You Want To Come In For A Coffee And…;)

By | March 28, 2008

The girls and I have hardly had the time to chat this week at work it’s been so busy. So this afternoon I tried to bring the conversation around to naughtiness for a bit of light relief.

Horny is a lovely lady, she is quite sensitive and sometimes a little less worldly wise than Busty and myself. I have taken it upon myself to slowly educate her. 😉

She was telling us about the guys she has met over the years and some of the things which have happened to her. For some strange reason she not only never seems to meet Mr Right but she also seems to attract arseholes.

One evening she was out with the girls and met this guy who bought her drinks all night and chatted away. Then when the end of the evening came and the lights were brought up rather than asking if he could see her again, taking her mobile number and promising to call her.

He said in an enquiring serious tone “Are we going back to yours then?”, almost as if she should sleep with him to pay him back. Horny said she asked him to wait there as she needed to go to the loo and made a quick exit. Lol

Another time she said that she was out and bumped in to the guy she had seen regularly in the wine bar. They chatted and got on like a house on fire. She said she wished they had talked before instead of just exchanging pleasantries.

Anyway, they spent all evening in each other’s company and towards the end of the night Horny who had driven down asked if he wanted a lift back to her house for a coffee. The guy agreed and said that he too had driven in to town.

They agreed that he should follow her back to her house. About half an hour later they were parking up their cars and entering the house. She asked if he wanted a coffee and he agreed.

Whilst the kettle boiled she went back in to the living room and he was sprawled out on her sofa clutching his chest. Visualise Busty and myself trying to hold back hysterical laughter because Horny was so serious when telling us.

“I asked if he was OK and he replied that he had pains in his chest and didn’t feel too well”. She asked if there was anything she could do and he said that he better get off home.

At that point she said she felt that something wasn’t quite right. “I didn’t want him kippering it in my living room”, she added with little sympathy showing this time. Busty and I let rip and burst in to fits of giggles.

“So you found a guy you were really interested in and he nearly collapses on your sofa, what do you do to them?”, I asked through the giggles.

“I didn’t do anything, he left and what’s more I never heard anything from him after. I bumped in to him a week later in the wine bar and he didn’t even acknowledge me.”, she laughed.

“If he didn’t want to come back, why the hell did he bother following me in the first place? He could have just driven home”.

We were puzzled and couldn’t offer any words of wisdom this time.

I told her that she attracts the dickheads. She agreed and told us that last weekend she was out and a guy told her he was a lorry driver and that she would make a great one. She said”I didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so I politely laughed”. He then told me that it wasn’t an easy life for female truckers as there are no facilities specifically for women to wash and brush up like they have for men.

“At that point I realised he was being serious and guess what Suze…I buggered off!”

There must be someone out there who is like Gene Hunt (who she is crazy about at the moment) that would like to go back with her for a coffee. And not feign illness or ask her to go trucking. Lol