We’ve been tricked by “Hungarian Honeys”. I don’t know how it happened, it just sort of crept up on us. As you browse the Internet for porn and watch DVDs you develop favourites. As female porn stars rarely say anything other than, “ooh, aah!” in films, their nationality is difficult to ascertain.
Their names are no clue either, not that I’d know a Hungarian name if I fell over it, but you know what I mean. The names are chosen to place the models nationality firmly in that nebulous mid-Atlantic region, or for pure comedy value.
So who am I talking about? Well primarily Simony Diamond, Jana Cova, Rita Faltyano, Anetta Keys, Pantera, Veronica Vanoza, Niki Blond, Tiffany Rose, Jordan Maze and Sophie Sweat.
On the net many sites credit models with Hungarian lineage when they patently are not Hungarian. The most amusing example being Bobbi Eden, she’s bloody Dutch for heaven’s sake! Pantera is Russian and Anetta Keys is Czech.
OK, so I know the world of porn is not renowned for it’s adherence to what in the UK we call the “Trade’s Descriptions Act”, but if a girl’s fit, she’s fit and arbitrarily changing her nationality will not make her better looking.
I suppose what’s far more telling is that while the Soviet Union attempted world domination for 63 years and failed despite it’s ideological fervour and military might, a couple of dozen eastern European girls have made their way into my home overnight. And I paid for the privilege! Perhaps this is the real meaning of “Make Love not War”. Not a pacifist’s axiom at all, but a cunningly subversive instruction for world conquest.
While Suze and I were masturbating and fucking to the latest “Redhot in Budapest” last night, the Hungarian secret service were floating barges full of DVDs and hand grenades up the Thames under cover of night.
Am I sounding paranoid? Maybe it was that two week old coleslaw I ate last night. Everything did start to go a bit orange when I moved my head suddenly.
Well sod it, if invasion means Simony Diamond sitting on my face while Rita Faltayano 69s with Suze – cook up some goulash and welcome them in.