Monthly Archives: September 2009

International Orgasms

SuzeRemember I told you we booked to go to Venus Sexpo in Berlin. Well a few things have come to mind whilst I do my in head planning of what to pack etc.

We will be over there at the largest show of its kind in Europe taking in everything sex and sexuality over the three days that we are there. There will be stands, shows and everything in between (I’ve been told even pussy thrust in your face) I think it is going to be a bit of an eye opener even for a seasoned sexpert like me. 😉

The other shows we have attended here in the UK have merely been a warm up for what I expect is going to hit me slap bang in the face when I am out there. I am hoping to make new contacts and establish relationships in Europe and afar that will see Sex Toys Buzz flourish and prosper over the coming months.

We are intending to bring you the highlights of the days discoveries as we encounter them and post regular updates so you know what we have been up to, so you can be a part of it with us.

It did occur to me though. What am I to do with the free samples of adult products when I fly home? If I put them in my hand luggage they may end up being run through a scanner in front of me and no I don’t fancy being asked why I have several bullets in my bag. Lol

And if I put them in my case will they look like potential weapons and be confiscated. What do you think is best guys? 🙂

Twisted Fairies

HornyOctober is nearly upon us and while the draw fro the Sex Toy Buzz sex toy giveaway is almost upon us my mind is thinking beyond that and into October because a) we’re going to Venus and b) it’s Halloween month and you all know how I like twisted stories so expect lots of naught warped erotica next month.

In light of my perennial fixation with the dark and deranged you’ll understand why I liked this movie poster mash-up I found today.

Lactating Breasts In Extremis

Takashi MurakamiI’ve never been to the Tate modern in London but if I get chance I certainly will. I love art and even if it turns out to be a bag of crap it gets a reaction then art has in some way at least done it’s job.

Now, check this out Takashi Murakami a Japanese artist has produced some really weird shit. Weird in a good way, weird is good :o)

You can see his site here, or take a look at some of the latest works at the Tate Modern here.

How Hot Are You In Bed

Lycra BoobThe Daily Mail posted up a poll of 15,000 women from 20 different countries who were asked to rate nations on their ability in the boudoir and to list their reasons for selecting them. The research was carried out by global research site

It makes interesting reading and of course I was very interested to find out how British men faired in the bedroom because I have to admit I haven’t had any complaints over the years. And I’m not just saying that because I have Alex sat at the side of me. Lol

Well, I’m sorry to say that English guys came in second place with the complaint being that they were too lazy. Not in my experience but I suppose it all depends on the circumstances if these trysts occurred during a holiday abroad then there is every likelihood that the guy was a little drunk.

I suppose you have to take these things in context. You can read the rest of the survey here, it does make for an interesting read. Lol

I Want Something In My Ass

AssIt was nearly the end of the week, Thursday evening to be precise and Alex and I were chilling out in the bedroom watching something or other on television. Don’t ask we what because I wasn’t really watching, more looking through it as I daydreamed about hot days and lusty nights.

We have had a few of those lately but the weather has gone back to the norm now, dull, grey and cold. But the memories of those sticky lustful nights still float in the air as I contemplate the long Winter months ahead.

In a way the colder evenings are better for full on dirty animal sex because we don’t have to set the fan up before we start. Lol As the flu virus that seems to be lingering around is subsiding I have started to feel a little more invigorated.

Both of us were in the mood and started to kiss and caress each other, something we haven’t done for a while, usually giving in to need rather than a prolonged session of foreplay. But on this evening we were both eager to kiss each other tenderly on the neck, taking a quick nibble on the ear lobe here and there.

It wasn’t long before Alex was pushing my legs apart to gain access to me and we had the most wonderful tender fucking session. I was so relaxed that it felt right to enjoy some anal action and I thoroughly enjoyed the penetration.

To read more about my anal foray you will need to check out my review on Sex Toys Buzz tomorrow. 😉

Daily Filth Roundup

On BackWell my cyber stalker is still waiting in the wings for me to relent under his onslaught of wooing emails. As the days go by he gets more and more repetitive and desperate.

Some of them sound more like demands rather than suggestions of what he wants to do to me. Despite me not reciprocating his emails any more he is as stead fast and determined as ever to win me over with his sliver tongue and pimpernel ways. Lol

I’m sure you are all eager to hear what I have found in my mailbox from Mr Lover Lover today aren’t you. Well, I won’t make you wait any longer, here is today’s serving of romantic gestures.

“suzann your so hot and so sexy xxx i like you love” nice slow in to start the day 🙂

“suzanne i want you to know that i like what i see suzanne i want to cum all over your sexy body xx”

“suzanne when can i meet you sexy i want your lovely ass on my cock suzanne xx” the last message to date and I’m still an anal newbie lol

I don’t know just how long I keep up my resistance to his charms…

Public Nudity In The Woods

Nice AssWe went out for a walk today, all part of our regime of getting back into shape after the interminable bouts of flu we both had over the past couple of weeks. Well I say had, Suze is still suffering with a chest infection. The fresh air is helping to clear her chest and despite being a bit of a challenge for someone who’s wheezing and groaning she is enjoying it.

Anyway, to the nudity.

We were on our way back and we both, for some reason were ready for a pee. We must had slightly over done it on the pre-walk hydration. Much of the route we take is through woodland, behind a golf course and along the ridge line of a wooded valley. The trees are quite varied including beech, oak, ash, elder and holly. They form secluded clearings which I suggested we both make use of rather than walk home uncomfortably crossing our legs.

I did but Suze opted not to on the grounds she thought she might topple over when she crouched on the uneven ground. Then Suze observed how “easy it is for you men”. She has a point, c’est la vie.

Suze waited on the main path while I relieved myself in the seclusion of the clearing. I realised as I stood there, cock in hand that it was ages since I had been naked, or even exposed my tackle outdoors. I’m not one for habitual and persistent displays of public nudity but I have been known to get naked outdoors for the right reason. Usually sex of course.

I felt quite good actually, getting fresh air around my bits and pieces. A bit late in the year for an outdoor shag in these latitudes though.

Cock Show And Tell

CockOne thing I have learned doing the social network thing. There is no shortage of guys who are more than willing to get it out for you. Lol

Just tonight I had one approach me via email (you will note that they only communicate behind the scenes) no words, just a picture of what appeared to be a less than average cut, very red cock. Not very pretty.

My reply to him (bearing in mind that this whole thing is now wearing thin) “Is that supposed to impress me?” Can you believe he actually came back saying “Yes, I want to impress you”. I think the language barrier didn’t help. Lol

I couldn’t resist sending one last message “I have my own to look at every day”.

For some unknown reason these guys despite knowing that you have a partner feel the need to try and impress you with their cocks, when it is just so boring. It may be a good thing if you are a single girl out there but please, when I have something already on the stove why would I want to order out.

I suppose it takes all sorts. lol

Sexual Predator

VampI told you about my social networking stalker the other day and how he has been sending me the worst chat up lines I have ever encountered. That’s if you can call them chat up lines as most of them appear to be requests for acts that I can’t even carry out on him. Lol

I’m guessing that he has had very little interaction with females but that doesn’t excuse his blunt, unflattering and damn right stupid requests. Right, I got that off my chest.

As I pointed out the other day, after refusing to give Mr Creepy my phone number he went quiet and I thought that was the end of it all. But no if there is one thing Mr Creepy is it’s persistent and I have received quite a few chat up emails today.

I’ll share some of the finer ones with you just in case of any of you guys want to gleen any tips. Lol

Here is today’s offerings and be honest girls if you are reading these, let me know if you are at all turned on by any of them.

suzanne i want to put my hard cock in your pussy and my fingers up your lovely ass suzanne xxxx

suzanne give me a titt wank love xxxxx

suzanne i will make your pussy wet xxxxx how are you this is a good one, he actually asks how I am lol

do you want me to lick you suzanne xx

I think that give you a general flavour of the wonderful chat up lines I’m receiving, are you jealous? LMFAO

Private Sex Show – Part 2 of 2

Doggy Style On DeslThe DVD player sat on the shelf for a couple of days until its owner returned to pick it up. The bell above the door jangled its shrill note and announced her arrival just as the kettle boiled. He cursed the interruption but as he muttered under his breath he caught sight of her and realised it was the same woman he’d masturbated over a few days earlier.

He swallowed hard and composed himself before greeting her. He asked for her repair ticket despite knowing exactly which piece of equipment she had come to collect.

She paid for the work and a little awkwardly asked “Was there a DVD in the player?”

“I don’t know.” he lied, shuffling awkwardly, his flushed cheeks giving him away.

She was shocked for a moment then her pupils widened as her mind took in the realisation that he had seen her striptease and … the rest.

“Oh. Did you like it?” she asked.

“Yes.” He answered truthfully. He could see she was enjoying the thought of him watching her. “Who was the DVD for?” he asked, pushing his luck.

“Oh, whoever…” She said feigning a coy look and failing.

“You were very good.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want me to show you?” His heart thumped, realising he’d over stepped the mark.

“Yes.” She said.


The door was locked, the sign turned to closed and he was in the back room again. Except this time she was there in the flesh. She wore a pair of jeans not the skirt and a T-Shirt not a blouse. Her hair was down, falling down her back in blonde cascades.

“Let me see what you did …” She instructed.

He unzipped himself and let his trousers fall to his knees. His cock was becoming hard, the though of reciprocating to the subject of his previous masturbation fantasy a turn on. When she unbuttoned her jeans and slid her hand into her panties, leaning back against the bench.

He sat in the chair, cock in hand and watched her hand moving inside her jeans. She watched him in return, fascinated by his cock and enjoying the sight of a man masturbating for her. He spread some saliva around his now shining helmet with his fingers before continuing to pump his penis with his fist.

Her fingers were obviously deep inside her moving less. Her eyes were closed, mouth slightly open, concentrating hard.

“I’m going to cum.” He said, his voice strained.

“What!” Her eyes snapped open. She pushed her jeans and knickers down over her hips. A wave of rich feminine scent seemed to instantly permeate the air when her glistening pussy was exposed. She turned, bending over the bench to present her round ass to him.

He stood up and shuffled across to her. At first he rested his cock between her butt cheeks and pressing his balls against her, but only for a moment. He needed to cum and she needed him inside her. He bent his knees slightly and leaned forward to reduce the height. It was awkward but pressed his cock onto her G Spot when he slid into her velvety hole.

The bench rattled with each thrust. She was on the edge of orgasm, her moans signalled that. He was unable to hold back and in three hard strokes filled her pussy with his semen. She gasped and whimpered her orgasm and gripped his now spent cock inside her.

Muff Shaving On National TV

Just to be straight here I do feel sorry for the newsreader. I think she genuinely did have a very sheltered upbringing. Too sheltered I think. Though how she got through school and college without finding out what a muff was I don’t know.

Private Sex Show – Part 1 of 2

BasqueIt was after five and he’d shut up shop for the day. He set about making repairs to the pile of faulty electrical goods in the dingy back room. The DVD player was dead. He’d checked the fuse, just in case the customer had omitted to do so but that was OK. So he stripped it down. The fault was easy enough to locate, a badly seated connector. He rebuilt the player and pressed the on button.

It whirred into life and as he reached for a test disk to check the drive it started to play. It was an amateur DVD, he could see from the quality and camera angle. Slightly too low, tripod mounted. The shot was of a bedroom, totally ordinary, could have been anywhere and apparently empty.

After a moment the shot juddered as if the tripod had been kicked and a woman appeared. She was wearing a tight knee-length skirt, it looked dark blue though the colour balance was a bit odd so it could have been black. Her blouse was a shade of lilac. She wore glasses and carried a shorthand pad and a pen.

She was looking at the camera, it seemed she was a little unsure what to do next. She looked into the lens and pouted slightly, then raised the pen to her lips, resting it there. Her mouth opened a little and he saw a flash of her teeth.

She turned slightly to one side, showing the back of her head and her hair pinned up in a bun. She look a the camera again, over the top of her black rimmed glasses, head slightly to one side and sucked the end of the pen.

Her hips began to sway and he could hear the sound of a slow soft melody in the background that he couldn’t make out. It appeared to be coming from a cheap stereo system with no bass.

She turned away from the camera and bending forward put down the pad and pen on the bed. Her ass was round and filled the skirt to bursting point. He could see she was wearing seemed stockings now. She’d really made the effort.

His private dancer now sat on the bed and began to unbutton her blouse. When she opened the satin curtains she revealed a lacy black bra containing a voluptuous pair of breasts. His cock was stiff in his trousers. He decided that on balance it was best to release the throbbing member from its uncomfortable prison. He was dribbling precum, the unexpected and endearingly self-conscious striptease he was watching had his heart racing.

She slid the blouse from her shoulder then reached around her back and unhooked her bra. Her breasts where as big as they appeared, mature and not as pert as they obviously once had been but soft and inviting. He imagined sliding his cock between them and stroked it in time with his imaginary thrusts.

She played with her nipples for a while squeezing her tits and becoming less aware of the camera as the pleasure took over. She lay back on the bed, sliding her skirt up over her hips until it was a thick roll of material at her waist. Her pussy was shaved and already bare, stockings and suspenders a clichéd but effective accompaniment to her swollen pussy lips.

Her hand delved to her groin and parted the outer labia to reveal a pink and moist furrow inside. Her fingers slid up and down its length spending as much time inside her as they did rubbing her clitoris. His hand became more fevered in its pumping of his cock and before he reached a climax he felt his groin tighten. Hot spunk flew from his cock and covered his hand and trousers. He lay back in the chair shut his eyes and the feeling of cum still oozing from his penis and down onto his hand accompanied her groans as she came on the TV screen.

To be continued …

Filthy Fantasies And Twisted Understanding

We walk a thin line in some of our fantasies. An example that springs to mind is the use of military uniforms and fantasy scenarios. Uniforms symbolise power, a power that has to be respected and obeyed without question. The penalty for not obeying is swift, often severe and occasionally arbitrary, depending on the nature and mood of the person exercising that power.

It’s therefore not surprising that uniforms and accutriments reminiscent of the most oppressive regimes and belief systems often turn up in some fantasies, particularly those which involved BDSM. This fuels the belief of those who do not understand it that BDSM is in itself intrinsically sympathetic to totalitarian and uncontrolled sadistic behaviour.

Power exchange and the exploration of sensual pleasure can be extreme in its application, but that does not imply a lack of control, far from it. Control in such situation is everything and without it, what begins as an exploration of sensuality, becomes an exercise in exploitation.

It’s just another way in which those who do not understand sexuality beyond the most vanilla of its expressions sometimes seek to demonise that which they do not understand. Granted there are people who disguise abuse as BDSM, but thankfully these are few and far between. Unfortunately propaganda is a powerful thing. During the last two world wars it was used by every country to inspire their citizens to great feats of selflessness and self-sacrifice and to instil a hatred of the “enemy” to ensure a united country/alliance and therefore the ultimate victory of their ideology.

Even today propaganda persists and is used as a tool by our governments. After the tragedy of 911 I remember seeing a BBC TV special about anti-terror technology. It was absolute bullshit, but meant to reassure the population that the atrocities of 911 were unlikely to be repeated because of the apparent new security measures that had been adopted. I was appalled at the time, but looking back I can see how the powers that be could think it was a necessary piece of propaganda to help reassure the population.

The problem with propaganda is that it’s intrinsically biased. It’s therefore very easy for the media to depict what they decide are non-normal sexual practices as deviant and damaging. Just as they did in early 2008 with Max Moseley. The Internet makes the dissemination of this sort of propaganda all too easy.

Deliberate propaganda aside sloppy writing and bad research mean that gleaning information from the Internet about sexuality is fraught with danger, so beware!

Up-Skirts Sexiness

TV Up SkirtsI can understand voyeurism but have to say that as with all things on the Internet it’s possible to take things too far. And of course the extremes of porn on the Internet are very extreme.

You see my take on the up-skirts panty shot is that it’s the surreptitious flash of what’s hiding up there that is the turn on. The glimpse of something that would normally be hidden. It’s the same with a flash of stocking or the inadvertent opening of a blouse as a woman leans forward. There’s infinitely more eroticism in that than a girl wearing stockings with legs akimbo with no preamble or a woman taking off her blouse and scooping her tits out with no self-consciousness.

Some things like that are difficult to quantify, but with the up-skirt picture (which I have to say have bee over-done to hell) I think there should be a minimum length for skirts. It’s easy for the photographers to get a show of a girl’s crotch if the skirt is only six inches from waistband to hemline but that has no appeal at all. I would say mid-thigh is the shortest to be properly arousing and then only with the quickest of flashes.

All that said the up-skirts panty shots always disturb me somewhat because of their implied lack of consent, even when they are obviously staged – so they aren’t something I seek out – there’s much better and more exciting stuff out there.

I’d actually much rather first feel what a woman has on under her skirt than stick my head, or a camera up there though that wouldn’t work on the Internet LOL

Having Breasts Rubbed In Your Face

Big Wet BreastsI’ve decided to take a clicker to Germany. You know, one of those counter things that people use when they want to keep a running tally of things when doing surveys.

I figure it like this. At Venus we’ve been told that we’ll be exposed to an enormous quantity of naked flesh, so to verify just how much nudity is there I’ll count the nipples and tot them up on a click-counter. Then I can let you know the exact quantity of nipplage at the show.

No, it’s OK, don’t thank me, all part of the service.

Free Porn For All

Sam FoxThe UK has always had an uneasy relationship with pornography. It’s always been around in one form or another, but never so readily available as today.

A prime example of this is the availability of pornographic movies, first on film, then video tape and now DVD. Or to put it more accurately illegally available on Film and VHS tapes, then about ten years ago becoming legal and regulated as R18 VHS and DVD.

I’m always amused to remember what I heard about the chief censor from the 1950s and 60s who would insist on viewing the most explicit of movies on his own so as not to corrupt other members of the BBFC. I assume he got through a lot of Kleenex.

Use of the obscene publications act and ever changing BBFC rules meant that sometimes sexually provocative and slightly explicit films were OK, and at other times were very illegal. As a consequence film producers could only guess at whether or not their film would be passed as an 18 certificate (previously X rated), much of the outcome dependent on the release data and what guidelines were in force at that time. The ultimate hypocrisy and possibly final nail in the coffin of the old arbitrary classification regime was when video nasties started appearing.

Snuff movies and those like “Cannibal Holocaust” showed just what happens when you ban a genre or cut it to ribbons without consistent guidelines – people seek out the movies underground. Like the horrendous video nasties you could get porn under the counter and while most was tame in comparison to the R18 we have today a 1980s porn movie was not subject to regulation and therefore potentially exploitative of the performers.

I was watching a documentary about Ben Dover, iconic British porn star, a few weeks ago. His first movies were filmed in a camper van, illegally and in the gonzo porn style. He observed that when he was appearing in that genre of porn it was a) more exciting and b) far more difficult to get hold of. Because of that porn was more titillating and much more of a novelty. I can see his point.

While acknowledging the fact that some porn of the illegal era might be questionable in its treatment of the performers I would have to say that porn was more exciting back then. The production values weren’t as high, the acting was just as poor, but it was all somehow more natural. Now as Kenny Styles mentioned in the recent interview by Suze some producers fall into the trap of becoming repetitive and boring (“the sausage factory”  ), simply because of the number of titles they have to churn out.

We can never go back to the days of surreptitious under the counter porn, the ravenous nature of Internet Tube sites has seen to that. But we must reward those producers and directors that create imaginative, innovative and therefore ultimately more arousing porn rather than those who simply repeat the same, stale formats over and over.

Last Fuck Of The Summer – Part 2

“Unzip me”, demanded Poppy. She was standing with her back to him, the red dress clinging to her every curve. He reached up from his seated position on the bed and slowly drew the zip down from the nape of her neck to the firm roundness of her ass. She shrugged the garment from her shoulders revealing her red satin-clad cheeks.

Kevin ran his hands across the smoothness of her buttocks, palms coming to rest on each hip, fingers reaching round to draw her ass towards him. He kissed her through the silky material, then up to the indentation at the base of her back, his lips now replaced by a tongue, tasting her flesh, leaving a moist trail up her back as he rose to his feet.

His hands moved from her hips around to her front, up her stomach and onto her imprisoned breasts. She pressed her back into his chest as he crushed the soft mounds, her head arching backwards and to one side, exposing her neck. Kevin kissed her neck from shoulder to ear, then back again, the kisses metamorphosing to nibbles, then bites. She yelped, but did not pull away, instead she reached back with one hand and held his open maw on her exposed flesh, teeth almost breaking the skin.

She could feel the heat of the blood in his cock pressed against her back. As his teeth left her shoulder it became the focus of her attention, so much so that she hardly noticed when he unfastened the clasp between the cups of her bra. Only when Kevin pinched her nipples to the point of biting pain did she stop the instinctive, gyration of her pelvis against him.

Her hands joined forces between her legs, one pulling the satin to one side, the other invading her swollen wetness. She tingled as the fabric curtain was drawn back and the air cooled her pouting lips. She groaned as her fingers traversed the sensuous ravine.

Kevin turned her round and gently laid her on the bed. Poppy’s legs were splayed to allow her access to her needful pussy. Kevin watched for a moment while she rolled and wriggled on her back, red bra cups still flapping on and off her chest, hands working with an earnest passion on her sex. He stroked himself, considering the possibility of cumming there and then, spraying this total stranger with a creamy white stream.

No, he needed to fuck her, to be the architect of her impending climax, to fill her as she reached the Zenith. He lay on the bed with her and crouched astride one leg. The other leg he held high in the air while he teased her pussy, closely trimmed pubic hair glistening with her excitement. Sliding into her was a journey of some seven inches, a slow journey, to be savoured and remembered.

Poppy’s hands moved up to her breast, kneading them, letting Kevin attend to the fiery desire between her legs. Kevin watched his cock disappear between her lips, the thrill of the encounter enhanced by the sight of his thick, veined member sliding past a soaking wet red pair of panties.

The wall in the guest house may have been thin but that was not going to stop Poppy from vocalising her enjoyment. Kevin was past caring about Rose, even though she might hammer on the door at any moment. He responded to the increasing volume of Poppy’s moans by thrusting frantically with hard, deep strokes. The form ferociously he drove into her the most she seemed to want “Yes! YES!” was all the confirmation Kevin needed to continue the powerful, but unsophisticated fuck.

Poppy seemed to reach orgasm several times, or was it just one long orgasm. Her eyes rolled, her inner thighs were wet with her own juices. She moaned and shrieked, no longer able to form on her lips. Kevin’s balls glowed with anticipation, he held back for a few thrusts but that was all. One final thrust and then his hips ground against hers.

Kevin collapsed on top of Poppy, still impaling her on his cock. Her leg curled around him.

They fell asleep.

In the morning she was gone. When he entered the dining room for breakfast she served him, with tea, ensuring that he could see down her white blouse. She smiled and winked before moving to the next table.

He left soon after breakfast, his client would not wait. And anyway, she’d said it herself, it was just a fuck. No regrets. He paid Rose in cash and bid her farewell on a day that promised to be warm and bright.

It was autumn, Kevin slipped into his local sex shop to treat himself to an “artistic” DVD. The plasma screen inside was showing previews. “Not bad” he though as the dark haired girl walked into the room, “Funny camera angle. Nice ass though”. The scene cut to another angle, slightly obscured, the girl sat on the bed, crossed her legs, the red dress rode up exposing a knee. Another cut, another angle, she was rather cute, she was rather familiar, as was the briefcase at the end of the bed.

She was Poppy.

Last Fuck Of The Summer – Part 1

Bikini GirlIt’s a fact that in some seaside towns in England there’s a tendency towards the gaudy and the tasteless. Normally you would have to concede that taste is a subjective thing, a complex interaction of upbringing, culture, fashion and the life experiences we all have. Taste is varied and as individual as every one of us, from the most reserved to the most flamboyant.

But in the case of these towns, and in particular some of the B&Bs taste is something for other people. It’s partly because many of them were decorated in the 1970s and have not been updated since then, but mainly because even in the 70s the owners had an eye for pattern and colour that would make most people wince. Add to that a tendency to collect ornaments of the cheapest and nastiest kind, mass-produced prints of terribly painted pictures and nylon bed sheets and you have hell on earth.

So why do they survive? Because they’re reasonably priced and some of the UK population go back to the same establishment year after year. They’re as familiar as a comfy pair of slippers and just as unlikely to surprise you.

It was late spring, about seven in the evening and the tide was in. There was little wind and the waves that there were lapped gently against the Victorian built granite seawall. A silver Mondeo drove slowly along the road behind the prom. Its driver was becoming concerned, he should have booked something in advance and almost at the end of the two kilometres of seafront he had seen nothing in the bay windows of the villa style houses but “No Vacancies”.

Just as he drew parallel with the stacks of deckchairs chained to the railings on the seawall a sign jumped out and filled him with a warm relief “Vacancies”. He parked in the next side street and trudged back to the door of the “New Haven” B&B with his laptop in one hand and overnight bag in the other. He stopped in the porch and was about to place his bags down on the tiled floor when the door was opened. The orange glow of low-wattage tungsten bulbs spilled out and enveloped him, that and the smell of shepherd’s pie and floral air freshener.

He guessed from her appearance that she was the landlady. She looked around fifty-five but dressed twenty years younger. Twenty years ago she would have made jaws drop, not to mention trousers, and she still retained that look in a more mature and quietly seductive way. Her eyes were still young, a piercing blue. Her initially cautious smile softened and widened as she examined her new guest, deciding she liked this nice young man in his neat business suit.

“The sign says you have vacancies?”

“And you’re very lucky we do. Just the one room, probably the last in town.” She giggled, a schoolgirl’s giggle. Unsure how to react he smiled nervously and followed the landlady inside.

Her name, it transpired, was “Mrs Robinson” Could it be anything else? “… but you can call me Rose.” He felt obliged to reciprocate “Peterson, er, Kevin …”. Being after six thirty she apparently couldn’t oblige him with a hot meal, but promised to bring a sandwich to his room.

“That would be great. ” Peter was grateful for an evening meal that didn’t come out of a packet with a golden “M” on it. “I don’t suppose you could give me about half an hour or so could you? I really need a shower.”

“Of course Kevin. Please, follow me.” And he did through the psychedelically wallpapered hallway and up the stairs with a carpet that would have felt at home in a 1960s rock stars acid trip. He passed the glass clowns in alcoves and pressed on down the flock-wallpapered landing to his room for the night.

Kevin hung up his suit and managed to shower in the smallest cubicle he’d encountered outside his parent’s 2-berth caravan. Apparently en-suite meant in the corner of the bedroom, but he wasn’t complaining. It refreshed him and alleviated some of the stress of the day. In fact he didn’t even care that the TV didn’t have satellite, Channel 5 was fuzzy and BBC2 seemed to be missing altogether.

Laying back on the lumpy double bed in his bathrobe with his arms behind his head he started to drift off to sleep. A knock at the door pulled him back into a room now lit by the TV and the quickly setting sun.

“Just a minute.” He made to get up, but the door opened before his feet touched the ground. A woman entered, not Mrs Robinson, but a woman in her mid-thirties. She was slightly shorter than Kevin shapely and wearing a light red dress, cut in a deep V to expose the tempting valley between her boobs.

“Mum said you were hungry. I hope you like tuna” She looked at him, blinking occasionally, with dark brown almond shaped eyes.

Kevin took the tray she was carrying from her. “Thanks, that’s perfect. So you’re Mrs Ro … Rose’s daughter? I can see the resemblance.”

“Everyone says that, it’s Poppy by the way. ” Her eyes had started to look him up and down, Kevin felt a little disconcerted. “So”, she continued, “what brings you here?”

“Business.” Kevin suddenly felt disinclined to reveal too much.

“What sort of business?”

“I’m a management consultant.” Kevin shuffled from foot to foot. “Look, I’m keeping you, ere, thanks for the sandwich, and thank your mum.” He smiled, hoping to bring the conversation to a polite end.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Poppy.

Kevin found himself looking at the curve of the smooth skin of her neck, contrasting against the rich brown of her long hair. “Nothing, I just feel a bit awkward talking to you, dressed, well not dressed. And your mother outside, somewhere, and …” his voice trailed off. Poppy had turned to the door and dropped the latch.

She turned to face Kevin, “Better?”


Poppy took the tray from the dithering Kevin and placed it on the hideous lace covered dressing table. She sat on the edge of the bed, and crossed her legs, the hem of her dress riding up over her knee. Kevin was dumb-struck.

Poppy patted the bed. “Look I’m bored, you’re on your own … I just wanted a chat.” She smiled a sweet smile which melted Kevin from his immobile state and drew him to the bed beside her.

“So, erm, are you and your mother running this place on your own?” Shit that sounded like a cliché, he may just as well have said “You girls up for a threesome?”

“Yes, that’s right, dad left us with the B and B but not much else so since he died we’ve had to manage on our own.” Kevin felt a little tactless for asking, but she seemed surprisingly up-beat about their circumstances. Poppy continued, “Oh, did I say chat? I thought you might be up for a bit of casual sex? No strings you understand, I haven’t had a good seeing-to in months and I’m in danger of getting RSI with the amount of masturbating I’m doing. I’d close your mouth if I were you, it makes you look a bit simple.”

“Wa? We? Woo?” Replied Kevin.

“Oh for heavens sake.” Poppy kissed the wide-eyed Kevin on the lips. He returned her kiss, hesitantly at first, then with more enthusiasm as the sight of her red satin bra peeking out under her dress and taste of her lipstick mitigated any fears of discovery he might have. His hand came to rest on her upper arm, eliciting an approving “Mmm”, finally thought poppy “He’s got the message.”

Her hand sought out his knee and disappeared under his robe, stroking the hairs on his thigh, creeping upward towards his groin. She found a handful of pulsating flesh, soft skinned and slightly humid from his shower, but firm and growing as her fingers encircled it.

Kevin moved one hand to her waist, pressing his fingers into the soft flesh he found there through the thin fabric of the dress. His other hand pushed her dress up and exposed a smooth thigh. His hand slid up until it found a round buttock then squeezed leaving a five-fingered impression. Poppy expressed her appreciation more loudly this time, breaking from their kiss and letting out a giggly “Ooooo!”

“Now look at that!” Poppy was looking at his cock, now erect and crowned with a single drop of pre-cum. She collected the glistening jewel on the tip of her finger and tasted it, the look in her eyes changing from playfulness to one of lust.

To be continued.

German Doggy Style

EANThe copy of the EAN we got through today – the one with the feature on and in it was in German. I just got round to starting to translate it … apparently Alex & Suze “Admit like multicoloured dogs”

Obviously a phrase I’m not familiar with but it must make sense in German.

Just goes to show that you need a little local knowledge as well as a German to English dictionary to read German.

Oh, inset picture is the second page of the article with a screenshot of Sex Toys Buzz.

Double-Teamed In Europe

EANAfter our coverage earlier this year in the UKs Erotic Trade magazine we’ve just received a copy of the European Adult News mag, where we’re featured again. As you can imagine we’re over the moon about it.

Being recognised for our longevity in the online adult world and our authoritativeness when it comes to adult products is very gratifying. There’s no substitute for experience and when toy retailers start asking you for advice about products you know you’re doing something right. Both this site and our sex toy reviews over at Sex Toys Buzz get a mention.

Venus next month should be fun too, and of course productive. That many adult industry people in one place will make for a great opportunity for us. It’ll be interesting to see what the atmosphere is like in probably the most open-minded show in the world. Its explicitness is legendary. :o)

I wonder what we’ll bring back?