My Kinky Neighbours

By | January 19, 2009

Alex SuzeI’ve mused on this before but you have to admit it’s an interesting topic.

Just how kinky are your neighbours?

Everyone is curious about non-vanilla sex. That might be out of curiosity, revulsion, academic reasons or the feeling that they have a kink lurking somewhere inside them that needs to be explored.

Walk down every street and behind one of those front doors will be a kinky bastard trying to get out. Or out of their clothes, or you out of your clothes, and then maybe into a rubber suit.

In our street of course it’s Alex and Suze, LOL. But there might be others with an even more exploratory sex life.

Why do these musings surface again? Well of course it’s that time when the UK government has decided to enact the ludicrously ill-conceived “extreme porn” law. I’m a believer that personal freedom, including freedom of expression, comes with responsibility. It is the duty of everyone to use the freedoms they are given with thought and consideration for others. The legislation obviously stems from a naïve and simplistic view of the effects of “extreme porn” on the average viewer.

I think that being exposed to “extreme” material has one of three effects.

The vast majority of people just stop viewing it. Most people simply aren’t into heavy-duty BDSM play, I think most people would, with the right partner, give it a go. A little tying of the wrists, a playful spank, maybe a blindfold can enter anyone’s bedroom at some point. Taking the step to all-out D/s and BDSM in a relationship is something else.

The second group is of course those for whom the BDSM and D/s lifestyle has appeal. I’ve seen people get into BDSM, then get out of it again but in my experience people who are into BDSM feel it’s part of their character and therefore not something they grow out of. It’s with them for life and with the right partner can lead to a fulfilling and life-changing relationship. In these circumstances the relationship will establish a dynamic and that may not include the viewing of extreme images, produced by themselves or others.

If you’re in a relationship where you practice BDSM why do you need pictures of it? For the same reason that vanilla couples use porn I suppose, it can stimulate, but porn will never equal the visceral and tactile nature of the real thing, or generate the complex psychological interplay that form the cornerstone of serious BDSM relationships.

Extreme images, really extreme images, are very often consumed (in my experience of talking to guys in particular about this subject) by non-BDSM males searching for increasingly extreme images. And here I’m talking about really extreme stuff, not beautifully tied ropework or elegantly coutured fetishware, not even a bright red bottom with the cross-hatching of lines left by a cane. The most extreme of porn is sought out by really sick fucks.

And so we end up at the source of this silly law. A tragic case of a girl murdered by a mentally ill man who claimed he was inspired/encouraged to commit the murder because he’d been watching “extreme porn”.

In this country it’s illegal to carry a handgun or automatic weapon unless you’re in the security services or armed forces – a reaction to a shooting incident in Hungerford. Yet we still have an increasing number of fatalities from handguns. So that worked then!

Obviously learning from this particular piece of ineffective regulation the government now seems Internet on denying the sensible and on the whole law-abiding BDSM community the ability to make their own judgements about what they do and do not view, while driving the real problem underground.