Sex Toys For Women – The Unholy Trinity?

By | December 4, 2007

AlexSuze.comFor a number of reasons I’ve been thinking about what sex toys for women actually mean to the people who use them over the past couple of days. I think I’ve distilled it to three basic styles of use and their corresponding attitudes towards the toys and what they mean to the user.

First there’s the porn shoot. Not only is this about sex, but about demonstrative sex. The use of toys is often extreme, accompanied by lube because the receiver of the toy is so often either not turned on or has been shooting for so long that her own supplies of natural lubrication have run dry.

On the whole I can’t get worked up by watching this application of sex toys. Either the female in the scene is using the toys to illustrate how “hot and horny” she is to the camera, or her partner is using the toy with a vigour that verges on the violent (in most cases). Profuse sucking of teeth, oohs and aahs enhance the feeling that the display (and let’s face it that’s all that it is) is scripted, or at least the participants have a quota of crude expressions of lust to make.

I must admit to finding one scene in a DVD we have where two female starlets use a double-ended dildo to be rather arousing. The reason is I think because the scene is slow-paced, gentle and builds to a crescendo where you can actually believe that both participants enjoy the experience. There is no male intervention at all and perhaps because of its entirely feminine protagonists the scene works from intimate beginnings to its ending in screaming orgasms. Even if they are being paid to “enjoy” it.

Even conceding this one erotic exception to the rule of porn and toys, for the most part toys in porn are pretty frightening, often over-sized. The sight of them make you wince rather than drip with anticipation, speaking for myself anyway. Because of this they insidiously reinforce the nihilistic tendency that some younger females seem to be adopting, that of acting like porn stars within their relationships. Not for the occasional bit of titillation and variety, but actually believing that porn star behaviour is the normal and required behaviour for females within a relationship.

It’s not the fault of the toys, but the fault of the producers of a certain type of porn. And in using toys as one of their palette of less than subtle colours they taint the second use of toys that I believe I have identified.

Second is the one that I think most people are familiar with, that is within your own bedroom as part of a healthy sexual relationship. Whether to enhance an existing relationship, take the place of a partner, or allow a partner who would otherwise be unable to perform certain acts on their significant other by reason of their gender or some other reason, toys can play a big role.

In this setting toys are fun and healthy. I know some people (particularly men) can be threatened by their partners using toys. I personally think it’s a question of outlook, the toys are not replacing you, but allowing you and your partner to increase the pleasure you derive from sex and diversify your repertoire of lovemaking skills.

And if you don’t have a partner then well chosen toys can prevent RSI/carpal tunnel syndrome. LOL

I don’t think it really matters which toy you choose to use, from the slimmest of vibrators to the most challenging of butt plugs, from the lightest of silken chord to the heaviest of shackles. If the mood is right and the partners are willing, go for it. You don’t have to spend a fortune either, though paying for quality toys does pay off in the long run, both in terms or durability and effectiveness because of their superior design.

Finally there’s an unusual category, the toys want to avoid being seen as sex toys. And I don’t mean toys like I “Rub My Ducky”, but ones like The “Hello Kitty Shoulder Massager” Vibe. Who are these toys aimed at? Maybe it’s just me but if you’re old enough to by a sex toy perhaps you’re a little too old for items branded with a cartoon Japanese cat. Are these toys comforting for women who might feel threatened by a “grown-up” toy? Are they a bit of fun? The child-like imagery and the use of the toy seem awkwardly juxtaposed in my mind.

Sensual, feminine colours and shapes I can understand in sex toys, you want to feel that the toy is for you and that it complements your female sexuality. But not a cartoon cat head at one end.

If you have such a “girlie” toy (perhaps not quite so girly as Hello Kitty) how does it make you feel? Why did you choose it? Do you have more conventional items in your toy chest? I’d love to understand this area of sex toys and their use that I just can’t fathom.

Tags: sex toys, sex toys for women, Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty Shoulder Massager, Hello Kitty vibrator, sex toys in porn