Innocence, like virginity, can only be lost, never regained. It’s the reason that your parents tell you that schooldays are the best days of your lives and the cause of the shock and gut-wrenching embarrassment that you feel when you bump into your school crush and find she isn’t the hot piece of ass you remember her as.
The way you look on the opposite sex and sex itself is never as fresh as when you first discover it. Awakening to your own sexuality is like opening your eyes on a spring morning to the sun streaming through the curtains and being able to look outside in wonder at all the possibilities the day holds.
Do you remember the misconceptions you had about how you should interact with a lover? How about the exact details of actually doing “it”? It makes me smile thinking about it.
I remember fantasising about a girl in my drama class. I say drama, but we did a lot of contemporary dance – lots of Martha Graham, definitely no Jazz Hands! She turned up for most rehearsals in a pink Lycra catsuit, no bra because her breasts were just forming, double A at most. What she did have was very dark nipples which showed through the Lycra, particularly when she stretched.
I didn’t so much fancy her, I had my eye on a couple of other girls at the time, but as I hadn’t seen their nipples I spent many private moments wanking furiously over the thought of her pealing off the catsuit for me to reveal the nipples fully and then both of us screwing. Thinking about the ultimate destination of the fantasy now I can’t understand exactly what I imagined it would feel like to be inside a woman. Maybe I thought it would be a softer version of my fist as I pumped away.
I wouldn’t have known the best way to slip between a woman’s thighs and gently nuzzle my way inside at that point. I was a virgin, pre-coital, my cherry intact apart from the regular masturbation that is.
It’s only when you experience sex for the first time that all that longing and imagination about what a woman feels like wrapped around your cock is revealed and you have your first true wank fantasy. Then everything changes and you truly become a man. I don’t mean that in the old-fashioned “she made a man of you” kind of way. That’s not it at all. What happens is that the pieces of information and desire that have been milling around inside your mind and loins coalesce producing the feeling of “Now I understand …” immediately after the more obvious “Fuck yeah, I got laid!”
So please join me in a moment of silent contemplation for our collective lost innocence and reflect on that golden time of confusion and desire before we all became adults. LOL