Painful Passions

The Pain Of Pleasure

Passion, lust and love, the real ones not the chocolate box crap, are so intense, so powerful that it’s a wonder people who truly encounter these feelings don’t go mad with the tensions they set up in side you.

Things start out OK. Everything is exciting, fun, fresh, intense … and then after a while our imperfect world kicks in and starts to cause problems. You can be the most perfectly matched couple but tiny differences between you can be magnified in the heat of your burning passion … and don’t mention outside forces like families, work and friends. I never believe anyone who says they are in love and that they never argue. Love isn’t about arguing, but being in love, in lust, feeling passionate about someone means that every feeling is amplified and from time to time when you disagree about things you will argue.

Disagreements are however the price you pay for having a truly vibrant relationship. If you are always serene floating slowly through life in a world of tender fluffiness you really can’t be that alive. Without the contrasts in a slightly turbulent relationship there is no texture and you become numb, your relationship loses its magic and then you become two people who live together, share the bills and occasionally have sex.

Reading this you might think that I believe arguing is good. Not at all, being able to have strong views and resolve arguments constructively is good. Making up afterwards is great, LOL.

In a similar way this is why I often find myself sceptical about people with little life experience writing on a number of subjects and in particular, sex. The older you are the more experience you accumulate, that’s the nature of growing up. Youth has the benefit of vigour, unbounded energy and enthusiasm. Maturity brings experience, sophistication and a deep appreciation of the sexual pleasures we can all indulge in.

That’s why I try to write honest about things we have experienced or about the stuff we would like to do but never get those two mixed up. Remembering your teenage years is one thing, pretending you still fuck like an 18 year old is another. Anyone who does can be rather transparent, they remember the energy but not the awkwardness, the mistakes, the embarrassments and that shows through. It’s like someone who has not tried a certain position or sexual practice, you can read up on it all you like but you risk propagating misconceptions from the work of others and making yourself look silly.

So we don’t do that.