So You Want To Fuck?

I’m a big believer in honesty when it comes to sex. If you like something you say so, if you don’t like something you say so too. Without that sort of openness you tie yourself and your partner in knots and that only ends up in disaster.

Doing something that you think you should do because you believe that everyone else does it is just plain wrong. Get ideas from everyone else but remember that sex is very personal and while they may be having a whale of a time doing their thing you may not enjoy it at all. Ask questions of people but as with all things in life beware those who tell you with utter certainty that one thing or another is normal and if you don’t enjoy it then there’s something wrong with you. That’s as untrue as saying there is only one sexual orientation – heterosexual – whereas there everyone’s orientation is subtly different. Make your own mind up and don’t let a partner, a friend or anyone else tell you what to do.

Similarly don’t let anyone talk you into doing something because they like it. There’s a line that you should never cross. Doing something, or having something done to you, because it gives pleasure to someone else is one thing, but if you don’t derive real pleasure or satisfaction from their gratification then why are you doing it? Giving pleasure as a gift is one thing and is beautifully selfless, sacrificing your own happiness for that of another is a different thing entirely.

We all have sex for different reasons at different times in our lives and at different points in a relationship. Sex should not be a static thing, never evolving, because if it is it becomes stale and dull. You don’t have to change huge parts of your physical relationship to make the difference and you certainly shouldn’t enter into anything out of sheer desperation because you feel it might be the only way to keep a relationship going. Communicate with your partner and use your head. It it feels right then try it, if doesn’t feel right then don’t. Don’t be afraid to stop doing things that you’ve done for years just because “that’s what we’ve always done”.

Sex is a wonderful varied thing so you will never run out of possibilities, adding a little variety in the bedroom can be the key. You don’t have to suddenly get into BDSM, or start swinging or have a threesome to make the difference. It might be that you simply add the occasional sex toy to your encounters or try a different position. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t try a bit of D/s if you want to but whatever you do communicate with your partner and be honest with yourself about your and their motives.

Reevaluating your sex life doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it and you never know it might just get a whole lot better if you do.