Office Gossip And Other Shit

By | April 23, 2007

Fuck this job doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  Hands up who would rather me be around to chat during the day.  🙂  No seriously.  The more I learn the more they want to give me to do, it’s like being on the receiving end of an in-house trainer with tasking diarrhoea.

But, there are humorous moments throughout the day, I don’t think they are supposed to be funny but they are hilarious.  🙂

I told you that I work with 3 blondes but what I didn’t know is that they are all professional dieters.  We have all been there in our lives, feeling down being a little over weight or in my case when I was younger, very over weight.  And I assure you that I have been there and got the t-shirt when it comes to being a little outside the “normal” range, so I by no means make light of those with a problem shedding the pounds.  Right, that over with, on with my post.

I discovered that only 2 of the girls are attending weight watchers.  One is a little over the weight for her frame but she does have a splendid pair of boobs.  Ok…I admit to taking a look now and then.  😉  The other girl is what I would call normal, has hips and a cleavage but no tum to speak of.  Although she still insists on the fact that she wants to shed a further 14 pounds.  I can’t be arsed to give you the metric, go look it up.  Lol.

However, I didn’t realise that a prerequisite of being a weight watcher in our office means you have to have an obsession with food!  Most of the conversation during the day is taken up with what was eaten at the table last night or over the weekend, closely followed by how much they could just eat a piece of cake or chocolate at this moment in time.

But what amuses me most is the fact that the third person, who incidentally, cannot be seen she turns side-on to you, has to loose a stone before her holiday in a few weeks.  This amuses me greatly because:

a) she is already too thin
b) she is the one who talks the most about food in a guilty way
c) she dresses at least 10 years younger than she can get away with and 20 years younger than her actual age
d) Is inadvertently pressurising her co-workers who know they need to shed a few pounds.

I am reminded of the woman (Majorie Dawes, played by Matt Lucas) from the sketch in Little Britain who runs “Fat Fighters” countless times throughout the day.  One of her classic statements is “It’s only half the calories, so you can have twice as much!”.  I constantly hear statements like this…

…”I only had a ham salad and Rivita for lunch but I was a bit naughty and had bacon, egg, tomatoes and sausage for dinner at the weekend”


…”I could just eat some chocolate, shall we have a piece of the chocolate cake left over from the meeting?  I’ve been good all day!””

And even better…

“We are going for a quick bite tonight at the local wine bar after Weight Watchers”.

I’m not taking the piss out of people who are generally struggling to keep on top of their weight but these people who are constantly talking about food and reward themselves more than they adhere to the diet plans make me laugh.

I really have to cut off sometimes as the smile starts to form on my face and think of other things, mainly sex, to stop myself from saying “Just shut the fuck up!”.  😀  Does anyone know of a quiet vibrator I could take in to work?