A Post for “T”

By | November 19, 2006

I’ve had a couple of comments from an anonymous “T”.

hey alex and suze, ive been reading your blog for a while now. i have never orgasmed. my bf and i are working on it, hehe. i find it a bit scary tho, cos i get pins and needles sort of feeling in my hands, then my neck and ears, and today across my stomach. do you think this is normal? have you heard of this b4?

thanks for any help.
T

hey, i recently lost my vriginirty to my bf of 3 weeks. it jsut sort of happened, i mean, i asked him to fuck me. we’ve done again since, but i dont enjoy it much, i feel used. he cums and i just get left with friction burns (maybe not that bad) and i havent orgasmed, which makes it worse.
anyway, great blog, keep up the good work.
T.
P.S. could you maybe reply…..?”

Well yes “T” here’s your reply. 🙂

Orgasms are different for everyone. From my experience I get different sensations depending on how the orgasm is attained (penetrative, G-spot only, clitoral and the sensation of squirting).

Not achieving orgasm at all is not uncommon but is definitely not in itself a sign of a problem with you physiologically, emotionally or mentally. Nor is it indicative of a problem with your boyfriend or the relationship you have. Often these things take time to come right and a relationship is based on more than sex.

What does occur to me is that the more you worry about not achieving orgasm, the less likely you are to have one, as these sort of feeling are guaranteed to detract from the “moment”. It could be that your “pins and needles” are actually the beginning of an orgasm for you. But if you are tense about your love making with your bf it could be that the sensation is actually caused by worry. Tingling in the extremities can be an indicator of stress.

If you are not achieving orgasm you could try different positions, extended and varied foreplay and for the dryness use lubrication (water based, particularly if you’re using condoms for contraception). If your bf is unaware or unreceptive to you concerns, perhaps you could introduce the variety and play as an enhancement for him. The longer he waits before he cums the more intense his orgasm can be (according to Alex). Getting lubed and licked is something that both sexes enjoy and I’ve yet to find a man who objected to that sort of action, lol.

If you want my opinion on any of the above or any other issues, in total confidence, email me suze@alexsuze.com.

But I think a disclaimer is required here, both for me and the Web as a whole. The views above are just that, based on my experience and my understanding of your questions. If you are really concerned about the situation with your bf, talk to a good friend, family if you feel able, or for a professional and genuinely informed opinion, your family doctor.

The Internet is full of views and “information”, much of it misleading and often deliberately incorrect, so be very wary of seeking advice via search engines and sites that claim to offer help. They may have an agenda, commercial or otherwise.

Suze