Monthly Archives: November 2011

Prostitutes And Stupid Johns

HookersI should imagine that most guys who use the services of a lady of the night would keep it secret and certainly wouldn’t involve the police.

Not so for Ryan McNames from Missouri who hired two prostitues to entertain him.  One was allegedly going to flash her boobs at him whilst the other one gave him a blowjob.

Oh and I’ll add that McNames lived in a trailer park which won’t surprise you when you read the rest of this post.

The girls charged him $60 to perform their acts for him but didn’t deliver before driving off in their car.  Ryan then decided to phone the police to complain and ask for $40 of his money to be returned for failing to perform oral sex on him.

What an idiot!  You can read the full story here.

Robo Wank

Wanking machineI was just finishing off my lunch at my desk when I felt the urge to search Google images for “strange wanking”.

My search discovered this wonderful piece of machinery.  It looks like you insert your cock in to the palm of the hand and the machine takes care of the rest.

One for the lazy wanker me thinks.  😉

Really Extreme Porn

Big Floppy TitsBefore I start I’d like to put this post into perspective. I’ve met a few porn stars in recent years. I don’t mean that I’ve got a signed picture from them at a PA, I mean I’ve actually met them, talked to them had a drink with them, had dinner with them … Hell, I even have some of their numbers on my mobile phone. I have a pile of business cards from them on the bookshelf in the study.

They are without exception perfectly normal people. On the whole nice, friendly, normal people. The difference between them and the people I deal with in my day job is that they have sex for a living and those in my day job don’t. Well except in some cases where they will do anything to advance their career.

Now considering that porn stars, who are often regarded (incorrectly for the most part) as depraved and somehow different from the rest of the world, are in truth normal people why is it that they seem to be asked to depict the most degrading of acts by some porn producers?

Apparently because the public demand a certain type of pornography. Is that so? Do the public really want their porn to be filled with dialogue that is completely derisory towards the performers? That’s mainly towards females but males can be verbally abused in porn too.

I think there is a difference between calling someone a slut during the rising passion of sex, be that as part of a couple’s dirty talk or a role playing scenario and the sort of dull and unimaginative dialogue that some directors seem to insist that performers churn out in some porn movies.

It’s the same with some of the sexual activities they are acting out. To a greater or lesser extent Suze and I have tried most things. If we like them we try them again. If we don’t we just put them down to experience. But in the case of some sexual practices despite liking them we only do them at certain time because everything has to be just right.

The problem with some porn is that to ensure it ticks all the boxes some of the more unusual stuff is shown all the time to pique the interest of the audience without recourse to such archaic disciplines as ingenuity and good direction. This leads to the over-emphasis of some aspects of sex that for most people are an occasional indulgence or only carried out in the heights of the most intense sessions of love making being portrayed a regular if not mandatory part of sex.

Everyone has the capability of being the dirty bastard/slut from time to time and when this happens naturally they will enjoy it. Guys, I know it’s porn not real life but if I see another ass to mouth, spitting into a girl’s gapping ass or roughly jiggling a girl’s boobs as if it is guaranteed to turn her on I’ll scream.

More Erotica 2011, The Outsiders

Basher, The OutsidersAs I have mentioned on numerous occasions the attractions at Erotica where somewhat lacking and the whole event was somewhat lacklustre.

However, there were a few gems which I have been highlighting in this series of posts and one of them was the “The Outsiders” stand where I got to meet a whole bunch of helpful and adventurous people.

One in particular who features at the top of this post was Basher Roberts, who as you can see doesn’t follow convention.  He was a very pleasant and affable chap who I have made my services available to if they should be required in the adult toy department.

You may be asking who The Outsiders are?  And I will aim to explain what the group offers to those who are disabled amongst us.  They are a charitable organisation which was set up 32 years ago to provide help and support to those affected by illness or disability.

They work together with other groups to and I quote because they sum it up so well… “work together with other groups to address the isolation faced by many disabled people and campaign for the acceptance of disabled people as sexual partners”.

The Outsiders are also available to support health care professionals in communicating with their clients on subjects such as loneliness, sex and relationships via their Sexual Health and Disability Alliance which can be found at

Additionally they offer a Disability Helpline which operates between 11am-7pm on weekdays, simply call 0707 499 3527 where calls are received by disabled people and health care professionals.  Or email them on

You can find out more about this wonderful organisation on their website here

I enjoyed meeting all the guys and look forward to being of service to them in the future.


Frig Me Silly

Frig Me SillyI have some strange thoughts I know, don’t remind me but can frigging be bad for your health. I was reading an article last night about vibration white finger or as it is medically known, Raynaud’s Disease.

The symptoms can be range from tingling which continues after the machinery is switched off (Oh, bugger that happens all the time) Lol to the body part turning white and possibly losing it.

So, I return back to my original question, can you get vibration white clit? Have I anything to worry about because I love my vibrating clit toys. I must admit that I haven’t seen any signs of an adverse reaction to my sex toys.

If anything should happen to my clit, I don’t know what I would do. It gives me hours of pleasure when I’m feeling randy.

I think the benefits far out weighs the risk, I for one feel a lot more calm and composed when I have come. Which is good for all and may help alleviate stress, perhaps we ought to be allowed to do it during our coffee breaks at work. Now, there’s a thought. 😉

He Does Amazing Things With His Cock

Wet CoupleIt’s always a delight to have my friend round for lunch and catch up on things.  However it does involve a lot of pre visit work before she arrives.  As I’ve mentioned before, I have to do a porn and toy sweep and ensure that nothing is left lying around.

If at all possible I like to close all the doors upstairs to avoid her persuing my cat around the house.  She doesn’t think twice about entering my bedroom if she is searching for my cat.  Lol

Today we had an interesting conversation about her recent evening out to see the Circus Of Horrors.  I’ve never seen this act but she did give me a comprehensive rundown of what they get up to including puling a Henry hoover around the stage by a cock.

Strangely enough when she mentioned the guy in the kilt doing this I remembered seeing his act on Youtube some months ago.  And as if that wasn’t bad enough he also suspends a bowling ball from it at some point and delights in swinging it around.  🙁

I have to laugh when I think about some of the chats we have, it makes for an interesting afternoon.


Fantasy Sex

Blue Automatic ChickIn the Film Risky Business, Tom Cruise has a dream where he screws the babysitter on his parent’s dining table. The cops surround the house and get on the bullhorn. The senior negotiator (don’t ask me why this is a hostage situation requiring police attendance) shouts “… you are surrounded, get off the babysitter”. LOL

Hormones cause young men to have the most amazing and intricate fantasies. And those fantasies can be about anyone they even vaguely fancy. It’s a time in your life when you are asking your self questions like “Am I gay, straight or bi?”, “Do girls like me?”, “Is Darren pulling my leg when he says that you can get a blow job from a vacuum cleaner?”

Nobody should feel guilty about the regular and often graphic flights of fancy they have at that age.

When should you stop thinking like that? 18, 20, 30?

At some point you stop actually believing that you could do that thing with that girl with a bath full of jelly – sorry? That’s just me then? Gulp! – there has to be a point in your life when you realise that fantasy is not going to turn into reality, well not the really weird fantasies anyway.

What I would say is that you should never feel guilty about a fantasy you have (within obvious, sane parameters) because having those fantasies means your sexual brain is working and as we all know the brain is the body’s biggest sex organ. If you’re exercising that it has to be good for your partner and you.

There’s lots of erotic fiction over at Kinky Halo.

The Anal Gape Girls

Gaping BlondeI love porn, always have and now there is more variety than ever although I have to say that it is still rather formulaic and male orientated, even the stuff produced by the girls because at the end of the day who are they selling it to?

I’m not a big fan of the stereotypical type of porn which finds it necessary to feature the elements below not necessarily in this order:

Showing your splayed lips and open ass to the camera for an indeterminate amount of time
Sucking in air though your teeth like you are in the middle of an asthmatic attack
Pussy slapping
Single finger entry

I don’t need to go on because the list is quite lengthy but you get my drift. All of the above actions don’t, I repeat don’t turn me on in the slightest.

And most of all I don’t get what it is with gaping. If I wanted to see up inside someone’s colon I would be watching casualty not porn. I can only imagine that girls who have such loose sphincters use one hell of a lot of anal anaesthetic, which would slow down muscle retraction.

In which case raises the question, does this mean that the guys doing the anal are numbed too? Which in turn answers another question I have, “why do guys have to slap their cocks on buttocks?”, could this be because they are attempting to sensitise them again.

This must make it really difficult to come as the feedback is removed…

I’m over analysing this aren’t I? Lol

Kiss And Cum

Alex is very good at going down on me. He has a clever technique of tongue flicks and licks which can bring me so close to orgasm. I don’t recall that we have ever achieved a climax through his oral ministrations but I have (pardon the pun) come very close. I’m not sure if it is as a result of the abuse my clit has had over the past few years or if I am just difficult to please orally but mechanical methods seem to work best for me.

Not to say that I don’t enjoy the warmth of his mouth upon my swollen labia and clitoris. An experience a toy cannot replicate, warm, sensuous licks… I digress.

And then as a sweet dessert to kiss him once he emerges from between your legs. To smell your own essence upon his face. He is marked with your very own fragrance and that makes me feel so horny. Should he kiss anyone else, they will be able to detect your scent on him.

That just reminded me of one occasion when we had been to bed for a bit of naughtiness one Saturday afternoon and Alex parents dropped in unexpected. I had to remind him to wash his face whilst I let them in. lol

You really don’t wan to be smelling of your girlfriends fanny when greeting your mum.

The reason I was spurred in to writing this post is because I rose from the bed one morning after a good hard fucking and noticed as I stood up that I left behind a reminder of our tryst.

A white kiss on the bedsheet…

Anal Sex On The First Date

Girls On The TownI don’t go out like I used to any more.  And to be honest I don’t miss it, I can’t be doing with the cattle market routine any more.  Also, people’s idea of a good night out seems to have shifted since I was on the scene.

Standards seem to have dropped.  And I’ve heard some girls drop their knickers for a bag of chips, well you know.  Lol

It’s like peeing in the street, guys doing it is bad enough but girls are now squatting down and urinating.  Maybe I’m a little more prim and proper than some.  In my time you didn’t let your bra strap slide in to view from within your clothing and you certainly didn’t reveal your stocking tops. That was for later.

Now it’s the fashion to exhibit your bra, they now make bras with embellished straps especially to be seen and as for stocking tops, seeing them is all the rage.

However I do draw the line at showing your pants like the girl in the picture above.  🙂

OK back to seriousness here. Flippancy aside you do have to ask the question – What is for later?

The last time I was “out on the pull” I was gagging to see what the girls had on offer and despite the skimpiest of outfits they always kept things just under cover, a little in reserve to tantalise and tease. Yes at the end of a night some of us would indulge in a drunken snog but in the same way that your dirty fantasy girl is not the one you take home to meet the parents they weren’t the ones you really want to take home to bed either … because they’d leave you with more than a memory of a drunken quicky …  possibly something you’d need to see the doctor about. Or at least that was the way I looked at it.

All that seems to have changed and within the parameters set by the public decency laws everything is on show. I don’t have a problem with naked flesh. Heck I have four hardcore DVDs on the desk in front on me ready to be reviewed and a box full of them tucked away in storage. No, it’s the context that I have a problem with.

Save all your nakedness for later because if you don’t what else is there to give? A lesbian sex show with your best mate for the new boyfriend? Anal sex on the first date? LOL

I may be showing signs of getting old here but putting it all on show on a Saturday night doesn’t work for me.

November Sex Toy Roundup

Sultry LookIs it that time already?  Lol  That’s because this month I am posting up two roundup’s because silly old me forgot to do one last month, so you get double the pleasure this month.  😉

As I mentioned in the last Roundup I have been to Erotica London and I thought I would be brimming over with things to tell you.  Sorry…but I really don’t have much to say about it and what little I have has been posted up here.

To summarise, the show was a huge let down, overly priced and under utilised.  There were very few stands for the size of the hall, creating great swathes of emptiness all over the place.  And don’t ask about the atmosphere, it was almost non existent.

No efforts had been made by the event’s organisers to create a sense of party or anything else with the dressing of the hall or should I say lack of it.  The scene was rather reminiscent of a tacky indoor market and I certainly wasn’t happy at being charged £30 to get in there.

And that’s not all.  On top of the hefty admission the show’s program cost a whopping £9 on top.  Certainly not the way to go to encourage either exhibitors or the general public to part with their hard earned cash.  I came back feeling like I had made a huge financial loss.

Anyway let’s get on with the show here.  Lol

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And here is a rundown of what we’ve been playing with lately.

Tenga Flip Air Solid

Lube Tube Review

Rocks Off LUV Vibrating Massager

We Vibe Touch

Nexus Excel P-Spot Massager

Fun Factory Tiger

Doc Johnson iVibe Rabbit

Nexus Revo


Oral Sex

Oral SexBefore a girl had had her mouth around my cock I was totally unaware of how much technique oral sex could involve. My recollections of the first time a girl sucked my cock were of enthusiasm, but not much else. I was excited of course and she was too.

She started gently, not knowing exactly how much suction to apply and well that was it. There was a lot of sucking and slurping which at the time suited me just fine. I was delighted to get my cock in her mouth and she seemed happy right up to the point where she tasted the first hint of semen. She indicated I shouldn’t cum in her mouth and so I fucked her.

We were both very happy with the result. Now of course laddish tradition would insist that I should have been pissed off that I didn’t cum in her mouth but I’ve always been of the old-fashioned opinion that it takes at least two people to have sex and that means it’s about both of them taking pleasure from the act. Now as this was only the second time we’d had sex insisting that she did something for me that she didn’t want to do would have been inconsiderate and shortened the relationship somewhat.

But that wasn’t the point. I didn’t want to do something she wasn’t in to. The surprise I felt when she broke away from my kiss and slipped down to my cock to give it a good sucking was fantastic. What more could I have wanted – a damn good shag, which I then had. Perfect.

The point about her non-existent technique was only highlighted to me later on in life during my relationship with Suze. When I first met her oral was something we both did, me with an increasing enthusiasm, Suze lagging a bit behind. She’s never had a problem with it but I got the feeling previous boyfriends had expected and demanded it rather than just let it happen. When she realised that I was a little more considerate than this she really opened up. No pun intended.

It started with her trying to deep throat me. A feat that she has yet to achieve as she does not have a cavernous throat and I have a very adequate size cock. Quart and pint pot if you know what I mean. However, that didn’t stop her trying for a while. Listening to her make herself gag on me is really exciting, especially because she is the one who chooses to do it. Less so now because I think she’s given up on actually taking all of me in her mouth and does it as part of the range of sensations that she enjoys bestowing on me with her mouth.

And what a range. Suze has always been very attentive when giving oral and has over the years collected different hints and tips to improve her technique. It’s not uncommon for her to go down on me and to elicit the question “What are you doing to my cock?”. The new sensations she is able to generate are astonishingly varied, from the gentle and subtle to the intense and occasionally cruel. Such a range, such amazing fellatio.

So what about cumming in her mouth?

Well yes I do, sometimes, but Suze prefers me to cum inside her pussy most of the time. That’s fine with me as you really can’t hammer into a woman’s mouth with the same animal passion as you can into a woman’s vagina. Well not unless you’re in a Max Hardcore movie anyway. And Who’d want to?

From thinking that fellatio was just a girl sucking on your cock until you came in her mouth to knowing just how enjoyable it can be as a prelude to a good hard bang. It’s one of the most enjoyable learning curves I’ve been on.

Screwing Every Way You Can Think Of

Two Girls Having FunWhen I start off writing a piece, either for this blog or for other places I usually have a plan of what I’m going to write. Sometimes it’s a very rough plan and other times I know, step by  step, the way in which the writing will flow out onto the page to have the desired effect on the reader.

I don’t mind whether a piece of writing goes as planned so long as I’m happy with the result. A case in point was an erotic story I just wrote for publication yesterday. If it had been an article I would have had a brief and therefore a much more rigid and structured idea of the finished product required. As it was I had just had one story printed by the publication and had total freedom (within their content guidelines) to let my imagination run free.

I actually started off writing one story and realised that the writing took a different path so I went with the flow and felt it worked out well. Especially when I got an email from Suze on my Blackberry today telling me she had read it and felt very horny.

Sex can be the same. It’s nice to have a plan, especially when you have something special planned with your partner. It doesn’t have to be elaborate but some sex toys, anal ones particularly require a little preparation so doing some things on the spur of the moment is not always practical. You can go the whole hog and spend a night of carefully planned sensory delights if you like but in our busy lives this is a rare treat indeed.

In fact what is more common is the impromptu use of sex toys (or not) and a very free and easy take on making love. Thinking about it though I think we should spoil ourselves this weekend if we get the chance and snuggle up for a few hours of indulgence together.

Top Class Fucking Story

Tiny Wet TitsMore filth, in case you missed it:

“She lowered her head onto her prize until she could take no more, tasting him, smelling his masculinity. Then she felt his hands on the back of her head, and grabbing her hair she felt herself pressed harder and deeper onto him. She was unable to draw breath. She tried to pull away, it was futile, yet she was content with the futility, wanting him to control her. Then as she felt she would faint, like a swimmer breaking the surface she could breathe again. She fell backwards, long strings of saliva glistening on her chin and clothing, the world spinning around her.”

The rest of this erotic story can be read here at Kinky Halo.

More Anal Sex

Pre PeggingAs I’ve mentioned many times before being in this relationship with Alex has been a sexual voyage of discovery. We had been open, honest with a deep sense of trust to be able to at least discuss our sexual desires old and new and in most cases carry them out. I’m still working on the anal side of our sexual forays, still fairly new to the experience. Which in a way is good because it is something which I know I have to practice and perfect because I know that the end result will give me pleasure.

With Alex however it is a different experience, he is relaxed enough to be able to enjoy the pleasures of prostate stimulation and mature enough not to worry about being seen to be “gay” as some guys may see it. He likes to indulge in anal play and as an eager and loving partner I love to both be party to it and observe, finding both a real turn on.

I’ve never engaged with a male partner who is so comfortable with his sexuality that he has engaged in anal play. It is all new and exciting to me and I never tire of watching him play, there are some really wonderful prostate massagers out there so you guys go for it.

I think there is a general misconception out there that if you play with toys as a male you are gay and if you are a girl then the male is not fulfilling your needs. This is complete tosh, toys can be an accompaniment to sexual play in the bedroom not a threat to your significant other.

Pegging is something which interests me deeply because I can take the role of the male in our relationship and get the satisfaction of giving instead of receiving. I can only describe the feeling as enjoying giving presents at Christmas as much as receiving them. 😉

I have only pegged Alex with the Share dildo and small strap on we reviewed a while ago but I would love to try it again with a strap-on designed for entering your male partner. Sorry if I have left you wondering what I’m talking about, pegging means you wear a strap on other similar toy to enter your male partner anally.

That’s the trouble with being involved in the adult world so closely, you assume your readers know everything you do. That’s why I feel the need to share I suppose. Lol

Fergie In Leather

Fergie Leather BraBeing in the UK we don’t have Thanksgiving as such. however I would like to give thanks for Fergie. Especially when she wears a leather bra. Does that count?

Vibrator Pile Driver?

Extreme vibrator girlI think this proves that if you have never used a vibrator before you should read the instructions, or at least talk to the people in the shop where you bought it.

Or was it simply that she had the instructions upside down?

We’ll never know.

What Are You Putting Up My Ass?

I’m a very open minded girl and welcome new ideas and practices in the bedroom, a firm believer if you keep things fresh the boredom daemon will not wriggle in to your lives. That said I do have restrictions on what I’m prepared to do based upon safety and comfort.

We have tried quite a few kinky things in recent years, well since we started out on this blog actually. It has opened our eyes and taken us on a sexual adventure. I know that sounds a little corny but in our case it’s true. Not that we were staid and boring before, far from it, just uneducated in the delights of a rich and fulfilling sexual freedom.

One practice we haven’t indulged in is figging. For some reason the idea doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’ll explain what it is for those of you who haven’t come across the term before. It is the practice of placing a shaved plug of ginger in to your own or your partner’s anus.

From what I have read this induces a tingling/light burning sensation coupled with a coolness from the ginger root. Figging however does come with a warning. You must always use a large piece of ginger and carve one end in to a butt plug shape, allowing the remainder to act as a large base or handle.

If you don’t ensure that the base of the plug is wide the inevitable can happen and the muscles of the anus could pull the plug inside the intestine. Not good and has happened recently to a model who was being filmed. The plug disappeared up her colon and could not be retrieved.

A visit to the hospital didn’t make it reappear either, the hospital advised that it would probably be passed out naturally. But you would rather it didn’t happen in the first place.

Intrigued to know where the term came from I looked it up and Wikipedia gave the following explanation:

Historically, this practice, also known as feaguing was used to ginger up older horses in order to deceive the purchaser as to the age and condition of the horse, by having the animal hold its tail and head high and moving around nervously, characteristic of a younger horse. It is rumored to have become a human sexual practice in the realm of BDSM in the Victorian age.

I’m still giving the whole idea some thought. If you have tried figging let me know what your thoughts on it were, I would be very interested to know.