I’m Gonna F**k The Bride

Wedding Night Sex

I walked out into the garden yesterday to do a bit of pruning and was greeted by the sound of church bells from down the valley. Some happy couple embarking on the journey of life together, exchanging vows in church, enduring the reception full of speeches and drunken relatives then retiring to their bridal room at the end of the evening and … finding it’s too bloody hot to shag.

Unless they have air-con anyone who got married this weekend is not going to find their first post-ceremony shag very comfortable. That’s if the bride manages to go the whole day without fainting from the heat. I expect it’ll be a question of dump the dress as soon as they get to the hotel room and jump in the shower.

Heat can be a real killer for sex. It saps the strength and makes everything sticky before you start … afterwards is a different matter but sticky before sex isn’t that sexy.

You can improvise with fans and stuff but apart from just blowing warm air around their only function seems to be to dry your eyes and mucous membranes, if you know what I mean.

Summer weddings may be nice but they do have their disadvantages.

It could hardly be called a dead loss though. Just ensure you have a shower big enough for you both and then let the fun begin.