This post was prompted by an email I received the other day from a reader who I will refer to as “C” and I thought I would cover the subject here.
The email read.
My wife and I had our first baby last month and whilst she did not have a c-section she did require stitches. These have healed but she is understandably a little uneasy regarding us having sex. I am not in a hurry and support her all the way but wondered if you had covered this in previous articles.
I’m sure most people will be able to empathise with this situation. After all giving birth to a child is like trying to squeeze out a large melon through a small hole and it’s common place to perform an episiotomy rather than have the skin tear. Extending the vaginal opening to facilitate delivery requires stitching afterwards and the very act of cutting through the flesh means nerve endings can be uncomfortable for a while.
At this point in time penetration is the last thing the new mother wants. She will also be tired from the commitments of being a mother to a young baby who makes unremitting demands on her time. It’s easy to refrain from sexual contact during the first few months because one or both of you are to be quite honest, knackered.
Investing in some good massage oil and indulging in some sensual massage will help you both chill out and bring a little intimacy without committing to full on sex.
This would also be a good time to invest in a massager which you can use on each other to soothe those aching muscles or a sex toy. You could hold it against his perineum or just under the head of his penis to stimulate him.
And if she is still sensitive down below the massager could be held over her clitoris, clitoral orgasms can be just as intense as penetrative ones. There are many ways to be intimate with each other without full on sexual intercourse and when she is ready you can use the massager as part of your foreplay.