Handcuffed And Restrained, But Consenting

By | December 9, 2008

Boy GeorgeThe recent case of Boy George (George O’Dowd) underlines the difficulties in proving that a sexual act that you are involved in has the consent of all parties. While the situation around the laptop, the allegedly stolen images, the male escort and the faded pop star are less than clear it’s all too plain that none of the people involved would have liked it to end up the way it did.

Sexual congress is generally not accompanied by witnesses other than those engaged in it, so what happened, when and why is always going to be difficult to gauge. For Boy George it means that he’s been found guilty of false imprisonment and probably blacklisted by all the escort agencies in town.

I’m neither condemning or condoning George’s actions simply using them to illustrate how far out of hand a situation can get. It can be as simple as a misunderstanding about intent between two people who meet in a nightclub to as convoluted as the laptop incident. If one party believes, or makes out that the other forced them to do something they didn’t want to do it leads to a whole heap of trouble.

So how do you avoid such problems. I suppose the short answer is that you can’t. What should you do? Get every play partner you have to sign a disclaimer and fill out a checklist of the acts they are prepared to engage in and those they are not. That’s obviously ridiculous.

In the heat of passion you may consent to more than you thought you would and wake up the next morning with a fuzzy warm glow. Equally you might wake up feeling violated and used. If drugs and alcohol are in the mix determining what transpired and whether you were consenting or coerced can be difficult for you to work out, let alone law enforcement or a jury.

I suppose the message is to keep it simple and take it slow to be as safe as you can be from getting embroiled in mess that’s submerged George.

Easier said than done when you libido takes control.