Monthly Archives: January 2010

Make Porn Cum On My TV

I don’t tend to watch shopping channels, well not unless I’m drunk. Oh, I tell a lie I had a brief addiction to watching late night shopping because of the presenters on…I think it was Bidup TV. “It is the latest thing…”. Ok, you had to be there. I bet that makes Alex chuckle. Lol

Although it is fun watching people consume inferior quality items or over priced goods just because they believe they are getting a bargain.

That said watch the video above and you may just be tempted in to buying that Grundig television.

Escape From Bondage, Continued

I was reading some discussion about the movie Avatar today apart from all the sour grapes about the weaknesses of the film (which are far outweighed by the strengths of the production)  one comment stood out. It pointed out that the movie takes the viewer out of reality and for a couple of hours places them in the allegory of our world that is Pandora. The films metaphor is simple and unmistakeable so it’s not going to win too many gongs at the awards. There is a linear plot and a satisfying conclusion that’s unlikely to be mirrored in the real world but while you’re watching it you want to be part of the alien environment. The 3D is only part of this, it’s the concept of the place that’s compelling.

All good cinema is like this. It doesn’t have to change the way society thinks to be great entertainment. It doesn’t have to be believable outside the movie theatre. It just has to engage you in a way that stops you thinking about the shit in the real world from the moment the lights go down to the moment they come back up again.

It applies to porn too, though porn directors and producers seem to make one terribly flawed assumption. The urge to watch porn does not mean that you totally switch your brain off. What you see on the screen can be as weird, fetish and “specialist” as you like but the effect must not be interrupted by some of the incongruities that seem to pepper certain streams of pornography.

I’m not talking about cheap porn being bad porn and high production value pornography being great. Where some movies fall down is the sort of jarring moments where the viewer is made acutely aware that the whole scene is being filmed by a crowd of people or that the progression of the scene skipped several minutes of action or was edited together to cover up a problem.

This sort of thing can happen in any movie from the cheapest amateur video to the largest big budget studio porn picture. In fact it’s more forgivable and less noticeable at the amateur end of the market and makes them seem all the more real.

I do wish studios would think about things like this so we can all, just for a few minutes escape from the bondage of the real world and immerse ourselves fully in the freedom of pornography. Even if it’s bondage porn. LOL

Escape From Bondage

What is it that mainstream cinema and adult entertainment have in common. Escapism.

It just occurred to me that this fundamental commonality drives the sort of movies we get to watch. More later.

Masturbation Impairment

Where did I go yesterday for the first time in a while?  If you forgot, I went to the gym with a determination to keep it up this time and visit frequently.  I was quite proud of myself as I left, knowing that I had done the best I could and not overdone it.

All yesterday I felt good, no aches just the feeling that I had done something with my body that I haven’t done in a while.  A reminder if you like that I have already had an impact on my health.

Then came morning!

I woke up this morning and raised my arm to rub my eyes and OUCH!  I’m not sure what I have done but the simple act of raising my hand to my face hurts like…  It feels like I have pulled the muscle which runs up the back of the arm from the elbow.

It’s typical that I have a new found determination to continue my visits to the gym and I’ve gone and injured myself.  Fingers crossed I will be back in the saddle tomorrow.

And I daren’t think how I’m going to test my toys.  lol

FIlling Her Holes And Rubber Fetish

This may be my dirty mind at work but Suze just read out the URL of the website for the sink cleaner we have http://plugholesneedlovetoo.com/. Does that sound dirty or what?

I’m sure there are other sites out there, perfectly innocent but with dodgy sounding names. I tried the British Rubber Company, but alas their domain is registered and parked here http://www.britishrubber.com/

Of course you could try the United Kingdom Lubricants Association. Sadly they too have absolutely nothing to do with the sex industry.

Finally Googling “Tips on hooking” produced this http://www.golf-trainer.com/golf-tips/golf-tips-on-hooking-the-ball.html

Do you guys have any more?

Kylie Minogue Riding Hard

Some adverts are classic because of the music, the cinematography, the humour or the groundbreaking way in which they present a product or idea.

Others are classics because they have a really nice looking girl getting sweaty in her underwear in a deliberately provocative manner.

Which category does this fall into?

I mention it as Kylie’s advert for Agent Provocateur has been voted best cinema advert ever.

Working Up A Sweat ;)

I had been promising myself to get back in to a fitness regime for weeks and for some reason or other didn’t.  The months passed by and I finally made a promise to myself to start going to gym again at the weekend.  And I did.

Today was my first day back and I must say I’m glad I had the conviction to see it though.  Although I’m now knackered and will probably ache in places I never knew I had I’m sure it has to be good form me.  Lol

It was a quiet morning too, I couldn’t have chosen a better day.  Some days I used to have to queue to use equipment and I thought it was going to be like that today.  Traditionally most people join gym immediately after Christmas and gradually falter as the weeks pass.

I decided to hit the ground running and do some time on the rowing machine and I did quite well, that was until the smelliest guy ever sat right next to me and started wafting his stink around.  It was lucky that I was already feeling the strain by the time he sat there so I got up and moved on.

Didn’t spot anyone worth one though but there is always next time.  I’m back!  😉

Porn On The Busses

AlexSuze.com, Porn MagsWhen Suze and I first got together it wasn’t long before I realised how open-minded she is. It took a while before she came out and told me that she is bisexual but while it was a surprise it wasn’t such a great leap for me to make. She’s always been pretty frank and open in all aspects of her life and looking back now I suppose I’d have been surprised if she hadn’t at least experimented with same-sex relationships.

What I’m actually writing about though is the fact that one day she said to me “When you’re out next can you get some porn mags”. I probably replied with “Pardon?” as I remember her saying something along the lines of “I fancy flicking through them with you.”

So the next day I obliged.

It has become increasingly difficult to get hold of pornography in the UK in your average newsagents. Many chains do not stock it as a matter of policy and some independent outlets don’t if they’re near schools or in areas where it might be frowned upon. Which is odd because hardcore porn is available more easily than ever from licensed sex shops.

Anyway I was without a car at the time. Bloody hell I’d forgotten how long ago it was, shit we were broke. But not too broke for porn magazines. I was working in the centre of town at the time so before catching my bus home I popped into the newsagents in the central bus depot and picked up three magazines.

The store was empty, everyone wanting to get home after work, most of the commuters had already left. I was therefore able to select the magazines without disapproving sideways looks from other patrons. The joke was paying for them because behind the counter was a sour faced old harridan who obviously thought I was a complete pervert.

OK so she’s not too far off the mark, but give me a break, every guy has owned a porn mag in their lives. Including (if she had one) her husband.

While I paid for them she sucked her teeth and tutted, glaring at me over the tops of her Dame Edna Everage glasses. I was quite amused and pissed off at the same time. For heavens sake she was working in a newsagents that sold jazz mags, what did she expect?

The comment that would really have upset her didn’t occur to me until I was almost out of the door.

“They’re not for me you know … they’re for my girlfriend”

The problem we have now is rather different. We tend to tour the local sex shops when we have time, looking for new toys to review, checking out toys that we’ve seen online at one of our review partners stores “in the flesh” so to speak before we have them sent out. One in particular has a very friendly staff who are instructed to approach you to see if you want any help or advice. We of course politely decline.

But as with many of the UK’s sex shops, despite its light, friendly atmosphere inside, it has to be located in the middle of nowhere, out of sight of those old dears with the silly glasses and the disapproving looks.

They don’t know what they are missing.

Loving That Latex Ass

Both Alex and I have a little fetish, nothing too obscure…we love latex.  We both love to search for images and show each other our findings as a release from the tensions of the day.  And you have to confess that nothing hugs a woman’s form better than latex.

Today I discovered this site HMS Latex and this wonderfully devilish skirt.  Don’t you just want one.  😉

Soft Warm And Sexy

AlexSuzeIt’s winter in the northern hemisphere and getting ready to go out can mean wrapping up in your winter woollies. We were out today and I spotted someone in something that you don’t see very often – a knitted dress. She had nice hips, a good figure overall, and it was accentuated by the smooth, soft lines of the woollen dress.

It does prove that you don’t need to be wearing next to nothing to look attractive. Knitwear can be sexy, although as the image at the head of the post demonstrates, not always.

So in the search for photographic proof of that statement I searched around and found the image below. OK so the model really needs to eat something, but you get my point?

Suze’s New Toy

You know what, I can’t take the woman anywhere without her getting hold of a new toy. We had a great time this evening down at the sex toy shop, meeting the staff and the man from the sex toy manufacturer. We had a coffee afterwards with him and a good long chat. He also gave Suze a very rare thing, a sex toy she hadn’t tried yet LOL

Nope, I’m not telling you what it is you’ll have to wait and see when it appears on SexToysBuzz.com.

It’s quite a surreal but common experience these days, being sat in a bar or coffee shop talking about the adult industry in earshot of slightly bemused fellow patrons. They must catch snatches of what we are talking about (one of our clients is a bit loud when he gets enthusiastic about his company) but business is business, even the adult business.

Had a double espresso  while we were there and it must have been a strong one because my head is pounding. This cup of tea will add to the caffeine but at least I’ll get rehydrated. LOL

Later.

Stop! You’re hitting my cervix

I’m a firm believer in the adage “all things are relative” and I’m sure that this rule also applies in the bedroom.  But then again I’ve been a lucky girl when it comes to my cock.  I’ve been fortunate enough to select guys who haven’t disappointed in that department.

Then again being 5’7” usually means that instinctively I select guys who have some stature.  I would love to test out this theory one day.  Anyone out there prepared to sponsor my research?  😉

In fact being well endowed can obviously present its own problems too hence this book I assume and if you find yourself in a similar position you can find it here.

Sex Toy Safari

We’re off out to a meeting with one of the UK’s most innovative sex toy manufacturers this afternoon. See you all later.

While We’re out enjoy the view 🙂

Pure Sex

We men are pretty easy to please most of the time. Our tastes are simple. We also have ways of fooling ourselves into a comfortable world of our own.

Despite years of female liberation, sexually, socially and career-wise we still like to think that the woman we’re with was (almost) pure when met her. We like to think that she was a little innocent, not very worldly and that we’ve opened her eyes. We might say that we want a wanton woman but there’s nothing we like more than a bit of innocence from our girls, at least in our own heads.

It’s only after we’ve been together for a short while that we want her to be a dirty little bugger in the bedroom.  And then we want no holds barred sex …

There’s one exception of course, the one night stand. Or at least the brief fling with the filthy temptress. She can be as experienced, worldly and perverted as she likes because, well, we’re never going to take her home to meet our parents are we.

Now tell me I’m wrong.

Is She Wearing Knickers?

I’m not usually interested in tennis, not my scene but today’s headline caught my eye. Venus Williams had caught the public’s eye when she played in the Australian open yesterday. And don’t tell me it wasn’t intentional.

She appeared on court wearing a very scant yellow outfit and when she took a swing looked as if she wasn’t wearing panties as you can see from the image above.

It turned out that she was wearing flesh coloured undies and I bet she just knew how much attention and press coverage she would be getting as a result.

Giving a whole new meaning to Venus moons! Lol

Cock? Yeah, Hand Job Please :)

I can crochet, wont lie, my grandma taught me how to do it many years ago as a young girl.  The only problem with it is that it doesn’t seem to be as practical as knitting, which I am hopeless at.  My stitches are so variable that it really does look “handmade” for all the wrong reasons, if you know what I mean.

My most ambitious venture with knitting was to make a scarf, no casting on or off ( I actually sound like I know what I’m doing now  🙂 ) just one continuous pieces of wool knotting.  I know there are so many things you can make with knitting but me and the knit one pearl one just didn’t click.

So crochet it was!  But it was so restrictive in terms of creating wearable items.  I could make the common or garden crochet square which when sewn together transformed in to squared off waistcoat.  Suze even had the ingenuity to be able to create little crocheted hats just like ABBA wore way back when.  And don’t forget the obligatory mat complete with roses.

But hasn’t knitting come on in leaps and bounds.  You can now create masterpieces like Mr Daisy but I’m not quite sure where you would display him or if you would have the nerve to gift him to a friend.  Lol

Porn On The Move

We just had a bit of a shock. We though that it would be handy to check out mobile Internet dongles for our laptop. Occasionally we need to access the sites out of reach of a hard connection.

We hit several problems. Because we would only use it occasionally the pay-as-you-go style options would have expired before we had used all the bandwidth. Contracts are relatively cheap but still quite minty for the amount of data transfer they offer and exceeding your bandwidth limit is astronomically expensive. Plus for most of the year we’d be paying for nothing.

There’s us thinking that mobile Internet was coming down in price.

So for the moment we are tied to hard lines. We’ll reconsider in a few months when we’re off to the exhibitions again. Unless anyone out there can recommend a UK mobile broadband service that might be suitable.

Continuous Sex, Keep It Cumming

We were a bit nervous yesterday as we were having the server on which Adult Blog Hub runs upgraded. Everything seems OK thankfully, ABH and Sex-Press sites stayed up, phew!

If you don’t know about Adult Blog Hub it’s a sex blog directory that allows user to register links o their own sites and individual posts. All that’s required in return is a link back to ABH. There’s also a Toplist which counts the number of visitors from each site, ranking the user’s sites on this and Sex-Press which is a listings site driven by RSS feeds on blogs.

Of course it’s sex blogs only, there are plenty of directories for other types of blog and they don’t generally accept blogs with adult content.

If you’re looking for adult content then pop across to Adult Blog Hub and Sex-Press, and if you have a blog they why not register yourself?