical dialogue and acting so wooden you got splinters just listening to it.

What’s really amazing is that power gets away with it, not because of an ironic twist to the script or clever directing making you forgive the cliché because of the great production value but because you get randy and your libido doesn’t have any taste.

Sadly from Charles Spencer’s review of “Too Close To The Sun” the creators of that show may wish they had put more naked genitalia in it to take the audience’s mind off the rest of the show.

Sex In Lab Coats

I remember watching “The Making Of Me” in which John Barrowman tried to discover what makes him gay.

Yes, newsflash John Barrowman is gay!

For me he can be a bit theatrical at times but I do find him endearing and even more so since I discovered that when he’s with his parents he switches from an American accent to his parents’ Scottish brogue.

The conclusions of the programme are almost irrelevant for the purposes of this post and if you want top find out what they were I suggest you browse to the BBC’s iPlayer and watch the show – Sorry people outside the UK, you may not have access to iPlayer.

However, the bottom line is that all the empirical evidence presented in the programme pointed towards sexual orientation being fixed during pregnancy. The search for a gay gene was inconclusive, but there was a definite correlation between being the younger of two or more siblings and being gay. There is also some evidence that non-conformist children go on to become gay men and women.

The relief on John’s face when he found out that all the scientific evidence he was presented with pointed towards sexual orientation being fixed before birth was clearly evident. This posed a question: Do gay men and women blame themselves in some way (perhaps “letting their families down”) for not being heterosexual?

John has wonderful parents, loving, kind and obviously accepting of his sexuality. We know gay men who have had much rougher experiences when they came out, or being totally disowned by their parents. Yet even with John’s parents’ obviously sympathetic attitude he still felt relief that he had no choice in his sexual orientation.

Is society still so judgemental that gay man and women still feel the need to justify their orientation?

Not At All Vile Bodies

Body ArtEvelyn Waugh was talking about something completely different when she wrote about London society and its decadence. Apt though because these living works of art from the other side of the world are anything but vile – literally antipodal.

From the beautiful to the grotesque yet captivating everyone is a unique expression of the creativity of man (or woman) and the innate beauty of the human form.

Actually, that’s a point. Can you use the word “man” in that context without it being seen as excluding half the human population?

Fucking The Piss Out Of Me

ShaggedAlex and I have had a very emotionally fraught last few weeks. Tension has abounded in the household and not because of each other but external problems which we had no control over.

This has ultimately taken its toll on our sex life. Not that we have abstained but it has been more a case of a quick shag and then on with work. We have been slightly distracted and that doesn’t make for lingering sexual play. You feel emotionally drained and too tired to be creative in the bedroom.

So last night was a welcomed changed and very, very enjoyable escapism.

We were lying in bed watching of all things Johnny Depp’s excellent performance in Sweeney Todd. I know it’s not exactly conducive to bedroom frolics. But on the contrary Alex became hard and moved in between my legs to penetrate me.

I prefer doggy style so it was a different experience as he pushed inside me and then grasped a breast through my slip in each hand and gently began to roll my ample breasts under his hands. He then took hold of my hips and masterfully pulled me towards him, impaling me deeper on to his hard cock.

He then started to fuck me like a thing possessed. I raised my shoulders off the pillow, tilting my pelvis to maximise the g-spot stimulation he was already giving me. Within minutes I was coming and soon after Alex groaned as he came.

When we had laid next to each other for a few minutes holding hands, catching our breaths I rolled over to kiss him and realised I was laying on a very wet patch on the mattress. And the back of my slip was wet through.

It has been a long time since I squirted and the bed and I were wet through, I had to deploy the hairdryer. 😉

Oh, and just for clarity I hadn’t peed myself, squirting something completely different …

Bad Taste, Girl Spreading Legs

Legs Wide OpenWe have all had a shot at taking dirty pictures of each other. Well, most of us. Lol I’ve done my fair share of playing model and camera girl.

The image above sends home the message that you should be careful about when and where you start to get a bit naughty with the lens. Or you may have some explaining to do. 😉