Watchmen, The Porn Version

By | March 6, 2009

Kyla ColeWhen a movie like Watchmen comes out I turn into a little kid again. It’s the same with the Transformers movie – as one of my friends said “It’s CGI pornography”, a feast of visual delights that swamps your brain, meaning you don’t have to think too hard and just enjoy the action.

Of course Watchmen is a little darker than the Transformers and coupled with the CGI pornography comment got me thinking.

Why don’t we have adult superheroes? I don’t mean like Watchmen, or V in V for Vendetta, or Blade. I mean the type of adult superheroes that have special 18 rated superpowers.

A sort of XXX-Men I suppose you could say.

You could have Stay-Hard the man who can keep it up all night and satisfy a city full of ladies. Created by the testing regime of a mad drug company scientist, a blue skinned mutant, slightly diamond shaped face but very popular with the ladies.

There could be Fellatia, master of the blowjob. With a prehensile tongue, able to lasso a man by the balls at three metres and have him under her power and spurting in seconds.

How about Multiplexor, the superhero cyborg with in-built attachments to satisfy any man or woman. Fitted with a rotating groinal attachment created by the covert sex toy arm of the CIA to help agent succumb enemy insurgents.

And final Super Ron – able to overpower armies with his constant PAs and general hedgehog-like hirsuteness.