Weird And Wonderful Fucking Machines

By | March 3, 2011

Weird Sex ToyAfter years of testing adult products I have acquired an eye for a good product. One which will work for me and take me to orgasm. This is skill is acquired through experience and product knowledge.

There are some products which I have looked at and thought there is no way this will do anything for me and I have been proven wrong. That is all part of the learning process.

I must admit that I still don’t get the whole concept of the fucking machine, it is far to mechanical and lacking in versatility to inspire me to try it. Fucking is more than the simple concept of the in and out, there is angle adjustment and rhythmic change amongst other things.

But I think I may have found a toy that tops the fucking machine in terms of concept and application. It’s name is the Vortex Vibrations. Sounds powerful and too the point doesn’t it? I then read on. This is an attachment for your…excuse the giggle here…vaccum cleaner.

Ok. I’ll give you chance to recover from the laughter.

Yes, this toy attaches to your vaccum cleaner and provides a cup which goes over the clitoris. The idea being that the movement of air creates a vibratory pattern which engorges your clitoris and at the same time vibrates it.

This toy must have been invented by a man for a couple of reasons, the first being that vacuum cleaners do not get me going in the slightest and the second the associated noise when the toy is in use is enough to put you off.

Can you imagine keeping the vacuum by your bed and starting it up in the night when you are feeling amorous. Lol On the other hand if you have a cleaning fetish it may just float your boat.

On a more practical note. When the clitoris becomes dry stimulation is the last thing you desire, it can be over sensitive and painful to stimulate a non lubed clit. I should know, when I get a little over enthusiastic and dry myself out because I am close to orgasm and can’t stop myself the following day I can be so sore.

I suggest that to use this toy you would have to keep applying the lube and if it is water based you may need a large bottle of it.

Another one for the “nice try, but …” box I think.

That is unless any of you have tried it and can persuade me otherwise. ;)