This post and the second part “Becoming Mistress160”, which will follow on Wednesday, were written by Mistress 160. They form part of my occasional series, “The Journey”, where I attempt to explore different and unusual aspects of sexuality. I hope you’ll enjoy reading Mistress 160’s work as much as I do.
A D/s life story in two parts:
Part 1: Becoming Dominant
Suze writes “As a novice I would like to know what turns you on about being a Domme … how did you get into BDSM? I assume that BDSM is as natural to you as vanilla is to most other people and that’s what I want you to express in your own words”.
I should have written back and said “it was never so easy, I am not what you think” but perhaps that really doesn’t matter. So let’s start with Suze’s second question, and finish with her first…
In the “real world” my husband solipsist is a senior IT contractor and I am a professional curator / anthropologist, with between us several academic degrees. But in our secret world – what for us is the “real world” – he is my submissive; happiest kneeling naked at my feet. I am the dominant part of our D/s relationship. That relationship is central to our world. In this alternate reality I have an online presence as an experienced Mistress who (amongst other things) runs several kinky forums and groups, holds online erotic humiliation cam contests and has an artistic touch with CBT. I am as proud of a good review of my BDSM blog as I am of a critical review of my academic publications….
So, how did this come about? Have I always been into BDSM? That’s easy to answer for solipsist, who was born a masochist and has dreamed of submission since the age of 5. Society however exacted a high price for his difference; by the time I met him aged 18 he thought he was doomed to be a lonely pervert for the rest of his life. I introduced him to my collection of Variations magazines and watched him blossom as he began to realize other people shared his interests and that if he re-aligned his fantasies towards real life situations, he might even have an opportunity to fulfil them. But due to miscommunication and a lack of confidence on my side, I assumed he did not want me to be a part of this. I believed he desired the typical latex clad dominatrix whip wielding fantasy, an image I found too extreme and disconcerting…
To be brutally honest it took sol and I a damn sight longer than it should to work through these misconceptions. It took years. Other things got in the way. Like life: we both had successful careers, we travelled a great deal. But BDSM was always with us in some form, whether via the publications we acquired and read, the rare Madame journals sol collected, the experiments we tried with subspace (right from the start, any order simply to stay still while I touched him would send him under), my control of his orgasms for the last ten years, and of course his continuing D/s fantasies. But as he grew older it became clear that both his masochist and D/s desires needed to be met. I greatly feared this, assuming not only that this would bring another person (presumably a professional Domme) into our marriage but that I would be left behind, unable to share his BDSM explorations. On the other hand it broke my heart to see a vital part of him denied expression. Finally, seeing him so unhappy, I agreed he could go ahead, although at the time I was not sure our marriage would survive. You can imagine my amazement and relief when he finally clarified what he desired: BDSM and a D/s relationship, yes, but not with a stranger. With ME…
Thus after over a decade of kinky “foreplay” we finally embarked on our journey into D/s, a relationship once described by Ms Alice on her blog Narrations of My D/S Lifestyle as “a very serious and absolute ideology … not a game [or a] a joke [nor] transient [but] a deep belief and a major commitment … a vow … even more binding than marriage”…
Dark Scribe Review – Mistress160’s Abode 3 March 2007 (http://www.adultbloghub.com/darkscribe/)
Fetish Diva Midori Art of Feminine Dominance Workshops I + II (http://www.fhp-inc.com/site/classesdetail.php?id=1)
Fetish Diva Midori Thoughtful erotic education for adventurous adults (http://www.fhp-inc.com/site/classes.php)
Mistress160’s Abode (www.Mistress160.blogspot.com)
Ms Alice “Dominants and.. (dominants)…” 7 March 2007 Narrations of My D/S Lifestyle (http://www.exploringtheds.blogspot.com/)
“Power and Love: Sadomasochistic Practices in Long-Term Committed Relationships” Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 9, Nov. 23, 2006 (http://www.ejhs.org/volume9/Hoff-5.htm)
Mistress160’s groups and forums:
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/FemSubStartingPlace (for new female subs)
Kinky Style @ www.MyDungeonSpace.com
Forced Feminization @ www.MyDungeonSpace.com