Kinky Sex For Everyone

By | September 17, 2010

EverymanKink Level 10

There are 6 billion people on this planet and every one of them is different. When one of us develops their sexuality they do so in a way that is as unique as any part of their personality and because many cultures see sexuality as private, often sinful, this aspect of a person’s personality can be very confusing.

Perhaps that is why it has become acceptable to view certain types of sexual behaviour as “normal” and others as unusual, abnormal or deviant. At the two ends of the scale are I suppose sex purely for the process of procreation which would define the baseline of normal and at the other end sexual practices that have elements that are not generally accepted as sexual and/or deny one or more of the participants any form of informed consent (for example rape, bestiality, paedophilia)

In between of course is a huge range of sexual behaviour, preferences and fetishes. Anything from sex for pleasure to homosexuality/anal sex has been labelled as sinful and deviant by various groups and societies. It suits their purposes to manipulate laws and teachings to restrict and prohibit certain activities to a small subset of those that are possible within a safe and passionate sexual relationship. When the world’s societies were uneducated and the difference between science and sorcery was less than distinct this made sense. Give the uneducated masses a set of simple and unambiguous rules by which to live – if you followed them you were a good person and if you didn’t you were a bad person, simple.

But we don’t live in an uneducated world any more. While some sections of the world community enjoy better education than others it is wrong for anyone to tell someone else how to feel or act unless their actions are to the detriment of another human being. Pontification by a self perpetuating elite of insular and self-proclaimed illuminati can not be justified in the 21st century.

Of course telling someone that they have the freedom to choose how they behave and putting the facts at their disposal will not always produced well-balanced individuals with a rounded and fulfilling personality and sex life. There will always be those with a propensity towards behaviour that will serve their interests without any consideration of the effect on others. Just in the way that in the past rulers, governments and organisations have emerged whose agenda has been to control rather than benefit their subjects and followers there are those who would do it again. Whether they pose as religious leaders, preying on the vulnerable and offering easy ways out or depict themselves as enlightened scholars, challenging anyone who questions their views as “closed minded” or “bigoted” these people are to be avoided.

Even if a person simply makes the wrong choices while investigating their sexuality surely this is better than not giving them the freedom to discover it for themselves.

Unless you have experienced something, be that sex or a particular kink, it is impossible to speak authoritatively about it. Intellectual musing about something as visceral as sex can only go part way to understanding. If you’ve never had sex then you are unqualified to talk about it outside the mechanics of the act that are described in a biology text book. It would be like trying to make government policy on healthcare without consulting with trained physicians, carers and hospital managers.

On the flip side of course it is often difficult for someone with a kink to see why others might see their fetish as unusual, or objectionable.

To me the line to draw is simple. If there is genuine understanding and consent from all those involved in an act, and they enjoy it, what’s the problem. If everyone involved fully understands the consequences of what they are doing then what is the problem with them doing it? So long as your actions do not have the potential to harm yourself or others we should all have the freedom to express our sexuality how we wish.

How do you define harm? Well, permanent physical injury is pretty easy to define and that’s a line I wouldn’t want to cross. What’s more difficult to define is the effect sex can have on your emotional and psychological state. The intensity of sex means that the potential stratospheric highs are matched by pretty deep lows if something goes wrong or you find out something about yourself or your partner from your bedroom antics which hurts you in some way. This may not be a single incident, more dangerous perhaps is the insidious accumulation over time of revelations about your personality or that of your partner. If you or they are, or turn into something that you realise you dislike it may be difficult to find yourself and work out how to make your relationship work in a way that you are both happy with.

As you probably gathered I’m trying to generalise here about a number of people I have known in various contexts. So apologies if I’m being a little vague at times. In a nutshell I suppose I’m saying that relationships and society’s treatment of them need to be updated to reflect the age in which we live. Clinging on to a concept of monogamous, heterosexual vanilla marriages is an act of desperation by people and groups who are scarred of abandoning concepts that were only ever put into place to manage and coerce an uneducated population into order when there was no alternative.

If you are happy in a “conventional” relationship then that’s great and I’m happy for you. But don’t judge those of us who want to explore and question what is seen as normal or what is kinky.

Kink level 10? Maybe the kink goes all the way up to eleven but we should all be allowed to find our own level.