Monthly Archives: March 2011

Take One Vaccum Cleaner And A Cock

Demon DanThe Circus of Horrors were due to take their gothic style horror show to St Peter’s College to perform at their Ball on 7th May but the act has been pulled.  Oooh errr!   That’s very near to the bone as you will soon find out.  Lol

The act which has now been touring for the past 15 years has been axed by the Dean of St Peter’s College masters have censored them after perhaps after finding out what the performers get up to.  😉  Gary Stretch has a talent for pulling a flap of his own neck skin over his mouth and Demon Dan aka Daniel Blackner gets up to strange things with a hoover.

Demon Dan made the news some time ago when he got in to an incident with his trusty hoover, you can read about it here it’s hilarious.  And if you watch the video clip you will see what all the fuss is about.

I tried to get better footage of his act but couldn’t find any.  I’m sure most college students would love this kind of stuff but obviously the staff at St Peter’s don’t think so.

 

 

Do You Want To Go Dogging, Well They Don`t Want You To

Dogging In LancashireMost of us have engaged in outdoor sex at one time or another.  I’ve had several naughty encounters in cars and outside them too.  😉  It adds to the excitement knowing that what you are running the risk of discovery.  That said it’s not my desire to be discovered, that would be way too embarrassing, it’s just the adrenalin rush of taking that risk.  If that makes sense.

I came very close to being discovered years ago when I was going out with an angler and we decided to get a little amorous on the river bank.  Thinking back, probably because he couldn’t bear to leave his rod.  Lol

We just started to kit off as we heard voice coming up the river bank on the opposite side.  Modesty was preserved, I got my clothes fastened up double quick.

This story came to mind as I read this newspaper story about Lancashire council taking action against dogging by clearing 6000 trees.  The public are enraged about it.  You can read the full story here.

Hot Pussy

brunette licking pussyI couldn’t resist running this through Google images to see what it brought me.  Must say I wasn’t disappointed with this image, that brunette can lick mine any time.  😉

Bukkake Alert

It seems these days that you cannot purchase a porn DVD without it featuring two key elements, the first being fellatio and the second bukkake.

I don’t know who decided that we women get off on having a guy shoot his cum all over our faces but they certainly had an imagination. Lol If you are extremely unlucky (and guess who this happened to.) you can end up with it in your eye. And that bloody stings like acid when it hits your eyeball I can tell you.

Even better, if you happen to get it in your hair. Don’t bother with the hairbrush because that stuff will not shift, the only way to eradicate it is to wash your locks. There goes the voice of experience once again. 🙂

It can also be embarrassing if you forget to wipe it all up afterwards and your boyfriends parents come over. That tell tale white mark on the cushion cover had nothing to do with me. *blush*

So in short…you need to be wearing a hat which completely covers your faces, wearing goggles to protect your eyes and sitting on a plastic easy wipe sheet. Kind of takes the intimacy away doesn’t it.

Now to the reason for me being spurred in to writing this post. Check out the YouTube clip at the top of the page and tell me that this isn’t bukkake inspired. 😉

Incomprehensible Boobs

Incomprehensible Japanese MangaI don’t know why the artist decided to do this but this is just weird. Something about the placement of the boob …

… those crazy Japanese guys!

Benefits Of A Bisexual Girlfriend

French MaidOne of the problems of being in a relationship with a heterosexual girl is that you have to be very careful what you say about other women. Trust me I know to my cost.

The problem with being in a relationship with a bisexual woman as I am is that you still have to be careful what you say about another woman. That’s not quite as bad as it sounds. Suze and I have similar tastes in women, similar but not identical. That is a double edged sword.

Consider this, if I say I find another woman attractive and Suze doesn’t she wonders why. Even after all these years she still wonders why, being bisexual doesn’t make you a man, you’re still a woman, just with an expanded sexual vocabulary. There’s no mystery about this difference in our preferences, we both come from different sides of the gender divide and while Suze appreciates and desires women she will always be a woman. That femininity is the basis of her sexuality and means we will never be totally in sync, that would be horrendous.

The other side of this is that she is pretty adept at spotting who I will fancy. We used to play a game with porn sites where Suze would bring up a screen full of thumbs and then guess which one I found most attractive … she was about 97% accurate LOL. That makes it very difficult for me to be unfaithful because Suze knows exactly who to keep her eye on.

But then again she’s only jealous if she can’t share with me, LOL

XXX Pick, Camera, Crop, Cum

Red LipsI sometimes feel like a naughty bit of spanking, usually as part of a jolly good fucking.  For me the two go hand in hand like strawberries and cream.  There is nothing like the tingle of a hand firmly spanking your bottom whilst you are being fucked from behind.  Hmmm.

The reason for my reminiscing is my find on today’s postings over on Adult Blog Hub.  Molly from Molly’s Daily Kiss blog has written up her naughty encounter with camera and crop in “Camera, Crop, Cum”.

It’s a short spanko encounter with some very nice shots of Mollys rear.  Go check her out, she’s the pick of the crop!  😉

 

Blonde And Leather

Marisa MillerIt’s no surprise to anyone that Suze loves to have something hard and throbbing between her legs. 😉 It seems if Alex isn’t between my legs these days his place is taken by something of an adult nature.

As a teenager I had a passion for guys with bikes. Not push bikes but big boys bikes…motorbikes. It was more than the excitement of taking to the road and just two wheels it was the whole package including the attire.

I love leather, the touch, the look, the sound it makes when you move and most of all the smell which tantalises my nose just like freshly cooked bread. Only bread doesn’t tend to make me wet. Lol

Today I got the chance to rekindle those thoughts and desires two fold when I spotted a story in the press. It was about Harley Davidson’s campaign to launch the V-Rod Muscle, although it appears the bike was launched towards the back end of last year the story has only just broken here.

As you can see from the image above the bike is very nice indeed but the girl taking part in the advertising campaign for Harley is stunning. In fact I found myself saying “what bike?”, Lol.

The lady in question is Marisa Miller, model for Victoria’s Secret. Now if they sent me a toy like that to test I would be more than happy. 😉

Wet And Tight

DirtyI can’t say for certain but I think the trees have started to dump pollen into the atmosphere in the UK. I know this as I’m allergic to it; My throat is sore and my nose has swollen up so I can’t breath through it. Crap Huh?

Despite this my libido still kicks on and although a bunged up head is a little inhibiting it’s still easy to slip into the mood. One thing to be said for sex when you’re under the weather is that it can be slightly mind altering. I don’t know if it’s the inflammation of membranes in your head or a slight oxygen starvation but when we made love tonight the sensations I got at orgasm were a bit freaky.

Of course my perception of an orgasm is always a bit odd because of my synaesthesia. But when I’m a bit off-colour things get even more intense and can feel really trippy.

One thing that did happen when I came – it cleared my left nostril, it suddenly doesn’t feel as congested. Another shag should see me fixed … Suze, where are you!

Russian Street Porn

Blue Hair and BarsThis story made me laugh because we have LCD signs around the city centre to give motorists vital snippets of traffic news.  Most of the time they aren’t in use but they come in handy when there is a major holdup and traffic tailback.

Russian Igor Blinnikov managed to hack in to the video billboards in central Moscow.  And rather than putting up a notice re the traffic he screened hardcore porn.  The 20’ x 30’ billboard was next to the Interior Ministry building and must have taken motorists by surprise while the brief interlude of pornography appeared on this huge billboard.

All this took place back in January 2010 and his case came up yesterday where the recommended sentence of 5 years was handed down.  I suppose it didn’t help that the 41 year old has previously appeared in court for supplying marijuana.

Blinnikov is reported as saying it was a bad joke and that he had hacked in to the billboard for something to do.  He has appealed against his sentence.  I can’t see him being successful.

 

XXX Pick,The Cringe Fuck

AssI was having my daily read through the post over at Adult Blog Hub and came up with this one for today.  It’s an amusing read (perhaps not for Mina) and a thought I can’t say I’ve ever encountered, although I’ve come close in my time.

I’m sure it will strike a chord with some of you readers out there.  Go check out Mina’s post “The Cringe Fuckhttp://longingsend.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/the-cringe-fuck at “Longing’s End” and see if it brings back memories.  😉

 

Bikini Blitz Boob

Bikini Drive InThe 1950s in the UK was a pretty austere time, the Second World War had left the country poor and struggling to maintain its position in the world. In the US however the 1950s seems to be regarded as something of a golden age where wealth and happiness came easily to all. OK so that might be an over simplification brought about by the movies, but the US did enjoy post-war prosperity that made the UK look a pretty grey place.

Of the many things that shone out from the US during that decade was the drive-in movie. Young high school kids meeting up at a diner that looked like it just landed from outer space then driving in their huge V8 cars to a huge lot to watch a B Movie in the open air during the eternal summer of 1050s America. Then of course there was the “making out”.

For rain-drenched and impoverished Brits the picture painted of the US by the movies, drive-ins included, was like a vision of another world where young dude had a shiny bike or car and every girl was a prom queen.

So here’s a question to all our American readers. How many of you actually managed to have sex at a drive-in? I know they’ve been in decline for years but there must be some readers who have done it?

BTW the image relates to a film called Bikini Drive-in staring Ashley Rhey, made in 1995.

The Girls In PVC

Alas the girls have fell into the trap of “nice video, shame about the song”. I’m not the biggest Girls Aloud fan, they are not particularly innovative but have turned out some half decent pop tunes with the help of some clever songwriters, good production and as is the case here, eye catching video.

The PVC suits owe more than a little to the Watchmen’s Silk Spectre, but that’s not a complaint, and the whole video has nothing to do with the song.

None of the above are criticisms, just observations, because I admit it, I like seeing the girls in PVC

Hand Job In The Shower

AlexSuze, DisturbiaPhil petulantly prodded the button on the shower. The red warning light stared back at him impassively.

“Arse!”

He washed in the sink, not having time to run a bath, before grabbing a slice of toast and a cup of three-sugar tea.

“When’s Steve coming round to look at the shower?” he asked his wife.

“He said today.” Replied Rachael as Phil pulled on his trainers.

“OK, see you later darlin’. About eight-ish.”

Rachael kissed Phil on the cheek and watched him walk to his taxi. The sound of the tired engine receding into the distance brought a warm glow to her stomach that spread across her chest and down between her legs.

She walked back into the kitchen and sat down to watch the morning news. Her robe slid off her knee. Without thinking she Slid her hand between her legs and pressed her middle finger against her clitoris, toying with it while she imagined the news anchor’s large masculine hands on her breasts.

Her morning coffee always tasted better with a little masturbation.

~~~

An hour later Steve walked out of his front door, toolbox in hand. He crossed the road to number 8. The bell chimed in the hallway. He waited, and waited. A puzzled expression developed on his face. He pressed the bell push again. Eventually a shape appeared on the other side of the frosted glass, he recognised it as Rachael.

Rachael pause before opening the door and allowed her self a devilish smile. I’ll keep you waiting, I’ll keep you keen she thought. She adjusted her low top to display her cleavage to best effect and paused a moment longer then opened the door with a “Morning Steve”, and a friendly smile.

He walked into the hallway, stepping to one side to allow Rachael to close and lock the door. “I’ll put the kettle on, you know where the bathroom is.”

Steve watched her backside for a moment as she walked toward the kitchen, then climbed the stairs to attend to the shower.

By the time Rachael appeared with two coffees Steve was replacing the cover on the shower.

“Done.” He said.

“Big job then?”

“A bad connection on the thermostat. It’ll be fine now.”

“I’d better check it.” Rachael’s mouth curled into a lecherous smile.”

“Can I stay and watch?” Asked Steve, feeling an uncomfortable stirring in his crotch.

“I hoped you might. You can only watch though.”

Rachael crossed her arms, grasped the hem of her top and lifted it over her head. Her bra was full to bursting, red lace framing C-cups. She unfastened her trousers, wiggled slightly to ease their passing over her hips and stepped out of them. She reached into the shower, presenting her round rump to Steve. Water began cascading down the inside of the shower’s glass sides.

Steve shuffled uncomfortably. Rachael slid her arms around him, pressing herself into his crotch. His hands grasped her shoulders while they kissed.

She was a tease and that was what he loved about her. Not like his wife, she just wasn’t interested, just indulged him, Sunday mornings and birthdays, Christmas if he was lucky. No Rachael was different, she really enjoyed sex. Which was odd because Phil didn’t seem to notice, or chose not to. He often though they ought to swap partners, they seemed better matched. Then there were the kids … yes he had actually thought it through that far. Fuck! This was getting serious.

Rachael’s hand was on his groin. Her fingers gripped his cock through denim, massaging slowly and deliberately. Then she broke away and stepped into the shower, leaving the door ajar, the glass was already steaming up and a wet floor was a small price to pay for a good show.

The water streamed down, wetting her brown hair, making it adhere to her skin. Her underwear clung to her, making her acutely aware of its presence. She didn’t need to look at Steve to know he would be watching the fabric clinging to her.

Her eyes were closed as she rubbed herself up and down. She payed particular attention to her breasts. He loved that when she played with her own tits while he fucked her. Hips swaying she knew she would be hypnotising him with her gyrations. He was easy to please and knew how to please her. A fair trade and the one thing that kept her sane since Phil had lost complete interest in her.

It was then she felt his hands on her.

“You took your time.” She scolded with a giggle.

Steve unhooked her bra and slipped it down her arms. Her erect nipples pressed into his chest. Their hands slid across wet skin, aided by the shower gel that Rachael squirted liberally and repeatedly across her breasts. Their bodies foamed and were slick with the soap. Steve massaged her breasts, each one slipping from his grip only to be grasped again and again.

When the bubbles subsided he slid his hand inside her red panties and into her pussy, the smooth wetness of her hot canal contrasting with the more aqueous wetness streaming over their bodies. Two fingers hooked inside, rubbing her G-spot into a blissful high.

Her eyes bore into his, imploring him to make her come. He slowed his stimulation, he could feel her coming, pussy tightening around his fingers already. She began to cum, slowly, moaning, hot fluid streaming down her legs. He continued the relentless massaging prolonging her orgasm unto she almost collapsed in his arms.

She slid to her knees, smiling blissfully. His cock waved in front of her face, his hand grasped around it now pumping steadily. She had seen it from this position before when she had let him cum on her face. That had been for him, it did nothing for her, so as she returned to her senses she pushed his hand away and began to milk his cock herself watching his tight balls tense in one final paroxysm. She aimed for her breasts enjoying the sensation of the jets of semen as they hit her skin before being washed away.

Tickle Tup Fun And Fuck

TickleThis post was inspired by a television program I watched. They featured a couple that were in to tickle torture. I thought about the concept and couldn’t quite understand how you could torture someone by tickling them. But if the girl in this picture offered then how could I refuse.

It seems like a strange way to torture someone, I know. But the more I thought about it the more credible it seemed, you can tickle someone until they submit with their stomach muscles feeling stretched and bruised with all the laughter. This form of torture doesn’t leave any marks either.

I tense up when tickled. It feels good but makes me attempt to resist the stimuli. If tickled too much I have been known to pee myself. Which is probably why I tense up in the first place in an attempt to avoid the embarrassment of wetting myself.

The word “tickle” evolved from the Middle English word tiken (to touch lightly). The actual sensation of being tickled is called gargalesthesia. There are many ticklish areas on the body, more commonly feet, armpits, neck, midriff and groin. However, it is not know why these areas are ticklish.

You are unable to tickle yourself, this is believed to be because you are aware exactly where you are going to be tickled before the event. As a result the stimuli doesn’t tickle. How strange is that? It is believed that effective tickling is derived from not knowing where the stimulation is going to occur.

Tickling can be a bonding activity between parent and child or part of play between children. Developing trust between the two, so should a situation arise in which the child is injured or near danger help can be given.

As a fetish tickling is one of the most common human acts, studies show that almost 85% of adults either enjoy being tickled or tickling. In the fetish sense, it can be administered by a dominant to a submissive using physical restraints. Much the same as with BDSM a safe word can be used to stop activity.

The tickle fetishist derives sexual pleasure from either tickling or being tickled. Tickling implements may be used to heighten the tickling sensation, these are usually composed of feathers. I checked out some of my favourite “Toy” sites but there doesn’t seem to be a great variety of tickling instruments out there. Maybe, I have a marketing possibility there, Suze’s tickly bits. LOL.

Here are some of my finds, not very inspired are they?

There are numerous web sites devoted to this very subject but most seem to be pay sites. I find it most strange that you can find sites devoted to all manner of sexual tendency but try looking for tickling or tit wanking and you seem to be entering the realms of “specialist”. LOL.

This site, The Tickling Media Forum is a good resource and some of the listed sites give free tours.

On the subject of tickling, we had a comedian called Ken Dodd who was very hot in the 70’s, he had a tickling stick and Diddymen and came from Notty Ash. Yes, Notty Ash is a real place in Liverpool. His catch phrase was “How tickled I am”. I know before you say it, he was probably ahead of his time, what with dwarfs and the tickling stick. There has to be a fetish there somewhere. I’ll have to look it up.

I found this picture of the man himself, I’ll let you go and explore the web for the Diddymen. But here’s the site of a rather eccentric fan of Mr Dodd

XXX Delivery

Red And LacyIt was a lovely day today so I decided to do some tidying out in the garden but I was also keeping an eye out for white van man.  He was due to deliver me a nice big box of toys for testing and reviewing and I didn’t want to miss him.

So between raking the grass and having a tidy on the back garden I kept checking that his van hadn’t appeared at the bottom of the driveway.  I was happy when I had completed my work out there and could move to the front garden.

I had been out there for about 30 minutes when his van pulled up.  The delivery guy comes quite often so we always have a bit of a chat.  As he handed over the large box I put it in the hallway and continued to discuss the weather with him.

Some minutes later I slipped back in to the house to get a cold drink, it was quite warm out there today and I had built up a thirst.

As I walked in to the hallway I noticed the box had been recycled and was emblazoned with Rocks Off on the side.  Now I know they make male sex toys but does my delivery guy?  I had to smile.

Even if he didn’t know they make male toys it still sounds a little bit naughty, I’ll have to wait and see if he says anything next time.   lol

Where`s All The Cock And Boobs Gone?

Only last year Google’s Street View featured a little prank by a teenager hoping to have his family home feature a rather unusual piece of artwork.

18 year old Rory McInnes decided to paint a large penis on the flat roof of his parents £1 million home. The giant cock measured 60ft in length, as you can see from the image it would have put the Cern Abbas Giant to shame. Lol

He had watched a documentary on Google Earth and came up with the idea of giving something for aerial onlookers something to see. It took him half an hour to paint and sat there un-noticed for 12 months until a passing helicopter pilot got an eye full.

Rory is currently on a gap year in Brazil but his mother Clare has plans for him to clean it off on his return.

Apparently his idea has failed, Google Maps hasn’t picked it up. Nice try though. 🙂

Thing is, in recent months I have noticed that there’s a distinct lack of new Google pranks and nudity in Street View. Are the camera car people turning off the camera, coming back later when the naked people have gone? Or is there a team of tit, arse and cock watchers at Google spotting the occurrence of naughty bits and Photoshopping them out of the images?

Sex And Social Networking

Pool AssThe newspaper ran a story last year that tried to link Facebook to an increase in the prevalence of syphilis. How? By taking a report by a UK hospital and then extrapolating from it that an increase in the sexually transmitted disease was related to an increase in the use of social networking sites to arrange casual sex.

The report as you might have guessed said no such thing, simply mentioning that some people do use social networking sites to arrange hook-ups. Indeed I think I’ve posted about the same subject a number of times in the past, the hooking up online, not the getting syphilis.

In the same way that guns don’t kill people, people kill people it is not social networking online that promotes unsafe sex, it is people’s attitudes. There seems to be a lack of recognition that we are all potentially vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases if we practice unprotected sex with a partner whose sexual history is unknown to us. Or is it an unwillingness to accept that we are all mortal?

The pursuit of a hedonistic lifestyle is in itself an attractive concept to many but an increasing number seem to be able to ignore the fact that its consequences can be severe. I write stories about encounters with strangers, or multiple partners however they are fantasy and are always presented as such. When you cannot differentiate between real life and sexual fantasy things are bound to go wrong.

The sample size in the report was so small as to be statistically irrelevant and the authors were simply pointing out that unprotected sex can lead to, amongst other things, STIs. As is the way with some journalists they tried to cook up a story and demonise Facebook. However in doing so they inadvertently highlighted the problem of casual sex amongst a population who seem to have forgotten that unprotected sex with multiple partners of unknown sexual history is a very bad idea.