Becoming by Mistress 160 (Part 2)

By | March 21, 2007

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This is the second part of “Becoming” by Mistress 160 which began on Monday. Enjoy.

Part 2: Becoming Mistress160:

So I began – we BOTH began – reading up on everything. Book after book came into our home on how to become dominant, the psychology of D/s, power exchange, how to use a flogger, types of fetish, etc. A weekend attending Fetish Diva Midori’s workshops resulted in a major confidence boost and the birth of my Domme identity / style. I then took my new persona online and began establishing an online identity at several BDSM sites. I also began to work on practical skills such as corporal punishment, attending several flogging workshops and even requesting advanced caning lessons from the Madam of an internationally acclaimed BDSM establishment.

At home we created our own “seminars” – basically a series of practice sessions on specific subjects such as bondage, hot wax, CBT, etc – which proved extremely successful because they provided a real time play environment without pressure (for example I could ask how sol felt without shattering a mood, utilizing a feedback system of 1 to 10).  They also provided an unexpected glimmer into what might be in store: sol will never forget the moment I first tied him to the bed during a seminar on hot wax – the moment that fourth clip went into place and he found himself firmly tied, he experienced incredible sub lurch (where the pit of your stomach drops)!

SolWhen we felt confident to begin real scenes we were lucky to have access to a friend’s very private cabin, which gave us over 100 acres of complete privacy. The hour long drive to the cabin, and the fact that it became the place we played, also helped us psychological make the transition from “normal” life to BDSM play time. There was room to use floggers and cats, lots of room outdoors for pet play – for everything, really. We’d arrive, set up our toys, strip off our clothes (and sometimes put sol in his French Maid outfit), and then relax. We discovered it was best to wait 24 hours to play: by then we were both in the perfect headspace for whatever I had planned. Next day sol would serve breakfast and prepare dinner (so that we didn’t have to cook after playing), I’d have a long bath and late afternoon we’d begin… the resulting games are documented on my blog.

While scenes are central for many kinksters, for us (like other D/s couples) they are simply the icing on the cake; the majority of our D/s relationship takes place in our daily lives. Sol – who is tattooed with my signature – is truly happiest kneeling at my feet, undertaking domestic duties, dying of embarrassment when ordered to wear my lingerie or undergo puppy training, or sneaking home from work for half an hour for a quick intense caning (which as a masochist he adores, and always takes photos of his marks). But we can equally be found enjoying what others define as “normal life”: weekends away, or weekends in bed curled up together reading, with our cats, or making love tenderly. Holding hands in the cinema. Visiting friends. Doing boring jobs like bill paying. Just living life.

SolOur happiness and closeness are often commented upon by family and friends. We sincerely believe BDSM and D/s has brought us closer together – and importantly kept us together (something a recent psychological study on kinky relationships has confirmed – see “Power and Love: Sadomasochistic Practices in Long-Term Committed Relationships” in Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 9, Nov. 23, 2006).  Ms Alice was 100% right when she wrote: “a Mistress/slave couple gives much more to each other than a married couple gives. The responsibilities, the obligations, the demands, the rewards and the intimacy are in such a high level that conventional people can definitely not comprehend”.

Our relationship has also helped others to come to terms with their own D/s natures. I now mentor subs – usually couples new to BDSM or with a vanilla partner struggling to understand their kinky lover’s needs.  I set up my blog late in 2006 partly to provide a space that would be user friendly for newbies, and was delighted when a reviewer recently wrote: “if I was to direct any novice to a BDSM blog, I’d direct them to … Mistress 160’s Abode [which] offers education, sensuality, testimonials (from subs) and a wide array of resources that’s suitable for everyone interested in BDSM (from connoisseur to novice)”. I also began administering and moderating a variety of kink friendly forums and groups, many with an educational component (list below). People sometimes ask what I recommend to other women interested in starting down this road. That’s easy: “communication, communication, never stop reading or practicing … and more communication!”

So, what turns me on about being a Domme? The power exchange that brings confident, successful men and women to my feet. My ability to keep them there. The satisfaction of giving people I love something they greatly desire. And then there are the more specific turn ons of experience that I list on my various profiles:

The sight of a well trained sub, kneeling, waiting…
Of perfectly symmetrical cane cuts…
Planning complex scenes for my subs…
Writing them up in my blog afterwards…
The deep warmth of well spanked buttocks…
The little whimper solipsist makes after being gently humiliated…
My scarlet suede boots (and what I do with their heels)…
Extending the moment before I strike with a cane or flogger….
The way my online sub bimbo used the word BLUSH in chat / play…
Clover clamps pulled tight on nipples, their chain taut in my fingers…
Judging sub cam contests and edging competitions…
Running my fingertips over raised welts…
Watching solipsist take off his garter belt and stockings…
Smooth, hairless balls in a ball stretcher…
The moment after the drop of wax falls from the candle, before it lands on skin…
And the scent of the perfume I only wear for play (Chanel’s Cuir de Russie)…

This is the secret essence of what I have become … and sol’s and my journey has only just begun…

References:
Dark Scribe Review – Mistress160’s Abode 3 March 2007 (http://www.adultbloghub.com/darkscribe/)
Fetish Diva Midori Art of Feminine Dominance Workshops I + II (http://www.fhp-inc.com/site/classesdetail.php?id=1)
Fetish Diva Midori Thoughtful erotic education for adventurous adults (http://www.fhp-inc.com/site/classes.php)
Mistress160’s Abode (www.Mistress160.blogspot.com)
Ms Alice “Dominants and.. (dominants)…” 7 March 2007 Narrations of My D/S Lifestyle (http://www.exploringtheds.blogspot.com/)
“Power and Love: Sadomasochistic Practices in Long-Term Committed Relationships” Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 9, Nov. 23, 2006 (http://www.ejhs.org/volume9/Hoff-5.htm)

Mistress160’s groups and forums:
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/FemSubStartingPlace (for new female subs)
www.Fetishlore.com
www.Freaks4fetish.com
Kinky Style @ www.MyDungeonSpace.com
Forced Feminization @ www.MyDungeonSpace.com

Tags: The Journey, Mistress 160, D/s, BDSM, masochism, submission, dominance, solipsism, dominatrix, domme, sadomasochism, forced feminization, kink, kinky, sexuality, power exchange