How Good is Sex When We’re Really Bad?

By | June 25, 2011

Wet and HornyHuman beings will always have sex, be that for procreation or recreation, until we evolve to a form that doesn’t require it to breed. Even then I suspect that our fondness for the practice will ensure that we retain the physical attributes, hormonal mechanisms and emotional predisposition towards fucking.

To have sexual urges and to deny them is to repress that which is irrepressible, and that can only lead to problems. But to make out that the physical act of love is in itself intrinsically virtuous is also wrong. There it is you see “physical act of love”. There is no love involved in the physical act itself, not even the tiniest mote of affection is inherent in sexual intercourse. Animals procreate sexually, but particularly in the species with smaller brains, lower intelligence and little or no social hierarchy their procreation is based on instinct and the need to transfer genetic material.

So if in the words of the Bloodhound Gang “You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.”, what place is there for love?

I believe that sex means what you want it to mean be that affection, dominance, submission, love, lust or a combination of all of those and more. Some people use it as an outlet for their problems, such as their inability to relate on an emotional level, or as a weapon against the individual with whom they are engaged in sex with or the sex/social grouping that other person belongs to. This is a corruption of something that is intrinsically beautiful.

You see while I do not believe that sex in itself implies love or even affection, sex is beautiful on a number of levels. The mechanics of the process are the product of evolution and like all such wonders of nature are imbued with an intrinsic beauty. The means by which the smallest and largest cells in the human body are united to produce the source of a new human life are astonishing.

The participants engaged in sex are subject to a complex mix of emotions, sensations and thoughts. The first time is usually exciting, surprising, an adventure into the unknown with a very happy conclusion … usually. Afterwards you and your attitudes towards sex develop, maybe you change your sexual orientation. How many people have denied their homosexuality or bisexuality only in later life to accept it?

The society in which we live still judges us, not least when it comes to sex. have you ever met anyone (female) who brags about her sexual conquests openly in the office … and yet in certain environments it’s OK for men to do so. I’m sure some of you ladies will take this as proof of the relative emotional immaturity of one half of the human population.

Society still doesn’t accept homosexuality. Despite its decriminalisation in the UK decades ago there is still prejudice, clumsy innuendo pedalled by ill-educated fools. All gay guys are wildly camp, right? All lesbians wear dungarees and Doc Marten’s, yeah? In the same way that all blondes are dumb and all used car salesmen are dishonest.

But I digress, from the beauty of sex to the ugliness of society. An understandable digression I think you’ll agree as society’s inability to accept a variety of sexualities is patently obvious.

I suppose what I set out to say at the beginning of this post is that sex is what you make it. If you want quick and meaningless without strings, fine, so long as it’s safe sex and consenting then what is the problem? The problem is that it is rare enough for one individual to know themselves well enough to be able to disentangle sex from emotional attachment … so how can you be sure your fuck buddy can do it too?

Lust, wild monkey sex and the post coital glow can also mean that a well ordered psyche and perfectly balanced mind can turn to mush before, during and after the act. So the casual fuck is a bit of a minefield even for those of us who think we can handle it. Not to realise that is naive, to take advantage of that is at best cynical, at worst twisted.

Sex is a powerful thing, control it, don’t let it control you, and never let anyone else use it to control you.