Pissing Post

By | September 29, 2006

Dog CockingAs I am a firm believer in giving credit where credit is due, I will start this post by thanking Miss Understood for inspiring this post.  She covered the subject in a very humorous and interesting way.

My earliest recollection of peeing with an audience was when I was a toddler.  I was out shopping in the town centre with my mum and I got caught short.  Don’t children always do this, you ask over and over if they need the toilet whilst there is one close by and the answer is “No, I don’t want one”.

Minutes later when you are in the middle of nowhere they start asking to go.  My mother’s solution to this was to pull down my pants and suspend me over a grate in the road.  I know it sounds like a very strange practice but it was not unusual.  You would often find little boys pointing at the grate too but that’s another story and takes place after the pubs close.  😀

Of course as a child you get caught out a lot.  I used to take a pee behind a bush if I was out playing with my friends, bugger going all the way home when you can do it in the wild.  Citing!  (Sorry turned all Russell Brand there for a moment).  Despite what they said, you cold not wipe your pussy on leaves, I tried and it was no good and left me with a green gusset.  No, it wasn’t an infection, it was the chlorophyll.  LOL

The only problem with pissing whilst suspended only inches from the floor is spray.  You have to squat with your feet the right distance apart for the speed of the flow.  I’m sure there must be some wonderful mathematical algorithm for working this out, like

Piss Flow X Height From Ground = Feet Distance Apart

I almost always ended up with wet socks and shoes/sandals even worse all your foot got wet too.  Then of course there is the run off.  A clever little pisser makes sure that they pee on a hill so that the stream of urine runs straight down between their legs and away in to the distance.  If you adopt this technique make sure that it doesn’t run in to the path of oncoming walkers or your game is given away.  Follow the yellow brick piss road.  Hahaha

Never wet myself except for once, a boy I knew tickled me and I told him to stop or I would piss my pants.  He didn’t did he.  The inevitable happened and I wet myself.  It didn’t embarrass me because I told him to stop.  He looked a little stupefied though.  Fortunately I was close to home so I could go and change.

Here I have a confession to make, I have peed in the public swimming pool quite a few times as a child.  Don’t shout at me, it was too cold outside of the heated pool to go to the toilet.  My tactic to avoid discovery was to pee and twirl around at the same time, thus dispersing the tell tale yellow trail.  I’m not sure but don’t they incorporate a urine detecting dye in the water these days?  I was quite professional at it, nobody ever saw me having a crafty wee.  🙂

Family days out were always a nightmare as far as going to the toilet was concerned.  My father once in the driving seat of the car would stop for nothing or nobody.  If you wanted a wee he would make you wait until you were bursting.  His famous line would be, “can you just hold on until we get to the next town and we will find some toilets?”  Twenty minutes later, with no town in sight I would finally have to beg him to stop before I pissed myself.  Then finally he would relent and stop in a layby.

My choice of pee spots would depend on the orientation to the road of the car.  If we were parked parallel with the passing traffic I could pee squatting at the side of the car with unlimited choice of position.  I could pee near to my mother’s door, near to the back door and if I was feeling very cheeky next to the boot of the car so the approaching traffic could just see a bit of my pink ass.

This may sound strange to some but the sight of someone peeing themselves and watching that dark patch grow can be a bit of a turn on.  I like to get Alex to wear a pair of dark coloured boxer’s stood in the bath and watch him take a wee.  To watch the flow of urine slowly soak the front of his boxers until they cling to his cock, watching the stream issue from the leg of his boxers and cascade down his leg like a golden waterfall.  He likes to see me wet my panties too.  We both finish off with a shower and the inevitable shower fuck with me pressing my hands against the wet tiled wall as he piles in to me from behind.  I’ m getting wet just thinking about it.  😉

As a twenty something I had a boyfriend with his own council flat.  We came home from the pub one night, a little worse for wear after drinking I don’t know how many bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale which was obligatory if you were a rock chick.  And no fancy glasses, straight out of the bottle.

Anyway, I don’t know how many bottles we had managed to consume but by the time we got to his front door we were both dieing for a piss.  He took the toilet and I in my drunken wisdom decided to hop up on to the bathroom sink at the side of him.  I pulled off my panties and began to climb up there using the side of the bath for a step.

I started to release with an “Oooh!” whilst he pointed in a rather swaying fashion at the porcelain, steadying himself with one hand on the wall.  I seemed to be peeing for Britain it just kept on coming.  Then the next thing I know, the sink makes a groaning sound and starts to come away from the wall with me still sat on it.  Now, the sink is pointing towards the floor and I’m about to slide off.  I halted the flow and let myself drop to the floor.

When I recovered my composure and turned around, the sink was hanging off the wall.  Precariously held by two brackets which had all but come free from the plaster.  I couldn’t stop laughing and Joe my boyfriend couldn’t resist and began to join in.

It was most embarrassing having to call the local council and ask them to send over a repair guy to fix it.  I think I told them that I slipped, grabbed for the sink to stop me from falling and it came away from the wall.  I wonder how many times they heard that story.  LOL

I strongly advise anyone finding they need to go urgently and the toilet is in use.  Go in the bath.  It’s safer.  Except for this one time…

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