Yesterday afternoon I got down to some hard screwing. Not of the sexual kind, but caused by the sexual kind.
I decided that it was time the master bedroom had its periodic deep clean. This involves moving all but the heaviest furniture out of the room, hoovering and wiping everything down and getting rid of the dirt that the weekly cleaning doesn’t remove.
It was when I removed the mattress from the bed that I realised I’d be screwing. You see we have a pine framed bed and lately we’ve noticed it squeaking during out bedroom antics. It’s not surprising I suppose as the bedframe has been with us since we moved into the house, though it’s seen a couple of mattresses over that time.
It turns out that all our bedroom fun had caused the baton that holds up the laths under the mattress had begun to come away from the main frame, causing the squeak. Lucky I decided to clean and spotted it or we could have had a comedy moment at some point in the near future as the bed collapsed. Though not so comedic if the cat had been underneath at the time.
It’s the first piece of furniture we would have broken by means of sex, though it wouldn’t be the first time our sex had had an impact on household objects.
When we first got together I had moved back in with my parents for a while. Suze and I got back from a night out and had sex in the kitchen while my mother and father slept upstairs (it was the farthest room from their room. We enjoyed the screw up against the cabinets, but it was pure luck that afterwards I noticed the drips of cum down the door on the cupboard under the counter top. Obviously I cleaned it up but imagine explaining that away in the morning to your mother.
Then there’s the time we borrowed Suzanne’s father’s car and left a rather suspicious stain on the front passenger seat. Explanations like “Yes I’m fucking your daughter!” tend not to go down too well with fathers. Even if they realise it’s going on they don’t want to be reminded of the fact.
Anyway, The bed took a lot of drilling and seven screws to reposition and strengthen its structure. I may even do a little redesign of the frame in the near future to ensure increased rigidity and strength. I’ll keep you posted.