A Guide To Office Christmas Party Sex

By | December 7, 2009

First of all, do you actually need a guide to the sort of naughtiness that goes on at the office Christmas party? Probably not, but I thought it might be amusing to investigate the sort of depraved and ultimately embarrassing behaviour that makes the office Christmas party such fun.

The Christmas Party seems to be a sort of code that lets everyone know that it’s time to let your hair down and release the tension, sexual or otherwise, that’s been building up for a whole year. In previous years I have been sensible, made a complete fool of myself and got up to some extreme naughtiness. So for me the office Christmas party has been quite eventful.

I’ve also seen tensions boil over, arses photocopied (metaphorically) and bosses insulted. Hell it’s fun to see what people get up to when they’ve had their inhibitions removed by ethanol.

And that’s the key. If alcohol didn’t exist the office Christmas party would not be as eventful and ultimately cathartic. The removal of inhibitions would not exist although the enforced joviality and good will to all men (should that be persons?) would prevail  – at least in a sort of grudging way. Despite the cringe-making “I wish I hadn’t said that” hangover filled mornings-after that are bound to follow, the Christmas party does allow relationships within the office to move on.

Of course they may not move on in the way that you envisaged. It’s one thing proclaiming your love for the foxy girl in sales and expecting her to leave her long-term partner for you. It’s a giant step for her to actually do it. And the consequences of such a move can be quite life-changing, inside and outside work.

As with all things in recent times the office Christmas party has been a little emasculated by legislation. Fewer and fewer businesses actually hold the party in the office these days because of the potential for accidents and damage to the photocopier. No longer is it possible to copy your genitals and circulate them around the office simply because of the health and safety concerns and insurance implications. Alcohol too on commercial premises is a big issue for some employers and insurers – shame.

But now you can take pictures of each other’s naughty bits with your mobile phone, send them to each other post them on Facebook and twitter about the whole drunken experience. So I suppose the office Christmas party will not be such a dead loss after all – in fact it is now potentially more embarrassing than ever because the picture of a drunken you slumped against a wall hugging a traffic cone can be broadcast across the planet for a billion social networking site users to see.

Maybe I should do some office Christmas party fiction? Sounds like a perfect scenario for some fantasy naughtiness.