Monthly Archives: December 2010

Flower Tucci, Squirter Extraordinaire

Flower Tucci

This is Flower Tucci who is, apparently “queen of female ejaculation”. Despite intensive research I can’t find any images of her actually squirting though there are a few sites who have videos of her if you would like to see her in action.

I only know about her because I came across her name and decided to look her up. Another porn star to add to the pantheon in my head. Oh, her official site is here.

Would You Fuck The Vacuum Cleaner?

Future Sex

Suze and I have written before about our lack of love for fucking machines as featured on a number of specialist sites. The concept of a mechanical device of such complexity, cost and almost brutal application of sexual stimulation doesn’t sit well with either of us.

I have to concede that there will come a day when sex machines do become a part of our lives but not in the crude and unsophisticated form that they exist today. I think that people in general could easily accept a fucking machine in human form. For those of us outside a relationship or who simply do not want to have a relationship they would offer sexual fulfilment without strings and allow anyone to fulfil their fantasies without going through that tiresome process of finding a compatible mate.

That sounds terribly cynical but imagine the sort of situations that a cybernetic sex partner would be far more desirable than a real human. If you loose your partner of 40 years you might feel that to woo another partner and then sleep with them would be full of emotional pitfalls and potential heartbreak for you both. There’s also the matter of not wanting to feel that you have betrayed your life-partner by finding someone else. With a synthetic lover you would be simply fulfilling a need and not trying to replace your soul mate. Not for everyone but an option nonetheless.

You could also try out things your partner might not be in to and get it out of your system. I suppose this is a more controversial statement to make but think about it. If you try it with your synthetic partner and you like it but you still can’t get your partner to join in then maybe you’ve got the wrong partner. However if you find it doesn’t really float your boat then nobody gets hurt. Of course the two downsides to this are if you want to try something really weird and you like it or if you persists in doing the stuff your partner will not try with your cyber sex toy while maintaining your relationship with your human partner – is that being unfaithful or just plain deceitful.

Whatever you do and whatever technology throws up in the future there will be a lot of new ethical, social and emotional issues to address and all that on top of where you charge up your electric love pal.

Pissing Yourself At The Bisexual Flat Share

If you’re a fan of the Channel 4 series Phone-Jacker you’ll be familiar with this little piece of comedy. If you’re not then let me explain. The Phone-Jacker is a crank caller who parodies the disingenuous sales calls, odd telephone conversations from self-important idiots and plain criminal scam calls that all of us have had to endure at some point in our lives.

One of the formats he uses is to advertise a number as a ticket line for cinema or theatre bookings then pretend to be an automated call handling system – a bad one that keeps getting it wrong. The usual result is that the caller eventually simply hangs up in frustration or swears at the call handling system, then hangs up.

A specific variant on this is when the Phone-Jacker pretends to be a letting agent’s system and despite the customer’s best efforts decides they are looking for a “two bedroom bisexual flat share in Wimbledon”.

The voice the Phone-Jacker uses is almost identical to the one used by a national cinema chain in the UK. This was unfortunate as when I was trying to find out the screening times for a movie Suze and I nearly wet ourselves trying to navigate the menu system and confused the hell of ouf the voice recognition software.

I suppose you had to be there …

Latex Ass To Spank

I love latex,not that you couldn’t tell from my avatar lol. It looks so good, clinging to each curve and sinew, begging to be touched, stroked, even shined.

And nothing compares to how it makes an ass look when it’s clinging and caressing to each cheek, don’t you agree? 😉

Hot Shower Sex

Hey girls do you ever feel like we have been cheated on the advertisement front. After all there are copious amounts of adverts featuring semi clad girls and quite often very raunchy images which only just make it past the sensors.

The nearest we got to naughty was the guy advertising the chocolate bar and how the body is just the right temperature to melt it.

Well, I found us a rare treat. I think this advertisement passed me by because it’s one produced in the US although it does puzzle me how certain things get past the censors and others which seem to be tame by comparison don’t.

Click play and enjoy and if you find any others you want to share drop me the link in the comments. 😉

Fucking Sweaty Bodies

We’re off to do a bit of shopping today. Not post-Christmas sales shopping but just normal shopping. The problem is we know that the shops will be heaving with people all desperate to get a “bargain” in the sales.

Apart from having no cash anyway I’m pretty much of the opinion that sales are a waste of time as retailers constantly discount throughout the year in a way that makes sales meaningless. The fact that VAT is soon going to increase by 2.5% seems to be fuelling some people’s enthusiasm for sales at the moment – unless you’re buying a big ticket items that’s completely meaningless.

So the result is that we’ll be going out to stock up of basic stuff and will have to fight our way through the heaving throng of bodies. Joy.

What Can I Do with Vegetables?

AlexSuzeIt would be interesting to know if anyone else shares my enthusiasm for vegetables. I love them all, not one do I dislike. In fact I would go as far as to say that a good portion of vegetables make me feel very randy.

I know the after effects have exactly the opposite effect! 🙂

My favourite vegetable which happens to be seasonal at the moment is the Brussel sprout, I just can’t get enough of them. Eating a plate full of the little green gems wouldn’t be a problem to me at all.

Simply rolling them around in my mouth feeling the smooth texture and spherical shape is bliss. Then the bite. I don’t like them over cooked el dente is perfect, just enough resistance offered when you bite in to them.

I’m sure I have a few of you out there cringing at the thought of eating them. And there could be a scientific reason behind this. Apparently we all differ widely in how many tastebuds we have on our tongues, the higher the density, the more sensitive to taste we are. Rendering sprouts bitter and offensive to the palate.

So the next time someone tells you that you are being picky for not liking sprouts you can say that you have a higher density of tastebuds and find them repulsive as a result.

For me they will always be a winner. In fact when Alex and I hadn’t been living together for long I saved some from Sunday lunch and put them in the fridge. Yes, I like them served cold too. Lol

The next day he prepared the sandwiches as he normally did for us both. When I opened up my lunchbox and checked out the filling they had halved sprouts in them. My work colleagues were rolling around laughing.

I have to say that is the most unusual filling I have ever encountered. How about you, do you like your veg?

Final Fetish Fantasy Extra!

Kinky MaidThis is an episode of the Final Fetish Fantasy I published some time ago. I doesn’t kind of fit into the flow of the story buy hey, it’s filthy so I suppose you’ll love it.

Marie watched Victor playing with the tetrahedron again. She saw his finger alight on the tiny dimple and watched the effect as he pressed it. In the same way as it had when she had twisted the corner it began to reconfigure itself before finally coming to rest in his hand, a tetrahedron again but now with a slight green tinge to the black surface.

“How does it feel?”  she asked him.

“Lighter somehow, and does it look a different colour to you?”

“Yes, a bit greenish.” Marie replied.

“Pity about the latex.” Victor remarked.

Marie looked down and found that instead of the latex dress she was now wearing a pair of jodhpurs and riding boots.  Victor was dressed in a similar fashion with mud spattering his boots as if he had just returned from a ride in the country.

“Are we going mad?” Asked Victor, wondering what to make of the bizarre and inexplicable events they were both experiencing.

“I don’t know, but I’m so turned on by seeing you cum in the shower, then that thing with my ass … I need you to do something for me …” They moved closer to each other on the bed. But as their lips were about to touch there was a knock at the door.

Victor cursed under his breath and broke away. When he answered the door he was surprised that instead of the small bespectacled man he was face to face with a woman, about his wife’s age dressed in a maid’s uniform. Under normal circumstances he would have assumed that this would indicate she was a member of the hotel staff but these circumstances were not normal and her words to him underlined that fact.

“I believe your wife requires me to attend to her?”

“Oh.” Said Victor, at first taken aback. “Oh, yes. I think there is something you could do for her. Come in.”

Victor felt he was getting the hang of this. It must be a dream. He couldn’t quite work out why after the incident in the shower he hadn’t woken next to his wife with a sticky stomach and the awkward task of explaining to his wife why he had experienced a wet dream for the first time in years. But he was happy to encourage this fantasy chamber maid with her wiggling ass and looks that seemed uncannily like the fantasy third partner he and his wife had talked about in their less guarded moments. What would she do next?

Marie seemed to have the same recognition of the blonde haired member of the hotel staff and reacted in a way that only reaffirmed his belief that this was a fantastic dream. “Come here!” she snapped at the maid in a voice that conveyed an authority and impatience that was totally unlike Marie’s  usual demeanour. “Take off my blouse.” Ordered Marie.

Victor watched as the maid removed his wife’s blouse and then at her behest removed her boots, jodhpurs and finally underwear. He found himself rubbing his crotch with no self-consciousness, after all this was his fantasy, no, it was their fantasy. If only Marie could experience this too …

And she was. The maid was ordered to slip between  Marie’s legs and lap at her already wet slit. The maid had straddled Marie’s head and while her tongue lapped at Marie’s swollen pussy lips and tingling clitoris her shot skirt formed a tent around Marie’s head. The scent of the maid’s pussy was intensified by the cloth enclosure.

“The dirty bitch isn’t wearing any knickers!” said Marie from beneath the Maid.

Victor lifted the black skirt to reveal his wife’s smiling face, the maid’s round ass and a bare, shaved pussy. He rubbed his fingers over the swollen lips and gradually between them, deeper and deeper.

“Oh, she likes that!” gasped Marie. “Ooooohhh, yes she loves it” when Victor’s rubbing of the maid’s pussy prompted even more vigorous exploration of his wife’s sex by the maid’s tongue. “Fuck her Victor. I want to see you inside her.”

Victor  pulled down his jodhpurs and pulled off his boots, regretting instantly not taking his boots off first and falling onto the bed. After a little struggling that his wife and their new partner were apparently oblivious to her made to take up position behind the maid, cock swaying in the air in front of him. His wife was already busy between the maid’s legs, fingers sloshing in her cunt.

He waited for her to withdraw her fingers and watched her taste the maid’s juices before guiding his hard cock towards the maid’s swollen labia. He rubbed it up and down her lips, collecting some of the fluid on the tip of his cock before pressing against her opening.  Her looked down to see his wife staring intently at the penetration, the first time she had seen him enter another woman. She uttered one word to him “Yesss”

Sliding inside his new partner was an exciting, guilty pleasure. His wife was there, giving her ascent, in fact encouraging him to fuck this stranger for her pleasure as well as his own and the mixture of conflicting emotions stirred up  new and incomprehensible feeling within him.

He felt his wife’s hand on his ass, pushing him forward, encouraging him to push deep into the maid. “Fuck her Victor. I want to see those balls of yours empty into her!” this was totally unlike his wife, yes she was passionate but never using such coarse language, she was adventurous but even when they had talked and fantasised about a threesome she had never expressed herself in such wanton terms.

He swung his hips and bit his lip. The sensation of this new snatch was turning him on because of its shear novelty, more than that his wife was watching him, smelling the maid’s arousal and waiting for the moment of his release as the ultimate voyeur, inches from his thrusting cock. And all the time she was being licked and sucked by this sexually compliant stranger.

The inevitable conclusion could not be postponed and through his howls and orgasmic haze he could hear his wife’s climactic scream and feel her nails drawing blood from his lower back.

Rock Hard Nipples ;0

hard nipplesAlex has had to turn the heating off today to replace one of our radiators.  The bleed valve or whatever they are called wouldn’t turn to let out the vast collection of air inside.

Of all the times of year to be without central heating it had to be today during one of the coldest weather spells we have had.  Brrrrrr.

I’m currently sat here at my desk wearing 3 layers of clothing up top and still my nipples look like those over there.

Any volunteers to come over and snuggle?  😉

Give Me Tight Pussy, NOW!

Don’t you just love spam. No? Me neither in all honesty but it does occasionally provide us with some real amusement. Now there are herbal preparations out there that can really improve your general wellbeing. Some are based on herbal knowledge developed by ancient civilisations over millennia.

Others however are created purely to satisfy some people’s need to conform to fashion. One of those fashions is for a tight vagina. I say fashion because when women get older and give birth naturally their vaginas stretch. Depending on their bodies, how they recover from childbearing and whether or not they engage in pelvic floor exercises the “tightness” of each woman’s vagina will reduce over time.

This is just a natural part of getting older and apart from in extreme cases is not a disaster. Surgery can be an option but apart from in cases where there is a real clinical need I can’t see the point. There are not many 50 year old virgins and if you’ve had kids virgin is not a option. So why do so many women these days consider having their vagina tightened surgically. Who the fuck are they kidding? Unless they have undergone some injury during childbirth such as a botched episiotomy or a tear caused by some other trauma why would they want to feel like virgins again? Well each to their own I suppose.

Which brings me back to the spam I’m started talking about at the beginning of this post. It pointed me at a store that turned out to be an Amazon store selling herbal vagina tightening preparations … ladies, would you buy a product online and the squirt it up your pussy to make your man feel like he was screwing a virgin?

Naughty Boys Loving Nasty Girls

Fishnet StockingsI’d like to say a big thanks to everyone who made yesterday our busiest ever day over on

Everything came together to gives us the highest single day visitor numbers ever. And as for the number of pages served! WOW!

Thanks again – And keep on being utterly filthy.

The Pin-Up Girl With A Little Extra

Tara Emory was not a name that I was familiar with until a few moments ago. I found Tara through one of those rambling click rampages through the magical inter-web.

Tara is a lady with something extra – if you know what I’m saying and you can find her pay site here. Billing herself as a “transsexual pin-up” her site has to be one of the most unusual I’ve visited in a long time.

Very imaginative, incredible outfits. Take a look here.

When Only The Kinky Sex Matters

I’ve always appreciated a good pair of heels but never really been able to afford some of the designer footwear on the market and if I could I think that practicality would step in and stop me.

I find myself contemplating what else I could purchase with the money and end up buying something more practical instead of a whimsical pair of shoes which will go out of fashion with those who care before I wear them twice.  Lol

Shoes aren’t normally a topic of interest or conversation for me but I read an article about one of Alexander McQueen’s creations called armadillos.  They are 12” platforms which the catwalk girls are quite rightly refusing to wear.

Models are becoming a little more savvy since the well publicised tumble that Naomi Campbell took in 1994 and these trotters, I would like to call them shoes but that’s what they resemble, are 3” higher than the ones Naomi couldn’t walk in.

And when you look at them they aren’t even original in design.  These fetish ballet shoes have been around for quite some time and look far more stylish don’t you think?  🙂

Become A Rock Star, Get Free Sex

AlexSuzeI read an article on the BBC stated that Rock’n’Roll music, heavy rock to be precise, sells better during times of economic hardship. While that is the sort of thing that you have to prove empirically before making such statements it doesn’t come as much of a shock to me.

Heavy rock is visceral and simple. There is no complex message, no politics, no intellect required to understand most of it. You just let yourself go and feel the music take you over. And of course the last thing you want to do during a recession is think about the real world too much. Get lost in a musical wonderland and the world suddenly doesn’t seem so bad.

I think that’s why groupies exist. You don’t want to idolise someone with a complex message. That would require thought and thought leads to logical evaluation and that leads anyone with a modicum of intelligence to question why they would idolise anyone, let alone a long-haired sweaty bloke who drinks too much.

There are some great public figures worthy of our praise and adoration but few of them are also pop stars and fewer still solicit sexual urges in teenage girls that would have the girls throwing underwear at them.

When you’re pissed off and the world’s turned to shit you want simple answers. Even if the clever bit of you brain knows they are not really the answer just papering over the cracks.

The same applies to a study published a few months go, in the Sun saying that because the price of going out is increasing, compared to people’s earnings and feelings of job-security, many couple were staying in and having more sex.

That’s great so long as they don’t end up having more kids as that is kind of self defeating.

So turn the stereo up and get down and dirty, just take care and fuck while the world burns.

Fucking, At Your Age?

BlondeI’ve been sitting wandering around the Internet wondering what to write when it came to me via some of the music videos I had as background music.

I think we’re all being pulled in two directions by our sexual desires. Well, a lot of men are anyway.

I can remember as a teenager being attracted to girls older than myself. This wasn’t an Oedipus complex but a purely sexual interest in girls who were more developed physically and I suppose mentally. I’ve always been attracted to a shapely woman, with legs rather than cocktail sticks and hips – as opposed to no hips.

Young and innocent is fine on two levels. Young girls are pretty, generally full of life and unscathed by the physical and mental traumas that we all suffer as we pass through life. Unfortunately a 16 year old girl does not have the depth of character or experience in bed that makes an interesting partner. And you only get that depth of character by having those difficult experiences that give you the scores.

Sex at that age is just that, sex. Exploration consists of racking up numbers, not searching out the boundaries of experience and sensation. You only truly appreciate the joy of sex when you have a little experience, some understanding of the possibilities that interaction with other, both inside and outside the bedroom, offers you.

So while I can understand the constant push towards models who are or look 17 years old I can’t really get worked up about them.

Fingers To Fuck You With

AlexSuzeI was making up some Bechamel Sauce for a lasagne this evening when it occurred to me that my wrist wasn’t getting tired. An odd enough thought for most people that something isn’t happening, but think about it. Usually a repetitive action like that will fatigue even the strongest muscles after a while, it’s just the way we are built.

Now admittedly I do have a slim frame so my musculature does tend towards endurance rather than explosive power. That must be part of the answer. However there must be another reason, muscle groups don’t just attain great endurance they have to be worked at.

Then it hit me. Wanking is great practice for using a whisk. I don’t wank at all now. I have someone to do that for me. OK so Suze likes to watch me wank, but if someone’s going to bring me off it’s going to be her and she takes over just as the sap is rising.

It must have been as a boy. You know when you first discover the joys of onanism and begin to exercise your whisking hand constantly. Amazing to think that whether the great chefs of the world regularly practice self abuse they are uniquely equipped to perform the dirty deed due to their constant whisking.

Imagine it now, you can really impress the other half too, and she won’t suspect a thing.

“Omelette dear?” – “Why yes, but you really don’t have to do all the cooking …” – “No, anything for you my sweet.”

“Do you need the blender, the Moulinex is in the cupboard?”

“No, no. Whisking by hand gives cooking the personal touch.”

I’ll have to have a think about this, there must be other activities that benefit your body’s sexual performance in ways that are not immediately apparent.

Hang on, I’m great at giving Suze G-Spot orgasms with two fingers … all that time changing clutches on Mini 1000s paid off – you have to have fingers with tendons of steel and muscles as strong as an orangutan to tighten the cover bolts. He he.

Fuck Film Foul Ups

Porn GorillaWe have a TV programme in the UK called You’ve Been framed. It is composed of amusing moments caught on camera by members of the public. Some of them are quite obviously staged and for many years we stopped watching it because the presenters were crap and used to try and sell every clip as a hilarious totally unrehearsed moment.

A few years ago Harry Hill a uniquely British comedian took over and succeeded in getting us to watch again. He hosts the show with a gently mocking and witty take on the clips. Many of the clips are genuine, though you do have to wonder at the naivety of those involved that would allow them to get into such situations. Where a clip is obviously staged or it’s plain that anyone looking on would see the “accident” coming from a mile away and therefore avoid it, Harry Hill is ready with an amusing quip.

Perhaps the same should be applied to porn outtakes?

I’ve seen it a couple of times on YouTube where porn stars are trying to deliver dialogue to camera for promotions of their films, But that doesn’t really count as porn specific mishaps as they could be doing trailers for the Dark Knight or Toy Story, just badly.

What I’d like to see is the problems that occur during the shoots and some of the acting that doesn’t make it to the final edit. I mean, porn is notorious for its dubious scripts and acting. Imagine what gets left on the cutting room floor because it’s too crap for porn.

Then there are all the occasions where the actors must fall off the furniture, miss the hole they’re aiming for and well, the mind boggles.

I don’t suppose anyone has seen anything like this on line or elsewhere have they?