Women’s Problems … Period.

By | July 31, 2006

No, you haven’t gone crazy, that picture over there is of tampon cozies. You’ve just got to love it!

What with Aunt Flo about to visit any day soon (I hope), I began to think about periods and how different things would be if men menstruated. For example, I believe that sanitary products would have developed far faster than they have if men used them.

When I was in senior school, it was god help you if you came on unexpectedly. They would rummage around in a large wooden cupboard in the staff room to see if they had any sanitary towels to give you. Yes, that’s right sanitary towels. I think tampons were slightly frowned upon as being used by non-virgins.

Then after all the digging around, the teacher would produce something that looked to be standard military issue. The pads they resembled mattresses, being about 2″ thick and at each end they had a large cotton loop. I can hear those brains ticking now, trying to work out why it would have loops.

These pads had loops so they could be attached to utility belt, I mean a sanitary towel belt. I told you these were military issue. No chance of them falling out the sides of your pants in battle when they are anchored down at both ends. LOL Thankfully they didn’t have the belts and I had not intention of investing in one.

Once inserted inside the gusset of your pants these pads transformed your gait completely. You would all of a sudden turn in to a duck and waddle. It just couldn’t be helped, have you ever tried walking with a mattress between your legs? 🙂 You could spot someone wearing one of these a mile off. You only forgot your sanitary protection the once, so I suppose this was the thinking behind the purchasing of the school pads. Genius really!

I scoured the internet to try and find a picture of one for those who have not been lucky enough to encounter one at close quarters. This was the best image I could find of one being modelled by a manikin. They even tried to make it look sexy. But failed!

The pads I wore had a strip of adhesive running down the centre of the back of the pad, to fix the pad in place. Well, this would work fine for a while and then the pad would begin to bunch up between your legs until it looked more like a padded dickie bow. Then eventually the pad would move and you could end up with it stuck to your fanny lips. So you could give yourself a Brazillian at the same time as changing your pad. 😀 Seriously, it hurt when you had to remove it and replace it with another.

Now there are shaped pads and pads with wings which fold under the gusset of your pants to secure it down. But none of that when I was using them. Then even more humiliating than having to wear a waddle pad, there were no disposal facilities in the toilet cubicle. You were expected to take your pad out in to the main toilet area and place it in the incinerator at the far end.

There was no bloody way (that was an appropriate expletive) I was going to walk across the washroom dandling a dirty sanitary towel between my two fingers. Instead I took the risk of blocking the girls toilets and tore it in half and flushed. At the same time praying that the toilet bowl did not overflow. Fortunately, this never happened to me. 😉

I progressed to using tampons whilst on our summer family holiday. My period started unannounced and I hadn’t packed any towels in my suitcase. My mum loaned me a tampon and rather thoughtfully gave me the instruction leaflet too. I wondered off to my room and read the leaflet from front to back before attempting to insert the tampon.

Once you have used tampons there is no going back unless for medical reasons. I had a new found freedom and best of all I could now swim in the hotel pool. The only problem I have encountered when inserting these is trapping a pussy lip between the cardboard tubes on insertion. It hurts like crazy. Just for comparison guys, it’s about the same pain that you get if you catch your cock in your zipper when fastening up. 🙁

Tampon development has been quite rapid over the past few years. They have even got an organic one now but just why you would want to eat it I don’t know. LOL. You can also purchase a tampon which according to the advert is so small that it can be mistaken for a sweet. Uhm, not so sure about that! You would certainly end up with a dry mouth if you tried it. 🙂

Scented tampons seem to be the latest fad at the moment, so you can feel fresh all day long. I don’t think most people would thrust their heads in to your groin and sniff but I suppose it take all sorts. I can’t see how these work when the body of the tampon is inside you, perhaps the string is highly scented.

Before the advent of perfumed tampons this is how we got by.

Tags: menstruation,tampon,tampons