Sex Changes …

By | May 24, 2008

Sex changes … pretty much everything.

Sex is one of those things that finds a place in its life outside most individual’s control. When you’re an adolescent it at the forefront of your mind most of the time, displacing logic, common sense and good judgement as you seek out sexual encounters at every possible opportunity.

Your first time can, by definition, only happen once. There’s a before You and an after You. The first time you have sex changes you and makes you into a different person. Whether that’s a better or worse person is up to you. Sex isn’t unique in this respect, but speaking as a man I know that it was rather high on my agenda when I was navigating that stormy sea called puberty. The phrase “singular preoccupation” probably sums it up. LOL

There are other firsts in your sex life that mark the evolution of this party of your personality. Getting a long term partner, experimenting with positions, role play, maybe BDSM, they all happen at different rates for all individuals and couples. It’s difficult to imagine a relationship where D/s and BDSM forms part of the first date, unless you meet on alt.com that is. Normally these things take time and a rapport that only comes from a more committed couple.

It’s a pity that some people only take a few steps into the world of sex. Maybe they’re happy. I’m not saying ignorance is bliss and discounting their limited sexual exploration as meaningless. A loving relationship and straight sex that satisfies both partners is just as valid as swinging from the chandeliers every night. In fact it’s probably more valid than constantly demanding more and more exotic and diverse experiences from your physical relationship. This can put strain on even the most committed of partners as your expectations exceed their ability or willingness to deliver the next level of sexual pleasure. It can also smack of desperation, a couple trying to put back the spark that was there at the beginning of the relationship by pushing boundaries.

Suze and I have developed slowly, over time. Though in the last three or so years (since we started blogging) have been developing rather more quickly than before. What we had at the start of our relationship was what everyone had, excitement, the adrenalin rush that occurs when you set out in any relationship. There is a point however when that excitement wanes and must be replaced, not by novelty and cheap thrills, but by a stable and fulfilling long-term relationship.

Sounds boring doesn’t it. Well, it isn’t. Long-term means being able to look forward and know the years are going to be filled with fun, enjoyed with someone you love. Stable means you both know the boundaries you have both agreed. Fulfilling does not mean making do, it’s about finding new ways to express your love, both physical and emotional love, in fresh ways.

Our real life together is currently enriched by our online life. They complement each other and while they are sometimes difficult to reconcile, the challenges that this brings and the fun of being able to indulge our sexual sides without guilt is very liberating.