Sexual Experimentation

By | April 2, 2008

Once upon a time the big joke was that men couldn’t find the clitoris with a map. Well I think most men can now navigate their way to that particularly exciting piece of the female anatomy quite well. Bringing your partner to clitoral orgasm by digital stimulation is very fulfilling for you and for her. The intensity of the orgasm is huge. Giving a woman that much pleasure gives everyone a warm glow inside.

Not all women can easily orgasm on the clitoris, though there are mechanical and topical aids if you have problems making this happen. And by “you” I don’t just mean you ladies, but also your partners. A woman (or her partner) is not a failure if they can’t achieve clitoral orgasm. Our experience of clitoral orgasms is that sometimes it just will not happen.

You need to be relaxed for a start, tension is the real passion killer as always. Then there’s the time of the month or more accurate where you are in your menstrual cycle. Sometimes you’re more receptive to clitoral stimulation than others. I’ll not go on about this as Suze is far better qualified to write on the subject, what I will say is that the clitoris and the new holly grail of the G Spot orgasm and often associated female ejaculation or “squirting” are closely linked.

I make that assertion for two reasons. Firstly the sensitivity of the G Spot seems to vary with menstrual cycle. This is probably due to the thickening of the vaginal wall during the period leading up to menstruation. Secondly the close proximity of the bundle of nerve endings that make up the clitoris and the tissue that manifests itself as the Graffenberg Spot.

The G Spot is the key to orgasm by penetration. While some women say they can orgasm without G Spot stimulation by the penis during penetrative sex, it is my experience that this may have more to do with the excitement of being penetrated and the associated sexually charged atmosphere. That doesn’t make any orgasm any less real, having discussed this with women they always feel that penetration is variously, nice, comforting, or an act of submission to their partner, but not something that in itself will make the earth move for all of them.

So should anyone be worried if they haven’t found their partner’s G Spot yet? Well I’d say no and yes. No, because everyone and every couple is different. There are people who have very satisfying sex lives without ticking all the boxes for every sexual practice, position etc. I’d say yes because I would encourage everyone to experiment with their partner, explore the boundaries and try to find out what works and doesn’t work for them.

Again that doesn’t mean that you should feel a failure as a person or couple if you can’t have a clitoral orgasm or can’t have a G Spot Orgasm. Some people will never manage it. But imagine the fun and increased levels of intimacy between you both while you try!

As I said, I’ll concentrate here on the G Spot orgasm and that totally misrepresented phenomenon of female ejaculation/squirting.

Perhaps the best attitude to take if you’ve never tried what I’m about to describe is to assume it will not work for you. Odd I know, but as with most things sexual if you’re under pressure from outside or inside the bedroom things are likely to fall flat. If you both assume it’s just a step in your sexual exploration the pressure is off and your more likely to make it happen, if not the first time, but sooner rather than later.

So relax, in a warm bedroom. Perhaps indulge each other in something you find soothing, perhaps a massage. Lots of foreplay, take your time. Make sure you have plenty of towels … the towels are because if your partner is successful in achieving a G Spot orgasm on your part you may get very wet. Some people prefer a waterproof sheet, but we find towels more comfortable.

I’ll describe what works best to us and what can happen. This doesn’t mean it will work well for you, we’re all different.

The female partner lays on her back with her knees apart and slightly bent. Insert two fingers, palm-up into her vagina and let them curl back around the pubic bone in a motion that’s often referred to as “come hither”. If she is not sufficiently lubricated from your sensual foreplay use a little lube.

Which fingers to use? I find the middle and ring finger are best. Middle and index finger doesn’t work for me as it doesn’t allow sufficient penetration because my hand is offset and twisted slightly.

Start making the beckoning, come-hither motion with the two inserted fingers. You should feel a spongy, slightly raised area of tissue as you do so, that’s where you should concentrate your efforts. Vary the pressure and speed of your strokes but persevere. One problem I found when I first attempted this was that your fingers get tired after a while. On subsequent occasions as I became more familiar with the technique your fingers find the spot more quickly and this ceases to be a problem.

Opinion about what happens next is somewhat divided and because I don’t claim to have qualifications I don’t possess, I’ll simply say what I believe happens based on what I’ve read, observed and experienced.

If your partner experiences an orgasm at this point it will be a deep, fulfilling one. You’ve just been stimulating nerves that are connected to if not the same as those in the clitoris.

Your partner may become very wet, wetter than when you have penetrative sex, hence the towels. She may run with fluid. This is apparently excreted from the Skene’s gland, which from my understanding of the anatomy is the spongy structure you are stimulating with your fingers. Because the woman experiencing this becomes so wet many people prefer to empty their bladder before starting to ensure that they haven’t just wet themselves. But it isn’t urine, and it isn’t the normal lubrication that is present in the vagina and which becomes more abundant during sex. That’s what leads me to believe the Skene’s gland explanation, despite those who say otherwise.

OK, so what will not happen. You will not shoot jets of fluid across the room. Yes the fluid might run our onto your partners cupped hand as he massages your G Spot, yes your inner thighs will become very wet, and you’ll experience a smell that’s unlike the “normal” scent of a woman’s vagina and definitely not like urine. Women only squirt jets of fluid in porn movies, porn photosets or if they’re bursting for a pee.

In the last six months we’ve experienced Suze ejaculating during sex in various positions. Suze’s body has to be in just the right state and I have to use just the right angle, but it does happen. Now if you’d have asked me a year ago I would have said that’s a myth too. Though I don’t think you’ll ever get me to believe that the fountain-like antics on porn sets are anything other than staged.

In summary. Relax, explore and keep trying. The worst thing that could happen is that you and your partner get to know each other much better than you did. The best is that you discover a whole new sensation that you can both enjoy.

Tags: Graffenberg Spot, G-spot, G Spot, G Spot Orgasm, clitoris, clitoral orgasm, Skene’s gland, Amrita