Sexpert, Expert – What?

By | December 3, 2007

Alex and I have now started to write our Sex Toy reviews for another online store, which will give us even more toys to test drive and give you the low down on. 😉 As always we will be giving them a thorough testing and honestly reviewing them for our pleasure. If you want to check out my latest review over there here is the link.

Whilst we don’t claim to be “sexperts” (unlike the woman we watched on televison last night) we will be give you an in-depth review with no holds barred. I must say that I am enjoying this secret job I have more than my day job. 😉 If only my work colleagues knew what I got up to in the evenings and at weekends.

I wish I could give up the day job and just write and review sex toys all day, that would be my ideal career but we all know it doesn’t pay the rent so in the meantime work it is. 🙁

Unlike some people who seem to have fallen on their feet and get paid to write the most appalling sex tips books. Case in point the woman who was featured last night on televison. She had written a book for scenarios to spice up your sex life, which is a good idea as everyone should be open to new and exciting ideas.

But she had come up the with the banal and contrived ideas I have come across, the first one was to place a piece of leather upon a hot light shade and infuse the room with the scent of leather. May be a fire risk I thought, but I went with the idea. The next you call your lover in to the room and place their leather jacket on them.

Now, stop right there. What if they don’t possess a leather jacket or are indeed vegetarian or vegan. OK, so on it went…now you place a piece of leather between their teeth as you recline them on to a sofa or bed. I’m starting think this is all sounding a little too kooky now.

Now you are supposed to fuck them with the leather sticking out from between their teeth as the light fitting catches fire…no, not doing it for me. Lol

The next idea taking from the “award winning” book was to cover yourselves all over in sun cream and then get down to the dirty. Now, correct me if I’m wrong but wouldn’t it be wiser to use lets say…almond oil or another scented oil as sun cream tends to sting. In my experience if you get this in your clit you will be doing a bedroom dance for some time.

Her final suggestion and this is the one which did it for me and had me rolling around the floor was that you should get your sexual partner to sit inside the wardrobe on a chair. Stick with this…and then you recline on to the bed and rub yourself all over with oil.

This poses a problem for me…how the hell do you get a chair inside an Ikea wardrobe for heavens sake? And furthermore, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from laughing if Alex tried to get in there with the clothes, shoes etc.

Where do they find these people and more importantly, who the hell buys the books? Lol

If you’re going to provide sex tips you should make them feel spontaneous and natural, not contrived and prescriptive. From time to time you might want to set up a really special evening, but not, as the presenter said, gather together the props and equipment for the suggested scenario twice a week.