Monthly Archives: March 2018

Awkward Conversations

Time was when you could predict the topics of conversation you’d have with your friends and family. But times move on and as I get older the diversity and randomness of conversations I have with people I thought I knew knows no bounds. How’s this for an opening gambit in a conversation from last week. “Would you let a robot give you a blowjob?” That’s exactly what a friend of mine asked. Without wanting to sound too knowledgeable I tried to give him my thoughts on what the best blowjob robot would look like.

As you’re aware not many people know that we’re sex bloggers and sex toy tester s so holding a conversation on the subject has a lot to do with holding back and not giving the impression you know your onions.

I’ll distil down what I said to my friend in a way that doesn’t involve the linguistic and mental gymnastics I displayed to avoid raising suspicion about my very adult profession.

To begin with I’ll dispel a myth, or certainly a misconception about what makes for a good sex toy. Sex toys, and that includes male masturbators and blowjob machines, don’t have to look like the real thing to work well. In fact, trying to look like the real thing can just add complication and indeed impede the effectiveness of a sex toy. Yes, some ladies like a realistic, penis shaped dildo or vibrator. However well constructed non-realistic designs work as well if not better for a lot of women. The reason is simple, sex is primarily for reproduction. Nature made it pleasurable to ensure we keep doing it to procreate. So while sex without sex toys is very enjoyable that enjoyment is a means to an end rather than the end of sex itself.

Now apply this to masturbators and blowjob machines. Of course a fully functional android equivalent of a partner would be great … one with the ability to deep throat you , suck you and fellate you in a myriad of ways. However even if a fully autonomous and accurately modelled android version of a sexual partner were possible it would be fiendishly complex and therefore expensive. Better I think that any device that wants to recreate a blowjob should not adhere slavishly to the anthropomorphic but instead concentrate on delivering the sucking, rubbing and stroking sensations that make masturbations and blowjobs as enjoyable as they can be.

So why wouldn’t you use a blowjob robot?

I for one can’t think of any reasons. All men masturbate, almost without exception. At one point or another in their lives they will have jerked off, alone, with a partner or with the help of a partner. That masturbation may also have included sex toys like masturbators and may have included stimulation with other sex toys. The only new frontier that’s being crossed by using a mechanical blowjob robot would be that the actions of a blowjob are being replicated without the need for your intervention. Instead of stroking yourself, it’s stroking you. Instead of your partner sucking on your dick it’s the robot. The only way to find out if you prefer a blowjob robot to your hand would be to try it and see.

All tech seems new and unfamiliar when it first arrives and new sex toys are no exception to that. Sex has been around as long as we have, making our obsession with it and deriving pleasure from it very understandable. That obsession drives creativity, whether that be our experimentation with different forms of sex or by devising new sex toys as our tech improves.

The answer to the question “Would you let a robot give you a blowjob.” And therefore “What is the best blowjob robot?” will keep changing as we devise more and more ingenious and effective ways to stimulate our bodies. More reason to try these things out and experiment.

Smooth Shaved Pussy

Samantha Bentley with her legs in the air

Samantha Bentley with her legs in the air

It’s nice to surprise your partner from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, or expensive, just unexpected.

When we first moved into a flat together Suze and I were like kids in a sweet shop. We tried everything, every room, every position … of course with what we know now we realise we were very naïve. That is however a minor point, because what I’m talking about here is the shock and salacious pleasure I got when one evening I slipped between the sheets and slid my hand to where I knew Suze’s bush should be, only find that her protracted leg shaving session in the bathroom had extended to shaving her pussy.

I hadn’t noticed but she was watching me with fascination, obviously wanting to see my reaction when I discovered the soft, smooth flesh of her mons. I was very surprised indeed, at the time it was not usual for women to shave. Waxing yes, Brazilian maybe, Hollywood, almost unheard of.

Of course I investigated the soft and inviting lips between her legs, lapping at the hairless skin, both of us feeling extra-naughty because of it. I’m enjoying just thinking about it now.

Suze would have suffered for the shaving a little later. Soon after she shaves her skin reacts and gets inflamed and itchy. So now she just keeps the lady garden neatly trimmed, rather than shaved.

Happy Days.

Masturbation With No Strings Attached

Being in the job that I am it’ll come as no surprise to you that I’ve given a lot of thought to what tops the list of male masturbators in terms of pleasure-giving ability. With the advent of mechanised, robotic masturbators the question can be even more specific, by which I mean what are the best hands free male masturbators, or what’s the best virtual vagina.

Concurrently you have to ask “What does best mean?”. To do that I contend that you have to return to basics and remember what masturbation is about in the first place.

The ultimate aim is of course is pleasure – not necessarily orgasm but pleasure. For most people most of the time masturbation is about achieving orgasm but whether you reach orgasm or not stimulation and pleasurable sensations are the key.

If you, yourself are masturbating, and I speak here from a male perspective of masturbating (jerking off or wanking, whatever you prefer to call it) visual stimulation can be an effective aid. However without the right tactile stimulation it’s rare to reach orgasm just by looking at naughty pictures! As adolescents young guys learn how to stimulate themselves, their partners later in life usually do too, indeed masturbation as foreplay or to orgasm is one of the many aspects of a healthy sexual relationship.

Whereas auto-masturbation for want of a better phrase is often very straight forward the interplay with a partner can be much more exciting. This is probably why male masturbators are popular, giving as they do different sensations that are one step removed from the user’s own hand. Moreover a partner can use their hands, body, mouth or even a masturbator to give a greater variety of stimulation than a guy can on his own, to himself.

Consider a blow job. Unless your cock is incredible sensitive or you’re incredibly excited you’re unlikely to cum with just the stimulation of a mouth alone, no matter how skilful the mouth’s owner. If you’ve been engaged in sex for some time the penis becomes desensitised, aiding your ability to pleasure your partner for longer but meaning that if they chose to bring you off with their mouth it’s unlikely to happen. What’s more likely is that they’ll have to stimulate your penis, balls and maybe even anus/prostate with their hands.

Until recently finding a sex toy to do all this was impossible. Yes we’ve seen a few attempts in the past, some more successful than others. In fact some so ridiculous that we cringed as they were demonstrated to us because of their obvious ineffectiveness. Where the designers seemed to fall down a few years ago was either because their literal mechanical interpretation of wanking was never going to work or because they tried to combine it with the then immature tech of virtual reality. Keep it simple guys!

The biggest pitfall that early sex toy designers made, and this applies to all sex toys for men and women is this – It doesn’t have to look like the part of the body you’re aiming to replace. Yes there are a few sex toys that faithfully and very successfully replicate the sex organs. I can’t speak with authority on sex toys for women but in terms of ersatz vaginas I only every found one that felt like the real thing, and that was amazing. Yet it didn’t vibrate or offer anything other than a truly real sensation of penetrating then moving inside a woman. That said it wasn’t my favourite masturbator in terms of intensity of stimulation. A number of male masturbators with totally unrealistic internal contours and anonymous entrance holes have proven to be the most effective at arousing mean from a tactile perspective,

In summary therefore I’d have to say that the advice I’d give to anyone asking the question “what are the best hands free male masturbators?” is this – Look for a simple, easy to clean design that stimulates your penis’s shaft as well as sucks. Go for a sturdy design that shows the makers understand both how to build an effective sex toy and also how to give sensual please. Finally don’t necessarily look for something that actually looks like your hand or your partner’s mouth – more intense stimulation can come from good sex toy design.