Fucking Embarrassing

By | May 11, 2007

See on your left Exhibit A, a picture of an air hostess looking rather hot. Yes I know it’s Britney “Trailer Trash” Spears, but the Toxic video is a work of genius in the world of shallow titillation. The song, by Cathy Dennis, is pretty damn great too. I’d give Britney’s Toxic a big thumbs up in so far as its pedigree as a piece of pop music/video.

So what am I embarrassed about?

SCOOCH!

Never heard of them? Well sadly I’m going to introduce you to them. See this Wikipedia article and this website for the gory details.

This year England is going to be embarrassed abroad by Scooch at The Eurovision Song Contest. This is the same contest that brought us Abba and therefore one of my greatest early wank fantasies Frida (Anni-Frida Lyngstad).  So I’m not knocking the contest, the acts it used to produce, or videos containing sexy ladies in uniform. It’s the fact that while I’m sure Scooch are very lovely people the song is utter crap.

It would be redeemed if it were a great pop song, like say YMCA, which is a great piece of fun. Or if it was seriously shallow rock like “The Final Countdown” by Europe, great for parties but not much else. “Flying the Flag” is none of these and makes me want to cringe. It would make me wince if they were representing another country, but they’re representing the UK. And that makes me want to emigrate to the antipodes.

So what is Scooch’s hook if it’s not the appeal of bubblegum pop? Maybe it’s these lyrics from the song:

“Would you like something to suck on for landing sir?”

“Some salted nuts sir?”

Then there’s the one about blowing up your life jacket …

…desperate isn’t it.

Ah well, back to staring at Frida on the Abba “Arrival” album sleeve …

Tags: Britney Spears,Toxic,Cathy Dennis,Scooch,Eurovision,Eurovision Song Contest,Abba,Anni-Frida Lyngstad,Frida Lyngstad,bubblegum pop,Europe,Final Countdown,The Final Countdown