I simply refuse to mention the name of the literary trilogy yet again because it gets mentioned far too often in relation to sex and sexuality. In particular the influence the books had on the world’s attitudes towards sex and specifically bondage and BDSM. The change they wrought upon the sexuality of women, men and couples is without question but one thing that for some people is still a little difficult to cope with is the idea that any specific sexual preference can be a fetish.
Let me explain.
Pure fetishes like the derivation of sexual arousal and gratification from something ostensibly asexual like feet is quite common. While the form and appearance of a particular foot may be regarded by most people as delicate, elegant, strong or what have you actually finding that same foot sexually stimulating applies to a minority of people. For those who do have a fetish the stimulation is innate and real, not requiring any associations or stimulations to cause arousal. However many, many people can be aroused by sexual activity that includes something that can be recognised as a fetish.
Using the foot as an example Suze likes to see the very rare spectacle of a foot wank in porn. The reason, because it’s different and unusual. She doesn’t have a foot fetish of any kind.
Personally I think you can develop fetishes and for the most part they are not things that you are born with. Unlike your sexual orientation which is something that you discover through your life rather than develop. Experiences in the bedroom shape our sexual preferences and fetishes simply by association – it’s a natural human reaction to experience. If you have good associations with a certain type of clothing, maybe you had a lover who you experienced great sex with then surely that may contribute to you developing a fetish.
You may find that certain sexual practices allow you to relax, release otherwise unspeakable desires or feel comfortable and loved. Does that mean you have a fetish if you desire them? Not necessarily but if you find that something related to that practice starts to arouse you in a nonsexual context then maybe you’re developing a fetish.
The spark for this article was that although bondage is for some a fetish there are thousands of people who since reading “the books” are experimenting with bondage and restraint but don’t actually have a fetish for it … yet.
Sex toy retailers report a definite sustained increase in restraints and other items associated with BDSM. Handcuffs are now a common addition to the bedside drawer and not the light-weight toy variety once purchased from novelty shops. Playing with spanking paddles, crops and whips doesn’t have to mean you beat the crap out of each other and the sensual rather than the sadistic potential of such items is being discovered in bedrooms across the country.
Nobody knows whether this trend to bondage in the bedroom and more role playing will mean there are more people with fetishes in the future but what it does mean is that couples are exploring what they enjoy doing together and that can only be a good thing for relationships. So long as both partners are honest and willing to listen to each other their sex life can be enriched and made so much more enjoyable.