In our last post I mentioned that I’d point you at some sensible BDSM sex kit so that’s exactly what I’ll do right now.
BDSM equipment doesn’t have to be complicated, expensive or scary. Well, not unless you want it to be anyway. For beginners it’s often best to start off with the old cliché, a silk scarf, or perhaps as is very common at the moment a tie. In fact one of the sex toy manufacturers actually sells a grey scarf, can’t think where they got that idea from …
One thing to watch out for if you do use a tie or scarf is that you may end up ripping or otherwise damaging it if things get a little passionate. So use something that you don’t mind being damaged. Also, use simple knots that can be easily untied if you and your partner get a little twisted. Fumbling to untie a complex hitch when your partner complains “I can’t feel my hand” is a bit of a passion-killer.
If you move on from the basics you could try rope, but be careful, the stuff from your local DIY centre will be great for holding down a tarpaulin but is going to cut and burn skin when you use it in the bedroom. Choose a bondage rope that is made for the job like this or even a pair of rope cuffs perhaps, gentler than steel ones and practical too.
One of the most practical, popular and longest-lived designs of bondage sex toys is the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System. It simply works as an easy to use, reliable and discrete means of indulging your BDSM fantasies without bulky equipment that you can’t hide when the family come to call. When not in use it easily tucks away under the mattress/bed and is ready to use in just a few seconds. Of course there are other designs of bondage restraints and you can find reviews of many of them here. That includes reviews of Bondage Tape, another interesting and sensual way of kinking it up that has far more uses than tying each other up.
Within the BDSM to review section you’ll also see reviews of blindfolds and masks which are great for emphasising your power over your lover during bondage play while simultaneously heightening their other senses through depravation of sight. Try it, you’ll like it. Hehehe.
BDSM is not just about restraint and sensory deprivation so you’ll need something to tease your “victim” with. The level of tease is up to you and your partner. The touch of your fingers may be enough for you both but even if you don’t want to land some serious blows on their exposed flesh you should consider buying a good quality paddle or flogger. These can be used to tease as well as strike your partner and as you get more of a taste for it you will find they are ready to serve as instruments of “discipline too”
Safe Words and Safe Signals
One last thing. If you are going to explore this sort of play make sure that there is a signal, verbal or physical that the submissive partner can use to tell the dominant one that they really want to stop. If it’s verbal choose a word you’re unlikely to say while “playing”. For example “No” and “Please stop” are not good choices as if you’re pretending to be subjugated and punished you’d be saying that sort of thing anyway as part of the role play. If it would be difficult or impossible to speak, for example if the submissive partner is wearing a gag then you need an physical action that says stop – agree all this before you start playing …