The Politics of Threesomes

A large proportion of couples will at one point or another consider a threesome. Whether both partners consider it at the same time and whether they voice their curiosity about bringing someone else into their sex life is another thing entirely.

For many a threesome is often simply a fantasy that they dare not express for fear of upsetting the dynamic of a relationship yet brought up at the right time and in the right context the idea of another sexual partner can add to a relationship. For many people the idea of a “third” or the concept of their partner fantasising about that possibility can be a huge turn-on. Even if neither partner actually wants to make it happen in reality.

Exactly how you both stand on this depends on your relationship with your partner and only you will know if what I’ve just said applies to you. If you are unsure of how the land lies then open and frank discussion about sexuality is a starting point, likes, dislikes, fantasies etc. Furthermore, while everyone has to recognise that pornography is total fantasy dressed up as potential reality for the purposes of titillation, masturbation and gratification the medium of porn can stimulate conversation about alternative sexual practices including threesomes.

I could go on about the unrealistic expectations and depictions of sexuality that pornography can drip feed into the mind of those who watch it, especially those with no other frame of reference. But that’s a discussion for another time. I simply mention it here because if you want to get talking about sex there are a lot of ways to make that happen if your relationship isn’t as communicative as it might be and pornography, erotica and even browsing for underwear or sex toys on line are all potential catalysts.

Of course the problem with a threesome is threefold the “procurement”, the act itself and the aftermath.

Finding a partner for a threesome involves knowing a suitable person with an open mind who is willing to share a bed and bodily fluids with a couple for no strings attached sex. In reality not many of us actually know someone like that who is a) receptive to the idea and b) is acceptable to both halves of the “host” couple. You could try a swingers site but then you have the minefield of trying to find out about a scene that is alien to you. If it wasn’t alien to you then threesomes would be happening all the time, wouldn’t they? You could of course approach an escort agency which does have the advantage that your “third” would be open minded, experienced and know exactly what they are getting in to.

The act itself should be fun and exciting for all involved but getting naked with a stranger for the first time can be awkward enough when there is just the two of you. With three there’s a lot of space for things to go wrong. Of course that doesn’t mean that it will and if you all understand the ground rules then you should be in for a great time.

And that leads nicely on to the aftermath. Because let’s face it once you’ve had sex with someone, even sex that you all agreed was casual, no strings fun, your relationship changes forever. If it’s a friend then how do you move on from there? If you are lucky you can do it again and everyone is very happy with the arrangement and you all get to experience new things. If jealousy rears its head or love, or even attachments in one shape or form then things can get complicated. If you hook up with a swinger then will one or other of you feel that the opposite partner enjoyed it a little too much and not trust them to seek out a stranger again to have a liaison with?

Keeping it on a professional level and enlisting an escort from an escort agency who is happy to provide services over and above being an evening’s company might help. Even then you and your partner have to be sure that the boundaries you set work for you both and are adhered to. I don’t advocate a threesome is good for everyone and for some couples it’s either not an attractive proposition or may even upset a perfectly good relationship. What I do say is that it like the whole panoply of sexuality is something that all couples should discuss even if it’s to reassure each partner where the boundaries lie and the opportunities that lie in store in your future sexual exploration.