Monthly Archives: May 2013

Zoo Keeper Day

Elephant BeggingSorry there’s no sex in this post you’ll have to scroll down the page for that.  Lol

I was rather glad that I had selected to take my Zoo Keeper Day a few weeks ago the both the Monday and Tuesday were the hottest we’ve had so far.

We set off on the Monday morning to our destination hotel on the outskirts of Twycross, about 20 minutes drive from the zoo itself.  This meant that we would arrive bright eyed and bushytailed the following morning for my full itinerary.

My day duly started at 9am on Tuesday morning and I was lead to the changing rooms where I had to don a full set of navy coloured overalls emblazoned with Twycross Zoo Keeper on the back.

I slipped them on over my trousers and t-shirt and applied my newly bought cap to my head.  It was going to be a hot one.  Not the kind of day you would wish to wear a double layer of clothing.  Sigh!  I was taken through the briefest Health & Safety introduction which basically comprised of “Do exactly what the keeper asks at all times”.

And away I went.

My first keeper was in charge of the Primates and I was taken to a couple of adjoining indoor compounds.  This is where the animals ate and bedded down for the night.  I was instructed to wash down the shelves, climbing equipment and window with disinfectant.

Great I thought!  I hope that this isn’t a prelude to my day’s activities.  As it happened it wasn’t, it was the only cleaning gig I had all day and was there to show you animal husbandry isn’t just about the good stuff.

After leaving the compounds clean, smelling fresh and with a couple of scoops of an appetising mash we made our way to handover for the next leg of my animal explorations.

The Hooves & Carnivore section but not in the same enclosure.  Lol

I was taken by the keeper to feed the Camels.  He wound down the hay mangers on the wall and we replenished them before letting the dreadlock shedding animals back in.  They really didn’t look at their best with large clods of fur hanging from them.

Next I was taken to the compound of one of the animals I had been most looking forward to seeing…

And I’ll tell you all about it soon.  🙂

 

Girls and Their Sex Toys

Lezzing It Up On The Four PosterI don’t know about you but I do enjoy a vibrator that I control rather than one which controls me. By that I mean that I like a vibe that is easy to use, doesn’t cost a lot of money and is quite discreet. That way I can have a little fun whenever and wherever I want to without a lot of preparation.

Masturbation should be fun don’t you think? Not a major logistical operation that takes so long to prepare for that the initial naughty spark that made you think about rubbing one out has faded away.

So when anyone wants to buy a vibrator they should avoid an over-complex control panel that promises dozens of functions that might simply confuse you and defuse the moment of passion. However simple doesn’t mean a lack of quality, take the PicoBong range of vibrators. They are designed and produced by the premium sex toy manufacturer Lelo but because they are not rechargeable and don’t go  for the luxury packaging you are able to buy a reasonably priced sex toy that also has the pedigree of one that would cost 3 or 4 times as much.

Small is beautiful too; With the PicoBong range you get tiny yet powerful vibrators like the Ipo Finger Vibe, perfect for fun anywhere. When I used to work in an office I would keep a similar finger vibrator in my handbag and if I got stressed would take it to the “rest room” at lunch for a little stress relief. Using the Ipo Finger Vibe at home on myself or letting Alex use it on me during sex is just as much fun. Though you don’t have the added thrill of getting caught that I enjoyed in the office 😉

A quality finger vibrator like the Ipo is made from hypoallergenic materials, in the case of the Ipo silicone and ABS plastic which are both pretty inert and therefore very safe. Oh, and the Ipo doesn’t use weird shaped batteries just one of the standard types (AAA) from the grocery store.

Ladies, if you’re new to sex toys and especially if you are a little tentative about the thought of penetration from a sex toy, a clit vibe or finger vibe, like the Ipo, makes sense. But don’t discount a quality finger vibe if you’re a seasoned sex toy user, because some of those babies can still surprise you.

 

 

Sexting – Whatever that is?

SextingAt the risk of being a bit of a pedant I do likes words to have a fixed meaning, or at least meanings  that don’t change over time in an arbitrary fashion. It happens quite a lot and the Internet hasn’t helped because with a lively and dynamic youth culture added to cosmopolitan cities full of new and exciting cultural influences the trend is increasing.

Don’t get me wrong here, I love a rich and diverse vocabulary that allows us all to interact with the subtle nuances that a simpler language allows. We don’t want to end up speaking New Speak as envisaged by George Orwell. But when a word is used in new ways it leads to confusion. Take “bad” that used to mean, well bad. When I found out that it could also mean “very, very good” I thought WTF! That’s the antonym of bad. But we all adapt and add this to our repertoire of linguistic styles, adjusting how we speak and using these co-opted words appropriately in different situations.

There is a problem though. When a word develops a subtly different meaning, it can lead to confusion. It did with me today.

A few years ago the term Sexting meant using a mobile phone to hook up with people nearby for casual sex. This possibly apocryphal practice was widely reported in the tabloid and some serious newspapers at the time. Look at it as a pre-smart phone version of Grindr for straights.

Now apparently it means something a bit different. People are sending each other semi-nude and nude pictures of each other via their phones. Between consenting adults and particularly those in a relationship I can’t see a problem but you would have to be insane to send an image of yourself to someone you had never met outside a BBM session or social networking. Blackmail or just pure embarrassment from finding an intimate picture of you all over the Web is the potential price you’d have to pay for an ill-judged sext image.

For parents it’s a nightmare. With kids on mobile phones constantly there are people who will take advantage of their innocence. Despite what many kids think they are not as street wise as they might be and when someone shows an interest in you, particularly during adolescence and puberty the decision you make are not always the best ones. We all know this, we’ve all been there.

It’s just now the technology makes it easy encourage a child to send a picture of themselves from anywhere in the world. Whereas child abusers used to have to be in the proximity of the kids now they can do it remotely which means they are more difficult to catch because they might not be in the same country.

Digital cameras and web cams made this sort of abuse easier, smart phones and social networking increased scope and speed with which this can draw a kid into the clutches of a paedophile. And of course the phone is often locked/passworded so parents can’t easily check their kids activity if they feel abuse has occurred.

Then of course there’s bullying, and peer pressure and all the other rubbish we all experienced at school. Once part of learning how to interact with society, it’s now carried out on line with fewer inhibitions because of the perceived anonymity the web allows and a disassociation inherent in all online communications.

There have always been abusers and therefore there have always been those who are abused. Technology simply gives people who choose to intimidate and take advantage of people the opportunity to do it in different ways and I’m sure over time we’ll learn how to address this new form of exploitation of the young and foolish effectively and sensitively. Until then let’s all make sure we understand one another, talk about this problem in clear language and protect the vulnerable from those who would prey on them.

If you want to report potential child abuse online you can go here in the UK, Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) http://ceop.police.uk/

Sex With Strangers and Other Wild Porno Stories

Sam Bentley "I've Just Been Fucked Up The Ass"If you’re going to tell a tall story and pretend that it’s true you really have to reign in your imagination. And over the years as sex bloggers we’ve read some really tall stories about the sexual exploits of various characters we’ve encountered online.

In some instances we’ve been taken in for a while, in one particular instance a very intelligent blogger constructed and amazingly consistent and rich “reality” online. She was obviously intelligent, articulate and with a great imagination. Here scenarios were plausible and slowly drew in thousands of people over the couple of years she was writing. She never sought to take advantage of her readers so until quite close to her sudden disappearance few of us suspected that she was anything other than 100% genuine. The few of us who discussed her disappearance afterwards came to the conclusion that her whole online presence was a project of sorts. For what reason we can only guess at.

For the most part outlandish stories of wild sex and tales of amazing sexual prowess are told either to enhance the ego of the author or to allow them to act out a fantasy in the full view of the online community. As such they are rarely sophisticated, incredible and more often than not raise a wry smile if not a belly laugh.

Fiction is one thing, the clue is in the name but to tell some stories as if they were true just makes you look a bit silly. As if you couldn’t work it out for yourself here’s what to look out for/things you should avoid putting in your amazing “true” sex story:

  • Cheerleaders do not give blowjobs to everyone they meet.
  • Traffic cops don’t let women off speeding tickets if they are offered a blow job.
  • Anal sex requires more lubricant than a bit of spit.
  • Women rarely offer to have a threesome with you and their female best friend ten minutes after you pick them up in a club, or if they do they will probably have a rate card.
  • The guy who comes to clean your pool is probably almost drawing his pension and has a bad heart; He is not a 21 year old stud with an Adonis like body a 12” dick and the sexual morals of a dog on heat.
  • Not all girls like the taste of your cum – go figure.
  • Not all women will make out with your girlfriend for your entertainment.
  • Most women wear underwear most of the time.
  • Hot teachers do not generally screw their pupils –  Sex with your teacher is a harmless adolescent fantasy, but it’s just that a fantasy and if you believe it happens in all but the most unusual of cases you need to grow up.
  • No matter how hot you think your girlfriend’s mother is it’s unlikely she will sleep with you as soon as her daughter’s back is turned. And if you want her to then you’re dating the wrong woman.
  • At a job interview it’s unlikely you will improve your chances of getting the position by propositioning and attempting to fuck the interviewer.
  • Sex-ed lessons do not involve a practical element with your teacher.
  • Teenage girls do not ask friends of the family to “make them a woman”, though teenage boys might.
  • Women do not masturbate in parked cars in broad daylight for the entertainment of groups of men. If they do it then it’s at night, in the woods at a dogging meet.
  • Not all good looking older women are predatory MILs. No matter who much you wish they were.
  • Fancying your housekeeper does not mean she’s up for any extra-contractual duties when she’s done the vacuuming.
  • Hitchhikers are looking for a lift to their destination, not sex with a random driver, a visit to a GU medicine clinic and a potentially unwanted pregnancy.

All of the above are great if you’re presenting them as fiction but please don’t try to sell them to everyone as reality. And yes we’ve seen every one of the above and some more that we can’t publish on our site.

 

Zoo Fun

Sleepy Baby TapirI took this picture on my Zoo Keeper Day last Tuesday.  That little bundle of fun is a baby Tapir who I had the pleasure of tickling.

There will be a full post about the day coming soon so watch this space and find out what I got up to.