Monthly Archives: August 2011

British Pussy

Britain seems to have a dual personality, especially when viewed from outside. On the one hand there’s the “British reserve”, stiff upper lip and all that. On the other there’s Benny Hill. Alright Benny Hill and the rest of the Music Hall style comedy that populated the TV of the 50s, 60s, 70s and to a lesser extent 80s.

So at one end of the scale we have what would be regarded by non-Brits as Victorian values, and at the other extreme is a music hall tradition that encompasses Pantomime and End Of The Pier shows.

I think I’ve touched on this before when I mentioned Kenny Everret, specifically his character Cupid Stunt. Looking back now the spoonerism is obvious. But in my defence I was young and naïve. Kenny was an incredible figure, a rebel and in his own way very anti-establishment. He started off in pirate radio and while he did land a job with the BBC got himself sacked because of a quip about Margaret Thatcher. From memory it was along the lines of “When we had an Empire we had an Empress, when we had a Kingdom we had a King, now we have Maraget Thatcher we have a Country.” Check him out on Wikipedia if you want to know more.

Kenny is not alone, both in irreverent, highly camp, comedy steeped in sexual innuendo of the sledgehammer kind.

UK readers will remember Larry “Shut that door” Grayson. My abiding memory is of him on “The Generation Game”, were his constant anecdotes about his fictional friends Everard, Slack Alice and a postman called ‘Pop it in Pete’. Not sophisticated but for their time very funny and quite brave as homophobia was rife. When Larry first began his act as a stand-up and drag artist homosexuality was illegal in England so basing your living on being gay was quite brave to say the least.

On the subject of innuendo and me being as thick as a plank, how about Molly Sugden as Mrs Slocombe? If you’ve seen “Are You Being Served” you’ll know the drill. Her entire character was based around a working class shop assistant with aspirations to bettering herself. She had an affected middle class accent that would disappear if she was shocked/upset/ angry or otherwise off her guard. That in itself was, I think, the genius part of Molly’s charactrisation. But she was really famous for the continuous stream of jokes about her Pussy. Of course as a child I always assumed it was a cat. So we had “stroking my pussy”, “showing so-and-so my pussy”, “my pussy drives him wild” and “damp pussy” jokes galore, before the 9 o’clock watershed.

Not all British performers are what they seem though. Remember Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf in Lord Of The Rings, or as Richard III, or now as Lear? Well you might be interested to know that he has another passion, putting on a frock and playing a pantomime dame. Now there’s someone truly at home with themselves. (he’s the one on the left)

School For Sexy Scoundrels

White UndiesI fervently believe that schools ought to teach underwear as a subject. To both boys and girls.

Why? Well consider these facts.

Boys don’t get near any girl’s underwear until long after they have developed an interest in it and its occupant. They therefore have some very peculiar misconceptions about what constitutes pretty, alluring, sexy and slutty. All of these things have their place in a relationship, but getting them confused is not desirable.

For many guys the following equivalences apply for women’s underwear.

Pretty = Something pink with flowers on
Alluring = Nekkid
Sexy = Something black, preferably with stockings
Slutty = Something black and crotchless

Alright that might be an exaggeration and wild generalisation, but you know what I mean.

As for men’s underwear, a word of advice. Posing pouches with elephant’s ears are funny to your partner, briefly, about 300 milliseconds to be exact. In no way are they sexy.

So what about girls. If you’re after adolescent boys, underwear is easy, they’re so busy trying to get it off they’ll not notice it. You could wear threadbare “Brigitte Jones” knickers and they wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

However when in a relationship you must teach them one thing; If they insist on buying you underwear for every birthday, Valentine’s and Christmas, MAKE SURE THEY KEEP THE RECEIPT.

For any guys out there here’s why. You will probably get the wrong size, it will probably be uncomfortable and it may restrict your lady’s blood circulation so much that they risk loosing a limb.

If your man’s trainable then great but if they can only remember one thing, get them to remember the receipt.

Anyway, that was supposed to be a quick introduction to the piece I was going to write which was …

Is it just me or is there nothing like the satisfaction you get from being able to deftly unhook a woman’s bra with one hand whilst your other hand is on her thigh and your tongue’s down her throat?

It’s the surprise she expresses if you do it skilfully I think. Very rewarding. Fumbling about with two hands is sweet when you’re a kid, but the feeling of a sudden loosening of the straps and a pair of breasts spilling forth, unleashed so to speak does take some beating.

Sex In The August Sun

Hot Mirror ShotAugust Sex Toy Roundup

I’m starting to get excited as the weekend fast approaches because we will be flying over to Amsterdam for 5 days of naughtiness.  As mentioned before we will be visiting Scala’s open day and attending Mr B’s barbeque which is promising to be interesting.

We are promised some authentic Dutch fun and a couple of surprise acts at Mr B’s, I’m not sure what to expect but I have the feeling that it could be naughty.  Lol

Alex has invested in a map of the city and a where to go book so we can locate the red light district and other areas of interest.  That’s if they have included them on the map.

Whatever we get up to I know we are going to have a fun time and of course I’ll be telling you all about it and posting up some pics.

In the meantime I must get down to the job in hand and remind you that if you haven’t already joined Sex Toys Buzz Newsletter you should, as well as getting the latest adult product news you can get your hands on FREE sex toys each month by signing up for the Sex Toys Buzz Newsletter and being part of the monthly giveaway draw. There is nothing to pay and no competition to enter, simply sign up and keep your fingers crossed that you are one of the lucky winners. Go here and sign up now.

And if you haven’t read last month’s reviews I’ve posted the links below so you can catch up.

California Exotics Remote G Vibrating G-Spot Bullet

Spanksticks

Jimmy Jane Cock Ring

Rocks Off RO-140 Soft Tipped Bullet

Pipedream Icicles No 14 Glass Butt Plug

Merci Rainbou Rabbit Vibrator

California Exotics Fluttering Fantasy Lush Vibrator

Horse Tail Butt Plug Review

 

XXX Filthy Talk

Fetish NurseIf you want to know exactly what’s going on in the adult world you need to have a good chat with your local sex shop proprietor.  I kid you not.  Lol

We visited our local store on the way back from the shopping mall and engaged in a long conversation with the chap behind the counter.  It was interesting to hear what’s hot and what’s not.  He explained that when it came to porn people had moved through BDSM, watersports, girl on girl, dogging, swinging and were now looking for their next big thrill.

This turned out to be transvestite porn, apparently customers are lapping it up.  Oooh errrr!  It’s not only popular in porn but also toys.  I couldn’t help but think how pleases I was to have reviewed some of the hottest transsexual porn out there.

If you haven’t read my reviews already then you need to take a look at them here I’ve reviewed some pretty hot stuff recently.

I also spotted some new products which I’m going to try and get my hands on.  So today was a bit of a busman’s holiday but well worth the trip.  😉

 

The Predicted Fetish Apocalypse

Fetish chickWe walk a thin line in some of our fantasies. An example that springs to mind is the use of military uniforms and fantasy scenarios. Uniforms symbolise power, a power that has to be respected and obeyed without question. The penalty for not obeying is swift, often severe and occasionally arbitrary, depending on the nature and mood of the person exercising that power.

It’s therefore not surprising that uniforms and accutriments reminiscent of the most oppressive regimes and belief systems often turn up in some fantasies, particularly those which involved BDSM. This fuels the belief of those who do not understand it that BDSM is in itself intrinsically sympathetic to totalitarian and uncontrolled sadistic behaviour.

Power exchange and the exploration of sensual pleasure can be extreme in its application, but that does not imply a lack of control, far from it. Control in such situation is everything and without it, what begins as an exploration of sensuality, becomes an exercise in exploitation.

It’s just another way in which those who do not understand sexuality beyond the most vanilla of its expressions sometimes seek to demonise that which they do not understand. Granted there are people who disguise abuse as BDSM, but thankfully these are few and far between. Unfortunately propaganda is a powerful thing. During the last two world wars it was used by every country to inspire their citizens to great feats of selflessness and self-sacrifice and to instil a hatred of the “enemy” to ensure a united country/alliance and therefore the ultimate victory of their ideology.

Even today propaganda persists and is used as a tool by our governments. After the tragedy of 911 I remember seeing a BBC TV special about anti-terror technology. It was absolute bullshit, but meant to reassure the population that the atrocities of 911 were unlikely to be repeated because of the apparent new security measures that had been adopted. I was appalled at the time, but looking back I can see how the powers that be could think it was a necessary piece of propaganda to help reassure the population.

The problem with propaganda is that it’s intrinsically biased. It’s therefore very easy for the media to depict what they decide are non-normal sexual practices as deviant and damaging. Just as they did in early 2008 with Max Moseley. The Internet makes the dissemination of this sort of propaganda all too easy.

Deliberate propaganda aside sloppy writing and bad research mean that gleaning information from the Internet about sexuality is fraught with danger, so beware! The fetish apocalypse that could befall society were we all to explore our sexuality would only destroy barriers, not humanity.

Up Skirts

TV Up SkirtsI can understand voyeurism but have to say that as with all things on the Internet it’s possible to take things too far. And of course the extremes of porn on the Internet are very extreme.

You see my take on the up-skirts panty shot is that it’s the surreptitious flash of what’s hiding up there that is the turn on. The glimpse of something that would normally be hidden. It’s the same with a flash of stocking or the inadvertent opening of a blouse as a woman leans forward. There’s infinitely more eroticism in that than a girl wearing stockings with legs akimbo with no preamble or a woman taking off her blouse and scooping her tits out with no self-consciousness.

Some things like that are difficult to quantify, but with the up-skirt picture (which I have to say have bee over-done to hell) I think there should be a minimum length for skirts. It’s easy for the photographers to get a show of a girl’s crotch if the skirt is only six inches from waistband to hemline but that has no appeal at all. I would say mid-thigh is the shortest to be properly arousing and then only with the quickest of flashes.

All that said the up-skirts panty shots always disturb me somewhat because of their implied lack of consent, even when they are obviously staged – so they aren’t something I seek out – there’s much better and more exciting stuff out there.

I’d actually much rather first feel what a woman has on under her skirt than stick my head, or a camera up there though that wouldn’t work on the Internet LOL

Hot Blonde Dubstep Girl

Alana WatsonAs I work at my desk during the day I regularly listen to Radio One for both company and for the music.  It’s now part of my daily life, waking up with Chris Moyles and making dinner to Scott Mills ( on my tv in the living room).

I quite often hear songs over and over without a clue what they are called or the artist who sang it.

Unbeknown to me I have become a fan of Chase And Status and Nero during my working hours.  In fact I’m now an avid Dubstep fan without me having a clue.  Lol

You will have noticed I’ve linked to a great video from Nero and a hot blonde by the name of Alana Watson.  She gets my juices flowing and would be very welcome to share my new strap on.  😉

 

Avatar Porn

Porn AvatarWhat’s that sound you hear?

That’s the sound of a band waggon trundling by. I’d heard about the porn version of Avatar, not that it is Avatar obviously or the people who made the Porn (not) Avatar would have James Cameron’s lawyers chasing after them with pitchforks and flaming torches. In fact I have seen a few very low rent photo sets on the net, but this is the first one I’ve seen that looks vaguely well done. Maybe they will use the spare blue body paint to make a new Smurf Porn Movie, yes a new one ‘cos I’ve seen that online too!

If you think all this looks a bit cheap and risible then try searching for Star Trek porn on Google, there is some and some of it hilariously unconvincing, especially the ones pretending to me Mr Warf – where his “prosthetic” head ridges aren’t even stuck down, LMFAO

Clit Sucking

I was watching some porn – for a change – and I had a revelation.

The guy, no correction boy, going down on the busty porn chick was paying attention to her labia and clitoris. Great I thought, I hate it when all you see is cock sucking, followed by various position, anal, vaginal and then the cum shot you know where …

… but despite the lads best efforts he was a bit mechanical. He licked, but not very inventively, he rubbed her button but like he was trying to get a mark off a counter top. She sounded appreciative, but that’s her job.

I’m not having a go at the lads, he was at least making the effort to elevate the scene out of the production line crap that often gets dished up. If I had been on set I might have pushed him to one side and demonstrated, purely for technical reasons you understand.

I suppose if he stays in the industry he could get either lots of chance to practice if he gets the right director, or end up ignoring the needs of the ladies if he gets unimaginative ones.

One thing he didn’t do is suck on her clitoris. I love doing that it draws the blood to the already sensitive button. If you get it right you can suck, and lick at the same time if you get your lips against hers just right. Always appreciated I find.

Nice Natural Tits

Lucy PinderAs if you can’t tell, I’m a huge fan of the young lady over on the right.  If I had a choice of being able to pair up with any girl in the world she would be on my top 10, along with others including Nigella Lawson whom I would like to drizzle with chocolate and…

Got a bit carried away there.  Lol  Yes Lucy is a girl with looks and perfect assets.

Short Skirt And A Long Hard Cock

Fuck Me SkirtWhen we first moved in together we began to experience each other “full-on” for the first time. We’d been an item for a while, but moving into our “You know we can only just afford this” first flat together was an intense experience.

First of all was the moving day. Although the flat was furnished, with some pretty seedy furniture, we had to move all our gear into it. It was at the top of a long flight of stairs that bridged a gully from the carpark to our flat. There was no other way in except for the fire escape, which was internal to the building and exited via the flat downstairs. So we couldn’t use that.

The upshot of all this was that we were well and truly tired out from tramping up and down stairs with bags and boxes, interspersed with trips to our former digs in Suzanne’s small, battered hatchback. In addition the flat was filthy, the previous tenant obviously ignorant to the dark arts of domestic duties and basic hygiene. So we had a lot of cleaning to do just to make the place liveable.

While I was eager to exploit our newly acquired privacy, and therefore bonking opportunities, I didn’t expect to see any action that night. We crawled into bed around eleven-ish I think. I fully expected a kiss, a grope and g’night.

I didn’t count on Suze. She felt my cock grow hard as she pressed against me and persuaded me, without much effort, into a goodnight shag. This set the tone for the whole of our 15 months in the flat.

That is not what I wanted to write about, this is …

A few weeks after arriving Suze started unpacking some old clothes, and so did I. There’s something about dressing up that does it for me. I love it when Suze gets made up and puts on something a little bit out of the ordinary. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, just different, or incongruous. Don’t ask me why, it just works.

I’ll save what I found in my bags and boxes for another time. For now, this is what Suze pulled out of the dressing up box J

She was rummaging about, deciding what to put in the limited drawer and wardrobe space and what should stay in bin liners to be consigned to a pile in the corner of our bedroom. You know how it is, weeks after you move you’re still unpacking and finding things that you thought were lost forever.

A bundle of green fabric fell onto the floor. “What’s that?” I asked.

“Just some old clothes”

“Let’s have a look then.” I have a thing about green, it’s my favourite colour. Expecially khaki-green.

Suze held up the green top with black polka dots and a khaki green skirt. A short skirt, a very short skirt. I grinned.

“Put them on.”

“I’m busy”

“Pleeeeaaassee” I begged, “I’ll make a cuppa while you get changed.”

Suze relented. When I returned she was dressed in the two items of clothing and some white panties. I knew about the panties as she gave me a twirl and the skirt rose up to reveal them, laid across her firm ass cheeks.

I was already a little hot under the collar from the anticipation of what she would look like in the outfit, but standing wearing only those three items of clothing in our new bedroom was more than enough for me to feel the familiar rush of rising desire.

The skirt, even at rest, was only an inch or so below minge-base. Very provocative.

Her nipples stood proud atop perfectly formed pert breasts, the light cotton fabric of the polka dot top allowing me to see every detail. I placed the cups on the floor next to the bed and took her in my arms.

“You like them then?” She asked. I held her tight, my imprisoned erection pressing into her through my trousers. “That’ll be yes then.” She smiled and ran her hand around from my back to caress and tease the bulge in its fabric shroud.

My hand slipped down her back and onto her ass. I leant forward and kissed her, both of us knowing this was a prelude to some extra laundry.

I reached under her skirt to stroke her full firm ass. I gathered her panties in my hand and pulled them up tight into the crack of her ass, forcing the fabric to make contact with her anus and stretch across her mons. “Oooh” She exclaimed approvingly.

One of her hands stroked my back, under my T-shirt, the other let its fingers play on my neck while we continued to kiss.

Suze broke away and unfastened my trousers. The belt buckle clanked as it hit the floor. I sprang to attention, having chosen to go commando as it was late spring, summer approaching fast. I was glistening with pre-cum, always too good to resist and Suze didn’t.

She spent a few moments licking the tip of my cock as I resisted the urge to push myself into her mouth. I pulled her to her feet and pushed her towards the bed. But not on it, with a gentle push I indicated that she should kneel next to it.

I pushed her forward, and shuffled forward myself, trousers still shackling my ankles. She was laid on the bed, head to one side, skirt up exposing her white underwear, a damp gusset inviting my attention.

I dropped to my knees then pulled the soaking panties to one side. I pushed the tip of my cock against her hot opening, sliding past her panties, enjoying the feeling of them restricting my entry, yet knowing that our mutual states of lubrication would prevent any nasty friction injuries.

We exchanged no words, just animal noises, moans and groans, oohs and aahs. Slowly at first, with no acrobatics, or huge feats of endurance, or astounding displays of sexual ingenuity I brought us both to orgasm. The sight of Suze beneath me, fully clothed in unusual garb, sweating slightly as we approached orgasm was such a turn on. She lay, a willing participant but almost subservient to me. Not raped but definitely eager to be ravished.

I was perspiring too, the heat, the exertion and the fact that I was clothed, save for my half discarded trousers caused beads of sweat on my back. My T-shirt began to stick to me. It felt elicit, naughty, very, very sexy to be clothed, in the middle of the afternoon, with the curtains open, screwing Suze over the bed.

Suze had abandoned herself to me. I later found she had dribbled on the quilt cover. She’d simply let herself go, allowed me to fuck her until she came. When she did come it was with a low moan, half muffled by the quilt. I had held back until than and let my orgasm burst forth.

Our fluids mixed, our bodies met again and again as my hips slapped against her ass time and again. My crotch was almost as wet as hers, the combined fluids of our love-making dribbling and splashing over us, the bed and our clothing.

Well worth a bit of extra washing I think you’ll agree. And all from playing in the dressing up box. So don’t ever grow up. Follow your inner child if you want some fun. I can highly recommend it.

Wigs And Boots And Kinky Fun

Here’s a post that you probably never thought you’d read. LOL

I was lent a copy of an old Doctor Who adventure “Inferno”. It stars John Pertwee as the Doctor (Father of Sean) and is from a time before I watched Doctor Who on TV. I was therefore very interested to see the Doctor’s companion Liz. Sadly despite being a very nice lady Liz Shaw, played by Caroline John, is not an Uber-Babe. However she does have one very laudable and almost unique trait amongst the early Doctor Who companions – that of being able to do something other than scream. She is intelligent in her own right and is an accomplished scientist.

The thing about the “Inferno” serial is this. The Doctor travels to a parallel universe, stay with me on this the sex comes soon, where Liz isn’t a scientist but a leather booted severe military type who forms part of the parallel universe’s Fascist-styled armed forces. Even the Brigadier looks like he would be at home in General Franco’s Spain.

Here’s the kinky bit. I prefer the Liz in Kinky boots.

This may be for a number of reasons, she’s got black hair in the alternative kinkyverse, she’s got a shorter skirt and she has real authority. In the real universe she’s intelligent (always a plus for me) and her own woman, but she’s also subservient to men by dint of the time during which the story is set, i.e. 1970s.

I have no wish to be dominated, not my thing, but put Suze in Liz’s uniform and I’d have jumped on her like a shot.

I even get naughty thoughts thinking about Doctor Who … whatever next.

Unexpected Phone Sex

PhoneAlex and I retired to the bedroom around 7pm and watched some television trying to chill out from the day’s stresses and strains. We both just lay on the bed staring inanely through the television watching merely for the distraction. The past few days have been particularly tense, brought about by Alex’s boss.

Just as we were both feeling a little less tense the telephone rang. Alex went to answer it and came in to the bedroom moments later to tell me it was Sky.

To say I wasn’t very happy at the intrusion was an understatement. I made my way to the telephone.

The conversation went something like this.

“Good evening I’m calling from Sky television”

“Can you take me off your calls list please…
“…I don’t appreciate you disturbing me when I’m about to make love to my partner”

He mumbled and I’m sure became a little embarrassed which was obvious by his slow return of “OK, madam I will”.

I placed down the handset and wandered back in to the bedroom where upon Alex burst in to laughter.

If you are going to do a job…do it right. 😉

I’m sorry if you are reading this and it was you but really, calling at that time in the evening is so intrusive.

Incredible Erections In Italy

HotAnd finally the last part of the account of our holiday in Italy …

Wednesday San Gamignano

We were flicking through the guides and information we had been left at the villa last week along with those we had brought with us to decide where to go the next day. More accurately we were drinking Chianti by the pool. Happy times.

Anyway we decided to go to San Gimignano, town of 72 towers. Well it used to have 72 towers built by the wealthy families in the renaissance. However 500 years of neglect, the disappearance of family blood lines and battles between the families have meant most of the towers have fallen down because of lack of maintenance or been destroyed as one family triumphed over another leaving 14 standing today. Though we couldn’t count that many :-/

Anyway, anyone playing “Assassin’s Creed” the video game can cavort merrily through the streets of San Gimignano as it was at the height of its power in the Renaissance as I found when looking up the town on the Internet. So, how was it? Well brilliant. It was only about 30 minutes drive through beautiful Tuscan countryside from our villa. No trekking along boring Auto Stradas for this day trip.

The area is apparently well known for jewellery making (there are a lot of very nice artisan silver and goldsmiths in the town), hand painted pottery and the production of saffron. The crochuses there give two crops a year and for a spice so highly prized that’s a bonus, explaining in part why the town became so wealthy. You can even buy Saffron ice cream at the gellatorias in the town square.

The town’s fort is a little run-down, though not ruinous and the duomo, like much of the town was shelled during the second world war – though nobody has apparently ever admitted doing so! However you wouldn’t know as the town is absolutely bloody beautiful. Go there if you are in Tuscany, and visit the Cisterna Bar in the square near the duomo for a Robusta toasted sandwich. Nice.

And we even got back in time for a dip in the pool before popping out for dinner. Sorted.

 

My Secret Wet Pussy

KarlyDon’t tell Alex but I have been watching porn this afternoon and masturbating.  Shhhh.  😉

Do you think he’ll mind me sliding between the sheets and slipping my hand and a succession of toys between my legs for my own pleasure?