Fetish Girl
Alex and I have a very open and explorative relationship in sexual sense. As you should all be aware by now given that we share most aspects of our daily encounters and bedroom frolics.
However it wasn’t until I started to read his post Bound & Gagged that it struck me just how many of us have our little fetishes, perhaps we don’t even see them for what they are.
For example…raise your hand if you have ever asked your lover to give you sexual tasks or instruction. Again if you have ever participated in being tied or blindfold. I think that would just about make most people raise their hands to either one of those questions or both.
The thing is we don’t see these acts as being part of BDSM activity, it’s not all about inflicting pain and the pursuit of extreme torture. I feel there is more depth to it than that. It involves a great deal of mental and physical control, setting your lover specific tasks (duties) perhaps controlling their movement by restraints being applied…and yes a tie does qualify.
I find the psychological aspect of this the more pleasurable. It’s a huge turn on for me to be controlled by a dominant partner, for him to take total control of a situation. Alex may ask me to give him a blow job and swallow his cum. I will gladly and do that, knowing that it will please him and by return turn me on immensely because I know I am doing something that pleasures him.
So in that act alone I am submitting to him, becoming a submissive and he is dominating me…being a dom. I bet some of you hadn’t thought about it that way before. To a greater or lesser degree we all participate in some form of BDSM activity.
What really brought this to light was him mentioning my all time favourite film, Nine And A Half Weeks. I know that it isn’t particularly graphic, at least by today’s standards anyway but it is the most arousing film and a prime example of a BDSM relationship that has been watched the world over. I’m sure many people will pull it apart and judge it against contemporary films, but I saw it at a formative stage of my development and the impression will always stay with me.
Now tell me you’re not in to BDSM. 😉
Suze, this post had me nodding in agreement. You are SO right. Society at large sees BDSM as something involving pain or torture and yet for many, me included, it is the element of control that does it. Moreover, many people enjoy both sides – being dom and sub depending on their mood. Hope you and Alex have a good bank holiday weekend. Sonic x
I agree with Sonic, I’m definitely one of those people that likes being dom or sub depending on mood. The idea of control being central to my sexuality, it has less to do with whips and chains, and more to do with who’s telling whom to do what. Sometimes there is nothing sexier than knowing you are pleasing your partner.
I find it interesting that so much of society skirts around BDSM (being tied up, gagged, blindfolded, as you mentioned), but the same of society are judgmental or scared by even the term BDSM.
So far as BDSM-films are concerned, my favorite by far has been Secretary. Long before I was able to enjoy BDSM in my personal life I was struck by and excited by that film. I dreamt of the day when I too might get the chance to enjoy such a relationship as they found.
Thanks guys for contributing to this. I believe that both sub and dom have their place in sex. You don’t have to favour one or the other but fluctuate depending on your mood.