A Better Life Through Chemistry

By | January 2, 2008

AlexSuzeA certain battery manufacturer has recently started running ads on UK TV for its range of Lithium AA batteries. They last 5 to 6 times longer than alkaline batteries and so are being promoted as the ideal digital camera battery with a comparison being made of the number of images your camera can take when fitted with alkaline cells or the lithium equivalent.

Boring!

You know what I was thinking. How long would they last in sex toys?

If alkaline batteries give you five orgasms these batteries would give 25-30. Hehehe.

The batteries are one third lighter than alkaline cells too. Saves on excess luggage if you’re in the habit of taking your toys on holiday with you. Though in these days of heightened airport security I suppose that could cause problems. The X-ray machine operator would see lots of wire, a control unit and a number of small metal cylinders … you’d be pulled into an “interview” room quicker than you can say rubber glove. And I imagine there’s nothing more terrifying than bending over a chair with your trousers round your ankles, and a fat-fingered customs official behind you exclaiming “Shit I can’t find the lube …”

The bad news is that the cells are Lithium-Iron, not Lithium Ion. The different chemistry means they are not rechargeable. (Though that might be coming soon according to one research paper)

The other potential problem is that cells of different chemistry have different behavioural characteristics, such as internal resistance and thermal output when discharging which may affect how they and your favourite vibe perform.

I’ll talk to them and get back to you …