Fantasy Sex Or Reality Without The Complications?

By | October 25, 2008

One passage from the book “The Man In The High Castle” by Philip K Dick has always intrigued me. If you’ve not read it (and you should as it’s one of Dick’s more interesting works) the book deals with alternative histories. In the book’s reality the second world war was won by Germany and Japan, yet some of the world’s inhabitants are haunted by flashes of insight into the fact that their world might not be real.

There is a point where a character called Mr Tagomi meditates on a piece of jewellery created by another character in the book and for a fleeting instant gains insight and almost attains a state of Zen.

I had a similar moment at work today, but it was while watching David Bowie on YouTube. For a brief flash I found myself purged of all complication and the day-to-day worries that plague us all. I was simultaneously transported back to my early childhood. A moment later I felt myself existing at all points in my life between the ages of four and twenty.

And no I hadn’t just done a dot of LSD.

I enjoyed every moment as I felt I could experience all those lost moments again … then it was gone.

Modern life is like porn. Despite us all thinking we all know what we want we are often distracted by things that are essentially irrelevant. After all, once the bills have been paid and there’s food on the table money and the acquisition of things is a distraction, but one that some people are quick to pay attention to.

Porn is similar. While it is essential to have variety in porn to prevent it becoming the same old in-out, in-out, too much inventiveness can be distracting or just plain silly. I often wonder what directors are thinking when I see some of the elaborate scenarios rendered asexual by bad direction and production.

What I want from porn is what I want from sex. The feeling that two human beings are sexually aroused by each other and are engaged in acts that they find enjoyable and mutually gratifying. I think this applies to all types of porn, from softcore to the hardest of hardcore.

Fetish sex, as portrayed in some movies, is the biggest offender for getting it wrong. Whereas vanilla porn may fall down and just be plain boring, the producers of some fetish porn betray their lack of understanding of the scene and lack of skill as directors by simply browsing a list of gothic themed props and building a movie around them.

It’s the same with real life sex. If you’re into a fetish and your partner is too then you will not feel the need to overburden yourself with equipment. You may decide on shackles and binding and a variety of wax candles. But it’s unlikely that you’ll have a dozen different paddles and whips to hand.

We don’t over complicate our sexual play. Yes, we experiment and do use props from to time, however if we do use a toy or a prop, it is usually just that, singular.

So I am now on a quest to find the essence of what I fundamentally enjoy about sex and strip away all the day-to-day crap that intrudes on our intimacy. Our sex is already great, but I think that if I can strip away that which is unnecessary it can be something that transcends anything we’ve had before.