By | April 25, 2012

Sometimes your kinkiest desires can be difficult, impractical or just plain messy.

Baby oil is one such bit of naughtiness. Beyond a few squirts and a bit of erotic massage you enter into a scenario that requires a huge sheet of polythene, towels and a carefully planned root to the shower. Without such careful preparation you’ll end up with strange marks on the carpet and a potentially disastrous fall on the bathroom floor.

I speak from experience here. We have done the baby oil thing and it was great. The foreplay was fantastic, fun and extremely slippery, like two eels trying to grab and grope one another. Sex was almost impossible and after some struggling involved us wrapping our limbs around and behind each other to lock me into position so I could thrust. It worked, just, but resulted in us creeping along the polythene sheet every time I pushed into Suze. A real laugh but because of the time required not the sort of thing that you do every day.

Food fetish can be like that too. In fact that’s what kicked me off on this train of thought. For some reason my mind drifted to thoughts of golden syrup rolling over Suze’s chest, dripping from her nipples.

While visually appealing and great for a couple of short licks, if she were covered in syrup I’d soon become sticky and feel sick. The appeal of honey-glazed breasts would wane and I’d be dragging her off to the shower for a shower and a shag.

Some things are best left in the realms of erotic art and fantasy fiction no matter how appealing they first appear.