Getting Into Lynne

By | August 18, 2010, Alien from BadAstronomy.comBoth members of the Heckworth club sat on folding chairs, huddled in their duffle coats, scarves and hats. The steaming cups Bovril their only defence against the biting cold of the February chill.

“Geoff.” Said one.

“Yes, Lynne?” replied Geoff.

“Are you sure they said tonight?”

“That’s what the message said.”

“So why didn’t anyone else pick it up? Why aren’t there soldiers everywhere and men in white coats with clipboards?”

“Dunno.” Said Geoff with as much enthusiasm as his frozen extremities would allow him. “All I know is that the message read to meet them at this map reference.

The tent behind them, that had looked so cosy while the sun was still up flapped around in the increasingly tempestuous wind.

“Well, did you get the time right?” Asked Lynne.

“I think so …”

“You think so! I’m freezing out here waiting for them and you only think you have the right time.” Lynne shrieked.

“Well, I had to work it out from the last full moon and depending on where they were observing it from …”

“Great, just bloody great.” Lynne huddled into her coat and longed for an electric blanket.

“I’ll take the telescope down then.” A Dejected Geoff shuffled over to the tripod and removed the telescope from its position, trained on the Pleiades. Hugging the telescope he starred at the cluster, and for a moment thought he saw another pinprick of light appear within them. Then it was gone. He packed the scope and tripod away, sliding it into the tent.

“Do you want to get some sleep then?” he asked Lynne.

The head of the other half of the Heckworth Astronomical Society nodded mutely. They both slipped off onto the moor in opposite directions to answer calls of nature. The tent was cramped rather than cosy. Geoff came to the conclusion that the kahaki-green canvass had been in the army surplus stores since the Korean war. Twenty five years of storage had left it with a distinctive smell. The sleeping bags were new.

The gas lantern hissed, giving off enough light to make the inside of the tent feel like a bubble, disconnected from the wind and rain outside. Geoff felt himself drifting to sleep when he heard Lynne’s voice.

“I’m freezing.”

“I told you to stay dressed.”

“I did. I’m still freezing.”

“Oh.” There was not much else he could say.

“Can I get in with you?” Lynne’s faltering voice asked.

It is at times such as these that it is possible for the human mind to hold and process an infinite number of trains of though simultaneously. Neurones fired like the aftermath of a carelessly dropped match in a fireworks factory.

Is she really cold? Is she after more? What if her father found out? No, they’d organised friends to cover for them “Oh yes Lynne stopped at Amanda’s house …”. She could be coming-on could she? No she’d rebuffed him at the school disco in their last year at the comprehensive. But she might have changed her mind … no, nobody took any notice of Geoff.

“Erm, if you like.”

Lynne emerged from her sleeping bag and slid inside with Geoff. She had her back to him. “Damn” he thought.

“Thanks” said Lynne. Geoff’s face was closer to her hair than it had ever been, we could smell her, he was in heaven. He wanted bury his face into the back of her neck, drink in her aroma, kiss her neck. A bulge began to grow in his jeans.

“What’s that?” Asked Lynne suddenly.

“Nothing, nothing” Geoff replied. Oh Fuck! She was going to think he was after her for her body. OK, so he was but he liked her too, much more than a friend.

“Yes it was I heard something, like a crackling sound.” Said Lynne adamantly.

“It’ll be the wind blowing the trees about. There’s one only a few yards behind the tent.”

“I suppose so.” Lynne snuggled down in the sleeping bag and pressed her buttocks into his groin. Geoff’s breath was coming in short bursts, his mind imagining her round backside as she bent over to pick up boxes in the Co-Op where she worked, her brown checked nylon smock stretched over her firm, round flesh.

Then Lynne whispered, “Hold me.” The two words sent a shiver of excitement across Geoff’s body.

Geoff slid his arm around her letting it rest just under her bosom. Her felt the soft wool of her argyle sweater, automatically wanted to stroke it as he habitually did to his eiderdown at home, but stopped himself. He didn’t want to scare her off now.

“They’re not coming are they?” She said quietly, with a little disappointment.

“But … but”

“It’s OK, I’m not mad I enjoy being out at night with you. Even if we’re not going to meet aliens. I can talk to you about stuff, real stuff, most blokes I’ve been out with don’t think I’ve got a brain, let alone opinions.” Geoff contemplated “blokes I’ve been out with”. She had been out with several in the three years since they left school. He on the other hand had been the subjected to a series of awkward pairings, relationships that rarely lasted more than a single date.

She wriggled about, adjusting her arms in the cramped sleeping bag. Geoff felt his hand being pulled up, inside her sweater and onto a soft mound. For a moment he stopped breathing, then summoning his courage he squeezed her breast gently.

“Hmmmm, that’s nice.” She crooned.

Geoff squeezed harder. “Ouch!”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry.”

“It’s OK, really”. At that moment Lynne realised what she had suspected. Geoff was a virgin. And at that moment too she made a decision.

She wriggled and squirmed, pushing her trousers and knickers to her knees. Then she took Geoff’s stationary hand, from its position cupping her breast down, across her stomach and into her crotch.

Geoff seemed to lose his nervousness and gentley probed between her labia. He was exploring unfamiliar territory, the warm humid air and warm hairy mound totally alien to him. She was succulently wet, anticipating what was to come, or what she wanted to happen. This eased his passage until by sheer good luck his finger found her aroused clitoris. She gasped and quick learner that he was, Geoff proceeded to slowly rub and tease her clitoris with his middle finger.

This was a pleasure she had only indulged in herself. No other man had taken the time and the care to react to her sensitive clit like this. They all seemed eager to get to her hot opening, if she let them, bypassing this intense and special pleasure in search of their own gratification.

For what seemed like an eternity Geoff toyed with her, enjoying her squirming, moaning reaction. Suddenly she tensed, a feeling that she had never encountered before gripped her. It was an orgasm of such intensity that she thought she would pass out. She called out his name, writhing in ecstasy. Her inner thighs were awash with her fluids, the sleeping bag hot and humid, and full of the smell of her pussy.

Geoff felt his constrained cock wet from his pre-cum. He longed to make love to Lynne, but realised she would never consent to …

“Fuck me.” She said.


“Fuck me. Please”

“You mean make love to you?”

“No. I mean fuck me and cum inside my cunt.” Lynne, face still turned away from Geoff smiled at her boldness. She never used language like that but she wanted him to know that she was his to do with as he would.

The squirming and writhing commenced again. They both dispensed with their trousers and underwear. Geoff was now perched on the precipice. His virginity breathing its last as he felt his cock, with a little help from Lynne’s hand slid into her pussy.

Almost mummified in the sleeping bag his last moment as a virgin was accompanied by her smiling face. His innocence slipping away as he slid into her. She gasped, not for effect but because he was so big. “Ah well.” She thought, “He’s been saving it up for a long time.”

Geoff was sweet and gentle to begin with but his inner beast soon took over and while he was never rough he asserted himself on Lynne in a way that she did not expect. He came quickly, she did not. But her joy was derived from the feeling of him collapsing across her chest.


Outside the grey skinned alien waited until the sounds within ceased. It cocked its head to one side, huge black eyes catching the light from the waning crescent moon. “Humans! More interested in procreation than contact with another species.”

Theres a starman waiting in the sky
Hed like to come and meet us
But he thinks hed blow our minds
Theres a starman waiting in the sky
Hes told us not to blow it
Cause he knows its all worthwhile
He told me:
Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let all the children boogie

Starman, David Bowie