Being A Virgin Full Of Lust

By | February 7, 2013

Couple In BedWe are running a competition over on, the theme is School Fantasy Stories – you can read the rules and how to enter on this page.

Reading the entries we have had so far has been a bit of a revelation to me because I found myself considering how I felt when I was at school, struggling through puberty as we all do with various levels of angst, trepidation, excitement and above all raging hormones that stop you thinking straight and leave you a confused mess. It’s exhilarating to be young and a virgin from a boy’s perspective.

What I didn’t realise at the time was that it’s pretty much the same for girls, though they act on and express their feeling of lust rather differently than us boys.

It doesn’t matter what sex you are, or indeed your orientation because sexual desire is as strong for every one of us. How we act upon those desires, how we are able to act upon those desires is what dictates how and when we find our first love and our first sexual encounter.

Something that has always annoyed me is that when it comes to sex young people in Britain carry the baggage of centuries of hypocrisy. It’s not the old “stiff upper lip”, don’t show any emotion attitude that ticks me off it’s the fact that we all have sex, we always have had sex, the population of this sceptre isle was not derived from millions of immaculate conceptions.

Now of course that doesn’t mean that those conceptions were in wildly sexual and adventurous relationships, the nature of marriage for all societies has often had as much to do with expediency, politics and convenience as it has with love and lust. However the sexual act took place to create almost every one of us with the exception of those created by IVF, and even they are the product of loving parents who will have engaged in those sexual acts.

It’s the denial of the fact that sex takes place in the face of an often debauched and non-monogamous society that annoys me. The high morals espoused by British society of the 19th and early 20th century were at odds with a hidden world (for some at least) of infidelity and consorting with prostitutes. It’s only just 40 years ago that homosexuality stopped being a criminal offence and yet many prominent public figures in the judiciary, government and the arts were and indeed are homosexual yet had to lead double lives.

So back to my point about how we are able to act on those desires.

Sniggering at school about sex is a British institution, I’d prefer we giggled. You see sniggering implies derision in the same way that it seems automatic for some people to deride anything they are unfamiliar with or scared of. We should be encouraging our kids to be excited about the prospects of friendships, relationships, dating and sex – and yes I mean in that order.

In the 1960s “Free Love” encouraged promiscuity and in some circles that meant that not being free with your love meant you were an outsider. The outcome of which was that I’ve seen and read interviews with women who felt used and abused by men during this time. Their experience of free love was not at all loving and came at a great cost to them while allowing immature and sometimes predatory partners, yes predominantly men, to indulge their carnal desires without any conscience or consideration.

We need to accept that sex will happen and ensure that our kids’ experience of it is fantastic by ensuring they know how to make friends, build relationships, respect the opposite sex and understand sex and their own sexuality. That way when they do engage in that most amazing of physical activities they do it safely, for the right reason and enjoy every second of it.