Monthly Archives: April 2012

Public Sex Toys At Last

Two Girls One DildoHow many times have sex toys been the subject of schoolboy sniggers? How often have women giggled at the prospect of touching yet alone using a vibrator?

Now things are changing. I’m not saying that sex toys are the normal topic of conversation for everyone or that any occasion is appropriate to bring up the subject of self-pleasure but it’s surprising how often sex toys come up in my life.

I’m not talking here about the online, adult, sex toy testing side of my life – the other bit. The bit where I work in an office, deal with clients in non-adult businesses and communicate in a pretty “normal” way with those around me. It happens from time to time that the subject of sex and sex toys arises. The majority of occasions it’s in the context of a joke, not “Oh I got this great vibrator the other day …” and that’s exactly what made me write this post.

However unlike other occasions the circumstances of the incident highlighted just how far we’ve come.

I was passing through the reception area of one of my client’s buildings when I noticed the receptionist was in fits of giggles. Her wireless mouse had stopped working and she had rung to the main office to see if they had any AA batteries. Their reaction had been to suggest she wanted to use them for her vibrator and that she had run them down amusing herself because it had been a quiet morning.

If the conversation on the phone had been between two “Sex And The City” types 20s to 40s maybe, and they had kept it to themselves it wouldn’t have been so notable. But the receptionist is easily old enough to be my mother and she chose to tell me about it. Twice!

Don’t get me wrong I find it refreshing that a mature woman can talk openly about sex toys to a guy many years her junior. OK, I know she didn’t tell me how she preferred to use them but it did open my eyes.

Suze and I are often reminding ourselves that we are now part of the adult industry and that we have to be careful when making assumptions about what is and isn’t acceptable in normal society. It’s so easy to assume that because you can discuss sex toys or porn when at an adult event or business meeting that the wider world has the same open and accepting attitude. Porn is lagging behind sex toys, there’s something about the graphic depiction of sex, often adventurous sex that is less palatable to the non-adult-involved public.

And yet sex toys are perhaps more intimate. Sex in a movie is at its most basic simply a documenting of the human activity of copulation – sex toys are implicitly linked with self-pleasure, an activity that is taboo in many societies and religions.

Yes, you could argue that the purpose of pornography is to aid masturbation although many couples watch pornography together.

The world is changing people – keep up!


How Filthy Is Your Sanchez

Albert EinsteinDirty Sanchez is a possible apocryphal sexual practice that allegedly involves smearing the upper lip of your partner with faeces while they are performing oral sex on you. Not everyone’s cup of tea and like I said many people will tell you it doesn’t happen.

However while I can’t see the attraction myself I will reiterate what I have said on many occasions – I’ve read enough about sex and sexual predilections to know that this particular variant of Coprophilia is far less strange than some of the stuff I’ve seen.


Sometimes your kinkiest desires can be difficult, impractical or just plain messy.

Baby oil is one such bit of naughtiness. Beyond a few squirts and a bit of erotic massage you enter into a scenario that requires a huge sheet of polythene, towels and a carefully planned root to the shower. Without such careful preparation you’ll end up with strange marks on the carpet and a potentially disastrous fall on the bathroom floor.

I speak from experience here. We have done the baby oil thing and it was great. The foreplay was fantastic, fun and extremely slippery, like two eels trying to grab and grope one another. Sex was almost impossible and after some struggling involved us wrapping our limbs around and behind each other to lock me into position so I could thrust. It worked, just, but resulted in us creeping along the polythene sheet every time I pushed into Suze. A real laugh but because of the time required not the sort of thing that you do every day.

Food fetish can be like that too. In fact that’s what kicked me off on this train of thought. For some reason my mind drifted to thoughts of golden syrup rolling over Suze’s chest, dripping from her nipples.

While visually appealing and great for a couple of short licks, if she were covered in syrup I’d soon become sticky and feel sick. The appeal of honey-glazed breasts would wane and I’d be dragging her off to the shower for a shower and a shag.

Some things are best left in the realms of erotic art and fantasy fiction no matter how appealing they first appear.

Naughty Screaming Orgasms

I’m not so much a screamer in bed but I do like to vocalise my appreciation of Alex’s ministrations by moaning, the occasional phrase and grunt.  All this comes quite natural but I do have a level of awareness during sex and do try to moderate appropriately.

We are adjoined to the house next door so we can’t be too loud in the bedroom but if they go out then all hell breaks loose.  Lol  No, if they go out nextdoor it’s nice to have the freedom to make as much noise as we like and view our naughty DVD’s without having to lower the volume.

I’m as aware as the next person that having noisy neighbours is not a good thing and if continually affected by their disruptions you can have some serious mental health issues to deal with.  Very much on par with some forms of torture in that the continual disruption and in some cases disturbed sleep can make people ill.

Right off my soapbox and back to what I was about to tell you.  I just read an article in today’s press about a couple who have been instructed by their local council not to have sex between 7pm & 10am, you can read the full story here.

I’m not sure how I would feel if the council started telling me when I could have sex, how about you?

Gender Swapping

What do you all think of us Brits?

Here in the UK we have a long standing tradition of men dressing up as women, especially in the theatre. I’m not talking about transvesticism here, but guys who may or may not dress in women’s clothes away from the stage being required to don a frock for the sake of their art.

I think it probably originates from the time when women were not allowed to perform in the theatre and young boys took the part of the female characters. It survives to this day in pantomime. Some of the female characters, notably the dames, are guys in dresses. Added to the explicable guys in frocks there’s the balancing but more difficult to explain “principle boys” (for example Peter Pan, Dick Whittington) being played by a girl, often resulting in two girls getting affectionate on stage.

Not being one to encourage the reinforcements of gender stereotypes I wouldn’t normally think this was odd, but let’s face it, it is a bit. However I don’t think it’s ever upset any of the kids in the audience and it does offer the opportunity for some very respected actors such as Ian McKellen to express their feminine side in a way that classic roles would not. Well not since girls were allowed in the theatre.

And the title – Well The “principle boy” (who’s a girl) is often dressed in tights and if all the clichés are followed raised her leg and slaps her thigh at various points in the production.

So go on, are us Brits that weird?

Sex From The Classroom

How would you feel if someone from your past turned up and revealed they had a thing for you after years without contact? That’s almost what has happened to a number of people on sites like Friends Reunited, leading to warnings by a lot of serious faced agony aunts about the dangers of re-igniting old flames.

So why do people do it when they have perfectly good relationships already? And why hasn’t it been happening for years?

The Internet has made contacting old friends and classmates incredibly easy. Before its advent your only contact with the pupils from your old school was often a class reunion held every few years. They were often poorly attended and slightly awkward affairs.

Contacting people online is much easier than making the first contact with someone face to face after a decade or so. It eases you into rebuilding an old relationship or creating a new one. Online profiles and pictures can be a little kinder than real life too making your feelings for someone easier to rekindle if they’re a little bit more successful and younger looking online than if you were to scrutinise them close-up.

Of course you still have to meet but by then you may already be sold on the dream that you’ve built between you – the fact that you knew each had a thing for the other but you never quite got it together because of one reason or another, maybe one or both of you had feelings for the other but never expressed them, or perhaps you were together but split up and realise you wish you hadn’t.

It could of course be the case that you’re looking for a relationship and starting out with someone who you once knew seems safer and easier than going out dating again.

In any case the years soften memories and hide the imperfections that we all have. You tend to remember the good things that happened and not the negative aspects of your time at school.

This doesn’t mean that starting or restarting a relationship with an old schoolmate is wrong, but you have to be aware that having known someone years ago does not give them some special status. You really need to know what’s gone on in the intervening years and how that’s changed them as a person.

Perhaps if you enter into a relationship with an old friend like this after years of separation you don’t care about all the potential pitfalls. It is after all exciting to start out in any new relationship. There’s nothing like the first kiss, the first fondle, the first fuck. They all happen once in a relationship and are exciting because of it. Add in the memories of your shared youth and it can easily make for an exhilarating ride that may cloud your judgement as to whether it’s really a good idea.

If you’re already in a relationship it is of course a terrible idea. Extra-curricular sex is a thrill but it isn’t the antidote for a low point in a relationship. All couples have peaks and troughs during their time together and escaping by engaging in a clandestine, exhilarating fling with someone else will only warp your view of the worth of your longer term partner and what it means for you to be together. Yes your relationship may already be over but wild monkey sex with another partner is not going to help you bring your existing relationship to an end in anything other than a fireball of hurt and recrimination.

All that sounds like I’m judging anyone who does get it together with a lost love after years of separation. I’m not. I simply think that caution is required and a good hard look at your reasons for making contact with them before you jump on their bones.

Porn Forever

Back in the mists of time the human form was venerated when depicted in stone or on canvas or as a fresco on a wall. Those regarding it would see the representation of a naked body as a tribute to its creator, be that a divine god, the earth spirits or some other natural force.


When people look at images, or sculptures of naked people they see the rude bits. No matter how well executed a piece of art is if it’s got naughty bits they form an intrinsic part of its appeal.

Whether we choose to recognise that, even tacitly, is a matter of fashion and the morals of the day. In 18th century England wealthy patrons may have wanted to be portrayed as cultured and appreciative of art, but that was a thin veil to disguise the real reason for all the carefully posed nudes in country houses. They are very large, expensive porn mags. If you wanted a portable version then you could have some naughty woodcuts printed.

The 19th century took the whole erotica and pornography underground and by doing so relieved it of its artistic pretensions to some degree. Combined with mass production and the development of practical photography this lead to the erotic art and porn we have today being available to anyone who wants it. Of course the Victorians would never admit to this being a society with a respectable façade to maintain to the empire, but underneath …

Erotica and Porn have been in and out of the closet for years. Now it looks like they’re out, but if censorship kicks in they now have the perfect place to hide, the Internet. I think they’re out for good.

Nipples, Lycra And Frantic Wanking

Innocence, like virginity, can only be lost, never regained. It’s the reason that your parents tell you that schooldays are the best days of your lives and the cause of the shock and gut-wrenching embarrassment that you feel when you bump into your school crush and find she isn’t the hot piece of ass you remember her as.

The way you look on the opposite sex and sex itself is never as fresh as when you first discover it. Awakening to your own sexuality is like opening your eyes on a spring morning to the sun streaming through the curtains and being able to look outside in wonder at all the possibilities the day holds.

Do you remember the misconceptions you had about how you should interact with a lover? How about the exact details of actually doing “it”? It makes me smile thinking about it.

I remember fantasising about a girl in my drama class. I say drama, but we did a lot of contemporary dance – lots of Martha Graham, definitely no Jazz Hands! She turned up for most rehearsals in a pink Lycra catsuit, no bra because her breasts were just forming, double A at most. What she did have was very dark nipples which showed through the Lycra, particularly when she stretched.

I didn’t so much fancy her, I had my eye on a couple of other girls at the time, but as I hadn’t seen their nipples I spent many private moments wanking furiously over the thought of her pealing off the catsuit for me to reveal the nipples fully and then both of us screwing. Thinking about the ultimate destination of the fantasy now I can’t understand exactly what I imagined it would feel like to be inside a woman. Maybe I thought it would be a softer version of my fist as I pumped away.

I wouldn’t have known the best way to slip between a woman’s thighs and gently nuzzle my way inside at that point. I was a virgin, pre-coital, my cherry intact apart from the regular masturbation that is.

It’s only when you experience sex for the first time that all that longing and imagination about what a woman feels like wrapped around your cock is revealed and you have your first true wank fantasy. Then everything changes and you truly become a man. I don’t mean that in the old-fashioned “she made a man of you” kind of way. That’s not it at all. What happens is that the pieces of information and desire that have been milling around inside your mind and loins coalesce producing the feeling of “Now I understand …” immediately after the more obvious “Fuck yeah, I got laid!”

So please join me in a moment of silent contemplation for our collective lost innocence and reflect on that golden time of confusion and desire before we all became adults. LOL

Panty Flash

Transparent DressI used to have a manual job, and as I’ve mentioned before it was like workplaces the world over; Male dominated and misogynistic. There was a constant obsession on the part of the workshop staff with what the office staff were wearing. Female office staff that is. Heaven forbid that any of the guys might be gay!

The numbers of men working there made it statistically highly probably that at least one of them was gay, but in that kind of environment you don’t shout about it. So, all letching was directed towards the office staff.

There are two incidents that popped into my mind just now. The first was one sub-contractor who we used regularly who was fixated on red shoes. It was a real passion of his. I wouldn’t say fetish (though you never know what he go up to when not at work) it’s just that if he saw a woman wearing read shoes on the street he’d stare, his mouth would take on a gormless expression, you get the idea. One of the office staff once wore a pair of red heels, not very high, but enough to have him distracted for the rest of the day. Harmless, but when you’re trying to work his constant droning about how sexy she looked and how he’d like to … well it got a little wearing after three or four hours.

I suspect she wore the shoes on purpose knowing what he was like. Can’t blame her I suppose, I assume she enjoyed the attention.

The other notable clothing related incident was an office junior just out of college. She turned up for work in some weird clothing but one day she excelled herself. She wore a long-ish white blouse, nipped at the waist with a black belt, black woollen tights and … you were expecting me to say a skirt weren’t you. No skirt.

I think the idea was that the blouse would be almost like a short dress, but it didn’t work. She was a tall girl and every time she stretched or bent over you could see her lemon yellow knickers as the weave of the tights stretched and thinned.

You can imagine how many unnecessary trips to the offices occurred that day. That particular outfit never appeared in the office again.

Stay In Bed, Have Sex And Eat Chocolate

Sexy Ass PeekVery wise words indeed but not the ones you would expect to come from a man of the cloth’s mouth but it did – Father Phil Richie from Hove said exactly that in this piece in The Sun newspaper.

Lol  But who am I to disagree, I spent this morning eating chocolate whilst working at my desk.  See it’s not all pleasure in the AlexSuze household.  😉

Maybe later I may come up with something creative and naughty to do with the chocolate…now hold on I just remembered I have some chocolate body paint and a brush somewhere…


Anal Sex

ModelHere’s something that surprised me when I heard it. Some girls are having anal sex with their boyfriends because they are “saving themselves” for their wedding night. That is, vaginal sex is out of bounds so they can honestly say that despite having had numerous cocks inside them they are a vaginal virgin.

Well, I can kind of understand the logic in that, though the practicality of it must be somewhat limited.

Do you have to ensure that your first boyfriend has a smallish dick and make sure you have lots of lube, then work up the scale as your ass gets used to larger and larger cocks?

Or do you train yourself with a range of sex toys to ensure that when “Mr Big” is presented with the choice of anal or a hand job your ass is used to the intrusion?

And while I do understand where this logic stems from, about maintaining your vaginal virginity, I can’t help wondering what your life partner will think when he breaks your hymen on the wedding night only for you to tell him “you’re my first … but I’ve been butt-fucked by a dozen other guys.”

Then again what is acceptable to find out about your partner’s previous relationships? You have to be adult about it. I know I wasn’t the first person to have sex with Suze, but I was the first to have anal sex with her. I’ve always associated anal with longer term relationships where trust and care are involved.

The vagina’s quite a tuff structure, but the anus, rectum and lower intestine can be quite delicate and if damaged prone to infection. Not the sort of place you want someone to stick his cock if you don’t know them too well.

Perhaps I’m a little old fashioned?

Bisexual Fun

I’ve written in the past about having a tryst with a married woman. We were together for about a month and then things fizzled out. She gave me the cold shoulder and I guess got it out of her system.

It was a shame that it couldn’t have lasted, I had strong feelings for her at the time. Not quite love but I cared about her deeply. I suppose things don’t always end as you wished and as they say it is better to have loved and lost and all that!

At the time I was smitten by her. Couldn’t get her out of my head. I loved my boyfriend but still had very deep emotions for her and didn’t feel like I was cheating on him. After all he had encouraged us to get together.

A number of readers were keen to find out how the story ended so I thought I would write it up in a post rather than a comment.

Whilst I had my head between his wife’s legs her husband came in to the room. We were both laying on the bed naked. He lay next to me and watched his wife and being licked out by me and was happy to let us just get on with things.

Then I felt a hand upon my hip, it was his. I rolled away from him, letting him know that this was about his wife and me. If she wanted to involve him then that was another matter but she didn’t attempt to bring him in to the tryst at all.

He walked out and left us both kissing. After a short while he walked back in to the bedroom with a camera. Neither his wife or I noticed that he was taking photographs at first and I assumed that she was comfortable with the idea too because she didn’t raise any objection.

So we both carried on making out with each other. She came several times before she decided to give me a good fingering and I wet her hand through. Emotions run high when the situation is as high energy as an encounter with another girl and it didn’t take me long to come.

As I recall she was very good and hit the right spot straight away. I know I was her first so it must be from her own personal experience that she was so good at finger fucking me. After we had finished making love we curled up in bed together and slept off the effects of the sex and wine for an hour or so and then returned to the living room downstairs where the guys were watching some porn.

It was a pivotal point in my life. It affirmed the fact that although I knew it all along, I was a bisexual woman.

The pictures were sent away to be developed using a special discreet service. Both couples had a copy of the images. I bet the developers also kept a copy of them back for themselves. What do you think?